first day on paxil / / anxiety chat


*repetitive electronica tune that I definitely don’t have the rights to oops* Okay. So I’m gonna go for a drive, and talk a little bit. I don’t know if this is gonna stay up. *questionable car noise* Can I get in trouble for doing this? So yesterday I went to the doctor, just for a physical. I’m seeing a new doctor cuz my last doctor who I was seeing kind of intimidated me, and I didn’t really want to go back to her. And I really like the doctor that I saw yesterday. She was really nice. The concerns I wanted to bring up to her yesterday were, first of all, my problem with having to be near a bathroom at all times, and then also my anxiety. I didn’t really know where to start with that. Because I don’t know which causes which, almost? Do I need a bathroom because I’m anxious all time? Or am I anxious because I constantly need a bathroom? But it’s a cycle, so I just figured if I brought it up to her, that would be somewhere to start, and she could help me find answers I guess. So I was really glad when she didn’t just say “It’s all in your head.” She said that she would refer me to a urologist; she said she want to rule out any physical problems it could be I think she said “interstitial cystitis”? Or something. Which I don’t think is my issue. And then she said it might also be a thyroid problem, and she want to rule and out as well. Which would make sense, because there’s been thyroid problems in my family. I was glad that she, before just bringing up like “Get your crap together with your anxiety,” she wanted to rule out any actual physical problems it could be. And then she referred me to some counselors and psychologists or whatever and she said they could help me with breathing techniques, I guess like a type of anxiety therapy? I… I’ve… I don’t know. She also asked if I want to try medication. Obviously she didn’t diagnose me with anything, but she said if I wanted to, we could try medication and see how I feel, and she would want to check up with me in a month. So I was like okay, sure, I’ve never been on a prescription medication before, ever, like, for anything. I’ve taken Xanax before. Like not a lot, just last month I was going on vacation, and I have like… like traveling is one of my biggest, or one of the biggest, things that causes anxiety, so first of all I couldn’t get on a plane. I was going to Florida and I couldn’t get on a plane. *laughs sheepishly* It wasn’t even that I couldn’t get on a plane it was more like… if I bought the ticket, you know, a month in advance, and I knew I was getting on the plane, it would be anxiety for a month thinking about the plane. But if I was gonna think I was taking a plane I wouldn’t go at all, so instead I decided to get a train ticket *laughs sheepishly again* for a 30 hour train ride to Florida. That’s one of like the most ridiculous things I’ve done because of my anxiety, and I wasn’t even sure I could get on the train! I was just like constantly worked up about getting on the train, so my mom she took Xanax a couple times to get on a plane to go on other vacations, so she had it and she was like, “Listen, if it will make you feel better, I can give you some of the Xanax that I have, and you can just use it if you really think you need it.” And I was like, “Okay, I’ll just take it.” I hoped not to need it, but just in case, maybe just knowing I had it I wouldn’t freak out. So she gave me six pills of a really low dose of Xanax. Anyway so I had one pill for every day that I was going to be on vacation, so… six days altogether, and I hoped I wouldn’t need a single one, I hoped that just knowing it was there… I would not have to take one. But leaving from Penn Station in New York the train was a little bit late. If I’d gotten there and I could just immediately board the train and we’d pull away, I would have felt great… I think. I don’t know, because it didn’t happen that way, I don’t know. But because we were just waiting around for half an hour, I really was freaking out. When it gets bad is when I start having to use the bathroom every 15 minutes and so I was in and out of the bathroom, and I was worried that, like, boarding call would be while I was in the bathroom Just a cycle. And so I took a Xanax. *laughs* And I don’t – I don’t know… I don’t think it really helped. Like I know it takes about only like a short time to kick in. I took one just so I wouldn’t be freaking out while I was waiting. When I got on the train like I just didn’t… I didn’t stop to think about it, I just got right on the train and sat down. I think maybe the Xanax might have kicked in, we pulled off and I was… I was really having a severe reaction to pulling away and going so fast. Like it just… *groans* Either the Xanax kicked in or I just got used to it. Cuz eventually I was fine. Anyway I ended up, throughout the vacation, I took one Xanax a day, which I didn’t think I would need to have to do. Vacation is definitely on my top 10 list. Like with… Travel is one of my biggest anxiety “triggers” I guess. And vacations is one of them. *pathetic laugh* Which is so bad!! Not that I hated it, but just I… Pfft. I just felt, you know. Uncomfortable. So I took one Xanax a day. And that’s the only time I’ve ever taken anything, any kind of medication, and it wasn’t even mine. Shh. I didn’t tell the doctor that. I wasn’t sure what she would – the doctor would prescribe me yesterday. I thought maybe she would suggest Xanax, so. She prescribed 10 milligrams of Paxil every day for a month. I don’t where I’m going, I’m just driving around randomly, really. and I was like “Okay,” and she was like, “There might be side effects, you might be nauseous, but usually those side effects go away within a week,” and she said I might start experiencing results after the week. So I was like “Okay that’s fine,” then I picked up my prescription like a couple hours later. And then I was like, “You know what? I’m gonna read some reviews on Paxil.” And I shouldn’t have!! I shouldn’t have done that!!! So many people have experienced, like, headaches, drowsiness, insomnia, something called “brain zaps,” which is freaking me out! Like… Oh my gosh, I’m gonna be experiencing like these crazy things… And then the withdrawal is apparently like incredibly difficult. Like I don’t know how I… I don’t know. I was immediately anxious about taking medication. So yesterday I was just like, “Am I gonna take it? Should I take it? Should not take it?” I woke up this morning, when I supposed to take my first dose, and I was like, “Ugh no I can’t,” so I just, like, stayed in bed til 11am. I didn’t have to work today. I was just trying to decide in my head whether I was going to take it or not. And eventually I was like “Yeah I’ll just take it.” I’m also trying to like, like I’m a little bit obsessed with like, “Okay, I’ve got to eat healthier, I gotta exercise, I need to get like, the proper amount of sleep, or like be in bed the right time, because I also heard weight gain is a problem. Which like, that… I’m not super concerned about weight gain. So yeah I took my first dose at 11:45am, which was like four hours ago. It’s only been four hours so I don’t know if, like, I’m not probably not going to experience any symptoms, I mean I do feel extremely anxious, like, right now, which is why I’m just kind of going on an aimless drive. Do I look like an egg with this hat on? Yeah. *laughs* I do. It’s okay. I’m having a bad hair day. I guess that’s all my feelings about medication for right now. I’m just hoping this is the start of getting some answers and results and I guess going to the doctor and telling her about anxiety is just something that just made it too… legitimate? I’m… admitting to something? But just when I was taking Xanax for that week, I wasn’t taking a lot, and like I’ve, you know, I don’t drink a lot, but I’ve had alcohol, things that take away the intense anxiety just make me realize how much of an issue it is. Like, the me without anxiety… I’m just like, I just want to be that person all the time but I *can’t* be. Which is kind of ridiculous. Where should I go? *window rolling down* It’s like 60 degrees, it’s beautiful. Should I go to the gym? Maybe I’ll just go for a walk, at the gym. Oh there’s the ponytai! That’s better. Bye! *more chill, happy electronica music that I will probably get a copyright strike for*

