🥳How to REALLY Help Someone With Depression and Anxiety 🥳


Hey guys Steele Ciera and baby Joseph with light to the dark. And this video we’re going to show you the secret to being the best friend and support to someone dealing with depression and anxiety. So be sure to send in the end, because you’re going to get the magic phrase that will use for this to actually work. Before we get going now be sure to click the bell to get notifications and subscribe to the channel so you can get new exciting content that’s coming out soon. Alright, so it might sound cliche, but honestly the best thing that helps someone that’s dealing with depression, anxiety, mental illness, just overall being a good friend is listening to them, but there’s a strategy to listening to them. I have gone to so many different therapists and tried to work through depression and everything but honestly, what they were able to give me was different skill sets that helped me know how to cope with what I was going through. But what was the most healing for me was Just simply have someone sit and listen to me. therapists don’t have four hours to just let me dump and verbally unload on them. Right? Comment below, talking about. And so when I went with the expectation of, I just need to get a lot of this off my chest, you understand my situation, what ended up happening is the 45 minutes would be up and they had their next client coming in. And so we had to wrap it up really quickly. And I left and I literally felt like I had been an open heart surgery. Like I just opened everything up to you and Oh, now I have to go home and try to process that on my own. It was like, it was like someone gave me the scalpel and the needles of whatever is broken or drink. It was like, All right. Here you go. Don’t go try to wrap yourself back up again. So bad for you because you would come home. And it was just instantly I could see Oh, something’s up. Did you what happened today? Oh, it was it was there. And she could see the next day, it was just major dips major down from it. I couldn’t bounce back from those therapy sessions and would end up being way worse than before going to the therapy session. So I’m not saying therapies that I think it’s awesome for learning skill sets and learning tools and whatnot. But for me, when I went in just wanting someone to listen to me, that wasn’t helpful. So this guy right here, he, he has been the best at sincerely listening to me and listening to me the right way. There are different ways to listen, believe it or not, you might think you’re listening. But it might not actually be helpful. The way you know, that we’re going to show you today is how to really be effective in your listening skills. You know, I know one time when we I don’t know we had just we were dating and I started talking about a very traumatic event that had happened to me the previous year, and it had really rocked my world. I had had a lot of trauma kind of, anyway, it’s just a lot of trauma from it. And he listened to me for literally four hours straight hours, and only said the magic phrase that we’re going to share with you at the end of this video. And I tell you what it was so healing for me and Mike did so much more good than anything else up to that point all times. For example, I when people are listening, they they want to chime in, right and they’re sincere in their ability to help they want to help. And they they’re like, oh, we’re listening, we’re having conversation. But they typically they make this mistake. They cut it off too soon. So I want you to picture like a gigantic bucket or I see how this bucket is full of water, and that water needs to be unloaded. Let’s say it’s toxic water, let’s say it’s just a lot of stuff going on that one emotions. Okay, it’s a little spigot those calls. Its a little spigot at the bottom of the bucket. And we’re just trying to like, turn it, pull it listening is turning the spigot on. There you go. And then getting everything out is lowering the bucket. That’s what we’re talking about. Yeah. So you’re trying to as a listener, right. So Ciera is one obviously, there’s been struggling Now, obviously. You know, as I listened, and as you listen to people, they really appreciate it. It just lowers that water lowers those levels down. But what happens? What happens so often is they lower the lower lower? It was something goes into the listeners mind like, ooh, I actually have something good to say. I know I will. wonderful piece of advice. They just say Well, yeah, and they start going on and giving advice, or they start talking and turning on themselves. No, no, no, no. Comment below if that’s happened to you before, and how it made you feel when somebody does this on their own, isn’t it You This is about the person that you’re trying to listen to, okay? It’s not trying to one up and say, Well, I like, you know, either making your experience better than theirs or the opposite of trying to show empathy by sharing your experience when really, it’s just listen, not the time for it and they start opening up. It’s not because they want to hear how you’ve dealt with it, or what advice you have. They’re just wanting to listen. In fact, when steel is listening to someone, he’ll preface and ask him when they start talking to them, like, is this a listening conversation? Or is this? Are you looking for my advice, conversation? Probably 95% of the time, they say, I just wanted that. I just don’t want to want someone to listen to me. And a lot of times what I do, I still say hey, I’m going to take notes. That’s a big strategy. It’s not the magic phrase, which we’ll get to that. But one of the strategies is Hey, is it okay if I take notes? I’m not looking at my phone. I’m not distracted. I am zone them. But I want to take notes to help me listen better to help clarify and ask clarifying question. Maybe down the road. And just so I can kind of kept my thoughts organized because normally this is going to take some time. This isn’t a 20 minute ordeal. You know, if you’re really listening, it’s going to take hours more than likely to help someone. And so you want to just take some notes and help manage your thoughts so that you can listen to a lot of times people say, Well, I want to say it, try to forget it, because they will forget it. So the key there is take notes. Listen, and hold that advice. Even if you have great advice or a great story. Resist that urge because here’s what happens. You get to hear and you’re thinking, Oh, I wasn’t ready device. The moment you do like, the conversation is pretty much done for the person struggling. Yeah, I had. Oh, sorry. No, no, you go. And yeah, a couple weeks ago, this happened to me Actually, I had a friend that was that asked me, you know, you’ve been having these different things going on. Like Mike how are you doing how’s that going for us is sincere question from a dear friend and i was like oh okay well because i felt like if someone says hey how you doing and then you just start you know mode on everything that i’m feeling