Aroha – My story of depression

I am Aroha Hathaway. I am a broadcaster and
the Mum first and I’m from Tuhoi, so we’re pretty staunch down there, a staunch bunch
of people. I found out I had depression when my son was about, see I can’t even remember
the date, because everything just blended. One of the things that astounded me, was the
variety of forms it can take on. For me, I’m very short. I couldn’t drive a car and have
a conversation at the same time. I would just be very short. I’d snap at people. Everything
was everybody else’s fault. I wanted to cry all the time, like everything made me want
to cry. Like, you know, people would make me mad, I’d want to cry. People would look
at me funny, I’d want to cry. I’d get stressed out and radio is a hugely stressful industry,
but I seemed to have it all, you know. I was the little place all the stress in the world
congregated and I wanted to cry all the time. I would not be able to sleep. Could not sleep at all, so you know, you kept yourself up and that of course made it worse the next
day then you were worse than the day before because you’d had no sleep and you still wanted
to shake people, because it was all their fault. And I was bringing up a four year old,
I was bringing up a child. My night would be curled up on the kitchen floor and I’d
just blank out. Before I knew it, my alarm clock was going off and I had to get my baby
up for school, for kohanga and I’d have lost ten hours, twelve hours, no sleep. It was
horrendous, absolutely horrendous. I had some really dark, dark times.

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