Daughter of Narcissistic Mother and Father Confronts the Pain Within

About the author

Comments

  1. Lisa, you have also turned my life around…thank you <3 I had an abusive mother and prior abusive marriage for 25 years. I was also extremely codependent. Your videos and meditations have totally "woken" me up to the fact that I am enough. I am becoming more confident, I love myself now and have finally laid to rest all of my pent up pain. This has been going on since I was 8 yrs old, I am now 56. It has only been a couple of months since I feel like I am well on my way to being healed, thank you Lisa!!!!

  2. I think that boy also learned that the other kids must be good kids since they get to run around and play, so …that must mean I’m bad, etc. I don’t know. Just extrapolating, I guess.

  3. A-ha! moments listening to this cutting-edge video. Lisa, you truly go where no one has gone before. Your approach is a thoughtful, healing, nurturing approach. We so need that, and we also need to learn to give all of that to ourselves. Tip of the iceberg for me….trying to understand how this all relates to where i am today. The understanding will come…

  4. I have spent 50 hrs/week, for almost a year, as a caregiver to a 90 y/o woman with 11 children. She is a lovely woman inside & out.. Her whole life has been centered around her kids. Visits & phone calls from her kids are her "emotional heroin". She lives for the times when she can still be a mother to her 11 kids, even at 90 years old. Now that she is in poor health, including some dementia (not Alzheimer's), and unable to be as mobile as she has been in the recent past, she is even more dependent upon visits and phone calls from her kids to make her feel good. When she senses their withdrawal from her life, she cries all day from feeling intense abandonment, or as some call it "Pathological Loneliness", which is psychically very painful. For all of her caregivers, it's difficult to be around the all day tears, depression and/or moodiness that overtakes her when she is experiencing intense loneliness from a perceived abandonment by her kids. The minute one of her kids walks through her front door (or calls on the phone), she is a master at being the perfect picture of a loving, joyful, proud, constantly smiling, upbeat mother-figure. The men in her family have no patience for her when they observe her tears, and won't spend time with her when she is in one of these moods. And they make no bones about letting her know that. But most often, her kids would never know she had been severely depressed, and most often crying inconsolably, before they walked in. She has never experienced that she is worthy and has value independent from being a "mother'. She isn't in a place to understand codependency and how being codependent is causing her such intense pain. Don't know if I would ever feel comfortable approaching the topic of codependency. I question how appropriate it would be for me to do so, and even if I did approach this topic, don't know whether she would be able – or willing – to grasp it due her strong denial system. But I'll keep talking to her about her worthiness as a person and as a woman, even if she can't grasp it.

  5. Yes I was. . . For years I haven't had any one too close to me… I've had some friends here and there. But the last few groups I have bailed on. When my so called best friend turned on me. Mostly because they were on drugs and seeking popularity. And I'm a deep person. I want to connect. In highschool it was hard. Losing them. Going thru that I was going thru a lot. And then another school. New friends. Harder environment. Then another school. New friends again. Lots of drinking… By that time I was hiding who I was. Because I didn't even know. Plus the lack of guidance even hurt too… After that drug friends who talked bad about me away from me. But didn't say much to me. I bailed again. On people. That was hard. But I built up. And the only friends I began to have were work friends. Job didn't work out I left. Not my future. Than more environments where I just wanted to work hard. Move up in life. Didn't really pan out… A lot of times I stayed longer than I felt comfortable with. But a recent realization of removing the doorman… The person who allows me in or out. And owning the doorway… Are huge for me… I don't want to have anyone else define what the door is. At this point I want to learn and define it for myself……. Also bad relationships with women. But this work is helping me to set boundaries and not settle just for a so called pretty face with more bad stuff going on underneath… To take my time. Get to know. I'm not drinking or smoking anymore. Maybe a beer or two but it's been very long. And learning what it is I am wanting… And learning how to go for it. For me……. My doorway. Huge

  6. Loved this-it is mercury retrograde and I was crying over my dad again -he died and was angry at me when he died-we had been close-I saw 2:22 0n the clock and i found this podcast on the internet -thanks-i love this hair style on you Lisa-i have the same one in blond-love the curls–feel so good now-love you and your followers so muchxxxx0000 to all. Debra for today I broke through!

