Hey guys, my name is Chase
So today I’m going to be talking to you about fluctuating bottom dysphoria A couple of years ago I made a video about fluctuating dysphoria And I talked about how sometimes it’s okay that you- Feel extreme dysphoria about some aspect, um, Like your voice or not having surgery And then other times you’re completely fine with your chest And you’re okay with people touching it and you’re to not wear a binder And that’s kind of what I talked about [Deep inhale] …Now… I have realized something I have mi- this will be my third video about my- my- desire to possibly in the future maybe want bottom surgery And I’ve realized that the last two videos that I’ve made about this Um, have been almost around the same time of year I think I might be wrong on that and like, I’m sorry cause sometimes I record my videos and post it like months later on Whoops Um, but, I remember making a video not too long ago, so maybe… A year- I don’t know; it was called “FEEN 4 THE PEEN” And I talk about how I, really in that moment, really really want bottom surgery And I really want phalloplasty And, um, basically if you don’t know what phalloplasty is it’s a certain type of, um, bottom surgery that trans men can get They usually take a donor graft from either your arm, your thigh… You can get it from the back of- the back of your butt… like, your thigh / butt area You can get it from your side There- you can also do, um, the groin one where they take the skin kind of like near your stomach and the groin area to create a phallus Anyways, so what I was talking about was more the arm one Where- this is the most popular one because there is an extra nerve in your arm that they take out and they connect I will make a video later on about the specifics of phalloplasty and how it works But, basically I… [Deep inhale] I want this type of surgery and that’s what I talked about in that video and it’s so weird because my… dysphoria… with my bottom… area… fluctuates… so much So, currently in my life, I do a lot of review videos If you’ve noticed on my channel, um, for the last like, 5 months I have had a lot of unboxing videos, a lot of review videos, a lot of comparison videos about all of these toys that I have Most of these toys are STPs and packers, but I have a lot that are related to sex Now the thing with sex, and this is like, TMI- if you don’t want to know this just like warning you Content Warning- Talking about sex I… I use the products to have sex with people but the person also has sex with me And that’s how I need it to be- and I need it to be 100% equal, like 50/50 Like 50% of the time I do you; 50% of the time you do me So I know what these products feel like when I give it to someone and how it feels like on me when I’m penetrating someone but I also know what it feels like when someone is penetrating me and I love that and I never want that to go away because that is a sensation that I really have learned to love and accept because even though I’m a trans man, and I’m not supposed to have these parts and love them I do have these parts and I love to use them but there is a difference between “I love to use them” with “I love them” and that’s the issue that I’m trying to- I’m trying to just- get these two pieces of my brain kind of situated together and live together um, and- in harmony because I don’t want to stop reviewing toys this is my job- I love doing it and I love providing information for the community so that they don’t have to buy expensive $300 STPs and then I review it and it’s not really good then they don’t have to spend $300 on something they thought might work so that’s why I do it and I’m very fortunate that these companies send me products, uh, for me to review And I’m really really really grateful that Early2Bed sponsors me and sponsors the videos that I make for them which is fantastic So, this part of my life is no problem for me When I’m having sex with someone, if I have a deep emotional connection with them and I’m comfortable using toys with them Um, being the top, ’cause usually if I’m having sex with someone and I don’t feel emotionally connected I’m the one being fucked Like, I just like, lie there and I’m just like, whatever I don’t wanna have to do any effort and like use things that I’m not comfortable with you because I don’t know who you are So once I find someone that I have an emotional connection with 100%, use all of these toys on me. Let’s do it right now, I’ll use it on you at the same time you use it on me Like, not really possible- I mean technically the Realdoe you can like, in and out I guess But- that’s not for here So I love this part, but I also struggle with really, really, REALLY, wanting phalloplasty And the thing is that I want a penis, but I don’t want to have surgery And, yeah, obviously that’s what everyone’s gonna say, but… [Inhale] It’s very hard for me to accept that I will never have a cis penis It will never happen- ever, no matter how hard I wish it in my head, it’s never gonna happen and I’ve had to mourn this idea I’m still working on that, literally like seven years into this [Deep