Eckhart Tolle on Dealing with Depression

It was in my twenty-ninth year I woke up
in the middle of the night and this was not uncommon for me in waking up in the middle
of the night and feeling intensely I was depressed and in a great state of fear at the same time
that happened again that night and the thought occurred to me I can’t live with myself any
longer and that thought repeated itself in my mind I can’t live with myself and then
suddenly I looked at the thought I kind of stood back from that thought and looked at
it and said that’s a strange thought I cannot live with myself am I one or am I two this
thought seems to have shown two people here I and the self that I cannot live with who
am I and who is myself that I cannot live with but that question triggered an inner
shift something inside me that I didn’t understand it at that point must have disidentified from
the self the unhappy me as I later called it so a kind of an inner disidentification
happened the I am which I later recognized as the consciousness that I am separated itself
from the conditioned entity the conditioned consciousness that was that provided me my
sense of identity the self and that consisted largely of an unhappy story and I heard something
almost like a voice inside me that said resist nothing so I gave up resisting the feeling
of almost the feeling of disappearing into nothingness the next morning I woke up and
I opened my eyes and I looked around the room and everything seemed as if I were seeing
it for the first time fresh new alive the light coming through the windows familiar
objects on the table so I got up and went out for a walk and I looked around and everything
seemed so peaceful even the traffic in the city seemed so peaceful and I knew something
strange had happened but I didn’t know why this inner peace as the background to all
experiences and the background to all sense perceptions being as the background to my
thinking that then never really left me again and so a little later I started investigating
other spiritual teachings for the first time Buddhism Christianity and more contemporary
spiritual teachings and very quickly I recognized the truth that is I could see the truth that’s
in Buddhism that’s in Christianity the original teachings and in turn they shed light on what
had happened to me for example I picked up the New Testament and I read Jesus’ words
the peace that passes all understanding I said that’s exactly what I feel I have this
peace and I don’t understand what it is so he must have had the same experience peace
suddenly arose which was not causally related to anything in the external world it wasn’t
caused by something wonderful happening in my external environment so it didn’t seem
to have a cause an external cause and then later I visited zen teachers and so on and
again I recognized the truth of zen immediately but they also helped me to understand and
put what had happened to me into wider context for example I remember talking to one Buddhist
monk who said coming to the end of always having to think thinking he said zen is about
not thinking ultimately and I immediately realized something that I actually strangely
hadn’t realized before that my thought processes ever since that happened that night had become
reduced by maybe eighty percent so I wasn’t actually thinking that much anymore and that’s
why there was so much peace so I realized the continuous mental noise as I now call
it which is the compulsive and largely useless thinking that most people are continuously
engaged in that had come to an end there would still be some thought thought could I could
use thinking when I needed it and occasionally thoughts would come in and out but there were
huge stretches of no thought and in those long gaps and intervals of no thought there
was that wonderful experience of inner peace and I realized that inner peace had been there
before even when I was still anxious it had simply been covered up by the anxiety by the
hyperactive mind

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  1. Very good video, buddy! ♡ Depression and self harm are  very hard, but we are heroes to live such lives! 💪 Never give up, you're not alone and please watch my Surviving Depression and How To Stop Self Harming video to have some company and help! 💙💕

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