I Didn’t Know I Had Depression


So today’s video is gonna be a little more… personal. Talking about mental health is something that’s really important to me because so often it’s stigmatized and considered something that’s not acceptable to talk about with people. And I think in order to promote mental health awareness, it needs to be discussed more often and made less of a taboo. Before I just sat down to film this I was looking at some statistics about depression, and it said something like 17.5 million people suffer from depression in the United States and it said something like 17.5 million people suffer from depression in the United States and 2/3rds of those people go untreated. And there was another statistic that said that 80% of people with depression who did get treatment either recovered or showed improvement from their disorder. either recovered or showed improvement from their disorder. And then thinking about the 2/3rds of people that go untreated even though it’s such a highly treatable
disorder makes me really sad and I think it shows
a problem with our society that so many people feel that they can’t
get help or don’t know what to do, or may not have known that what they were feeling was caused by depression. Like in my case. Which is funny because I
feel like most of my audience knew that I was depressed before I did. that I was depressed before I did. So… good job self. So we’re gonna talk
about it today because I think it’s important and stuff. So about a year ago I made a video about social
anxiety and the sense of anxiousness that I feel almost constantly, and the thing I didn’t
know is that depression and anxiety often overlaps so it’s kind of hard to like,
separate one from the other and it wasn’t until I researched the
symptoms of depression that I realized it wasn’t as cut and dry as I originally thought
it was. wasn’t as cut and dry as I originally thought
it was. Cause I never felt sad or suicidal, so I assumed that I wasn’t depressed, but I didn’t realize that there are so many more symptoms and there’s so much more to it than just
that. Every case of depression is different
and it doesn’t always mean that you feel sad. It can also be a feeling of emptiness and anxiety, and not wanting to do anything and
feeling like I wasn’t a competent or worthwhile human being. Pretty much with anything I said or did there was a constant cycle of negative thoughts that made it impossible to feel good about myself. Logically I knew I wasn’t a totally shit human being, but the constant negative thoughts kind of made it impossible for me
to believe that, and apparently low self esteem is a symptom of depression. Another thing that I did
not know until like five months ago. Flash forward to
me talking to my psychiatrist about it, and finding a medication that
worked for me was legitimately the best thing I’ve ever
done for myself. Like, I think I’m in the best place that I’ve ever been in my entire life. I feel like I can do things now and I feel competent. My self esteem is so much better than it
was before and I feel comfortable with myself and for
the first time I actually really like myself as a human being. It’s funny because like my whole channel is
kind of like dry and sarcastic and pessimistic about life but I feel like
now I’m just disgustingly optimistic about things… which is not a thing that I think anyone really saw coming. For a really long time I was just like, wow, I am a really negative and selfish person. Depression is a really selfish disorder
because you’re so focused on how shitty you feel and like your
negative thoughts that it makes it hard to care about
other people. But now I can honestly appreciate and care about the people
around me in a way that I wasn’t able to before. Cause once you work on your own shit then you can
finally focus on other people other than yourself. This is probably the portion of the video where I’m
supposed to give you advice and the only advice I can really give
you is that if you feel like something is not right then go talk to someone about it. I put that off for so long because I thought, oh, this isn’t bad enough. I’m probably fine. I can deal with it but
you shouldn’t have to deal with it because there are options and there are
treatments and they can improve your life by so much. It’s not cheating or taking
an easy way out. It’s doing something for yourself and I
think one of the best possible things you can do for yourself is find a way to get mentally healthy.

About the author

Comments

  1. thank you so much for this video Marina. I made the mistake of essentially putting myself into situations that exacerbated my depression because like you, i didn't think "it was bad enough." So, thank you. I know you've already helped someone.