  7. Might add both parents grew up in depression and had family abuse-alcoholism and narcissism -even after 13 years alone attracted another hurt needy person-well I am leaving but I am fine-thank you for this video.Been at this healing since 1986 but sometimes I forget -cause I am not like this-reactive and angry-I am calm happy sagittarius but very empathic-so hard to not soak up stuff-I have AA Michael vaccuum out all the crap and refill me with diamond droplets of white light in and all around me-yeah you gotta get to the core beliefs-see if you can find The I Am List -you can do good bads on limiting core beliefs and change them to positive beliefs in handwriting-it helps then the affirmations can help -but some of us it is our life plan to deeply learn about relationships-i think the conscious reprogramming with teachers like uou Lisa and stick together in groups to constantly remind each other about the right way to speak sand think for heealthy living.When i see parents screwing up i gently say something-I have been a substitute teacher for 30 years -I can't help saying something–then i make a little joke Debra

  8. I’m 29 and 10 months ago separated from my partner of nine years , now I’m alone I finally realise I’ve been day dreaming , trying to fit in , anxious , never good enough ect ect for all my life , I now realise because of my up bringing (which I thought was good ) now realise why I feel this way , the last few months have been so rough , i got Caught up buy buying an expensive sports car , clothes ect just trying to fill a void that I couldn’t , what I’m trying to say is I’m so thank full that I found these videos my tattooing was suffering my painting also ! I now feel like I’m not losing my mind so thank you !

  9. Masaru Emoto, the scientific of the water patterns. Thanks Lisa. Sometimes I feel that it will be impossible to trust people again. By now I am training myself to care about me and saving money to leave this toxic people for never come back again. Little by little I am settling limits.

  10. Lisa, it is no exaggeration to say that YOU CHANGED MY LIFE! I am forever grateful to you for giving me the information, the tools, and the confidence to make a better life for myself. When I look back, even to a year ago, it's astonishing the negative way I was thinking about myself and what are now unacceptable situations. I have such clarity now, I feel strong of mind and heart. Thank you for the gift of your wisdom, you are a treasured virtual advisor and advocate for all of us who are recovering from codependency.

  11. You cannot overstate how codependent we are in our entire culture. It's pervasive and insidious and it is killing us. Please don't let anyone tell you that. Your videos are helping me change my life – finally. I am crying through this. The woman whose email prompted this video has told my story also – but I am 65. I have just left my 3rd failed marriage. My father was a criminally sociopathic narcissist, and I married 3 narcissists. I have been in therapy since my early 20's with both psychotherapists and psychiatrists. I have seen dozens of therapists over the course of the past 4 decades; none of them have ever mentioned narcissism.

  12. There needs to be more programs out there for teens that have lost parents or grown up in dysfunction. If there was someone I could turn to when I was in highschool that had good honest intentions things would have been different. When ur raised by bad people you become a magnet for bad relationships.

  13. The last two therapists I tried didn't want to deal with my childhood issues. They tried to focus on CBD exercises which really seemed like putting the cart before the horse. Looking for a new therapist who will deal with these issues.

  14. I've learned a lot of wonderful, practical information from your clips. You go, girl. I only have a mild suggestion for this video concerning your breaks to online troll problems. While necessary in real time–they might belong on the cutting room floor at this point. They broke the flow during my epiphanies. Just sayin'.

  15. I had a thought when discussing BPD.
    I have recently discovered I have been with a Narcissist for going on 19 years. I began researching back in July. On my journey I have met some wonderful ladies. Quite a few of these ladies, who were raised by abusive parents have at one stage been diagnosed with BPD. These diagnoses were all said to be put on them very quickly, before any real information from their part, could be divulged. From their experiences and their long journeys, they now realise they are absolutely not borderline, but in fact suffer from C- PTSD.
    I just wanted to throw that out there as I know these ladies felt relieved to come to understand they have C-PTSD and are not borderline. It assisted their healing process.

