Depression Self Help – Protecting Your Personal Boundaries by DepressionHero


Hi, this is Omar and today I want to talk
to you about depression, but before I talk to you about depression I just want to tell
you where I am. I am right at the border of Mexico and the
United States of America. Right South of San Diego in the town called
San Ysidro, and just North of Tijuana. Right over here you can see that there is
this big wall over here. Those guys on the bikes are security officers
and they are patrolling the border with Mexico. This wall just extends all the way across. You can see over here. Basically it is a border. It delineates, it separates two countries,
in this case Mexico and United States. All countries have borders. You can actually see even states have borders. You can see that this is where one country
begins and another country ends. So as you cross the border you are moving
from one country to another. So what does this have to do with depression? Well, depression from my own experience has
to do with the conversation in your head and the conditioning that you receive from childhood
and the training. One of the conditionings in one of the trainings
that we have received in childhood is how we protect our own boundaries with other people. For example, let us say that you have a brother
or a sister who constantly takes your toys as a child and if you feel that they are bigger
than you and you cannot defend yourself and that you are a victim and you do not defend
yourself, then you actually train your body, your mind, your brain that it is okay for
other people to take your stuff and to invade your boundaries. As you grow older, the same pattern will continue
with adults. So for example, maybe you have a bully who
is a boss of yours and he will constantly bully you to do certain things and to work
way longer than you really should and not get paid for it. Because you have been conditioned and trained
from childhood to accept this kind of invasion of your boundaries, you accept it. But what happens is inside you do not accept
it. Because inside you know that this invasion
of your boundaries is wrong and you get angry. But because it is your boss or it is your
mother or your father or your boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or wife, whoever it
is, because you have this relationship with that person you may feel afraid to jeopardize
that relationship. So you do not say anything. But what happens is, that anger, that emotion
is still inside of you. So that comes out in other ways. One of the ways it comes out is in depression. Why does it come out as depression? It is because well, I am a victim and I cannot
defend myself. I am helpless and look it is those bad people
out there and I am just this small little me. I cannot do anything. All of this is conditioning. It is because you have been conditioned from
childhood and trained by childhood by your mother, your father, your school, your brothers,
your sisters, whoever it is, whatever the event was, it is training throughout your
whole life that you allow people to invade your boundaries. This causes depression because it is not right. This is just a reminder of boundaries and
you have to really maintain your own boundaries and stand up for yourself. One of the things that you can do to get over
this is to really be aware of when somebody crosses the line with you. When does somebody cross the line with you? For example, maybe somebody uses your curling
iron, obviously not mine. (Laughs) Maybe somebody used your curling
iron, your roommate or something, and they break it and they just leave it there and
they do not do anything about it. Maybe you just let it go. It is like, Ugh, it is my roommate. I do not want to rock the boat. But you may have this anger inside of you
that you have not expressed but that does get expressed in some way, either in your
own body with aches and pains or diseases or through that you get angry with other people
but not at the person who actually broke the curling iron or whatever it is. So that is like an invasion of boundaries. The first step is really to understand when
somebody has crossed your boundary and invaded your boundaries. For me for example, I had all kinds of people
invading my boundaries and I was doing all kinds of things for those people. I was giving money away. I was giving my time away. I was doing all kinds of things like this
because I was very insecure and I wanted those people to like me. So because I was insecure in myself and I
wanted those people to like me, I would be offering stuff. They would not even have to say anything,
they would just almost manipulate me in saying, Oh, I do not have enough money for this. It is like, oh, I have money. I can give it to you. That was just my conditioning, my training. The first step is to recognize when your boundaries
are being crossed. The second step is when somebody does cross
the boundary, just watch what happens inside of you. Does your stomach get tensed up? What is the conversation happening in your
mind? Is it, Oh here it goes again. Here is it. They are taking advantage of me again. I am the victim again. I am not good enough again. I am not strong enough to change. Whatever that conversation is, it is just
a pattern that you have adapted. It is just a training that you have adapted
from childhood. The important thing is, if you want to change
this, if you want to get out of your depression because depression is a symptom of this, then
you just have to have the desire. Do you want to continue with this type of
behavior or not? If you have the desire to change, start with
the desire and the willpower to change. The second step is to discover. Discover what is the conversation? Discover what is happening? How are people treating you and how are you
letting those people treat you? Because you are training them as much as you
have been trained yourself. So you are training them that it is okay for
them to cross those boundaries; whether it is the bully, whether it is somebody who is
always calling you and hugging the conversation. You go out for dinner with a friend and they
spend 99 percent of the time talking about their problems and you do not even have the
chance to say anything. Then you go home and you are drained of energy
and you do not know why. Well, that is why. Because they have drained your energy and
you have allowed them to. So you have to train yourself to stop that
invasion of your boundaries. Also when you do that, you are basically training
everybody around you that you are re-training them, that you are not going to accept that
kind of behavior anymore. So three steps: Desire, Discover what the
behavior is inside of you and at the conversation and then Do. Take a different action. Okay? So we are at the border, watch your boundaries
and become the hero of your life. Go to DepressionHero.com for more videos and
I will see you in the next video. Take care.

About the author

Comments

  1. Well said. I think everybody is entitled to his own private space and that space is supposedly protected by boundaries you personally set. I myself gets upset when somebody crosses the line. My wife is my number one invader (LOL) and this sometimes cause misunderstanding between us but I always explain to her why I needed this space, time or activity and she seems to understand as much as I understand her own personal boundaries.

  2. agreed. My last girlfriend several years ago never understood that I need space. If I didn't travel the 200 miles to see her each week, she'd take it personally, and didn't realise that I sometimes just want to be alone – it's nothing personal, I just need space and to be at peace with myself. Fortunately the woman I'm dating right now understands that and doesn't take it personally if I say I don't want to talk to her or anyone at a given moment. It's something I need to do 🙂

  3. Hi, how's it going. I thought I would connect to find out how you are doing. I have put some more YT Depression videos. Check them out and message me with any ideas you have about more videos and content. Thanks, Omar.

  4. My heavens I wish this was available 12 years ago when I started the having panic attacks & crippling depression. I would have understood what was happening to me. Not one doctor was this insightful, just pushed meds which I no longer take because they don't help.
    Thank You.

  5. Hi Jasmin, Thanks for your positive feedback!

    So, how are you doing now? What has worked for you? Was there anything in my video that you were able to apply?

    I would love to hear from you.
    Omar

  6. I already speak to a few people about my feelings – I don't have a diagnosis of depression, but I think I have it – though they don't really take me seriously and my parents get upset because apparently I'm not interested in anything they're doing for me. This video has given me a few ideas about saying no to bullies, but it's really hard after years of sitting there and taking it. Still, I'll try. Thanks.

  7. HI Alex, the important thing is to feel better, enjoy life and have a good relationship with yourself. Weak boundaries arise from childhood survival patterns. it's vital to see your own patterns and then change them. The next time you feel your boundaries are not being respected, whether by parents or anyone, just watch very vigilantly what your are thinking about & what you are feeling in your body as that will give you a clue of the source. Write in your journal & make a plan for the next time

  8. I use to be in a certain part of the home, the living room, and felt my space there was always invaded. it got to a point to where I just stay in my room now. my sister is the one who is always bugging me and slaming things around, and it gets me upset and I get angry. and when I get angry everyone is like settle down, do this, do that, walk away, etc, . but I feel like I should stand up, but if I do, I might get violent 🙁

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