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Comments

  1. Great video! I have bipolar disorder and panic disorder
    myself and am on medication for panic attacks. I talk about mental
    health on my channel.

  2. Yes, those withdrawals are real. I've taken this medication on and off for the last 17 years, but now I'm not taking it at the moment. If I go back on it, it will be at only no more than 5mg per day in case I have to discontinue immediately due to an emergency so the withdrawal isn't so severe. It really works well on a low dose.

  3. When I started having panic attacks and anxiety I got prescribed xanax and paxil, the xanax helped alot for fast relieve symptoms and the paxil had me feeling like a zombie so I quit the paxil and now I just take xanax whenever I need it, I don't take it everyday because of the withdrawal's……i also started drinking chamomile tea…be safe

  4. Anxiety is good old fashion FEAR. Knowing the side effects to a lot of those meds is enough to give most people anxiety/fear. Look into Meditation techniques to help you with anxiety.

    Imagine how amazing human beings would be without fear.

  5. I've had anxiety for so long, literally more than a decade, like 12+ years and now it pisses me off that I didn't do anything about it for so long when there are so many tools to help improve anxiety or even completely fix it if you're lucky…..and even when I turned 18, 19, 20 and so on I kept putting it off and kept thinking I could make things better myself, take care of it myself, yet changes never really happened and the anxiety seemed to stick around and get more ingrained into my psyche and personality over time. Ugh, just such a sad experience overall.

  6. First pill I took of Xanax my anxiety was little to not existent I cried the first day on how normal I felt it’s been so long that I haven’t had relief it made me feel so damn good during my day don’t be afraid of Xanax these pop teens have ruined the medication for people like me who need it and I hate it that I have to go to Mexico just to get it and it sucks but I’m tapering off slowly it’s a short term fix and it has fixed my anxiety loop thanks Xanax

  7. Ive been on paxil for 4 days and im feeling horrible i avoid doing anything specially having a conversation with someone idk very well..before 4 days i was doing a little bit good but now im a whole different person please help im thinking about stopping it
    Would these symptoms disappear?

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