  16. thank you so much Lisa. as much as I'm trying to grow and learn, you have been there to take my hand, coax me on, and help to teach me. namaste 🙂

  17. also Lisa, thank you for bringing up the trolls as they happen. I have only been made aware of what was wrong in my life and with me giving and giving and getting so abused since this last September. as I go along looking at comments it helps so much to know I'm not alone and also recognizing so many similarities. the blame it on the shame that has been placed upon me for 63 years is still brand new. when I run into blaming and shaming with what a troll puts on here I'm back up real quick and it takes a while for me to try to get my emotional feet on a uphill swing again. again, thank you for pointing out that there is no place on here to blame and shame us.

  18. I can’t understand why parents can’t love their kids! I just can’t understand these mental disorders! And should I really?

  19. Parents should have to get a special license to have kids! That’s one step in the correct direction to make sure we don’t raise psychopaths!

  20. Yes!!!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💚💚💚🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

  21. Lisa, please, when it comes to trolls, please edit your videos and remove every mention of them when you're finished videoing. Don't give them their notariety, and their Andy Warhol 5 minutes of fame, at all of our expense. Like criminals, they're only encouraged when just slapped in the wrists. But when they are permanently deleted from having any existence here or mention, they'll move on to easier targets These people are psychotic; they're here shopping for new victims.

  22. I'm living with my parents, 80 yr old dad told me that I disgust him. he thinks I'm gonna be here living under his thumb until he decides. I'm going to detach, move out, move on beginning tomorrow.
    now that I am beginning to understand the situation, I want to throw up.

  23. as I hear you talkin about us as children being so loyal forever to our parents, I totally relate. so very very hard to even admit where my mother even made accidental mistakes. but at 63 and wanting my children not to be abusive to me on the inside I feel like clinging to their legs and begging them to see the love I have always had for them and the giving and giving and giving and I wonder how they can be the way so many grown children are to their parents now. I would have never ever dreamed and my mother, absent father, siblings, so-called friends on and on I was abused by because I was such a giver and so naive to me being needing to be loved. my greatest pain has been to look at the truth and not make any more excuses for the horrific foul treatment from my grown children

  24. Nope. Nope. Nope. Never. Parents deal with their problems without their children. Full stop. In the very end each of us is an individual . Let go me. I am mum.

  25. Dangerous breeding grounds I agree your helping me a lot

    I will step out of the box – take control of my life in a healthy way !!!!

  26. Love that – it’s very unnatural to feel unloved we have to

    Get back to a natural state – and feel loved love ourselves

  27. People who were born in healthy homes with psychologically aware parents are so lucky. I have always felt emotionally unsupported. My family is superficially very close but I feel so fragile and weak emotionally sometimes.. I have had huge trouble getting out of a narcissistic codependent relationship with a guy. My mom used to create a scene when I used to express my excitement and whatever. I was made guilty of being myself. I was Infact made fun of for pursuing my passions.. N as a result i have trouble feeling a sense of self and taking my career seriously. My mom used to threaten me when I didn't use to study, saying that i would end up being a little construction worker or like those brick and sand guys if I don't study. N i have had some huge core issues around my self worth and career. I have literally been beaten to death by my abusive absent father and basically i feel so empty and almost like an orphan inside. Though I had my mom growing up and I respect her and understand why she was incapable of bringing up healthy children. But it's like she was only interested in making sure I don't get into trouble and making sure I studied enough to pass. She wasn't really friendly or anything.. Very distant. N all i wanted was to have a loving connection with her but seemed like my sister was more important to her cuz Obviously she was smarter at studies. She also used to curse me and tell me mean stuff.. Also there were two times when I failed my tests and I was so ashamed n scared.. N when I gathered courage i was told like I deserved to get this kick in order to get on track. There has been several incidences where i have been treated really unkind n unfairly. It wouldn't have affected me if I got a compensation in the form of praises and appreciation, encouragement. I never got much appreciation at home. N i felt like this leftover thing no one really understands. I have learned to stay disconnected with my emotions and people. I've become a living dead, zombie as in not able to be friends with anyone cuz everyone leaves me in the end. I just wish I could find a psychologist friend for life. Emotional issues are a big deal for me. I'm a very highly emotional person. I cry over lost internet friends from 5 6 years ago. Internet has been my only support system. I won't have been able to graduate and managed to get through 25 years of life if I didn't have internet. I just wish I had good parent figures for support for my inner child. My inner child is wrecked n crying since years after an awful breakup with a friend turned lover. I just want emotional healing. I'm done with shit.