Inhale] It’s very hard for me to accept that Um, but I’m working on accepting it And I’ve come to a place where I know I’m never gonna have a cis penis so I know that I can have phalloplasty and that’s like the second best thing for me If I’m thinking that the ultimate is a cis penis But what I’ve done with this mourning phase of my bottom dysphoria and mourning the fact that I will never have a cis penis is I’ve completely removed that as an option for me and realized that the only option that is good is phalloplasty because there’s no point in thinking about something I’ll never be able to get Like I’ll never get that- ever. You can’t chop off a cis guy’s dick and put it on you- it ain’t gonna work So, I’ve accepted that phalloplasty IS the number one thing now And I- I like it, and it’s great, and I know that there’s a lot of misconceptions ab- mis-con-cep-tions about bottom surgery and I’m not here to give you all of them but a lot of people think that it doesn’t function, you can’t have sex, you don’t have any sensation, you can’t pee, you can’t get hard, all of these things They’re all misconceptions. You can get hard if you have a semi-rigid rod where you have a pump or a different type of erectile device You can have balls implanted, you can have sensation, especially if you do the forearm phalloplasty where they take the extra nerve in your arm… “extra nerve,” I mean they do like microsurgery so they like attach the nerve, it’s just like this neve [motions to arm] is… I think is- has more sensation than the nerve that they would take from if you did the- the phalloplasty graft from your thigh Um… I mean there’s all of these different myths- I’m not here to just talk about that But I’m telling you that- The… Even if you think it’s bad, there are so many amazing surgical advances in phalloplasts that have happened in the last five years- In the last ten years that it is, uh Even the last two years! [Deep Inhale] That is definitely something to look into if you didn’t know anything about it; just get informed But I’m here to tell you that to me that is the number one option And I am at a place where I really want… I really, really want phalloplasty Um, there are very high complication rates for certain aspects And then there are high complica- low complication rates for other things [Inhale] So I’m- I am- I’m at a point where I’m very confused on what to do with my body I don’t feel pressure- 0% by society by the community, by anyone, by myself I guess to get a penis because Penis=Man I’m gonna say that outright Penis does not equal man To me? 0 perce- what the fuck is gender Literally I don’t even identify 100% as male Like you could literally categorize me as nonbinary- TECHNICALLY Um… But don’t because I don’t identify as that I just identify as trans, it’s whatever But I’m- I’m- [laughs] I am at a place where I feel That the bulge that I have had in my pants for the last… Whatever- six years of wearing a packer Is… And it’s been on-and-off by the way, the packer- on-and-off, and now it’s been on for like two years nonstop Um… That I, I, I need it to be permanent part of me and I don’t know how to explain that and I don’t know how to explain it to myself because I do a lot of self-reflecting I’m in sociology- I’m doing my master’s in sociology, like… I have taken so many classes on gender and the social construction of society and sexuality, and gender, and sex and… I’ve really had to think to myself, “Do I feel like I need a penis to be a man?” And absolutely not. I say that and I want to vomit a little bit Like I get kind of queazy like, no That’s not it for me For some people, you need a penis to be a man. That’s you, that’s your transition, that’s your life. You do you. But for me that’s not- that’s not it at all For me it’s like… I… I feel like this body part was supposed to be part of me anyways And it has been very hard to accept that it is not a part of me But now that I know that it’s an option that it can be a part of me I’m like a girl at a candy shop that has seen her favorite fucking little candy and is like “Ooooh!” I don’t know why I just said that, that sounded really weird A girl at a candy- why’d I say a girl? Why’d I say a candy shop? De-transitioning that’s why [laughs dramatically] kidding If I can’t get phalloplasty I might as well just de-transition [laughs] I will say something though, just so that this video isn’t super depressing I have found something that is amazing, okay [clears throat] I record a lot of my videos ahead of time so I don’t know when this video is going to be out compared to this next thing that I’m going to be talking about But, Reelmagik, which is a prothetic company for trans men Have- have these packers, and they have sent me two to review I’m currently wearing one [sighs] When this review is out, I will put it in the description If you still don’t see it in the description in a couple of months when you watch this video, please, please just comment “Hey, where’s that video?” Because I’ll link it to you, because I keep forgetting to like, link my videos in the description, sorry When I wear this packer, it