right right no this was a moment where they were like actually trying to connect with me and be there for me and bond with me so i was like okay here we go so i would probably have like this much content but i was ready to share with them and and really like in my mind i’m like we’re gonna i am opening myself up and ready to connect with you and i had gone to about here and they literally said well let me tell you my advice and they went right in into this whole spiel for a long time and i was like you you and i just stopped that i presented them for it but i just realized okay they they aren’t ready for any of the deeper stuff that i wanted to talk to them about i’m just gonna have to stop the conversation here and just Listen to them give their advice. And we’ll just wrap up up at the top. Even though I still have so much more bonding and connection that could have happened with them created a better relationship all the above, probably felt better and gotten a lot off of my chest. But we didn’t get there. And it’s not their fault, right? Because a lot of times, they don’t understand they don’t know any different. So it’s not their fault that they’re doing that they just, they just are listening to have a good idea, like we said, and they want to share it. But look, there’s so much, there’s so much left. And they need to they need to keep they need to empty the bucket. The goal is to empty the bucket. It’s not to get advice or solutions. It’s to empty their bucket. It is so healing. It’s just a burden off of the chest of this person, when they can empty that bucket and be like, Oh, you know, so listen, listen, there are key questions. We’re going to get to that magic phrase. There are key questions that you ask and you do and you’re listening and listening and listening. They will, they are going to feel so appreciated at the end of this. They will feel. So then they’ll say thank you so much. Well, that was so helpful and you didn’t do anything. He didn’t say anything. You just were there because people want to be heard. They just want to place the event. They want someone to listen to them. Okay? So I think now’s a good time to go ahead and try that magic phrase with you. You might be asking yourself, okay, if you’re saying you had a four hour conversation, what do I do? In the meantime, I’m going to fall asleep, I’m going to get distracted. What do I do too long conversation that could potentially be coming up. And what you do is just say the simple phrase, ready, babe? To what else? What else? I know, I know. It’s simple. I know. Like, that’s it. Are you kidding me? It’s magic. For example, when steel taught this to me the first time he’s awesome, by the way, I gotta go. But when he taught this to me the first time I was like, All right, I’ll try it out. which we want you guys to do yeah comment below and say i will try this out commit to that and so i was in college and i went and sat down by a girl that lived in my complex and anyways she started talking and opening up to me about some stuff and i was like what else and she started going on and on and then she kind of stopped talking and i said what else and this conversation went on for probably an hour and at the end of it i was kind of like does she know that this whole time i’ve just been saying the same thing over and over again i kind of felt silly as i said it like i’m sure my face was like is this feel awkward at the end of it she will she looked physically lighter she had a spring herself and she was just like sarah thank you so much you’re such a good friend wow this has been so helpful To me, Baba, Baba, Baba Baba. And I was like, wow. It works. You mean just ask What else? So okay, what else that you might not sound like a broken record? I mean, there are different ways you can give it like, Okay, let me more about that. So what do you mean by that? A lot of times I asked clarifying questions way. So you said this so what do you what do you mean by that? Is it this or is it this? Hold on? let me understand, is this what you mean? No, that’s not what I’m used. So tell me explain a little bit more. But it’s that point of just what else keep going a lot of times, like when I’m at Yeah, because they might be like here, and they’re like, all right. Then you say, Okay, what else they’re like, Oh, all right, let me keep going. But a lot of times what happens is right here towards the end there like I’m going what else and they go No, that’s it? You know, you’re sure. And and what else I mean? Is it kind of this and you kind of just dig a little bit more, they will still have more, I guarantee you, you know, when you have that little thing and you pour out the cup, and it’s it’s empty, there’s no more water that can go but if you open it up There’s water in there, it’s just that the water was level with the spigot, there’s still stuff underneath there that is vital to get out. And it takes effort, you have to try to add a different angle and really give them the opportunity to empty out all that emotional content that’s in their bucket. If you don’t want that stuff mixed in with the new water as an analogy there, so give them some time say, Are you sure? Is there anything else and just wait, give them some time? They may say no, that’s it. And wait, just be quiet. It’s okay. Let there be a pause on it. And then they’ll say, Well, actually, it’s because De De De De De De. But here’s the here’s why. The key to that is they need to get it all out. That that little that the remaining inch, whatever it is. That can be a vital part to them figuring out their puzzle, maybe they need to get to that part. So just really, really have some healing, really get everything off of their chest so they can go I have nothing else to say wow. So you really want to get take that extra effort to dump out that bucket get all the water out, because it’s key to them now for you as the listener for them. So that is the magic phrase. What else? Okay, so thank you so much for watching this video. We really appreciate it. Remember to click the button to subscribe, comment at this was helpful to you and be sure to share it with any friends that you think this would benefit. Thank you so much guys. Have a great day. Bye

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Comments

  1. Great video! The channel looks great and yall are AWESOME at sharing together. The edits with the bucket was so cool and helped show the analogy. I had a similar experience with therapy Ciera, I actually began using a therapy text messaging app. I would blow up the therapist via text like EVERY NIGHT.. It wasn't as great as talking to someone in person, but wow, was it better than before when I was holding it in! Thank you SO much for the video- so well done! SUBSCRIBED!

  2. Wonderful advice. I am very guilty of offering solutions. My listening ears will do more work in the future.

  3. Hellooooo totally used the magic phrase on my roommate the other night and it WORKED. Thanks y’all ♥️

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