  2. I've never really been sure whether I am depressed… But then I told my best friend that I'm scared that I am and she said that she thinks I might be too… So I took one of those tests online (I weren't taking that bit too seriously, because I know they're not always reliable) and my result was I am 100% depressed… I've hinted things to my mum and I've also told her that I'm worried about it, but she doesn't think I am, so there's no way I'll ever find out (I'm not old enough to got to the doctors by myself)… Does anyone have any advice? If you do, I am so grateful! I must've gone about a year before the idea that I might even have depression came into my head, so I sorta understand where Marina's coming from…

  3. The right thing to do isnt the easy thing.
    Its always easier to not talk about it and keep yourself drowning in your self-hating mess, i didnt know i was depressed for a long time either. I thought thats how its supposed to be, its the way i should be, hating every detail about myself.
    I wouldve killed myself if it wasnt for my boyfriend, sounds corny as fuck but its true.
    What we, humans, have made life seem to be is just too much, alot of things that reuin us are not even real.

  4. I agree. I had lifelong depression/anxiety, negative self-image, low self esteem, etc/ but I didn't know how bad it was, I figured it was just my lot in life. Finally after a couple of suicidal turns and breakdowns, I talked to people about it. I got meds to get me through the worst patches, and then saw therapists to help me to understand and counter my autonegative thinking. Like you said: it's really weird to see how positive life is, and to realize that help is there. Good help.

  5. Thank you for making this video. I knew i have depression because of your video i finally decided to talk to my doctor and get help and get medication and going  to  see therapist. Thank you so much :).  

  6. I used to be severly depressed for five years then I naturally became better slowly but I think it's because i've been taking adderall which has nothing to do with it. I still have a few symptoms and every onces in a while I feel it creeping in but I work so hard to block it off. I have a feeling that's it's just going to be like that forever but I just know now how to handle it and recognize it. It's always a constant battle but i'm so thankful for where I am today.

  7. the selfishness is the worst part because it pushes people away…and this is sad because what ppl with depression really need is a good network of empathetic, supportive people…the selfishness therefore feeds into the bad thoughts about yourself and worsens depression…talk about a vicious cycle 🙁

  8. After reading some of the incredibly long personal comments . . . and watching the video. Oh yeah, I watched a video. Forgot. Took a long time reading the comments . . . I've determined that I don't have depression. Yay. I was depressed last year. I feel like that's a different story.

    You've gained nothing from reading this, have a nice day though 😉

  9. I have suffered from Depression and anxiety for years and been in treatment for most of my adult life.  I wish you all the best in life.

  10. I really needed to see this video I think. I am trying to get treatment for depression right now. It's hard beacuse I hate calling people, but I am going to go though with it. It is so easy to just put off getting better when you know that you can live with it. But I gues the overall hurt is way bigger than the inconvenience of making a phone call. I think I have been depressed for so long that I don't really know any oother way of being. A friend of mine encouraged me to do this. I am very thankful to her. 

  11. I agree with you that people should talk more about their emotions and feelings. However, even when I did talk about my emotions and thoughts, no one believed that I was depressed. Everyone told me it was just a phase. I have had depression since I was 14, and now I am 21. After being rushed to the emergency room because I cut my arms and bled out in a bathtub, I was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, and a few other disorders. People do need to talk about it, yes. But people also need to be more understanding about what depression is. I knew I had it… but I just didn't have the energy to help myself. I barely had the energy and motivation to roll over on the bed and check my phone this morning. I never wanted to get to this point. If anyone reading this has feelings of depressions, see a doctor. Now. Because for me, it didn't get better. It got worse and worse…

  12. Generally I am a happy and positive person; but I've had bouts of depression. It depends on what is going on in my life. I'm pretty good at handling things myself; but I try to ask for help when I really need it.

  13. The thing i don't understand about mental health is that there seems not to be a yardstick for the perfect mentally healthy human unlike physical health even that there is no absolutely normal specimen that applies to all. What exactly is depression. Would I be depressed if there is no one else in existence. Is depression just something that occurs as a result of being part of a society. If so, is it caused by the illusion that we are part of a society while still being detached from the society. Like how we are not connected to everyone whom we are part of something with. Not sure if I'm making sense at all. But if anyone does understand what i am trying to say, please try and explain. Im not the best at organising thoughts outside of my mind.

  14. Thanks for this. I recently found your channel and love all I've seen so far 🙂 this kind of stuff is motivating for someone like me. I fluctuate but this reminds me that I can do more.