feels like I have phalloplasty And to me that’s like, I have a- I have a penis! It’s mine! And that’s what it feels like Yes it’s not connected to me, but there is something that they have said in the past Um, at the Philly Trans Health Conference If you’re gonna plan on having phalloplasty before you have it, pack big Because you are not used to having something that is that big on you all the time Because the thing with phalloplasty is you can’t have it small and then when it’s erect it gets bigger like a cis penis It doesn’t work like that- you’re always gonna be a shower and not a grower So I pack with the Mr. Limpy small- or Xtra small on some websites That’s- it’s small, it’s- it’s very small and it has big balls but I’ve learned to love it and I push it to the side and it’s great But, my phalloplasty, whenever I do decide to have it IF I do, will never be that big, so… [Deep inhale] I have found a packer that resembles what phalloplasty will look like in your pants after you have surgery I have a friend who has had phalloplasty He sends me pictures of him in his boxers and I look at it and then I look at me with this packer on and I’m like oh my god That’s what I’m gonna- this is what I’m gonna look like?! It’s helping me so much to visualize it And by doing this it’s making me- “Can I do this, do I want to do this?” [Deep inhale] Can I do all of these activities that I like doing like, running, um… I was gonna say cooking, that’s random, but like biking, swimming, Can I do this- these, all these activities yoga, stretching… [Inhale] All these movement type activities I guess, um… Going to the locker room, anything Can I do all of these activities with having something that is so big in my pants that I’m not used to And I’m not meaning so big, I literally mean five inches, like, That’s not bi- like I don’t want like a ten inch dick I’m okay with five, I’m cool, that’s fine So that’s the point of this video is yes, my dysphoria is fluctuating Um, yes do I want bottom surgery Do I not want it What type do I want because it- when I, like, “Okay I want it” I’m like “But do I want urethral lengthening?” because urethral lengthening does really add to the complication rate And I would like to not have a complication with my urethra Am I okay to si- sta- sit to pee? Forever? Pretty much, I think I’m fine with that, honestly I don’t have dysphoria- that’s fluctuated too by the way I used to like, need to stand to pee, but now I’m like, I really don’t care And I’m just imagining all these life events and just walking around and- I’m really excited to review this specific packer and I am gonna talk about that more in the review so please, link in the description… on that… One comes out! I need to be more organized I’m sorry I love you Sorry, I’m just readjusting the peen I do need to say though I went for a run with this today and it was like, flying everywhere I need tighter underwear because or else it’s just gonna like- it like ended up with the balls on top And I was like, yeah, that’s what- how phalloplasty looks like Anyways let me know what you think, I know this is like… It seems that there are a lot of people who kind of disappear from the internet once they reach a certain part of their transition I’m not planning on going anywhere If I do end up having phalloplasty I will document every… single… second… of it… on camera For me, and for you. Because I love to share my life with you guys and you guys are like my friends [laughs] I’m lonely a lot so I have you guys Is that sad? yeah… nah… nah, it’s fine it’s fine [sigh] Anyways, let me know what you think, um, do you have fluctuating bottom dysphoria? What do you think about, I- I’m not gonna say what do you think about phalloplasty because I know a lot of people have misconceptions about that and I don’t want people talking shit ‘Cause, you’re allowed to not want phalloplasty But, it would be nice if you didn’t talk shit about people who have had phalloplasty because, please remember, Those are human beings, and those are their bodies [laughs] I feel like a lot of people forget that, but Anyways… and it’s not because like, one of my closest friends had phalloplasty that I want phalloplasty either, like Jesus Christ [sigh] It’s a lot of self-reflecting and it’s getting kind of annoying and I would like to talk to a therapist about this, actually and I’ve never wanted to talk to a therapist about this But I feel like I would either need to talk to a therapist who is like, trans And like, knows 100% about all of this I don’t even have to explain one thing Or I need to talk to a trans person who is like, willing to talk to me about phalloplasty Who’ve had the same kind of dilemma as me, but have chosen the route of phalloplasty And someone else who has chosen the route to not have phalloplasty Anyways, let me know what you think, I love you so much Please like, comment, and subscribe- I’m almost at 100k which is literally my dream forever, I can’t beleive that I’m close to this number So please share this video, um… And, let me know what you think I love you guys so much, have a great day, bye!

