Hi guys, it’s Emil and this week’s topic is
hospitals, doctor’s visits, gynecologists, all that kind of stuff. And some of the other
guys have already talked about their experiences with hospitals and doctors and people in the medical
profession, so I’m just gonna talk a little bit about dysphoria when going to the doctor.
So obviously, um, it’s a delicate situation ’cause you don’t know who’s gonna be trans
friendly, you don’t know who’s gonna be transphobic – unless it’s like, a doctor that’s like,
explicitly trans friendly. But it can be a very delicate situation and it can be a situation
in which you might consider not going to the doctor, and avoiding going to the hospital,
even though you have some problem or you’re hurt in some way, just because you don’t want
to deal with the dysphoria and the anxiety and possibly even like, panic attacks that
can come from putting yourself in that situation where you might have to do a lot of explaining,
like if your gender marker doesn’t fit the way that you present, if you’re on hormones
or something, or if your name isn’t the right one, or just- All this kind of stuff that
can be difficult no matter where you are in your transition.
I wanna… like, try to motivate people to try to tackle that situation anyway. I’m not
saying it’s easy and I’m not saying it’s somethin that you can always do or always do alone,
’cause I know that it can be really hard to deal with anxiety and panic attacks, anxiety
attacks and having to deal with these situations, and especially when you’re already bothered
or in pain by something, you know, ’cause there’s a reason you’re going to the hospital.
You might not want even more pressure put on yourself by putting yourself in that situation,
but! Thing is, you gotta take care of yourself. You gotta take care of your body, ’cause even
if you don’t like your body the way it is right now, or even if you don’t like your
body at all, it is the basic template that you’re gonna be stuck with for the rest of
your life. This is your flesh vessel, and even if you’re gonna do some surgery on it
later or if you’re gonna go on hormones later and you’re not on hormones now, it’s still
the same basic template. It’s still the same basic body that you’re always gonna have for
the rest of your life, so you should take care of it. And I think you’ll thank yourself
in the future if you really try to bite the bullet as much as you can and go. If you have
a problem, go. Ask a supporting friend or family member to come with you and tell them
this might be a delicate situation for you. You might need a lot of validation afterwards.
Make sure they’re a really loving, affectionate person. Take them with you, go, just get the
shit done, and then get really validated, as much as you can, before and afterwards.
And just like, try to get it done. And also, one tip I have for like, I guess
dealing with dysphoria in general is I try to tackle it when I’m not in a situation where
it’s being thrown at me. So if I’m feeling… not when I’m feeling super dysphoric and not
when I’m feeling super good and validated either, but when I’m somewhere in the middle
and I feel like it could go either way, sometimes I’ll consciously do something that I know
would normally trigger my dysphoria – to an extent – and I will do it while validating
myself. So for example, sometimes when I paint my nails I’ll look at my hand and think it
looks super feminine, and it just rubs me the wrong way ’cause right now I’m trying
to like over-compensate. It’s like… my masculinity is fragile! Not as fragile as some cishet
guys’ masculinity, but still fragile. It shouldn’t be a gendered thing to paint your nails or
wear a certain kind of clothing or anything, you know what I mean, but it’s still like…
society, my brain is brainwashed, tells me nails, paint, blah, feminine.
Anyway, what I’m trying to get to is I’ll do that, or I’ll put on some makeup, or I’ll
take off my shirt and look at my chest in the mirror, and I’ll look myself in the eye
and I’ll tell myself “I am a man” or “you are a man”, or whatever statement feels best
right then. So like, I’m looking right at the dysphoria and I’m saying no, shut up,
sit down, wait your turn. I’m trying to distance myself from the dysphoria by treating it like
an annoying, yelling little child that I have to take care of, and that I have to manage,
and I know better ’cause I’m the adult and that’s just a kid. And that child doesn’t
know as much as I do, and it’s just yelling and it’s just being annoying and it’s just
in my face all the time, so sometimes you just gotta tell it to shut the up- shut down,
sit up…? Shut up, sit down. Calm yourself. I’m not saying this always works. I’m not
saying this is gonna work for everyone. This is just a little suggestion, a little tip.
‘Cause when I do that, I feel like later when somebody misgenders me or my dysphoria is
triggered in the world in some other kind of way, I can look right at it and I can say
– not always, but sometimes – I can say “no, shut up, sit down, wait your turn, calm yourself”
and just shove it aside, forcefully, by validating myself and just saying “I am a man regardless
of you”. That might help. I don’t know. I hope it helped somebody. Um, this video is
getting a little too long so I’m gonna stop now. Have a great weekend, hope you’ve had
a great week, have a great next week. I love you. Bye!