  15. Wow, the sheer stigma against doctors and medications… it’s kind of terrifying. Not just how misinformed some tend to be, but how judgmental they are of us who seek necessary, potentially life-saving treatment. Some comments even wished us ill :/ not exactly what I’d call constructive discourse

  16. I am so glad to have found this video (via Upworthy), with a normal person describing how it feels to have depression, and to conquer it.  I have had chronic depression for probably the past 10 years and have only just begun to seek help for it.  My doctor prescribed an antidepressant just this week, and I'm currently 4 days in, working my way up to a normal dosage.  It's been a little scary thinking that I may be a different person at the end of all of this, despite the fact that I will be better for it.  There's also the impatience and hopelessness of knowing that it may take a long time to find the right medication.

    Congratulations to you on making the journey.  I hope your life continues to improve.  I hope I will be following shortly.  🙂

  17. This is an excellent video…i'm sure you've helped a bunch of people by speaking about it in the way that you did! Love your channel.

  18. to me depression is a selfish disease because of the people around you; not trying to help, being annoyed at you for having it, not being supportive. so depression doesnt just promote negativity on the person going through it, but it also shows the true colors , of the people around u.

  19. Fuck this shit.  Depression just means you are enlightened.  You have seen through the bullshit in life and this matrix world we live in.  You have taken the red pill.  People like us see that there is a lot of fake and meaningless shit in the world.  Everyone around us is a mindless sheep following orders.  They have no idea what it is to live a life of freedom.

    Depression "treatment" involves people trying to tell you to get in line and stop thinking or living a life of independence. 

  20. This is a wonderful video and I can relate to it so much. I started treatment for my depression about four months ago, but it took me awhile to do that. I was worried something wasn't quite right with me but it took until I started self-harm to realize I needed help. I am very lucky to have supporting friends and family. Though with my last year of college starting, I can feel myself slipping back.

  21. It's good to see video like that. Because for really long time I was convincing myself that what I'm feeling will go away on it's own or is not "big enough" to seek help with. And it was only getting worse but somehow I still believed I can deal with it myself. What you're saying here is almost exactly how I feel. Feeling lost and empty is bad but for me most scary is that I believe I'm not good enough. And it's hard to get past that. Because my brain knows it's not true. Hearing people talk about believing in yourself or know your worth does nothing because I already know it. I just can't feel it.

  22. I really enjoy all your videos! I agree with you that we have to deal with our shit first and seek help from outside sources. Personally though, I feel that for me its not medication that's working but rather putting myself in situations that cause me a lot of anxiety. I am confronting my demons slowly but surely. It is really hard for me to talk to people and do small talk but now I am doing that almost everyday at a job that I found now. I feel that it's also important to confront it without medication and see if this works for you.

  23. @marinashutup this video inspired me to reach out and tell my parents about my depression and anxiety, something I haven't been able to do before and for that, I thank you. P.S. keep being a badass chick because you're great.

  24. Beautiful message! I can completely relate to everything you talked about. I agree that it is so important to destigmatize mental health issues otherwise people will continue to suffer needlessly, which is extremely sad. Thank you for sharing, it's so nice to not feel so alone and I'm sure you have helped a lot of people. 

  25. You might wanna read about what a Highly Sensitive Person is.
    http://www.salon.com/2014/05/21/6_signs_you_could_be_a_highly_sensitive_person_partner/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

  26. I found out I was depressed in the same way. I was asking a question on Yahoo Answers, about this anxiety I have always felt. The answer was surprising to me and shamefully enough made me a little happy.

  27. I've suffered through depression (though my last therapist told me it was schizoaffective disorder…) and I can't say that I've beat it, I can't ensure that it'll never come back. I have been working to improve myself, though. It has taken three years, a change in my environment and the people I surround myself with, and a change in my daily routine. I'm not a fan of anti-depressants. I don't know if there is anyone like me who has had similar experiences but I felt numb, mentally drained, inhuman. I'm usually always a happy go lucky type of person, I live to put smiles on peoples faces but I felt like all of that was lost after medication. I felt indifferent. In the past year I've dropped the anti-depressants and started meditating. My life has changed miraculously! Though it's hard to recognize my own self worth sometimes, I try to understand what other people compliment. I'm grateful for the life I lead and I start my day reciting different things I'm grateful for. Some days are harder than others but there's always something even if it's just the opportunity to feel the wind in my hair. Before bed I give myself ten or fifteen minutes to do some mindless meditation; I also enjoy walking meditation. Exercise has also proven to be therapeutic in my case but since I've recently picked up a second job for the holidays I highly doubt I'll be hitting the gym often. Never give up in your pursuit to a peace of mind.

  28. people seriously do some research
    anti-depressants, ssri's are far more harmful than effective, you feel good for a period
    Of time, then it loses its effect, and it actually gives brain damage. . Type in the truth of anti-depressants, plus the truth of lets say shrooms, which can cure depression, and give you a whole knew perspective, the government truly doesn't give a fuck about you, its for money and control

  29. really appreciate this video, people avoid talking about shit too often, its never healthy to constantly put up a front and pretend that your completely fine if something is really hurting you inside, its easy to feel like your completely on your own and that everyone is okay but you and that its your problem instead of something that alot of people go through, i think the more people start to open up emotionally as a society, the easier it will be for people to cope

  30. Consider, too, that many people who try to get help from doctors are told it's all in their head or are laughed at. Doctors treat them like they are stupid, lying, after drugs or basically just another person with psychosomatic induced illnesses or hypochondria. 

  31. You lost me when you said depression is a selfish disorder. One, you can't help it. It's a chemical imbalance. Two, depressed people are often very empathetic and don't want others to suffer the way they are suffering so they help others–selfless almost to the point of neglecting themselves. 

    Also, medication doesn't always work. 

  32. First off, there is no good advice from ignorance on this topic, and ignorant advice can, in fact, be very dangerous. People who don't suffer chronic depression, or who aren't trained in the field, have no clue what it is. Many don't understand its a disease. Your friends who don't suffer depression have no idea what your body and mind are going through. A guru in the human potential movement has no idea what your problem is. There is only one good advice–first seek professional medical help from someone licensed and trained in the field. Then if you want to seek alternative therapies, go for it, but you, at least, need to first find out your level of risk. Depression damages, depression debilitates, depression kills.

  33. I really appreciated this vid, Marina. Our mental health is never discussed enough and by being brave enough to able to talk about our own experiences it empowers others to speak about their's as well as helping people understand who may not have experienced this themselves. Here's a piece I wrote early last year when I got really peeved about a Facebook post my friend told me about;

    A couple of years ago I suffered from anxiety and had a nervous breakdown. It was a build up from a couple of years before and took me a good 12 months or more to get back on my feet. The reason I’m writing this isn't to talk about myself (although I’m going to; to help people understand), it’s because I had a conversation with a friend today which saddened me more than I have felt in a long time. I don’t want anyone to ever be embarrassed about feeling anxious, depressed or suffering from mental health issues.

    A large consensus of articles I read, posts I see on Facebook and people I hear talking about suicide consider it to be an act of selfishness, which to me shows a great deal of ignorance surrounding mental illness. For those people who are happily sane, it’s hard to comprehend why someone could commit suicide, and coming from a rational state of mind one of the conclusions that often gets drawn is that this person must be ‘selfish’. Why would they want to hurt all those people who love them, they should have been strong for the people they love, right? Please, keep reading…

    When I had my nervous breakdown, I finally understood what people meant when speaking about the ‘pain’ caused by depression and anxiety. It’s like having your whole body strangled from head to toe…ALL OF THE TIME. It’s so surreal that it’s unbelievably hard to explain, but the physical manifestations are easier to appreciate; your heart constantly beats 100 miles an hour, so much so it hurts (all of the time), you have headaches (or in my case, migraines) and you feel like you want to throw up (yep, all of the time), you get pins and needles and sweats and feel like you want to faint, you can’t breathe (can you imagine what it feels like to be suffocated?), you can rarely concentrate or think, you can’t eat or sleep, not just because you feel ill, because it scares you to. It scares you to take a shower, walk your dog, read your emails, go on Facebook, prepare your lunch, talk to your friends, post a letter, open a door, speak to a cashier, answer the phone, to talk to anyone including your own mum… Why? Even you don’t know. You feel like an idiot and so ashamed for feeling scared to do these everyday tasks and avoiding your friends, where’s the rationale? ‘I’m not receiving death threats on Facebook, I’m not being stalked when I walk my dog, the cashier isn’t assaulting me every time I go to buy milk?’ There is no rationale.

    These feelings are so constant and so severe, your body hurts. I literally used to feel like I had something stuck in my chest and I needed to physically pull it out. Before I knew these feelings, I had this romanticised idea of what self-harm was (probably pop-punk’s fault!); that some kids did it for attention or to be cool or that some people hated themselves so much that they wanted to punish themselves, and for some people I’m sure there’s that aspect. The pain that I felt, all day every day, was so intense that all I wanted was a break from it. Can you imagine what it would feel like to have a bear trap crippling your leg and never being able to remove it? When you’re feeling this way, hurting yourself is like flicking yourself with a rubber band. It gives you this quick shock that snaps you out and brings you back to life. For me and many others like me, the sensation of a burnt hand gave me the break I needed to stop the intense pain, even if it was just for 10 minutes. Some people turn to other means like drugs or alcohol, but none of these are a long-term fix. I, like a lot of other people, just needed help.

    I’ve narrowly stepped into the realms of suicidal thoughts; at one point I remember asking one of my closest friends what my options would be if I could never stop feeling this way (because you think it’s never going to end). That’s when I finally could appreciate what it meant to commit suicide. To think that this was the worst pain I had felt in my life; I cannot begin to comprehend what a person must be feeling when they commit suicide.

    Until recently I’ve always felt like an idiot for having gone through what I went through, like I should have had some kind of control over it. I’m an unbelievably self-controlled, rational, objective and logical person and pride myself on this. I felt ashamed that I went through a period in my life where I was unable to be rational or logical or control my emotions, but the fact of the matter is you have no control over mental illnesses or mental health issues. Sure, you can do things to help yourself get better, but these things take time and a lot of hard work. When you’re in a place where you’re too scared to leave your house (as in you literally think you might die if you do), it’s not that easy to get yourself to a doctor. You can’t stop yourself from catching a cold or getting cancer, just like you can’t stop yourself from suffering from a mental illness.

    Even writing this I’m sitting here thinking ‘is this too confronting or maybe too personal for people to read?’, but that self-conscious thought goes completely against what I’m trying to achieve. There’s an unawareness and stigma around mental health issues. We’ve been told to keep it in the closet because we’re ‘crazy’ or ‘psycho’… but we’re not, and the only way we can overcome it is by making people understand it and supporting those suffering from it. It’s not something to be ashamed, self-conscious or embarrassed about, it’s something to embrace and take strength in knowing it can be overcome. And when you walk out the other side a free wo/man, you feel bad ass with a newly found inner strength, ‘cas that stuff ain’t easy to deal with!

    Considering one in four people will suffer from mental health issues each year, I hope some people might read this and understand that they’re not alone and there’s no shame in how they’re feeling. There are so many avenues for help and support and people who DO understand and WILL appreciate you. For those three out of four of you who are fortunate enough not to have to go through this yourself, I hope you understand the need to support and encourage the people around you in getting help. No one has to feel this way.

    Lastly, word up to MIND and the Young People’s Centre in Brighton. If you're reading this and wondering where you can go to find help, these are two charities who run loads of different things that really helped me.

    Spread the word! I really hope that from being open about my experience, other people will find some consolation in what I’ve written.

  34. Thanks so much for making this video, I'm going to see my doctor this week and hearing you talk so positively about getting treatment really made me feel better about it. You're pretty awesome.

  35. I'm 100% certain I suffer from social anxiety. I hate myself and constantly criticize myself. I feel like I cannot socially function most of the time- like I cannot physiologically do it. It's hard to explain. And I think, maybe I have some kind of depression? I've self-harmed and got drunk and tried to kill myself in the past. I had a psychologist talk to me in the A&E but I just lied and said I was fine. However, I'm not always like that- sometimes I'm happy and optimistic. I practice yoga and enjoy doing art and listening to music. Learning about stuff. Being mindful. In that sense I have a lust for life. This makes me doubt whether I have depression. I don't think I'm bipolar. I just- sometimes- feel very sad. And if I think too much, I really deeply hate myself and I just cry and cry. I'm 24 and nowhere because of this. What's wrong with me?!

    I've never been to a doctor… how do you even do it? I'd be so scared of going, scared of what he/she would say or whether they'd think I'm attention seeking. I don't know if I'm even worth it. It'd be interesting to know how other people approached their doctors? 

  36. this has a whole new meaning to me now. the first time i watched this video i looked at the symptoms for depression, and i was like "i think i have these, but i'm probably just saying that because i'm reading this list". i was very wrong. watching this now, almost five months after my diagnosis and having found medicine that works for me, i feel so happy for you that you found that too and you feel so much better (even if it was over a year ago lol). i don't feel 100% yet and i'm still struggling, but i know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you get there step-by-step 🙂 i hope you're feeling even better now (Y)

  37. I feel that we can relate… I didn't know I had anxieties until I few years ago. I thought it was just how everyone feels. Feels like I am always on the go and never relaxed.  I didn't know I was depress because there are days where I am unmotivated to do anything and just lay in bed for days.  If you don't mind, can you share us your past? I am currently in  therapy and it's helping me understand my childhood and why I tend to live in the past… I know everyone is different, and I personally don't agree with the anti depressant medication.. I have taken it when I was 12, because of my constant asthma attacks (due to now i know it was because of anxiety) I wished they fixed my family, not me.

  38. whoa you seem like a really nice person and I'm sure that's not just the light of the camera infront of you! ;D i used to have the same feelings. :l ashley mardell lead me to this video so thank you for sharing this with the world. 😀

  39. im actually going to start going to counselling to help me work out my sexullty and also to help me with my anxiety

  40. Hi Marina,  I love your videos and want to comment on this one.  I have a different perspective on depression and its healing that you might find interesting.  I put below a couple of links to Diane Balser who is a women's studies professor & feminist activist in Boston and might have a take you would find useful on dealing with depression:
    http://www.bu.edu/wgs/community/faculty/diane-b-balser/
    https://www.rc.org/publication/ilcrp/women

    Thanks so much for your clear shared thinking.

  41. you make a lot of statements with a question mark at the end of the sentence, even where it doesn't fit. 

    I guess it's just something you… do? A lot?

  42. can anyone help?
    I feel exactly the way that Marina described in this video and am beginning to realise that I am likely depressed but I don't feel like I could go and see someone about it because I'm not very good at talking to people (especially about myself) as that kind of situation gives me real anxiety.
    I really don't know what to do and it feels like I'm stuck

  43. i think i have depression but i dont want to tell anyone because they will worry about me more and like watch me everywhere i go…

  44. always feeling guilty, never feeling good enough, only remembering bad memories, Afraid of intimacy, low energy, constant fear of how you are received, pains and aches, If this is how you feel please get help. I felt this way for 10 years before I got help. Don't struggle in silence. Medication can help, and even if it doesn't doctors and consolers are there to help you.

  45. How old where you when you got help? I'm wondering if i should persevere through the awkwardness of talking to my clustershits of parents. Or wait till i'm an adult and have my own insurance plan.

  46. Go Marina! I love this and couldnt agree more from my own personal experience with similar struggles. Especially how accurately you described the selfish nature depression has. Its hard to feel for others when you cant get passed the internal struggles you have with yourself.

  47. Perhaps as you get more happy, you will be less of a feminist.
    Since alot of the issues that feminists adress is built on assumptions and ideas. And therefore as you look at life from more of a happy standpoint you might see things differently.

  48. i want to get better and i know i can i just don't want to tell my parents. i dont know why really. i know they wouldnt be mad. i just cant make myself do it.

  49. Thank you so much for making this video. It's also been taking me awhile to think "maybe I'm depressed" because I also don't feel "sad" … just empty, tired, distracted, under performing, etc.. And "I didn't know I had depression" resonates with me so much. Looking back, I think I may have been dealing with depression for years.

    Hearing your story helps to give words for my own. So yeah, thanks.

  50. taking a moment to say thank u for this content cuz i really needed it and btw yr eyeshadow game so strong like woah

  51. You know what Marina! I don't like any vlogging channel as much as I like yours! 🙂 Your face, the way you talk, your confidence, is all so beautiful. And above all of that….what you TALK ABOUT! is worth listening! i told my friends about you. And i think that everyone should see your videos. I would love to meet you in person, but I live in India. Just wanted to tell you that you are my idol. and I LOVE YOU TOTALLY!!! I wish I can be something like you, have the guts you have. Please keep making videos. I feel better after watching them. I ABSOLUTELY ADMIRE YOU!!!!! 🙂 Marina! You are Love.

  52. Japanese and Scottish/French/English, huh. No wonder… you look quite a bit like a certain Korean and Irish girl. Feels.

  53. I finally went to the doc about half a year-a year ago, when I was basically in the worst mental position I'd ever been. (I was always good at using other people to make me feel better when I was younger, but during that point last year, I couldn't even do that. It was noticed, and I briefly talked about it before moving on 'cause I felt so damn selfish for talking about how I feel. Still do. Even as I write this, I feel kinda selfish and somewhat wrong XD) The doc referred me to this mental health place, which basically offered group therapy courses – I chose the course for negative thinking, since my self-esteem was pretty much nonexistent at that point. It helped a bit, but then I (coincidentally – not on purpose) ended up messing with my recovery by getting an implant that works by changing hormone levels. So basically, my emotions were going from "messed up but getting there slowly" to "FUCK ME I JUST CAN'T". I got a new job, and started there, though I think I don't need to say how difficult that was (I work in retail, so I was smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside. I even remember someone telling me I'm so smiley, and I asked a colleague if it was obvious. I didn't exactly explain, though, so I think they were pretty confused). I met a guy there, we started a relationship, and I genuinely felt better than I had in a long, long time. I then got a small bout of depression again, and that messed me up – akin to picking slightly at a healing scab; you interfere with the healing process, and it's painful, then you later end up with infection. Ever since then, I've gone from the person I was before the depression bout to empty, and I seem to be levelling out on just generally slightly apathetic. Not majorly, but enough to be noticeable. I can't be bothered to phone the doctor to ask for a re-examination. Any advice? Sorry for the overly long comment ._.

  54. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this and your other videos. It's comforting to know that you are also experiencing the same depression and social anxiety that I do. You understand what it's like.
    I think the 2/3 go untreated largely because treatment isn't covered by insurance, the mental health professionals don't take insurance so the cost falls on the patient, and/or they can't afford insurance.

  55. Then everyone is depressed,c'mon people grow the fuck up and keep your shit for yourself,try to deal with it;you're not anywhere near special if the vast majority of a group is like you.Geez.Damn kids.

  56. Just to add as a resource for anyone who is going through depression, or knows someone who is ? I have put together the biggest list of vi deos on depression looking at it from all angles, in the pla y list on my chnl. Hope they are useful to someone ?

  57. 'Two thirds go untreated'

    In all sincerity, how can anybody know this? If they're untreated then they aren't on the system and are not registered, so how can you come up with statistics about it? Surely, it must just be speculation and not a hard fact.

  58. You're correct that medication for depression is doing something for yourself. Depression is a medical issue unrelated to willpower or strength of character.

  59. Thank you. I think I will seek help and talk to someone about it. Hearing your story makes me feel hope.

  60. I tried using the link in the description but all they did was say that online help wasn't the best option for me and that I should go see a face-to-face counselor. However, I can't do this because I can't afford insurance and don't have money so YAY MINIMUM WAGE AND INFLATION, LOVE IT.

  61. i dont understand how can u have constant negative thoughts and low self esteem and not be sad girl. u must have either great friends or great parties

  62. i was looking through the symptoms of depression and i’m wondering, how do i know if i’m depressed? ive been feeling down a lot lately and i’m wondering if depression could be the cause but i don’t know much about it.

  63. I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my YouTube channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤

  64. It's a selfish disorder because it takes you away from everything and everyone you love, not because the person is selfish itself.

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