About the author


  1. The way you said "I love you so much" at the end of the video I have expected you to do the thing Stef does with her hands

  2. Most of the time my bottom dysphoria isn't a huge issue, I'm fine sitting down to go to the bathroom (for now at least). It's only been a problem lately because for some reason there have been a lot of videos on my facebook of women giving birth. I always end up being severely triggered to the point of feeling physically ill. I hate it.

  3. I saw you had reviewed the bono recently, as for packing with it is that an option? also do you feel like it is the most realistic one you have that is close to the real thing (connecting with it emotionally)?? I'm having really bad bottom dysphoria.

  4. My bottom dysphoria comes and goes a lot ! too dysphoria is there 24/7 because let's face it …everyone can see the alien blobs hanging from my chest 😣 but bottom dysphoria is kinda all over the place for me.
    I want phaloplasty but I'm scared it won't take or something will go horribly wrong 😣
    plus TMI… I like being penetrated at the front so yeh I'm very torn right now !

  5. It's nice not to be alone with this. I'm pre everything at the moment. I have bottom dysphoria pretty bad.
    I've been wondering about phalloplasty, and been trying to siphon the myths from the reality.
    Though I have been keeping my options open, and am looking at stem cells (dr Anthony Atalla at Wake institute of regeneration) which has had breakthroughs in stem cell phalluses and rabbits. I am currently on a clinical trial list, however they are still in the experimental stage, so it will be a few years yet.
    However the other option I have been looking at is organ donors, which have also had improvements in this. However the successful transplant was with a cis male. Concept is possible though.
    I'm not entirely sure what route to take at the moment though, so I'm going to keep my options open. Phalloplasty is the closest option though at the moment for me.

  6. Hi Chase. I thought you were considering metoidoplasty like a year ago and phalloplasty was never an option for you. Interesting change of mind the one you've had. I hope you'll find the answer to your dilemma. I could breathe your anxiety you know LOL just kidding. I'll always support you no matter what you choose, I know it'll be for the best. Love you Chase Bee 🙂

  7. I am a trans man and I actually have a ton questions when it comes to society and people that are adding additional "genders". When chase Ross says that it effects "nobody" I find that statement to be dead wrong. The reason being is that one person 'making up' a new gender messes with society's understanding, therefore making the life's of true trans people harder. To simplify it more, I'm saying that someone who creates a new gender for themselves wants society to support and understand that. Which is difficult when they follow through with it for how long?

    I have met several people that have surrounded themselves by others that are looking for "themselves" which removes most of the necessary structure. Then they label themselves as something other in this group so they aren't like anyone else. Which obviously they aren't like anyone else because personalities differ and that is true for anything.

    With that said, they follow through with this unnecessary new gender until they're 25 and realize it's not real, no sane person understands it, it's one sided, and it's just pitiful.

    So when society sees someone running this course, can they tell the difference between real and fake? Time will tell. With trans people around the world, I know it's true that the second they transition mentality, there is no going back. And the fact of the matter is that trans males have hormones that they take to feel the things a cic man feels. They have surgery to transform their body into a 'man'. Same with trans women.

    So trans is not in-between
    Trans is not confusing
    Trans is not fake

    But for the statement that there are more than two genders it cannot be true unless there is more argument than "people can do what they want and it won't affect you"

    It is effecting me and I'd like a solution.