    What's even more annoying is the brand new fucking twin flame nonsense. I'm so done with it. Such drama about this shit. I literally wanna kill my twin. All I want is to heal myself n get going with life and now comes this twin flame drama where i have been hurting myself because of this uncertain situation with a so called celebrity that's my twin.. I'm grinding in pain. Actual physical pain.. While I can see this person talking about making out with random bitches. Taking pride in the number of female fans he has. Enjoying the fakeness of his life.. While I can't do anything about it cuz he's out of reach n only connects telepathically to tell me that I shouldn't compare our lives. Well then guess what bitch we're over. I'm not dealing with this shit of a twin flame situation. It took me so long to realize how much I've been hurting myself cuz I was programmed at home to be codependent and not have any self worth like my sister.

  28. Thank you, I have been listening to your videos for the last hour, as I have been trying to find solutions in healing an old relationship (ex-husband) who was very abusive. I have not had to have contact with him for many yrs, and now have to. Your videos, your words, touch my heart. Thank you.

  29. If so many problems stem from insufficient parenting, why don't our schools offer an addition to curriculum which focuses on parenting and life skills. At the very least we should be teaching young people that not all people need NOT be parents. People often say, jokingly, that people should have to be licensed to be parents. While I am not for regulating parental rights, I do wish young people were exposed to some kind of parenting education.. I think this is more important than any academic subjects.

  30. Hi, I have just found your channel and you describe how I feel to a T. I will be binge watching for the fore seeable future lol

  31. Another thing, I have definitely overly loyal to a fault and often to my detriment. This is due to my childhood programming. Its taken me years to realize that I do not have to be loyal to those who mistreat me.

    I have a right to say no and just walk away. My mother uses guilt to manipulate me. I have learned to stand up to her finally.

  32. I really agree with you that our culture is very co-dependent. I cannot talk to anyone about my childhood. If I dare do that I hear all kinds of excuses about my mother's behavior. I am told that if I see things from her perspective I would feel better about her. Really? That's been the whole problem! They don't get it.

  33. People are not mostly water, it is another lie from Rockefeller´s medicine totally based on myths to kill you fast. You can see it in the mirror you are not mostly water. Why would people not trust their own eyes, I wonder

  34. I'm 60 and I don't know exactly what to do. It appears to be too complicated. I need simplicity. I feel ill.

  35. Wow….i see how it may effect kids i see now days and yet did not make the ME connection of being told if you dont go get me a beer i will take you on that plane……was told i was naughty and would get takin to the air port…..not relizing it was just the road to get to the liquor store…..OMG to feel free of this crap is amazing….wow Bless YOU Lisa!!!!!

  36. Tak of feeling ur mom hates you….of the flood gates have opened…..i held for yrs if it wasnt for me my momwould not of went through the abuse cause she stayed with him cause i was born….yuper i sure did…i am not fault of her choices…POW

  37. This video is so helpful to me! I have trolls now! I'm in good company huh? Thank you for all you do Lisa! I think I want to get your third book now? I think that's the one I'm on

  38. Esther Hicks was my first step to recovery but Lisa set me free. I started feeling like the Hicks material was holding me back and creating more frustration.

  39. This video brought up a memory for me. I remember when I was 9 I was constipated for like a month. I was so terrified to tell anyone. I was in so much pain every day. I finally told my dad because the pain was too uncomfortable but I was terrified to tell my dad anything, I remember I would make myself cry to get his attention so I could tell him my feelings. I remember when I told him he told me “why didn’t you tell me anything?” He’s a narcissist and was addicted to heroine at the time.

  40. I can hardly describe the horror I have been through and have just learned about this narccicist mother, emasculated dad, golden child brother and me, the adopted, sexually abused by cousins, set up as a crazy person that sees things that is not there hears things that are not there so they can maintain a perfect religious deacon image while no one ever said a word when my mother would tell me Satan is going to get me scapegoat. I just found out about all of this stuff a few days ago when I was trying to learn about a narccicist friend of mine that had pushed me over the edge and I am freaking out. I have never experienced anything like I am feeling right now and I am still so afraid my family I was adopted from won't believe how bad it was and choose to believe what my dysfunctional adopted family that are all lying cowards have said about me for years and I am freaking out pretty bad.

