Fire Drill – The Office US


*door shuts* *locks door* Last week I give a fire safety talk, *clears throat* and nobody paid any attention. It’s my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in lots of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. *pours lighter fluid* *lights cigarette* Today, smoking is gonna save lives. *flicks cigarette, igniting trash bin* *throws lighter fluid container into fire* Does anyone smell anything smoky? Did you bring your jerky in again? *clears throat* Oh my God! Uh.. Oh my God! Stanley: FIRE! Oh Fire?! Oh my goodness! What’s the procedure? What do we do people? The phones are dead! Dwight: Oh how did that happen? Kevin: It’s out in the hall! Dwight: No, we don’t know that. The smoke can be coming through an air duct. Michael: Oh my God! Okay, it’s happening! Everybody stay calm! Dwight: What’s the procedure everyone? What’s the procedure? Michael: STAY F*****G CALM! Dwight: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Michael: EVERYBODY F*****G CALM DOWN!! Dwight: No no! Michael No! Dwight: Touch the handle, if it’s hot, there could be a fire in the hallway! Michael: What does warm mean? Everyone: *groaning* Oh my God. Dwight: Mmm, not a viable option. Dwight: What next? Michael: Don’t Run! Everyone: *Murmuring in Panic* Dwight: Oh! Here’s a door. Check that one out. How’s the handle? Andy: It– it’s warm! Jim: K–go to the back door. Dwight: Well, uh, another option. *Everyone panicking and screaming* Dwight: Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching! Phyllis: Oh! I forgot my purse. Andy: Leave it woman! Michael: Get out of the way! Go, go, go! Dwight: Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can- *Chaos and Panic* Oscar: Ah! My hand! That’s hot! Andy: Aah! This ones hot too! Michael: Okay, we’re trapped. Everyone for himself. Dwight: Okay, let’s go. Everyone: *shouting* Out of my way! Let’s go. Get out of my way! *Chaos and Panic* Dwight: Calm, please Andy: Get out of the way! Dwight: Have you ever seen a burn victim? Andy: Move it!! Dwight: Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha– Use a what to cover the mouth? *MORE Chaos and Panic* Angela: *pulling cat out of filing drawer* It’s okay. Shh shhh. *cat meows* Dwight: A what? A rag. A damp rag perhaps. *Oscar escaping through roof* Dwight: Let’s remember those procedures. What are the options? *Pushing and Shoving* Dwight: Okay, that’s the wrong way. We’ve already tried that. Dwight: Remember your exit points. Exit points people. Angela: Oscar. Oscar! Oscar: Stay alive! I’m getting help! Angela: Pull me up! Oscar: You’re too heavy! Angela: I only weigh 82 pounds! *Oscar crawls away* Angela: Uh– save Bandit! Angela: *throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side* *MEOW* Angela: OH! Dwight: How about 911? Anyone? 911. Michael: *tries to break open window* *SMACK* Kevin: *smashes vending machine with a chair* *steals snacks* *SMASH* Pam: What do we do?! Dwight: Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making. Jim: Okay, I am not dying here. Come on. *Dwight lights firecrackers* *Mass Coughing* *Firecrackers pop loudly* Angela: What is that? What is that? Andy: THE FIRE’S SHOOTING AT US!! *Everyone Screaming* Phyllis: What in the name of God is going on?! *Dwight pulls Fire Alarm* Jim: Let’s try this Andy: Yes! Yes, ba– Yes, battering ram! Battering ram! *Oscar’s leg crashes through the ceiling* Phyllis and Creed: Ahhhh!!! Andy: Go, go, go, go, go!! AHHH! *Jim and Andy ram the door with the copying machine* *Angela shrieks* *Everyone yelling* *Micheal throws projector out window* Micheal: HELP!! HELP!! Stanley: Oh God! I’m about to die! *Jim and Andy ram the door with the copying machine* *Everyone shrieking* *Dwight blows airhorn* Dwight: ATTENTION!! Dwight: Employees of Dunder-Mifflin! Dwight: This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. Dwight: There is no fire. It was only a simulation. Jim: WHAT?! Dwight: Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. *Oscar drops down from ceiling* Dwight: So what have we learned? *Stanley collapses* Dwight: Oh come on! It’s not real Dwight: Stanley don’t have a heart attack! *everyone rushes to Stanley* Michael: No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Michael: STANLEY YOU WILL NOT DIE! Michael: Stanley! Stanley! Michael: Barack is President! Michael: YOU ARE BLACK STANLEY! Michael: I’m gonna give him mouth-to-mouth Jim: No, no, no! Don’t give him mouth to mouth for this! Michael: He’s going to swallow his tongue. Jim: No. Michael. Michael. Michael: Don’t swallow it! Kelly: Michael get off him! Stop! Michael: I’m fine! Leave me al– *Michael bring dragged away by Toby, Kevin, and Jim* *Outro*

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Comments

  1. When Kevin fucking smashes the vending machine for snacks it literally KILLS ME 😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  2. Oh my Gawdddd!! Okay it's happening. Everybody stay calm. Stay ducking calm 😂😂😂😂. Michael Scott is A legend

  3. 1:32 – when you've been playing video games and on social media for 90 days straight and the exam you haven't studied for is about to begin

  4. Girls in the locker room:Omg I am so sweaty. Does anybody have any tampons?

    Boys in the locker room: 2:01

  5. do the actors even have a script for this show? Cause watching it it just seems like they are making everything up in the moment – like they are adlibbing their dialog & actions & reacting off others. I wouldn't be surprised if the directors told them basically what they were supposed to do & then just let them free to run amok saying & doing whatever they thought would be funny.

  6. Oh my god fire 🔥 okay 👌 what’s the problem everyone the phones 📱 are day good bye 👋 oh my god okay 👌 there is a fire 🔥 in here where’s the problem where’s the problem everybody stay Jesus Christ clam where’s the problem stay Jesus Christ clam okay 👌 micheal touch the handle if it’s warm in here what does warm mean not optional okay 👌 use the orther one ☝️ okay 👌 Jesus Christ people everyone lives how ever can ow my hand 🖐 it’s hot 🥵 ahhh this one is hot 🥵 too okay we’re trapped everyone for himself okay 👌 I forgot my bag 💼 it’s okay 👌 shhhh Oscar Oscar stay alive I’m getting need help pull me up you’re too heavy I only have 29 pounds save bandi oh 911 anyone 911 what’s going on the fire 🔥 fighting at us ahhhhhhhhhhhh what in the world 🌎 is going on in here pulls the smoke 💨 alarm 🚨

  7. STAY FUCKING CALM FUCKING CALM DOWN! Hell no if you're not going to give me a clear path to the exit be ready to get your ass run over and your body flattened like a tortilla!

  8. KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK MELHOR SERIE!

  9. I would’ve just, take the fire extinguisher that’s been sitting on the wall and kick the door open and put out the fire.

  10. Michael: I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth!
    Jim: No don't give him mouth to mouth
    Michael: pulls out a pistol and puts it in Stanley's mouth
    LIFE SAVING: 100

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