  8. wait so.. a phallo penis can look THAT realistic? THAT big? i'm learning so much i want to fucking CRY

  9. YOU ARE MY FRIEND CHASE!!!!i was worried when he said you will have a big thing in your pants with Phallo… untill he said the size was like 5. and ive been wearing my FREETOM 5.5 EVERYDAY. it was awkward and bulky at first , until i learned how to pack with it

  10. OKAY BUT I'm worried that if I ever personally get bottom surgery and don't get a hysterectomy and then stop T, like what happens with the monthly blood flow, if a vagina hole goes away where does the blood come out?! Like do you need a hysto to have bottom surgery? So many questions omg

  11. Sooooo….can u have phalloplasy and still keep your mangina (sorry if that's inappropriate to call it that) ?

  12. Could you actually do a video about phalloplasty misconceptions? I knowYou did one a few years ago, but as you said, there are have been some advancements in technology since then and it seems like your opinion on it has changed some.

  13. wouldnt this be considered body "dysmorphia"? is there a difference between dysmorphia and dysphoria? or could it be called either one. just curious so that i know what the correct terminology is for this condition. (:

  14. Hi Chase and thanks so much for all you are doing… if you are still looking for topics to talk about, why not discussing transmen who do no to have physical disphoria and don't want to transition? but are still trans in their heads

  15. I'm glad you won't disappear after phalloplasty. I am not trans, but I am definitely an ally. I would hang with maybe date, because I love my fellow human. Plus, I'm an old crone now, and my mind is o-p-e-n. Sweet Blessings, Angie aka Wynter Ravyn.

  16. Hey Chase, I don't know if you watch FinnTheInfinncible's videos but he is a UK trans guy who has had phallo and goes into quite a lot of detail about his experiences, also on his tumblr. Might help? He is very open.

  17. hey. I also have frustration for not having balls. as far as i know ball implant doesn't go right. i am ok with natural growth. but no Ball.

  18. Fluctuating bottom dysphoria is my life 100% of the time, but I didn't realize other people had this and I thought I was weird?? This seriously is so validating for me, thank youuuuu 😭

  19. I feel like the bottom surgery for FTM is not just there yet in comparison with MTF. Also for CIS guys they have done a lot to rebuild and even replace their penis but they are not consdering these options at all for FTM. ;_;

  20. i think there's a UK surgeon that makes phalloplasty but lets you keep your front hole too.
    i can try to find his name back if anyone's interested.

  21. I have the same feels about phalloplasty. I want it, I need it, but it comes and goes on how much I need it. I know and my fiance knows that phalloplasty is in the future for me.

  22. My bottom dysphoria is p steady. Yet I still don't know if I want bottom surgery, mostly bc I'm scared of it. I think maybe as the years go on, and I finally reach the financial stability for it, I will be less scared, and more ready for it. My psychic def thinks I'm gonna go through with it, but that's always subject to change.

  23. i have a question. could it be dysphoria if i don't associate with the fact I have genitals. Like I do have them it's just there isn't like a connection sort of like. 'Oh yeah. This is a vagina. I've got one of those too!' but it doesn't really have an impact. I'm sorry I dont really know how to explain it in a way that makes sense in words. I'm just trying to figure things out.

  24. Your an awesome person Chase, I love watching your videos and I love Steph she's so gorgeous, Ty Turner is a cutie pie too!!!

  25. I have fluctuating top dysphoria, but that's basically it. I'm still underage and not on T, so phallo or meta isn't an option but I would maybe get phallo if in a few years, it's basically like a cis dick tbh.

  26. I'd love to have phallo, more so now that I know my insurance will cover it. But, the complication rates do scare the shit out of me. If there was a slim to none chance that I'd run into a problem, I'd jump at that shit so quick.

