Dealing with sadness


So my name is Maggie Fletcher and I’ve
been given a wonderful opportunity to speak this evening with Surjit Dhami
thank you for joining me, you have been leading meditation in the UK for many
years and has been speaking on the subject of self-realization for many
years so thank you for joining me this evening Surjit. So what I was
thinking about what I wanted to ask you I thought what are most people are
looking for the answer for and I suspect it’s how do I deal with my anger my
stress my worry well there’s negative feelings that come
into our lives day in day out how do I handle that what would you say to those
people. Well Maggie that’s a lot of questions their stress anxiety worries
depression negativity how do I deal with them how do I deal with them that’s all
we’re dealing with all the time really and everywhere we go and there’s so many seminars so many professional development programs and how to how to make self better or how to how to make yourself stronger how to bring things
back into your control and it’s always through with the negativity depression
and they’ll all have seminars how to deal with stress or how to deal with
worries but the question I really want to ask is how do you deal with happiness
I don’t know that sounds really bizarre you’re looking at me now right but how
how would you deal with happiness because if you know how to deal with
happiness you wouldn’t need to know how to deal with sadness. So how do you deal with happiness and why should we have to deal with happiness surely that’s a a natural
thing that’s just something that we accept why do we have to deal with
happiness I think when happiness arrives we
don’t even think about it. just want to embrace it like a child
thinks about a sweet and candy just wants to open the wrapper, eat it and devour it and
the same way that’s what we do with happiness we don’t even think about it
we don’t even think when it’s come from all when it will go we just we just take
it fully and absorb it but when sadness arrives then
straightaway the alarm bells rings and we want to blame someone I we
become the victim and then straight away then we enter a struggle and what we
need to do is is when we experience happiness is pause for a second, for a moment recognize its fleeting nature that it actually
has no permanence to it and yes enjoy it for the moment but then our life
truly is more than that moment of happiness and that is that is the
truth about happiness that is never really our friend its own a traveler
and it has no permanent nature to it and it come from the same place where
sadness will come from and what we do is we reject sadness and it’s almost like the happiness is a friend who rejects
sadness because sadness is untrendy or uncool but the true happiness
everyone is of a permanence its of a state of being rather than a fleeting
moment it’s like having a friend that even invites the uncool friend it’s like
a a friend who’s always sour grumpy but he still invited to the party because
you want that sour friend to have a smile and the true happiness really
wrapped its arm around that’s how a friend and says I know your grumpy I know you’re always complaining but I still want you to be here and consoles it
that’s what happiness wants to console it it wants sadness to be included. So
you were actually saying that we should embrace sadness rather than try to push
it away we should give up trying to control our lives and trying to make
ourselves more happy to make sure that we have less sadness we should surrender
that control? I would not say embrace it I would say look at it at the same say when you look at it’s happiness if happiness comes into your house it comes in if
sadness does it does but the way you welcome happiness you dance with it but when sadness tries to come in you just lock the door and shut it out
and you don’t need to do that it’s just a crying friend it’s a crying friend in
need that needs your love and that’s what it needs the happiness wants your love and the sadness wants your love and both these states want your love and we just want
to give it to happiness because we want happiness to flourish and we deprive
sadness and then sadness becomes enraged and that’s what we’re doing we are
becoming very divided with ourselves not recognizing that both of these two
friends are within us and and but we are more than these these friendships that
is also important not to lose ourselves in the friendship with happiness and
sadness thank you very much indeed it’s a very succinct answer thank you. Thank
you so much

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