Well hello there! As I say this trying and struggling to be vigorous, lively and entertaining. So I started this project in 2015. I aspired to portray myself as this spirited, powerful, breezy being. Hiding all my insecurities and focusing on building an image Because that’s what’s expected of you on the internet. And then I stopped. And then I started again and… stopped again. That comes to an end today. Literally and figuratively, mentally and physically. I’ve suffered from depression, neurosis, panic attacks, anxiety and mental breakdowns for 20 years of my life. I’ve been experiencing constant fatigue and memory loss. And as of 2019 I am 25. But… Bloody hell. What is this made-up illness? This excuse for people to be lazy. This constant… EXAGGERATION? * THE SCHOOL OF LIFE * :
But there is one categorical difference between depression and sadness. The sad person knows what they are sad about. The depressed person doesn’t. * SCI SHOW PSYCH * :
We know that depression isn’t simply a bad mood that you can snap out of. Something is not functioning correctly in your brain. Depression was different from simple sadness BECAUSE it was associated with guilt. And today psychologists consider self blame a key symptom of depression. “You need cognitive resources to pay attention and remember things and when people with depression are using those resources to brood, they have trouble redirecting them towards the task at hand.” “They end up struggling with episodic memory, which is the recollection of specific events that happened to you and working memory, which is how you hold onto information that you’re currently using to process other information.” There’s a point in any grave crisis, where one can’t take the suffering any longer. The body gives up, the mind gives up and the heart is heading the same direction. And this is truly a make or break moment. So at this point a change of scenery is truly crucial. First I was given an opportuninty to take care of a lovely country house. I got to be with animals, which is therapy in itself. I got to enjoy nature, read, prepare nutritional vegan food and do yoga. I did still feel numb, but it soothed me a little before i spiralled back to where I was before… And then My QUEEN OF A MOTHER ♡ surprised me with a trip to Sicily. We hadn’t taken a holiday together in years, because of very limited finances, but she made it happen. And I did my best to enjoy it, yet countless panic attacks and mental episodes restrained me from truly relaxing. And then we met this couple. *actually them dancing :3*
The compassion, love, patience and understanding they had for each other… The amount of fun they allowed themselves to have without getting in their heads… …was groundbreaking for me. They witnessed my struggles and never judged me. The lady started having conversations with me about my state (as she’s a psychologist), compeletely shifted my perspective. I’m forever grateful. Also she asked me if I’ve ever heard of this writer, Brené Brown. I said “No.” But when I came home, suddenly: * Rachelleea: *
I’m reading a book at the moment by Brené Brown * MuchelleB: *
Brené Brown’s “I thought it was just me” * Pick Up Limes: *
“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brow And so I started reading and watching “The Gifts of Imperfection”, the Oprah interview, the Netflix film.
And I’d believed it for years but never acted on it with no shame. Until now. And this is healing. Vulnerability is healing. So I want to begin this process by sharing, and then gradually reintroducing things that I actually enjoy. And remind myself I find strengh in yoga, horse riding, dancing and being with animals and nature. And… making these silly videos on the internet! ☺︎ And I’m still tired and I still need to be mindful of being social and doing small things step by step. And that’s the freedom. I invite you to share your thoughts and struggles. Don’t feel like you need to constantly ACT… You can’t be brave without vulnerability Let go… Like I’m learning to… ☺︎ * P L E A S E R E A D M E * Personally, I needed medication to start lifting me physically (…) and my friends and family to start lifting me emotionally. * I was in therapy for a year and as of 2019 I’m on medication under a psychiatrist’s supervision. * * PLEASE SEEK HELP * But let’s heal by being VULNERABLE. Cause that takes COURAGE. And as my Mum has always told me: “IF YOU DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING, NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE.” Lots of love to you whoever you are, and take care! ☯ ♡

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  1. im glad more and more people are talking about their mental ilnesses. i hope it makes more space for people to realise they can be vulnerable and that it's not necessarily their fault. sending love, my princess.

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