  27. I really love how detailed you are when it comes to what procedures you have done, or maybe want done, bc I have a LOT of anxiety re medical procedures, and im currently beginning to think about top surgery specifically. Having a resource who is so open and relatable is crazy helpful for me, thank you so much

  28. Chase I'm such a big fan. I find you sweet, funny, kind and courageous. I love your videos and would love one day to chat with you. Until I become a bit more confident, I'm just going to say that you've inspired me in a way that I so needed, and all I can do is say thank you sweetheart xxx

  29. Didnt realize i watched this already lol oops, anyhoo i was worried about phallo cause i seen some pics and the penis didnt look like one 🙁 looked like a sock ..rather discouraging

  30. Ofc you can feel grief what never can be or something you can't controll. I might need to get sterilized because of cysts and stuff. I'm griefing even tough i don't want biological kids. It's a big change with every surgery and bottom surgery are a huge thing!

    In sweden you have to ae a therapist before, during and after transition.

    Good luck! I find your Youtube today and I LOVE YOU! Keep sharing!

  31. But the surgery might be even better in 10 years time. You have all your life ahead of you. Wait till the medical techniques are even better.

  32. Wow, Chase! I cant stop watching your videos. Thank you so much for what you post. I think it is so important for all humans to learn and be informed on this topic. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you <3 <3

  33. Chase, I really want to encourage you (and everyone who might happen to read this comment) to undergo therapy.
    I did it myself (for different reasons). And YES it's hard. It's hard opening up to a stranger, it's hard feeling and reflecting on all of these things that might be bothering/hurting you. There will be days when you HATE every second of it, but there will also be days when you walk out of that session feeling relieved. And these days will come more frequently over time and you'll notice your quality of life increasing SO, SO MUCH!
    I know making that decision is hard, and undergoing therapy can be even harder at times. But it's really worth it!

  34. I know someone who sits to pee and he is a 50yo cis man…he was trained as a child to sit so he would'nt piss all over the wall and floor….lol

  35. I will seem really weird, but… maybe consider having a phalloplasty without having a vaginectomy? I know it probably would seem so weird, or could make you still feel dysphoria. I am not sure at all, but I just wanted to share this reddit link : https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/comments/459k4f/can_i_keep_my_man_cave_after_having_a_phalloplasty/ I think you're amazing and I just want to make sure you're considering every situation, even though you very probably are <3

  36. If you do choose to have surgery I know you said you would document the whole process, but if the doctor gave you the choice would you film like,,, the actual surgery? I mean, I can 100% understand not wanting to for several reasons,, its a very personal thing to share, and it'd probably be pretty weird to edit, but just to give my opinion,, I would personally really like to see it. watching surgery videos really helps me cope with the idea of it in a weird way?? like it freaks me out at first but I'd rather know than not know,, idk. there just arent many phalloplasty videos out there. Just thought I'd share my opinion!!
    Good luck and I wish you all the best no matter what choices you make! surgery/no surgery, video/no video <3

  37. Is it possible that if you really wanted to that you could keep the vaginal cannal and have a penis at the same time?? Maybe an option idk 🤷

  38. I recently came across your channel and you're amazing. I'm non-binary afab and have a ton of dysphoria around my body. Your videos are so real and genuine and are helping me so so much ❤️keep doing you and thanks for sharing your journey

  39. I transitioned 20 years ago when I was 49, when surgery options were a lot less than satisfactory. At this point in my life I don't really want to go through such a major surgery. Nevertheless, I might be tempted if I was primarily interested in sex with women, but that is not the case. I'm happy to just be seen by society at large, as male. I no longer need to wear a packer 24 hours and only stand in public bathrooms for appearance. So I guess this is as far as I will go.

  40. I’m so confused about bottom surgery cos for me my dysphoria isn’t super bad but when I get changed it’s like “oh shit I forgot about that”

  41. My t appointment is in less than two weeks and my bottom dysphoria has gotten OUTRAGEOUS. I don't like where the technology is for bottom surgeries right now and I'd want to wait until I can get what I want (an implant to the grown peen, which they do have very good quality implants for cis peens, but they're too big to work for a grown trans peen) which just makes it stressful. But I guess dysphoria is just a part of the deal for some of us and it's gotta be for a reason, some lesson to learn there about patience or self acceptance or something? Idk I just want to write in to Santa to get a dick under my tree this year pls.