  41. Why do narcissist parents neglect the middle child?,why do they lie and gaslight me but treat my older sister like she can do no wrong?,this has created a life of being scapegoated.. How do you stop being scapegoated with every new person you meet?,,,,is it normal to lose the whole family to this?,,they have turned everyone against me since they have taught them that this is my role… This is not my role and I will be damned if I spend one second with anyone who treats me less than kindly and with love and respect… How do I change this dynamic as I don't want to live alone and isolated but being abused is not an option.. How do I change this dynamic,?tired of the abuse

  42. I find that are so many people are codependant as they can not stop working or running around being busy cause they can't stop and look at themselves. I think retirement is a biggg shock to a lot of people aa they then slow down and then they have moments to reflect.

  43. Living around a narcissistic environment is so hard . Parents, brother, Husband and son is nearly taking me out . I am going to try to walk soon . It is damaging me so much .

  44. My mean family that are still alive are even corrupting the minds of the next generation. It shows and there are signs. They are staying away with false judging of my brother and I. I see it. What a joke!!!! We literally are called "the others"

  45. Currently going through this. Thank you for everything Lisa and viewers. Continue to help bring awareness in masses. Your meditations are also amazing. Namaste.

  46. I wonder if all children know they love their parents this much? It sounds like too much love and yes, it seems abusive but, this lady is highly functional.

  47. Hi Lisa..I just realized a few months ago my mother was a Narcissist due to some circumstances that I became aware of enough to ask what is going on in my life here.. I love your videos.. I do not have the loyalty to my mother that you spoke of here.. I'm not sure the true meaning of that disconnect.. I do remember as a child trying to stay away from her as much as possible..I am in the process of healing from a lifetime of being asleep..

  48. Thank you Lisa. You saved my life. I am still right in the middle of it and have been listening to you since before December of 2017. It took my moms death at the end of 2018 to really dig in and see I needed to change me. Childhood memories are flooding in and Now see the puzzle all coming together. Done being abused. Namaste 🙏🏻. I love you!!!!❤️. So flipping hard but so worth going thru the pain.

  49. Omg I’m so afraid this will happen to me! Exact same family dynamics I’m not alone Thank you thank you Lisa!!!

  50. Trolls must be psychologists who are pissed off you're help ppl online freely!
    But there's more gratitude going towards you! Thx and love from South America!

  51. I couldn't get past the story of the boy in the stroller. Had to stop listening. I will research the links though as I'm on a quest to rewire my subconscious beliefs. Thank you.

  52. I know I’m a bit late to the party but I just wanted to say your videos are fantastic. I have learnt so much from watching them, about myself, my family and my choices in life. Thank you. I think you are wonderful.

  53. My wise husband tells me:"Don't have fear about what people could think about you.Probably they are thinking about themselves".It's so true.😂😂😂

  54. Finally someone who address the sub-conscience programming by an narcissist parent. When under anesthetics I can become combative. One doctor could not finish a procedure for ulcers because I became so combative while under. I would be a very bad drunk if I drank. Conscientiously I NEVER wanted to be like my father but things would seep out how he treated me that I would treat others the same way and I would then hate myself for it. My life was a constant battle to keep suppressed all the anger down caused by how I was treated as a child. I had two personalities battling each other in my mind. The one who I wanted to be and the one I hated being. In my 30's finally got a med for depression that helped this issue 90% on a daily biases but, meds do not help the sub-conscience issues that seep to the surface. I am in my 60's and my life has quieted down with less stress. Problem is the quiet has allowed me to hear and be aware of things coming up from the sub-conscience programming. Soooo glade that you address this. Looking forward to working this issue out.

  55. Bless your heart Lisa, changing people never works. We can only change ourselves and walk away! Everybody cant be in relationship. Often Adult relationships DO END for valid reasons! LET THEM END!!

  56. The water experiment sounds similar to the rice experiment. They took cooked rice put it in jars and one jar was screamed at and insulted every day and the other was spoken to kindly and caressed every day. Sounds weird but the screamed at rice rotted a lot faster than the rice who had recieved Love. That words have such a heavy influence is incredible!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *