DEPRESSION: The 7 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN WOMEN & MEN | Kati Morton


Today I’m gonna talk with you about the seven differences between men and women when it comes to depression. Something interesting that I found when doing research for this video was the fact that women are two times more likely than men to get depression. And that can be based on a lot of different issues from hormonal issues – we know from my videos about PMS and PMDD that women have a lot of hormonal changes we tweek from month to month, a lot of things can change, not to mention if we decide to have a baby and that’s its whole other realm of hormonal changes, but something else that was – actually to me – more fascinating was that fact that women actually tend to ruminate on negative things more than men. We spend nights awake worrying about things more than men. And so because of what I’ve talked before if you’re an OG viewer you know that I tell you to do some thought stopping. Talk back to that negative voice because otherwise we spin and spin and spin and then we wind up in a really shitty place. Am I right? So taking notice of this and I think recognizing the fact that these are all of the components together that make women more apt to be depressed than men, I think there is a lot that we can actually do, but today I;m here to talk to you about the differences, so that we can recognize as men and women how it may present so that we can get help sooner and feel better faster. The first difference is that women tend to feel more sad and worthless. Whereas, men tend to feel more irritable and agitated. And so you can see how some people would view the women as being more depressed. I think that might also lead to why they think women are two times more likely because we express – quote, unquote – the symptoms of depression; what people think depression looks like. And you and I both know it can look like a lot of different things. The second difference between men and women is that women take it out on themselves. We hold that icky shitty feeling inside. We’re like, “I’m a bad person. I hate this. This is terrible.” And we cry and we sit at home and we take it out on ourselves. Men tend to lash out at other people. And blame it on others. And I think that that – again – is maybe why we’re more apt to have “depression.” The third difference between men and women is that women tend to cope with food and friends. We spend a lot of our time talking to our friends about it. We may binge eat. We may not eat. I’ve talked a lot about depression in general and how increased appetite or lack of appetite are symptoms of depression. Men, on the other hand, tend to cope with TV, sex and alcohol. So a lot of them will go out. Like we said before, they’re gonna push it outward. They’re gonna blame others. So they may have a slew of sexual partners. They may watch a lot of sports and TV and play video games. So they’ll be on TV a lot; spending a lot of time doing that. And they’ll drink a lot. Men tend to binge drink more than women. All very fascinating to me. The fourth difference between men and women is that women actually tend to get depressed more about a stressful life event. Men, on the other hand, have the ability to kind of say, “Oh, it was just something that happened. Get over it. We’ll be fine.” Whereas, women – kind of what I said at the very beginning – we tend to ruminate on stressful bad happening and we tend to spin, so at night we will have our thoughts running about this bad thing and it’s kind of turning a mole hill into a mountain. So if you find yourself doing this – like I always say – and I know you’re gonna roll your eyes, but we have to talk back to those negative thinking and thought stop. I know it’s hard at first, but if we get in the habit of saying “I’m going down that road again. I don’t have time for this. I won’t sleep. I’ll feel shitty tomorrow.” If we thought stop and say, “No. You know what? I’m gonna think about the fact that this happened and that this was good.” or “I’m gonna see my friend in a week and that’s really exciting.” or “Hey, I got that new Nespresso machine and that’s awesome.” Whatever it is, try to focus your mind on something positive and force it out of that negative cycle. The fifth difference is that women are much more apt to have a coexistent eating disorder. Now let’s think about that for a second. Why would that be? Because we cope with food. Like I said before – number 3 – and so if you find yourself not eating or overeating, please reach out for help. Eating disorders are a real issue; a real thing. And I’ve talked over and over about this – this being my specialty, right? That eating disorders are really just an unhealthy coping skill for something that’s going on. So let’s say that stressful life event we just can’t over, we’re ruminating and we find, “Well that may be out of control to us, but I’m gonna control this.” or “I’m gonna eat till I’m so full that I don’t even think about it anymore” or I’m not gonna eat until I’m so hungry that I can’t even think about that thing anymore because all I can think about is French fries.” So we do that as a way to kind of “numb out.” Like the need to numb, right? Because things can be overwhelming. So if you find yourself not eating or eating too much, please, please, please see a therapist. And I even have a free eating disorder workbook on my website. You can download it right now and start working and it will help you feel better, find healthy coping skills instead of ruminating in that kind of nasty eating disorder. And the sixth difference is that depression is more debilitating in women and this is because we tend to not only lean on our supports – our friends, our family, our spouses, our loved ones – but we also tend to ruminate – like I said before – and so they find with women the depressive symptoms tend to last longer and go on for a longer period of time. And we also, in some people’s cases, ruin relationships in that time period because we’re leaning on them so much, we’re complaining all the time and honestly we’re difficult to be around. And so keep that in mind and that is honestly why seeking professional help is so important. I’m not gonna get pissed off if you’re complaining all the time. That’s what I’m here for. You come to my office to essentially bitch and moan if you need to. Cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. I’ve even had a client throw themselves on the floor and be like, “Today was fucking horrible!” That fine! That’s what you come to therapy for. On the other hand, friends can sometimes at a certain point be like, “Hey, you know, I’m at the end of my ability to help you.” And the seventh difference – and I really just want you all to hear this one. If you haven’t heard anything except this, just remember this – we reach out more often than men. Yaaaay! That’s so exciting! Because we like to talk more essentially. They say women use two times the amount of words in a day than men do. I like to talk. I also like to listen, but I also like talk. And so we reach out for help more quickly than them. I also wonder if this – I’m just hypothesizing with you – I wonder if this has to do with the fact that we “look more depressed” and our friends may tell us, “Hey, time to seek help.” And men tend to just kind of get irritable, agitated, aggressive, but either way, no matter what symptoms your feeling reach out for help. There is no need to feel shitty any longer. There are so many professionals available. I know there’s even online things available. I’ll put some links down in the description to give you more resources so that you can get help more quickly. And if you haven’t been on my website yet, hello, there’s chat 24/7 with other people maybe going through the same thing, maybe not. Maybe they’ve already been there. And they can help an support you in those dark moments. Maybe it’s three in the morning and nobody’s awake. They can give you a little extra boost to get you through your day. And if you’re new to my channel, don’t forget to subscribe. Psychology and mental health is so fascinating and I will be bringing videos to you two times a week and I’ll see ya next time!

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Comments

  1. mans are more likely to get depressed they just dont speak out and thats why 4 out of 5 suicides are men. Society tells that man should be stong emotionless stones and this video is 100% telling that. You dont know what its like to be a boy in north america right now. Mens are not as strong a possessive as you might think

  2. I relate to the men side more, I lash out on others as well as myself in a way, I withdraw from friends. I dont tell them anything and such.

    I guess I'm in the middle of men and women depression then.

  3. How is it exciting that women reach out more than men? Sounds like it would be sad that more men don't reach out. And if we do reach out- its quickly shoved to the side in their view.

  4. I never had this problem before i learn from watching others people mistake, i never been married or got any kids before, i think people gets more depressed when they are in a relationship, married or just going togethers, i always mostly been to myself i have never been lonely because i have too many hobbies, im always doing something working out working on small engine's outdoors equipment going to work and back home, i never drink or did any drugs before im also rent free and lived alone and knows how to cook anything, i see more people who are married or in just a relationship I always see those kinds of people goings back and forth at each others, i always have people concern what i doing in my on house, people's who are in any kinds of relationship gonna go through something the man wife or girlfriend may pass away or the woman husband or boyfriend may pass away, that's one thing about being single because you don't have to worry about your lover's pass away if you are not in any relationship also you don't have to worry about any of your kids or grandkids pass away because you don't have none that's the way i see how life works

  5. OMG I vibe much more with the men. Although I ruminated like crazy, all I did when I was going through my drama was watch tv incessantly and drink when I got excessively nervous. And I definitely drew inward, didn't want to talk to anyone yet I was lonely, lol. So I guess I'm a mix of both. My friend who's a girl fits the female symptoms to a t though. Even though I'm a strong believer in overall tendencies, I'd like to see the data just to make sure your inferences aren't overemphasized. I wouldn't say depression is more debilitation in women, that's not right. Or when you cheered that women seek more help… idk rubbed me the wrong way, what about the poor men who are more likely to succeed in their suicide attempt? Well this vid seemed more biased towards helping women. Still great vid, and very interesting

  6. I see that you're trying to be helpful, but I have to admit I think this is just wrong. I am male, and these are my "experiences" compared to what you stated. Granted, I'm a very unusual person (if "person" is the right word for me), but anyway:

    1. I don't feel sad (I don't have much emotion anymore), but I definitely feel worthless because I am in fact a worthless sack of shit. I feel agitated and irritable, yes, at myself.
    2. I have never taken anything out on anybody except me.
    3. I have emetophobia, so food is my enemy (and drink, including alcohol). I don't have any friends. I don't have sex because I am an ugly fuck. I don't watch TV because I cannot concentrate.
    4. I don't have words for this.
    5. I have an eating disorder. Bullshit it gets easier the sooner you get help. I've been getting "help" for 3 years, 5 months and 2 weeks and I'm on my way out now.
    6. No.
    7. I wish I hadn't gotten help, because I'd be dead by now.

  7. Oh gosh. And now what does it say about me when every single thing what Kati said about women was like if she would be taking about me?

  8. One generalization after another. I could grab a random sample of warm bodies off the street and have them come up with a similar narrative. However, the heavy caveat here is the fact we're looking at mental health issues ON THE INTERNET. She has every right to say anything she wants. That is unassailable. WE have the responsibility to CONSIDER THE SOURCE! oye vei. Kati, are you paying attention to the comments? Seems like I'm not the first to call bullshit here.

  9. Capitalism and the mental health problems that it causes that leads to suicide! Capitalism causes depression and if you already have depression makes it worse! The current political envirment even ads to it!

  10. Women twice as likely to be depressed? Doesn’t match the suicide rate. It’s seems the rate of real depression is much different and most women are just pretending. People often don’t have enough problems in their lives so they create new ones. I would argue that the extreme rate that males actually kill themselves is indicative of a far higher likelihood of actual depression in men.

  11. I wish more men would reach out, my dad would never seek help and was irritable and mean to me because of it. But when he wasn't at his shitty job or telling me how I caused so many problems, he would sleep 12-14 hours if he could. Unfortunately this lady was so happy that women seek help more often even though depression is debilitating to both men and women and differ in severity from person to person. Depression sucks for everyone.

  12. To those that disagreeing that its more likely that there is more women than men being depressed. Concider this: Between 10-20 % of women suffer from postpartum depression, which is linked to hormones. So yes, the hormones is a huge deal. And women are more likely to suffer from eating disorders, which is easily comorbid with depression, so I do believe that she is right. But that doesnt mean that men hurt any less. Society should encourage men to come out and talk about their suffering and seek help.

  13. Did everyone in the comment section miss all the times she said that women are diagnosed more because they reach out more often & have more stereotypical symptoms? 🙄😂 y'all need to learn to listen.

  14. maybe its not only that reported depression is more in women. women are more likely to talk about it than men, and also this would make sense because suicide is 80% higher in men. i can tell you as a boy that its hard to talk about feelings because of manliness

  15. I think there are more depressed men then what the statistics say. Because male suicides are higher in statistics, and that could be because of the social stigma that still exsist among men to talk about how we feel. While it is more ok for a woman to show weakness and tell how she feel.

  16. I don't know I'm a guy I'm 17 y.o and I feel like shi* even my therapist cannot help me at all. I find this vid a bit sexist. But thank you anyway.
    I feel like I'm sinking and drowning in my own thoughts. And that's killing me more and more every single day.

  17. 4 minutes in and everything you've said is more true of women applies much more to me and every man dealing with depression that I've encountered, and next to none of the stuff about men applies to anyone I've met.

  18. I don't think telling people to just think about something different is a good advice, like that they just push the can down the road and the problems will mount up..

  19. I have heard it takes THREE WEEKS before antidepressants work,maybe a lot of people commit suicide in those weeks?

  20. I have heard it takes THREE WEEKS before antidepressants work,maybe a lot of people commit suicide in those weeks?

  21. Why do depressed men get angry, blaming and totally untrusting towards their partners and embrace strangers as caring about them and trusting those people they don't know utterly like children do, acting very naive?

  22. There are some peculiar statistics about men vs women regarding suicide and depression.
    Suicide rate is far higher in men, roughly 3-4 times.
    Attempted suicides is 2 to 4 times higher in women, they tend to use less lethal methods, suggesting that more of those are willfully unsuccessful as a "cry for help", in women.
    Depression rate is many times higher in women but that is just the reported numbers of people seeking professional help, men obviously seek less help and keep their depression to themselves to avoid the stigma of being judged as weak.
    It's less socially accepted for a man to cry and show signs of emotional weakness and fragility, so they tend to accumulate more in silence and then eventually explode in major brakedowns, more so than women.
    Alcohol abuse is rougly 2-3 times more common in men.
    Countries in the ex USSR, some in central africa and central america, have a male suicide rate up to 6-7 times that of women.
    China and Bangladesh are the only countries where female suicide rates are slightly higher than male.

  23. Men are having it way too harder than women. Imagine having crippling depression,but you still are able to work as an employ somewhere. If you had a job to begin with when your country has 35% or something unemployment rate. Top that if you have zero academic success to anything. You will be perceived as lazy person. Say bye to work, say bye to love. Cause you know, you must and want to provide for the one that you want to love. As a woman is way easier to find a job. Just of the face alone. I live in greece and this is a reality here.

  24. Thanks for the video. I have to say you are wrong on most of your assumptions. You are not prefect, thats ok, im just saying. Would a man date a past 12 months unemployed woman? Sure he will. Would you lovely women here, date a man you are interested in that is unemployed for 12 months? …..A woman,s face is more likely to get hired than this ugly fat guy. Story of my life.

  25. I know this video is old but my partner of many years fell into a depression. He's actually very feminine for a guy (but not gay or bi) so fits more with feminine symptoms. He didn't smile as much, his voice was monotone or dead-like, he kept complaining of feeling exhausted all the time and he started eating a lot more and drinking more , put on lots of weight, stopping going to the gym, was irritated easily, cried way more easily, had break downs over nothing literally crying in public (once because I made a silly joke about how I have better taste in food while we were at a food store and he got annoyed and was visibly upset with tears streaming saying his taste matters..it was confusing to me) so it cost us fights. Then he just shut me out, at that point i realized for sure he had depression, I tried to tell him to get help , he refused said he can do it himself. Now it's been about 2 years he had it and a few months that we havent talked now and I left him be even though it hurt like hell but heard from a close friend of his that he's not too well and still talks about me. I wonder what to do..i was trying to give him space because I didn't know what to do and he stopped talking to me for a few months now. I didn't want to pressure him…i don't know if he realizes I care so much even though I haven't contacted him. I feel like I should have known sooner… your videos are so helpful. Sorry this is long and if you ever read this, I appreciate it

  26. When making videos like this, it would be of much help to have some sources to look into. As mentioned by many here already, as a male, I relate more to the female description of depression in this video.

  27. What I think about this is that women have "more" depression is because they express it a bit more with there friends because they are more personal with there friends , I mean they crie together ,luagh together and ect. While men don't show so much emotions to each other like women do and the most of the time they feel forced to pass through a problem just by them self because if they asked for help that would show them there weakness .
    But I think that both women and men have the equal amount of people with depression , just that everybody passes and reacts to it differently. (obviously they all feel terrible through the inside) but the men say that " there depression is worst than women" and women says than "they're depression is worst " .
    ¿But why can't we just admit that both are depression and does the same to both sex?

  28. I think most people have a certain about of depression,,,but if it's affecting your every day life then it's a problem 🤔

  29. It's bullshit to think that only women take out their anger and sadness on themselves. I've been cutting for a while now (im trying to stop though) and i'm a guy.

  30. Not to be rude or anything. But I find this video coming across as being pro-stereotype. I know that's not what it's meant to be, but maybe most men or women aren't like that? They just get constant criticism by society that they can't be who they really want to be. If it's said that most men are agressive, don't really talk much and shouldnt show their emotions then maybe men start to act that way because they hear that constantly. I tbh disagree with most of this video, not trying to hate or anything but yeh.

  31. I'm a guy who suffers from depression, alongside other mental illnesses, but when it comes to depression I feel like I'm a bit of a mix between men and women in terms of how I experience it. I spend most of my time either completely numb or extremely angry, I usually take it out on myself rather than others due to being introverted, so I usually cope by slashing up my legs and arms, punching walls, occasionally drinking, and escaping through video games. It also seems to cripple me a lot, I spent about two years just in bed. I also avoid reaching out, and I usually only get help due to others noticing scars or me seeming disconnected. I definitely used to fit more into the female depression stereotype when I was younger though, through crying and binge eating. It seems that as I got older, and moved more into manhood my behaviours shifted to what would be considered "masculine" ways of dealing with depression.

  32. Most of the commenters don't seem to understand that this video is based on facts, not opinions.

    You can complain and not want these things to be true, but your opinions aren't going to change what is statistically true.

    The data says that this video is not "sexist" and that the info is accurate. It doesn't matter if you personally don't relate to make symptoms. In most cases, this is different.

  33. The Cure is foods like zinc and selenium. These vegetarians are not doing well nowadays zinc and selenium are the balancing Metals in your body. If you don't know about zinc and how it affects Behavior. Check out a Doctor named DRL Wilson he talks a lot about zinc.

  34. I identify a lot more with women behavior while being a man, and still identifying with men behavior too, like being irritated, aggressive, lashing out, but also ruminating a lot, etc… And I'm not reaching out to anyone lmao.

  35. This bullshit. Men just hide it more because of how society respond to men being depressed. Society think men are weak if they are depressed. Men hide it more. I last the same amount of time

  36. Women will be their for men initially but they will see them differently in the future and not like them as much. Eventually they will be as kind to the men then break up or cheat

  37. This women is totally wrong, she said women take it out on them self's and men lash out on others but I beg to differ men take it out on them self's Drugs,Alcohol, Porn,isolation, antisocial behavior, angry, loneliness, workalocholic, we hold all this stuff Inside meanwhile women are clueless and don't understand why? When really it's a lack of communication

  38. Lol, you tell people to cope with rumination by concentrating on the joy of material goods. You know your advice could lead people to engage in compulsive buying behaviour? Materialism and accumulation of goods is a cause for a lot of problems people are not even aware of.

  39. I wouldn't quiet agree with the 2nd and 4th differences cuz I depends on which area you're from and how people act around you in your daily life routine.

  40. Men are less likely to seek for help is bcuz that society would judge the men as a weak person for being depressed, like not being strong enough etc. But in other perspective women can seek for help and no one would say anything to them.
    As a person surviving in depression now, I would say that people would care less for men who has depression than women has.

  41. Literally the more I watch the more I judge what she is saying. She is literally talking a lot of bullshit. She is literally sounds like women should get more attention for depression. Also the thing she says about women reaching out for depression is the biggest lie every single girl that I have seen with depression beg for you not to tell a counselor or a therapist because they don’t like talking about that type of stuff. Also women are more likely to be more insecure so they won’t talk to anyone then men with depression do things like yelling or telling a teacher or parent. Also what she said about men dealing with depression by going out is bullshit when men have depression there are more likely not to do anything and they don’t want to go out and see people and do shit. Also men have a way harder time dealing with depression that’s why men suicide is 80% higher then women. Also women are more likely to say they have tried to get attention. To be completely honest most women that say they have depression really don’t. No fence but women are more likely to be attention seekers and they say they have it just to get attention. Also don’t even say you have no idea how it feels to have depression because I’m going through it right now and I’m 12

  42. Hey Kati! I just wanted to comment and say that I find it interesting how I experience depression. For me, I experience it more like a woman, except for the parts about using tv, sex, & binge drinking and reaching out. I used sex as an outlet and I didn’t want to ask because reasons I can’t remember. Then again, I’m a highly sensitive person, so it makes sense.

  43. Men don't really talk about it openly/we deal with it differently. So how do you know that women are "more likely" to be(come) depressed? The Suicide rate among men is far higher (in the West).

  44. People are saying that she is wrong because they feel different but you should remember that everyone is different just because that is the average doesn't mean it is the same for all females or males

  45. #1 is happening to me,#2 is happening ,4 ,#6 , feeling like the people I used to meet used to like me and come but now I feel like they not like they used to be I feel like I’m not as sweet as I used to be missing everything that used to make me happy in my life now I’m lonely to I feel like there’s hardly anyone to speak to

  46. Everyone needs to stop it doesn't matter which gender is more depressing WE JUST GOT TO SAY IS INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT THEY'RE GENDER WHY DON'T WE FIND OUT WHY THERE DEPRESSED AND HELP THEM ON THAT?? and everyone acts differently on when they're depressed it could be crippling depression or just depression

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