  42. (sorry ik i'm late but i'm still going to comment) but i don't really have fluctuating dysphoria i really just stay in a constant state if being unhappy with my body i'm never really content with it i mean i have times when i think about my body more than other times but in all i always have the same perspective

  43. Thank YOU!!! Some days I'm okay with my chest and some days I NEED to totally ignore that it exists. Most days I hate being touched (I'm pre-op for top surgery but I'm on a waiting list) and I bet that's going to change after I get it sorted out. I long to be touched in a way that feels good for me in all ways and dysphoria messes with it. Thanks for posting this.

  44. I'm a trans woman, and I need to thank you for giving me the perfect way to describe my relationship with my penis. "I like using it, but that doesn't mean I like it."

  45. this is such a big mood honestly like i feel the same exact way about not having a dick and sort of wanting bottom surgery but also really not wanting to have it since i'm so used to what i have now ?? idk i'm barely a week post-op from my top surgery though so it'll be a long time before i think about the possibility of having any kind of surgery again lol

  46. I have fluctuating bottom dysphoria. I never think about my private parts. But when I did start thinking about it it made me super uncomfortable. And when I wear boxers it feels empty. Like something needs to be there. Idk. I will probably go the easiest rout. I don’t care for feeling and erections. I just want to see that I have a peen. But some days I don’t care. Because I have such a powerful hate for my chest and everything else. I forget about my bottom area.

  47. just out of curiosity what is wrong with leaving your body as it is. you were born how you are. isnt having surgery not accepting a side of yourself that is real too. all of us are born with aspects of our bodies that we like and dont like. and there are parts of our bodies that will undergo changes that we will and will not like. why not just accept the duality. isnt that healthier psychologically and physically then a bunch of surgeries.

  48. My voice is pretty boyish so I’m not very worried about that but I have extreme top dysphoria and my mom doesn’t know so I can’t get a binder but I also feel disphoric about wearing sports bars

  49. I'm androgynous and I feel like I should have been born with both sets of genitals… The reason I have not had srs, besides money, is because I don't want to lose my (vagina?) but I cannot stand that I don't have a peen…

  50. If you ever need to talk, you can have my phone number. We can use Telegram if it's more comfortable with you. I need more friends too. I worry about you… I hope you are okay..

  51. I’ve thought about phalloplasty and so far, where I’m at right now, I don’t want to have it done but who knows how I’ll feel in the future, right?

  52. yes and increasing 🙁 and there really isnt anything online to alleviate it. im 2 months in on hormones which has helped lower my sex drive so hopefully ill experience atrophy soon but every time i look down and see it or my underwear just isnt fitting right, it makes me really upset and feel like bottom surgery is something i won't ever be able to get and makes me just want to give up on everything. some days are better than others but more and more i find myself thinking or saying i wish "it" would just go away. right now I can't even bring myself to type the actual word. there doesnt even seem to be a way to truly feel like its not there and it sucks soo bad :'(

  53. I have a question that I don't know if you know the answer to or not: I am both intersex and FTM transgender. When I was a toddler (thus too young to object) I had a clitorectomy/castration. Do you know of any options for bottom surgery for guys with no clitoris?

  54. Seeing this(haven't even finished it yet) has made me feel a bit better about myself. Surgery and hormones aren't right for me (multiple reasons including the fact that I'm almost positive hormones would make me more dysphoric because I want a real working penis and the surgeries and hormones just aren't that for me. As well as the fact that I very much dislike body hair.) My dysphoria fluctuates a lot. This channel has helped me a lot and I've learned so much. It makes me so happy that this channel is here to provide information and let us know that there isn't anything wrong with us.

  55. I have a great contradiction to present:
    Not wanting bottom surgery, but also being a top.
    Wanting a Penis but having no genital dysphoria. While also not wanting bottom surgery. While also being a top. It’s odd.

  56. 3:00 – 3:30 I relate so much to this part bcs like I really want bottom surgery and I don't want to have those female parts but I can't deny the fact that it feels good during penetration

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