20 Signs You’re Emotionally Mature

20 Signs you are Emotionally
Mature 1. You realise that most of the bad behaviour
of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety – rather than, as it is generally
easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and
stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes things
less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting. 2. You learn that what is in your head can’t
automatically be understood by other people. You realise that, unfortunately, you will
have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words – and can’t fairly
blame others for not getting what you mean until you’ve spoken calmly and clearly. 3. You learn that – remarkably – you do sometimes
get things wrong. With huge courage, you take your first faltering steps towards (once in
a while) apologising. 4. You learn to be confident not by realising
that you’re great, but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, scared and
lost as you are. We’re all making it up as we go along, and that’s fine. 5. You forgive your parents because you realise
that they didn’t put you on this earth in order to insult you. They were just painfully
out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity
and compassion. 6. You learn the enormous influence of so-called
‘small’ things on mood: bed-times, blood sugar and alcohol levels, degrees of background
stress etc. And as a result, you learn never to bring up an important, contentious issue
with a loved one until everyone is well rested, no one is drunk, you’ve had some food, nothing
else is alarming you and you aren’t rushing to catch a train. 7. You give up sulking. If someone hurts you,
you don’t store up the hatred and the hurt for days. You remember you’ll be dead soon.
You don’t expect others to know what’s wrong. You tell them straight and if they
get it, you forgive them. And if they don’t, in a different way, you forgive them too. 8. You cease to believe in perfection in pretty
much every area. There aren’t any perfect people, perfect jobs or perfect lives. Instead,
you pivot towards an appreciation of what is (to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott’s
exemplary phrase) ‘good enough.’ You realise that many things in your life are at once
quite frustrating – and yet, in many ways, eminently good enough. 9. You learn the virtues of being a little
more pessimistic about how things will turn out – and as a result, emerge as a calmer,
more patient and more forgiving soul. You lose some of your idealism and become a far
less maddening person (less impatient, less rigid, less angry). 10. You learn to see that everyone’s weaknesses
of character are linked to counter-balancing strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses,
you look at the whole picture: yes, someone is rather pedantic, but they’re also beautifully
precise and a rock at times of turmoil. Yes someone is a bit messy, but at the same time
brilliantly creative and very visionary. You realise (truly) that perfect people don’t
exist – and that every strength will be tagged with a weakness. 11. You fall in love a bit less easily. It’s
difficult, in a way. When you were less mature, you could develop a crush in an instant. Now,
you’re poignantly aware that everyone, however externally charming or accomplished, would
be a bit of a pain from close up. You develop loyalty to what you already have. 12. You learn that you are – rather surprisingly
– quite a difficult person to live with. You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards
yourself. You go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and
when you might prove a challenge. 13. You learn to forgive yourself for your
errors and foolishness. You realise the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging
yourself for past misdeeds. You become more of a friend to yourself. Of course you’re
an idiot, but you’re still a loveable one, as we all are. 14. You learn that part of what maturity involves
is making peace with the stubbornly child-like bits of you that will always remain. You cease
trying to be a grown up at every occasion. You accept that we all have our regressive
moments – and when the inner two year old you rears its head, you greet them generously
and give them the attention they need. 15. You cease to put too much hope in grand
plans for the kind of happiness you expect can last for years. You celebrate the little
things that go well. You realise that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes. You’re delighted
if one day passes by without too much bother. You take a greater interest in flowers and
in the evening sky. You develop a taste for small pleasures. 16. What people in general think of you ceases
to be such a concern. You realise the minds of others are muddled places and you don’t
try so hard to polish your image in everyone else’s eyes. What counts is that you and
one or two others are OK with you being you. You give up on fame and start to rely on love. 17. You get better at hearing feedback. Rather
than assuming that anyone who criticises you is either trying to humiliate you or is making
a mistake, you accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board.
You start to see that you can listen to a criticism and survive it – without having
to put on your armour and deny there was ever a problem. 18. You realise the extent to which you tend
to live, day by day, in too great a proximity to certain of your problems and issues. You
remember – more and more – that you need to get perspective on things that pain you. You
take more walks in nature, you might get a pet (they don’t fret like we do) and you
appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky. 19. You recognise how your distinctive past
colours your response to events – and learn to compensate for the distortions that result.
You accept that, because of how your childhood went, you have a predisposition to exaggerate
in certain areas. You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular
topics. You realise – sometimes – not to go with your feelings. 20. When you start a friendship, you realise
that other people don’t principally want to know your good news, so much as gain an
insight into what troubles and worries you, so that they can in turn feel less lonely
with the pains of their own hearts. You become a better friend because you see that what
friendship is really about is a sharing of vulnerability. Our Emotional Barometer is a tool to help us more clearly explain our moods. Click the link on screen now to find out more.

About the author


  1. How many of our 20 signs do you see in your own life? Let us know in the comments below and to join your fellow School of Life audience members, be sure to download our new free app: https://bit.ly/2HxH3C0

  2. Starting the video: "I'm sure I'm pretty mature emotionally." At the end of the video: "OK, so I need to work on these 20 things."

  3. I dont think pretending the world isnt populated by fools is a good idea these are highly subjective landmarks unsubscribed ✌🏽

  4. This seems more like a guide to what sociaty could expect of you to be accepted… not all of these things seem beneficial.
    Being Pessimistic is no advantage I've been there it was horrible, I would bring up my more "serious" or perhaps "realistic" veiw on something and kill the mood.
    Imagining the potential of something in a positive manner will help build the idea and expectation of what you imagine, alot more than just saying "No, because its not realistic enough" and it makes everyone happier since you dont kill their ideas all together.
    Just my oppenion.

