How To Express Your Emotion – Teal Swan


How To Express Emotion
[Music] Hello everyone! Today’s episode is about
how to express emotion. Emotions are energy and energy
has to go somewhere. So when you suppress that
energy, your emotions, instead of express that energy, it sits in your body and
rots it from within. When you suppress emotion,
your body starts to deteriorate. But that’s not the only thing
that starts to deteriorate. The world around you
start to deteriorate, because even though you
suppress those `emotions, those emotions (vibrations), still exist, and so they’re still a point
of attraction within this Universe. And as we know, the Universe must match
the vibrations which we are off-putting, and we are offering. The only emotions that you can heal are the ones that you let yourself feel and let yourself express. In order to feel our emotions, we have to be willing
to risk vulnerability. Vulnerability can be very difficult
especially for those of us that equate vulnerability with getting hurt. So it seems very risky for us to allow
ourselves to come in to touch with our own emotions. But you can’t heal any of the emotions
which you feel, and your life will go very very bad for you, if you can’t risk that vulnerability, and at least allow yourself to touch on those emotions
and express them. If I were to lock two
people in a closet, what you’d see is a natural
progression of expression. Those two people would usually
start in a place of anger. They’d be yelling at each other, they’d be blaming each other. They’d talk about resentments. But soon one person would come down to the level
of hurt and disappointment. They would talk about how
much it hurt them, what the other person did, how disappointed they were. They would talk about
the level of sadness. And very soon after that, one person would begin
to express their fears, their insecurities, the real thing which is
underneath our anger. And once somebody expressed that, either them or the next person would naturally progress to the
next level of expression of emotions. Which is, of course,
understanding and regret. So that person would then
say: “I totally understand. I’m so sorry that you feel that way. I know that I can be difficult
sometimes because…” And very soon after that, they would reach the furthest
progression of expression which is love, solutions,
intentions, and wishes. So that person will then say: “I really do care about you. I’m really sorry. And this is the suggestion I might
have for how to make it better.” That’s the natural progression that the expression of emotions takes, regardless of who it is
that’s in the room. Now, we just explained this scenario in the context of two people
being locked in a room. But the truth is, the
same thing happens when we lock ourselves in the room
and look at our own emotions. We use this model of natural
expression of emotions, and we mimic that model when we’re trying to
deliberately express emotions that we’re currently out of touch with. We use this model of
natural expression, to tell the complete truth
about our internal states, and how we’re really feeling. Let me explain; I want you to think of these different
layers of emotional expression, like a building. And this building has five levels
and based on our upbringing, based on who we are as
people personality-wise, we are taught that it’s appropriate to go
to some of these layers of the building, floors you could think
of them, and not others. So for some people it’s appropriate
to go to sadness and disappointment, it’s appropriate to cry, but
it’s not okay to get angry. So that person has been
taught that it’s not okay to go to level one of this building. Another person might have
been raised to believe that it is inappropriate to express fear. they can’t express insecurity,
but it’s okay to go to the level of anger. So they may not be allowed
to go to level three, but they can go to level one. Our healing depends on our willingness to go to every single
level of that building and express the complete truth
about how it is that we feel. And we express this truth
by going in order. So here’s the order for you now. The first level is anger, resentment, fury, blame, and repelling the
other person or ourselves. The second is disappointment,
sadness and hurt. The third is insecurity, fear, bad
memories and deep wounds. The fourth is understanding, empathy,
responsibility and regret. The fifth is love, solutions, wishes
and connecting with the other person or with ourselves. So what you want to do is
to put yourself in a room where you don’t have to
be disturbed by anybody. And I want you to either type this
out on the computer, write it out, or just speak it verbally to yourself. I want you to express your emotions
relative to every single layer emotionally in succession. Beginning with anger and
progressing down the list. Here’s an example of
how that would go; If I was the woman in the previous
scenario that was out with my mate and he cat called another woman, I would go home later and I
would sit down in my room, and I would begin by
expressing the anger I felt relative to that situation, all of it. So what I’m about to demonstrate
to you as an abridged version. You want to express every emotion relative to the one layer of
that building that you’re on, before you move to the next. So, the abridged version.
For example. Level 1: anger and resentment. “I’m so incredibly angry at you when you act, as if other women
are more beautiful than I am. I regret the day I married you. I hate the fact that I gave the
best years of my life to you, and I blame you for the fact, that I am living such a miserable
life in this relationship.” This is not the time to be
delicate with your emotions, this is the time to express the
nitty-gritty darkest aspects of what you’re actually feeling. Once you’ve expressed all the
anger you move on to level two, which is of course, the level
of disappointment and hurt. So it looks like this; “I am so sad that I thought in the
beginning of this relationship that everything was going
to go well for us, and it turned out like every
relationship I’ve had before. I’m so incredibly disappointed that nothing that I ever
want works out for me. I’m disappointed that I can’t
find a man who appreciates me. It makes me so sad that I dedicated the best years of my life to you. It makes me so incredibly sad that no matter what I do I can’t feel,
as if there’s love in this relationship.” After you express all
of the emotions that you have in your
being relative to hurt, and disappointment and sadness, you progress down to the layer of
insecurities, fears, deep wounds. So it would look like this; “I’m so afraid that I’ll never
get my body back after I had our children. I’m scared that I’m not the
person that you married. I’m afraid that one day I’m
gonna wake up and realize that you’ve left me
for another woman because I’m not beautiful
enough for you. And that reminds me of when I was a little girl and
my father always used to find fault with my appearance; I was never good enough for him.” You see our fears always have
to do with bad memories. That’s why we seem to overreact
relative to every situation. Even little things. They’re not really little things because
they’re linked to very big things, very big things embedded
deep inside of our memory. After you have expressed
all of your emotion relative to the layer of
fear and securities and bad memories and deep wounds, don’t be surprised if you have
a serious emotional release relative to this particular level. This is the layer of vulnerability, which we are really looking for. This is where real healing takes place. Once you’re done with that, you want to progress down to level 4, which is understanding, empathy, regret. So this is what that would look like; “I understand how difficult it must be to be with somebody who is so different
than the woman that you married. I regret the fact that I
have such low self-worth, that I can’t just watch you
say that to somebody else and not take it personally
every single time. I know how hard it must be for you
to feel like you’re walking on glass or egg shells. Once you’ve expressed
all of your emotions relative to that particular
level of the building, you sink down to the
next level, level five: our love, solutions, intentions,
wishes and sense of connection. So this is how this would look; “I really do love you. I care what you think about me. I wish that we could have
the kind of relationship where you could say anything
you wanted to somebody else and that didn’t have anything
to do with our relationship. And I think it might be a good idea if you will watch the
kids once a week, so that I can go to the gym. And I can start gaining
some self-confidence and I can be the person
who I was, who I really am. Once you have done
this full process, you have expressed the complete
truth about how you feel and the truth exists on all
layers of this building. Then real healing can take place, because you can see what
the actual issue is. So you might choose then
to look over your list of all the levels for
specific bullet points, and then write a letter to
the person that you love. Of course, you don’t
have to do that, you can just keep it to
yourself, if you like to, because the most important
part is that you’ve expressed it, but you might want to take this
a bit further and heal even more by expressing it to the person, who
was involved in that circumstance, which is now causing
you emotional pain. So you might want to look
over that list for “highlights”, things that you feel are incredibly
important to express to them. And then do so. When you’re involved in a
couple type relationship, any kind of relationship, really, as long as both couples are
amenable to doing this process, you can apply this by sitting
down across a table and agreeing that when
you have a conflict come up, you’re not gonna get in
an immediate argument. What you’re gonna do is you’re gonna
sit down on opposite sides of the table and one of you is going to start, the other one doesn’t get to talk. And the person who’s talking first, gets to go from the top, all the
way through all the levels, and express themselves completely, without the other one talking. And then, the other person
gets to do the same thing. They have to start all the way back
up at anger, and go all the way down, through all the levels expressing
their truth to the other person. Now, you might notice, if you are the second
person going in the line, that after the first person is expressed
the complete truth about how they feel, the last thing you want to
do is go back to anger. But it’s necessary for you to
express your story in this way. And by doing this you’ll be able
to find some real solutions. And you won’t be walking around with all of this suppressed
energy inside you. For those of you that have
a very difficult time accessing your emotions, I’m going to give you
some probing questions which will help you to
access the emotions relative to each one of these levels. The first being anger. I hate it when.. I am so angry that.. I’m fed up with.. I am filled with rage when.. Then the next: I feel so disappointed that.. I feel so sad when.. The thing that hurts me so badly is.. This is why it hurts me so badly… And now the next level: I’m afraid that.. What I’m truly afraid of is.. It scares me when.. It reminds me of.. Now the next level: I’m sorry that.. Please forgive me for.. It is completely understandable that.. I regret that.. I understand that.. And now the last level: I want to.. I forgive you for.. I hope that.. Thank you for.. I appreciate you because.. I love you because.. It is reasonable to expect that
at the end of this process you will feel incredibly vulnerable. You will access that raw space which most of us are
very uncomfortable of. Most of us try to numb it out with pills. Or numb it out with addictions. Or numb it out in other ways. But I promise you that if you allow
yourself to be with that rawness, you will have access to healing, your life will start to improve,
because that emotion, you can’t just ignore and suppress it. It will come out, if not verbally, it will come out through
your subconscious actions, it will come out through
your body, via illness, if you don’t express that emotion. And your relationships will not succeed, if you suppress emotions. Because essentially, energetically, every time you are in a
relationship with someone, That relationship can be compared to two cylinders, two glasses of water. And the glasses of water have
a hose in between them. And when one of these glasses of
water suppresses their emotion, it pushes the emotion through the
hose up the other glass of water. This is why you often
find in relationships that there is one “crazy partner” and one really stable partner, who is always going “what the
hell is wrong with you”. It’s because the really stable one is suppressing their emotion and that emotion is now
going through the hose and is expressing itself
through the conduit partner. The one who naturally expresses. The problem is, if two people in a relationship
begin to suppress that emotion, the hose in between the
two glasses of water breaks and relationships will
no longer continue. Or the suppressor will
suppress that emotion and the other partner will get so
incredibly tired of feeling crazy, ’cause they’re not only dealing
with their own emotions, they’re dealing with the
other person’s emotions, that they feel, as if they have
to end the relationship. So expressing your emotions is not
only the key to physical health, it’s not only the key having
your relationships work, it’s also the key to you
feeling a sense of peace. Getting raw and getting vulnerable
is incredibly beneficial. And it’s necessary, if we are ever to find any kind
of balance here in our lives. So try this process. I hope it benefits you. Have a good week! Subtitles by: Steli & Tanya Duarte Subtitles by the Amara.org community

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Comments

  1. This is so scary informative. I think I lost the one girl I have fallen for but so surely and so quickly, it's frightening. And I'm pretty sure I lost her because I cannot express my emotions in person. And it's definitely out of fear and bad memories because I grew up learning a certain way, even though I don't want to stay that way. But I've never felt so motivated to become how I want to be and express all the emotions I want to freely, especially love. And seeing this makes me want to understand how being vulnerable and brave feels and feel comfortable with it. It'd make me a happier person regardless. Holding those hoses is such a bad idea the way you express it. Great channel!

  2. Teal thanks! I'm going to use your healing technique to process my feelings about my ex wife divorcing me a few years ago. It hurt me. Alot. I want to self heal. And eventually even write her a letter expressing my feelings honestly and genuinely inviting her to Express her own feelings and suggest to her that perhaps this is a good time to agree to the friendly divorce we both wanted originally but never happened because of family interference

  3. This was mind-blowing. The process you describe may be the most significant, helpful thing I've ever heard in my life. Thank you so much for what you do, Teal.

  4. And now I feel how important all these emotions are.
    Its very difficult for me to expressss what I really feeel. I am very poor at showing through words. I act weirdly or fake a smile but never show what I feel inside. I am stupid for suppressing emotions all of my life and now suffering from psycosomatic diseases.

  5. Why must the lady in the example be apologetic and find fault I herself for being annoyed at her husband for cat calling someone else? So she must accept this level of disrespect (towards herself and another women) I don't agree with this. Her anger and hurt are relevant and his behaviour is not ok. That hardly means there is something wrong with her!! I don't understand why she must turn it on herself and say she understands how difficult it must e to be married to someone who is insecure or whatever the words are when actually she feels worthy enough to tell him it's not ok. It's called self respect.

  6. As soon as l went outside l can hear the atmosphere of what l been writing, texting about how l feel about your and what l think and thought about what that selfish person person that came from Washington to California and screwed up my life and brought unwanted persons in my life. People who continue to harassment of me asexually especially when these disgusting people evade my privacy especially when trying to make me feel like I'm sexually harassing other people , my mom my brothers anyone aswel as you that you know of.

    These disgusting people that think there in control abserving anything l do. I do not have the power to sew these people that brought so mush strife into my life because of this evil person that came to California and manipulated so many people around me 24 7 for ten years, all because her selfishness egnored what l thought because if her own selfish desires my love, she is filled with deceitful intentions , all because she could not get what she wants still out there driving around ruining my life.

    She convinced anyone around me to believe that I was going along with her ever sense she came to California then years ago I STILL didn't nor don't go along with today. You know this everytime I was out there screaming g that this person leave me alone she thought it was okay to follow me around just because if what I ever texted on Myspace that assumed her to follow me around, she is inconsiderate and she had no right coming to California and following me around looking for a way to get me to feel like I wanted to meet her with her manipulations of ideas that still doesn't work no matter how many people who's reading this right away she will never be the reason how you been found, no matter how much she ruined that because if how you have come to know about me.

  7. I had to find you to understand why I was feeling crazy in my past relationship. Nobody will ever understand what I went through if they have not been themselves in it. Thank you.

  8. You made me cry so beautiful wish ex partner and I could have done this I loved him but he ghosted me 💔💔

  9. I have gone so far to be inauthentic that I am now watching a video on how to express emotions. Boy civilizations have truly gone far maybe a bit too far. I accept that to transmute that. And I am solely to blame.

  10. My father abused me as a child, and I've tried to express my deep sadness and anger, but he denies he ever abused me and that his life was much worse (he was abused as a child). I want to heal this, but my father won't allow himself to be vulnerable enough to connect with me. What can I do on my own, Teal? Thanks.

  11. I can’t believe you made these videos 6 years ago! I am just now finding out who you are and I’m so in love with you! Such a wonderful gift of God! You’re an amazing soul! I can’t stop watching your videos! I feel like we will work together soon in some way and we already are working together but you know what I mean! Wink wink! Spreading love, light, and blessings to all!

  12. This is great but is there a way to develop where you don't have to go through this as often because it's very taxing and uncomfortable to be that vulnerable if it's necessary every time you can't express an emotion

  13. She is a blessing obviously. Just seeing her or hearing her voice sets you on the healing vibe and you know what to do. I listened to her for five minutes and paused and my soul automatically started doing what she had told to do. I got surprised when I played and heard her saying the exact things which I just did. More love you you.

  14. Curious, so… How exactly should a man or woman react in the scenario of their lover hitting on other men/women in a monogamous relationship, and right in your face on top of that? Even if your lover can say whatever he or she wants to another person (even if it’s a comment showing sexual attraction to that other person) without it affecting their relationship, should you still continue the relationship with that person regardless?

  15. Yeah I had to leave the relationship. I didn’t know how to express myself , I did but I was not being heard …. every time I did he told me I am ruining his day … I felt guilty of that so I swallowed my words … self worth 🥴 thank you Teal …. I came out with this because I had a dream this morning I saw water and there was debris of some paper at the bottom of the water , I thought to myself it need to be clean . Water in the dreams means emotions. I have been dreaming of cleaning a lot …

  16. Thank you so much swan you just helped me understand my longest relationship and why I felt the way I did thank you so very much

  17. This was one of those videos I didn't know I needed. I often forget about the fifth level after some time with my partners. I express anger, the sadness, sometimes fear and even regret, but oftentimes I rush to the solution before expressing my love and my desires. Hopefully this will help us connect.

  18. Thank you, I was having a really hard time processing my feelings and figuring out why I felt so sad. This helped a lot!

  19. This is amazing and should be taught in schools. The practical and visual way you deliver this information is genius. Thank you.

  20. I only Express in anger when I'm talking to my family.? When I explain my reason about what happened at and all I get advice but sounds like a lecture then sincere. It is ok honey but I get that from my family no .

  21. Wow….I am 55 and have never been in a relationship where I was allowed to have express my feelings ….and when I did I was invalidated and dismissed….starting from my mom through 2 husband's n a horrendous 2.5 year abusive interaction .. each one progressively worse than the one before…..and I'm now aware of my participation.

  22. I experienced it in that order: 1)Sadness hurt mixed with intent to overcome by Love, 3) Deepwound 1) blame the other to feel better. Never reached 4.

  23. Spirit Presses Buttons, Testing us ,and when you listening to Readings on the Psyhic Hot line they throw curve Balls to see if you use your Gifts, Give me a Break Om

  24. I CANNOT believe that I haven't watched this video before, it's now 2019. This is exactly the issue in my relationship that is sadly coming to an end. Hopefully, I can put this process into practice with others, and then eventually in an intimate relationship one day.

  25. If a woman made herself vulnerable to me like at 8 mins in, I would be astounded at her character and would have enormous respect for and connection to her. Strangely ( for you women out there), this would also increase my sexual desire for her, though I'm not saying we would need to have sex.Astoundingly powerful.

  26. How can a straight man be emotional with another straight man?Or 2 people who aren't lovers be emotionally authentic?Or relative strangers?I suppose you could use feeling talk such as I like, I dislike,etc something about you.

  27. Thank you for this. It gives me hope to try to speak with my father and express my pain that i was let to believe i was not worthy of love.

  28. Anger

    1 I hate it when …

    2 I am so angry that…

    3 I am fed up with…

    4 I am filled with rage when …

    next level

    1 I feel so disappointed that…

    2 I feel so sad when…

    3 the thing that hurts so badly is…

    4 This is why it hurts me so badly…

    next level

    1 I am afraid that…

    2 What I am truly afraid of is…

    3 It scares me when…

    4 it reminds me of…

    Next level

    1 I am sorry that…

    2 Please forgive me for…

    3 It is completely understandable that…

    4 I regret that…

    5 I understand that…

    Last level

    1 I want to…

    2 I forgive you for…

    3 I hope that…

    4 Thank you for…

    5 I appreciate you because…

    6 I love you because…

  29. I needed to hear this, thank you. I always thought you had a lot of inner wisdom and understanding and I resonate with what you say.

  30. Thanks your shared are so helpful. If ones voice is frightened, I have found writing it down helps. This template is fabulous, thanks again

  31. Who’s in mind to see what the purpose of this is? Life popularised has come to fruition. A beautiful day awaits us. Dissolving .

  32. Thank you so much for your amazing wisdom and guidance. I have struggled so much over the years with suppressing my feelings and emotions. I hope you understand the scale of how you are blessing humanity. Much love and appreciation 🙏🙏😊💖 x

  33. Level 1. Anger, Resentment, Fury, Blame, Repelling (the other or ourselves)

    Level 2. Disapointment, Sadness, Hurt

    Level 3. Insecurity, Fear, Bad memories and deep wounds,

    Level 4. Understanding, Empathy, responsability, regret

    Level 5. Love, Solution, Wishes, Connecting (with the other person or ourselves)

  34. This is 100% accurate. I have been studying myself and my actions and reflecting and can say that I can agree with what your saying. I find that when I get angry i lock myself in a room so as not to be a total birch to everyone and I go through all of these steps naturally. I want to be able to express this to my partner. How can I overcome the fear of opening up and expressing myself to my own husband and how do I help him to open up. He is very closed off, very macho, can’t, won’t show any emotion. He’s like a rock or a wall, he won’t budge.

  35. Wow i love this video bc i will express all in different levels order, so i sounded dramatic and irrelevant, and knew some people didnt know how to express themselves but i didnt know how to explain them how to do it.

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