Julio Torres Shares a Bizarre Rejected SNL Sketch He Wrote for Gal Gadot

-Your special is so good on HBO.
-Oh, thank you. -I highly recommend it
to everybody. And I first became familiar
with your work on “SNL.” And one of the things I always
like offering to “SNL” writers is Second Chance Theatre,
where you could come here and produce a sketch
that did not work on “SNL.” -Yes.
-Do you have any of those sketches that didn’t
quite work on the show? -I have — I have 95%
of those sketches, but — -Okay. [ Laughter ] -There was one that — I was about to say came close,
but it didn’t even get read. [ Laughter ] The title of the sketch
was “Bluebie.” -“Bluebie.”
-“Bluebie.” -Okay.
-Yes. This was — It was a week where my — I just — You know, sometimes,
you have so many ideas, sometimes, you forget
that you have to come into work. -Yeah. -And so I was completely
drained of ideas. And I was in
Anna Drezen’s office, Anna Drezen, a brilliant — -Great writer. -Fantastic writer, a true gem. And we were like, “What, should
we write something together? Like, what do we write?
What do we write?” And then I just grabbed
a piece of paper and a pencil and was like, “How about
something for her?” -So this is what you drew?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] -So you created
the character first, and then you said, “We have to
figure out a sketch for her.” -And I was like,
“How about something with her?” [ Laughter ] And then, I think,
if memory serves me right, Anna Drezen just sort of nodded
and went, “Bluebie.” -Bluebie.
-Yeah. -And who is Bluebie? -Well, Bluebie is — Bluebie is not a character
so much — She’s a medical condition. -Oh, gotcha. And how do you contract Bluebie? -By eating too many blueberries. -[ Laughing ] Okay. And what are the symptoms
of Bluebie? -Well, in the sketch, a woman — A pregnant woman
goes to the doctor. She’s getting a sonogram. I believe we wrote it
for Gal Gadot. -Okay.
[ Laughter ] -And she goes — And then the doctor is like,
“You know, the twins look fine. However, you have a Bluebie.” And then we would cut into
the inside of this woman, and Bluebie is just
sort of bouncing around, going, “I’m drunk. I’m a bitch.” [ Laughter ] -So you eat too many
blueberries, and then you have a drunk —
like, a — -Yes.
-Okay. -So if you eat
too many blueberries, you run the risk of
the blueberries coming together and forming an obnoxious
drunk Bluebie, who keeps lying. -This are two blueberries
who’ve met. -This is two berries
who’ve met, yeah. And these are other little
blueberries, I think. [ Laughter ] And the worst a Bluebie can do is that she keeps lying
about being on the list. -Oh, I see.
-Yeah. -At the club.
-At the club. When she’s not on the list. She’s deceiving you. -These are very late nights. This, very much,
Bluebie strikes me as something that you maybe came up with
very late at night. -4:00 p.m.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] But one of the hard things
at “SNL” is you’re working, and you’re stressed,
and you sometimes forget to eat or you eat badly,
and somebody will order a pizza. And the worst thing
you can do at 3:00 a.m. if you’re trying to, like, have
an idea is eat a piece of pizza. -Right. I don’t — I am vegan. So I looked at the pizza. [ Laughter ] But one time, my body really felt like
it needed a smoothie. -Uh-huh. -You know — Yeah.
-Sure, sure, sure. -Like, you don’t need a solid. You don’t need a juice.
You need a smoothie. So I just felt like
I really needed a smoothie. And I was in my office. And I just look up places
where I could get a smoothie, and I look up the kind
of smoothie that I want. So then I summon an intern. [ Laughter ] And I know what you’re thinking, like, “Oh, you get your interns
to get you a smoothie?” -Yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ] -And this lovely intern
comes in. And I was like,
“I would like this smoothie. Here’s my card.”
And he goes, “Okay.” Then he leaves. And it’s late at night, and it’s dark out already. And I just get this horrible,
horrible pounding headache. I get migraines sometimes. So I just close the door to my
office and turn the lights off and just sit on the couch alone
in darkness, just waiting — just waiting
for the headache to go away. Then there’s a knock on my door
some time later. And it’s this lovely intern. I go, “Yes?” He opens the door. He hands me my smoothie.
He hands me my card. And then he looks
at my computer screen, and he seems terrified. [ Light laughter ] And then he leaves. And then I see what he saw
on my computer screen, which was a giant picture of the very smoothie
I asked him to go get. [ Laughter ] So to him, I am this psychopath who is just sitting alone
in the dark looking at a picture
of a smoothie, thinking, “Oh, you’ll be mine.” [ Laughter ] -Julio Torres, everybody!

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