Hey guys! Today I wanna talk to you abouuuut a topic that was brought up to me by not only one not only two but three of my viewers. So obviously it’s important because three of you wanted me to make a video about this because I put something on facebook recently like “Hey, what do you want me to talk about?” and somebody said this and I was like “okay” and then someone else said it again on another social media I was like I get it, I’ll do it. *laughs* So today I’m talking about facial hair dysphoria uhm and there are so many layers to this video and this topic and this conversation so I’m gonna do the “I’ma try to keep it short” spiel but you know that ain’t gonna happen so sit tight and start with your popcorn. Start with your popcorn. I’m just gonna start this topic. I’m just all over the place today. What am I talking about? So I wanna talk about first pre T. So when somebody has not started hormones uhm, who is trans or for someone- Uhm, yeah, we’ll go -we’ll go with that first. Cause then after am I talking about people who don’t want to go an hormones, so I’m gonna talk about how I was able to deal- Oh my god, I remember being pre T, being young, being like eight- seventeen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen and like wanting facial hair and not being able to have any of it and I was like “Oh maybe if I shave my face it will get darker!” -it doesn’t- uhm and it was just so hard for me to deal with it. So what did I do? Well, I did what I did with all of my dysphoria when I was younger. I’m gonna think about the future and I know one day I will be able to have at least a little bit of facial hair that I will be able to do something with and I’m gonna be okay. So I kept having to repeat to myself that like all the time over and over again. I would see people with beards I’d be like *sighs* So it was very hard for me to see it and especially when I was young there weren’t that many like transguys on YouTube who were like like far in their transition so not many people had facial hair. So I think that- Not that I’m saying that facial hair dysphoria is worse now because like everyone has beards but I don’t know, I feel like it’s more talked about. Maybe. Yeah. But if you are not planning on going on T and you wanna do a facial hair- Look, I wish I had the answers for everything and when I do videos like this I’m always like “Oh, I could talk about that” but then there’s one aspect that I know that I can’t talk about and I knew that I was gonna go on T eventually. That’s how it got me through so if you never wanna go on T and you have facial hair dysphoria there are people on YouTube who are not going on T and who have talked about this topic I think. They must have, they have a lot of videos. Uhm… So I think that that will be a good idea to look into because there are certain things that you can do like natural transition. Now I’m not advocating for natural transition at all. I made a video explaining why which I will link in the description. I don’t explain it now though ’cause that is literally a different video but please take a look at it and maybe we can have a discussion about that later. So I think that what’s an interesting topic with facial hair dysphoria is when you have facial hair and it’s still there. So I know that the people or at least one of the person-s that suggested this topic is not on T and they’re talking about facial hair dysphoria and they post like- They post about it sometimes and- I just like feel bad and it sucks but I feel like we were all there once and honestly thinking about what my future was gonna be like and what I was going to look like was the only way that I was able to get through any of it. And then there are obviously things you can do like you can buy fake facial hair and wear it and see what it looks like. You can also do those websites that like put facial hair on you. The one thing though that you need to understand about that is that when you’re on T your face changes, right. Your facial structure changes and it becomes- it like starts to appear more quote-unquote masculine. So just keep that in mind that uhm the face and the facial hair you have yeah, it’ll look very similar but it won’t be one hundred percent and i think that that’s what’s cool. That’s why i’m smiling. I think that’s cool cause you get -you get a little peek into what you’re gonna look like and then you just imagine yourself just a little more like quote-unquote masc in the facial department and it’s just it’s just -it’s an exciting process to go through. Or at least it was for me, uhm so, but i don’t know, maybe i’ll get shit for this. I don’t know. I don’t know. This topic I feel is a little more controversial now. I should really stop talking. But now I feel like turning around and talk about when you have facial hair and a facial hair dysphoria so I personally had a lot of facial hair dysphoria in the beginning because I was not getting any facial hair. At six months on T though I had these like *coughs* sideburns. Oh my god. Why did noone tell me how horrible they were? Go- *yawns* Oh, i’m tired. I’m sorry. Go to my old videos where I’m like six months on T and you’ll see like there grow sideburns. I had nothing here, just here. It was disgusting but uhm I -I had a lot of like “Oh my god, is my hair ever gonna grow?”