I’m Starting T??? + My Gender Dysphoria | ChandlerNWilson

hey everyone Chandler here and I kind of just wanted to talk to you all about like my gender dysphoria, body dysphoria kind of like what I’ve been going through these past two weeks and tell you all a little bit about what’s happening what’s going to happen because a lot could potentially happen so basically i got a job in retail and I love my job so much but I think I didn’t realize how bad my gender dysphoria was until i was in public more so like I know that this is a very public outlet but it’s not like in person so since it’s just a video i mean there’s no one else here to misgender me but working being around a whole bunch of other people and like strangers that come in I’ve noticed that I’ve been taking it really really really hard and really really really personally whenever they call me a girl/lady/ma’am/miss i feel like my gender dysphoria has always been this bad I just didn’t notice it before because I never really had the opportunity to be exposed to that much misgendering if that makes sense i am a non-binary person I use they/them pronouns but what I’ve noticed among me and my other nonbinary friends is that in our very binary oriented society those of us who are non-binary and afab my friends that I talked to we have agreed that we would rather be seen as a boy than as a girl. It’s kind of the mentality: I like being seen as a boy because it means i’m not being seen as a girl not because i like being seen as a boy and so with that in mind there’s been a lot to come to my head recently because I was having mental breakdowns multiple times a day for a week straight because I was just taking it really hard when people were misgendering me i know that i’ve been very vocal about the fact that I was never going to start testosterone because I go back and forth and back and forth over whether or not i want to take it or not and I think I’m still in that position because there are a lot of different things that i have in my head regarding taking testosterone. I know that for me personally it would make me feel a lot better about myself. Not being seen as a girl would help a lot of my problems even when people see me and they think oh that’s a boy they read me as a boy you know the moment I open my voice be here my high-pitched voice and they go oh sorry miss oh sorry ma’am and I’m just put in an uncomfortable situation where i can’t tell them no call me call me a boy because i’m a boy because I’m not. If I said oh no I’m not a boy or a girl that’s immediately coming out as non-binary and that’s something I’m not comfortable with I’ve been weighing a lot in my head about taking testosterone because i know that for me personally it would help a lot of the problems that I have with being misgendered and it would help deepen my voice because that is what I am most self-conscious of I think because even if people read me as a guy the moment I open my mouth and they hear me talk they’re like oh sorry miss sorry ma’am it bothers me so much to the point where I don’t feel comfortable even talking right now but I think the reason that I’ve been so against the idea of taking testosterone is because I’m scared of how other people will react and by that I don’t mean like strangers or ignorant people or anything like that i mean as you all know I am dating another trans person who has started testosterone and been on testosterone for quite a few years and he’s been having a lot of hard times with insurance companies rejecting him trying to get a hysterectomy because they see the male gender marker and they think you’re a boy you don’t need a hysterectomy and yes he does need a hysterectomy and I think it’s that that’s really the barrier that’s been keeping me from wanting to start testosterone. I think after this past crisis I’ve never felt misgendering that hard before I’ve never taken it that personally before and I think that was really a wake-up call for me that I needed to do something about it and so I am going to see a psychologist on monday to ask about testosterone and weigh some pros and cons i may or may not start testosterone another thing that I wanted to just add onto the little end of this video is I know that you all are probably super confused because literally just a few weeks ago I made a video with ryan cassata about how the trans community gives other trans people a lot of crap for not taking hormones and how ryan cassata is a trans guy who does not take hormones and how I am a non-binary person who doesn’t take hormones and I just wanted to like tack onto the end of this video that that still applies that you do not have to take hormones to be a valid trans person and this is entirely separate from that it’s it’s not that I feel like I’m not valid unless I take hormones it’s nothing like that it’s just that at this point in my life I have finally seen just how devastating my gender dysphoria is to my mental health and how greatly it affects me to the point where i want to make a change I want to do something that will alleviate that we shall see i will keep you all updated thank you so much for watching this video if you liked this video definitely like and subscribe and comment down below something that helps relieve your gender dysphoria and your body dysphoria we need some positivity i will keep you all updated I plan to make a video after the appointment with the psychologist to let you all know what’s happening and hopefully whatever happens is what should happen and i’ll start feeling better I mean that’s a good goal just to feel better alright bye

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