Emotional Leadership 3 of 7 Sadness


Hello! Today’s about sadness. Welcome everybody. As promised, this is the emotional leadership
series; this is how negative emotional states impact your leadership, your personal leadership,
your interpersonal leadership, your effectiveness with others. I help entrepreneurs scale their service based
businesses and I combine strategy, structure and psychology to ensure they’re getting their
maximum results and that their leadership is a match for the level of results they want
to produce commercially. Let’s talk about Sadness. Okay so our friend sadness has its own specific
feedback message. If you haven’t watched the video of the introduction
to this series about what emotions are as feedback signals, hop to it -cut this one,
hop to it- go over and watch that video and we’ll pick up where we left off. So we’re on to our second emotion. So the first emotion is anger, the second
emotion is sadness. The message of sadness is that it’s communicating
loss and that makes complete sense, right? So we can have a big spectrum of sadness all
the way from just a little bit you know miffed missing out -FOMO- all the way through to
the other end. The most intense which is irreconcilable grief. But all of the emotions along the way, just
so you know things like when you’re feeling emptiness and so on. All of these sadness -emotions- we have lots
of different words for it to represent the intensity of it e.g. heartbreak. They are all highlighting and a feedback signal
from your beautiful physiology about loss. Now there’s two types of loss that us tricky
creatures can experience. We can experience loss of things that are
real, you know like let’s say I lose a pen. It was real, okay? OR my dog died. That’s real loss, okay; something real in
reality. Okay. Reality are things you can touch, taste smell,
measure. Okay…just for anyone who’s some who’s not
a fan in the world of reality versus an abstract constructions. So two types of lost: things that are real,
things that are imaginary or things that are conceptual, which means ideas. So when people you know mourn an idea or a
relationship in the future. You know something that they thought was going
to happen you know; we thought we were going to buy this house and it was gonna mean this
and it was going to mean that. You know we…didn’t ever have that house
but we thought we were gonna get that house and I’d imagine the future and all the things
that were going to happen in that house and how our life is going to be, but then it didn’t
happen and then of course sadness, grief, processing. That’s an example of imagined loss…doesn’t
mean you don’t get an emotional reaction, doesn’t mean you don’t get a physiological
feedback signal. It’s still as according to your brain it’s
still a valid loss. So we have to process two types of loss. We have to process loss that’s real and loss
that’s imagined. And a whole bunch of imaginary losses usually
in the future time zone okay. It hasn’t even happened. So with that as a feedback signal, it’s really
important that organizationally and in your personal leadership you understand how loss
impacts us. So typically we’re not dealing with a lot
of loss sadness when we’re busy running our companies and dealing with our people and
dealing with our lives. Loss doesn’t actually happen all that often
but there’s a type of loss that is rampant -everywhere- in all sorts of organizations. And look I’ve worked in the big four banks,
I’ve worked in SMEs all over Australia. I can tell you everybody is the same. They are all dealing with this type of loss
and it’s the loss of control and also the loss of power. So just let those two sink in. We can have loss of control and we can also
have a loss of power. When we have a loss of control, the word that
we use to express that is overwhelm. And how many times have you heard that inside
your organization? Or how many times have you felt that feeling
and you’re like, “Oh I know exactly what you mean… Too much to do I have lost control. I can’t manage it all inside my own mind or
my structures aren’t sufficient, all my people aren’t strong enough to carry their responsibilities. Overwhelm. So overwhelm should be processed the same
way that any loss emotion gets processed. We don’t process it with the sadness process. So every time you identify a loss, we have
to do what’s called “Balanced Perspective”
where we manually change our focus to find out what is being equilibrated -what is being
gained in its place okay- because if you have a loss focus you’ll just continually experience
more sadness emotions. They’re quite stuck stagnant unproductive
emotions okay. So we need to get into a productive state. So we shift people over to,
“what are they gaining in its place?” All right. And then also with overwhelm we deal with,
“Well what can you control?” So often people are walking around with simply
too much in their head. If people aren’t going down to the micro of
planning their week in terms of their intentions and their time Locke’s planning reactive time,
planning rhythmic communication with their key people; they’re not doing daily planning
where they’re making sure things like all their personal care as a leader gets taken
care of when they eat. You know when they’re doing reactive time,
when they’re getting to respond to the inevitable stuff that’s just going to come up. If we’re not doing these things to gain the
illusion of control, because control is only ever an illusion people. It’s only ever an illusion all right. But we can do things that comfort us and sustain
and build and generate this sense of control. It’s illusory sense of control. Now I don’t care if it’s real or imagined
because just like you figured out earlier, it doesn’t matter if it’s real or imagined. Your brain is reacting as if it’s real. So with sadness, with loss, with overwhelm;
we’re looking at how do we regain the illusion of control, planning structures, focus hygiene,
debriefing with a coach, having regular Huddle’s and work-in-progress and updates and touch
points with your team. All those rhythmic activities that are all
so juicy and so valuable. Now if something I’ve said today particularly
about overwhelm and loss of control has really sparked something in you, make sure that you
give me a call. Book in a call with me to talk about how we
can work with you around your effective leadership inside your organization, where culturally
people are not managing their state effectively. That’s all the side just from the strategy
and structures in your business -just what about how people are performing and how people
are walking around in your business when you’re walking around your business is key importance. So make sure you book a call with me or you
can download my audio and video series “the late leadership focus”. Let me know what you think. Give me feedback on these videos. I hope this series has been of use to you
and if you’ve done my work before I hope it’s a really timely reminder. My name is Emily diamond and I look forward
to speaking to you soon.

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