. Even at like one year I had this like weird- oh I guess I had like a weird like moustache, too. Uhm Uh It just took so long for my hair to come in and some people were like eight months on T and had full beards, bigger than what I have now and I was like “What the fuck, I’m two years on T and I have nothing!” and it was really hard but when I went back on T uhm, my hair started like- my facial hair started growing more and then I started to like be able to shape it and that was cool. That was like what I was waiting for so I will say that I -I have like I am taking a medication called finasteride and it’s so that my hair doesn’t fall out uhm, as much so it like blocks the DHT inhibitor or something in -whatever- in the hair -something. But because it does that it like reduces growth of your hair- uhm, facial hair. So the facial hair that I have could be more but because I’m on finasteride it’s less and i have definitely seen a difference. I have been on finasteride for like a year and a half and my facial hair has like decreased in thickness. But it is worth it for me one hundred percent in order to keep my hair on my head the way it is as long as I possibly can. So I’m gonna get- I’m gonna get really close to you. I’m gonna get very close. Because of the lights you can’t really see though. Okay. Well. Here’s the thing. I like inherited, uhm, the hair of like my Mom and my Dad. So I have a lot of blonde in my brown hair. Uhm, so, look the tips right here blonde and then like I have some hair here, they’re blonde. I have to see if I actually change color in my beard in the winter and summer cause I do get freckles in the summer and stuff like that. So maybe the hair also but- Yeah, so usually I cut my hair- oh my god, I keep saying hair- my facial hair here and then, uhm I trim this with the trimmer and then- This doesn’t connect, it’s almost there though. You see that? You see that? It’s almost there. And then I have hair here, uhm. But it’s really hard to see on the camera for some reason. But it’s usually more. Like I said when I’m, uhm like- When I’m- If I don’t cut my hair- Oh my god! Why do I keep saying “My hair”? If I don’t cut my facial hair like, I trim it it becomes really bushy and it makes me feel like I look bigger and for me personally I feel bad cause it doesn’t look like me. Uhm, but when I have it this part fills out more. But I just wanna trim it because it’s like super light and like not as thick as the other area. You don’t see really more so- But my jawline looks really square from this angle. Yeah! I try so hard, okay, to do this and it’s hard and I try so hard to not like “It’s because i’m trans!”. I have to stop doing that and I really like- I made a video I think last year like blaming everything on being trans and like It’s true like we do that a lot. Because whatever, fuck! We have the right to be doing a lot of stuff, okay? But I think that sometimes like we’re kind of blinded while they’re like blaming everything on being trans we’re like- Yo, look at cis guys! Look at their beards! Like I have more facial hair than some cis guys. Not that I’m saying that makes me feel better to like be better than a cis guy ’cause it doesn’t, like that’s not what I’m saying but I feel like a lot of people compare themselves to cis guys I feel like most people compare them like trans guys. Like not that I’m saying like “Oh, this is our ideal so we wanna look like” buuuuuut like, come on! We all look at cis guys and we’re like “mh, i wish…” or whatever. But I’m just saying most of us do and If i’m completely making like a huge statement, sorry but uhm, like I try not to do that but then I see myself being like “oh, look at that, he can’t even grow a goatee or a mustache” now I’m like *evillaughter* I feel better about myself. It’s the same thing with height. I’m always like *evil laughter* “he’s cis and 5’2! I’m not that short now, am I?” or “Look at him, he doesn’t have any body hair!” Although the body hair thing is like a completely different story like- Yo, I got this random ass patch on my shoulder- one shoulder! -of hair and I’m like “Why you do that?” Why you do that? Why do I gotta deal with that? Why? Why is it here? Why- why can’t it just disperse somewhere else? And then some guys are like hairless and I like “Mhmmmm”. But some trans guys are hairless and they don’t like that, some trans guys do like that. We’re all over the place, okay? So basically like cis guys and trans guys aren’t that different. When we talk about the things that we don’t really like about our body or like the things that we talked about, the facial dysphoria, like obviously there is a trans component in there but there’re a lot of cis guys who are like “Oh man, I wish I could grow facial hair like you” and I’m like *squeaks* “Helloooooooo!” That’s it. That’s all. I’m done. Hopefully I made this topic just as if three people or two people who asked for it. Uhm. I could always remake a video about this with a different side topic thing if you want me to. Let me know what you think and I will see you later! Okay? Bye!