  5. I used to be less emotionally mature than I am now and after a time of darkness I started to read a chapter of the Bible a day and through this I started to establish a close relationship with my Heavenly Father and he has taught me a lot. I used to think God had so many rules because he wanted to control us now I realize he only wants to protect us. What we want isnt always what is good for us and I am very greatful that I am not the same person I was. I still have much to learn and I am looking forward to it. Compared to how immature I used to be it's nice to see that I have developed some emotional maturity after looking at some of the points on the vid. But I still have a long way to go.

  6. Thinking about thinking and self-control are a major step i’ve taken..and i still have so much to learn..i don’t aim for happiness anymore, i aim for inner peace.

  7. I love your channel. I’m 27, I feel like I’ve been the most self-introspective I’ve been in my entire life. I’m in the transition of getting out of young adulthood where I’m having fun, and living life like I’m invincible, to reflective who I am as a person, why I am the way I am, seeing that all my actions have a re-action. This channel is definitely helping me develop inside. Thank you!

  8. The start of emotional maturity is your willingness to be aware of yourself. How you play a part and how it all starts with you.

  9. Disagree on the 5th one. Not everyone's parents are the same, some people might have really good parents that they never had resentment towards, and others.. May have ACTUALLY had parents who didn't even want them.
    Some people have dealt with levels of abuse that really shouldn't be forgiven. You can't tell me that someone who was sexually abused by a parent should feel compassion or understanding for them. You can't tell me that someone who beat their child should be let off the hook because "they were just dealing with their own demons".
    You shouldn't lump everyone's situations together like that, bottom line. It's not always as simple as that.

  10. I relate to number 15 and 20 the most.

    Also, at times I am bothered by those who always want the most perfect Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas, or wedding.
    As if the turkey is what makes Thanks giving perfect. I'd eat anything, it doesn't matter to me. Haha.

  11. Great video, loads of wisdom. However for me a bit more difficult to digest as the most important things in live such as friends and a romantic relationship are missing from mine.

  12. No. 20 gave me great peace. I was struggling with hyper positive friends who shared nothing but their successes. It is not what I need in a friendship.

  13. In simple words… you have to be the opposite of Trump, Rudy, Jim Jordan, Mitch McConnell… and the rest of Trump administration… and his cult-followers…

  14. In my opinion, the world isn't populated by monsters, nor idiots, it's populated by ceramic, all shattered, just trying to glue themselves back together, everyone is broken

  15. Man I learnt a lot, I actually haven't figured out that I react to certain situations because of certain events in my past. Of course I had dad issues, but I've forgiven him, although I still don't know how to share my thoughts or feelings on things with him. I also don't know how / if I can take advice from him.

    But I do make an effort to be aware of when I choose to do something just because it's the opposite of what he did. I've noticed other sons develop a hate towards their fathers for not making an effort in the father son relationship, whether directly or indirectly (abusing their mother / siblings / mother's family )

    I've also just learnt that I'm immature for bitching about other people in my life not being mature in a way that I am and I'm oblivious of the that maturity in others in ways that I'm immature. . .

    I need to save this video so I can understand people better

  16. Some of these things really depends. Particularly when it comes to forgiving people family included.

    Of course trivial wrongdoings should be forgiven, however when what you're mad/sad at them for is bad enough to be classified as abuse you should not forgive them so easily.
    A part of emotional maturity is learning when you can forgive someone and when you have to cut them out of your life.

  17. Awesome information about becoming more emoionally mature, there are parts in here that I feel hacve been developed well yet other parts that I know I can continue to improve upon, and having this video helps to shed light on the things I can do to improve myself in the future, thanks School of Life!

  18. Erm… I feel like number five might be depending on the person. Some parents aren't simply out of their depth– some are nursing addictions, mental disorders, or simply never wanted you in the first place. Number five seems a bit forgiving in my opinion, coming from someone who has a father who was the only suspect (only final suspect I believe) for murdering my mother.

  19. Some of the internal actions and ways to see life are more subjective depending on one's philosophy. But the way to act towards people are nonetheless the correct ones to maintain a stable and healthy relationship with one's family and comunity.

  20. Be old enough to know, would this behavior be fine with people who didn't know and dominate my self esteem as teenagers. Like at gatherings? Now are these gatherings filled with people that think like someone at 15? Hah, then that cliques filled with airheads, and I aint being someones free therapist/lawyer to 1st day etiquette about not being horrible. Up your standards because if it feels bad and unfulfilling, its probably always been that because you're idealistically rationalizing something you are NOT in love with.

  21. The problem here is not that you are not aware of it but some action are beyond our control. Almost like a facade or 'auto mode' where our action just automated or done by our 'second self'. If this is the case, maturity wouldn't help either and I have yet to find a solution to this.

  22. Tehehes… My take away message is that friendship is about juggling knives together while unicycling on a tightrope 😀

  23. if you are in high school and watching this wishing you were mature: you do not have to be. enjoy your childhood. play with your friends. embrace your inner child. don't hide it or run away from it. you are just as okay and fine as if you were "mature" because, to be honest we all are children inside. don't hurry. you have your whole life to be an adult. now enjoy your freedom!

  24. Mature enough to be self aware enough to know I failed this test within 20 seconds as soon as the video tried to convince the world isn’t inhabited by monsters and fools

  25. Number 1 always has been hard for me because I really hate it when people use their past as an excuse for their bad behavior and I wont tolerate it. It really is your choice how you lash out, it will just be more difficult to get over habits groomed from a toxic environment

  26. this only works if you are a doormat and let other's BS and neglectful shitty ways take and use the better of you. in this world full of instant gratification Zombies, selfish aassholes. you gotta give them a taste of their BS. and move on.

  27. I’m mature enough to realize other people would be a pain to live with and that you don’t fall in love at first sight, along with the fact that I’d be a very difficult person to live with.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *