”Min familj sa att depression bara var påhitt”

When I was suicidal, she basically said:
“Think positive for five minutes.” “That will make everything better.”
I literally wanted to jump out the window. Today we’re talking about depression.
1 in 5 Swedes experiences depression. Our panel is here to discuss it. My first question: “What’s the worst
thing about being depressed?” It’s really hard to say.
It could be lots of things – anxiety, etc.- -that you always feel
on the verge of tears. You feel insignificant
compared to everyone else. I think the worst thing is being alone. That’s the worst. Not having anyone
to talk to, to ask for help. When you’re around people
but you still feel alone. When no one understands how you feel,
and you can’t explain it to them. Do you have to “come out”
about being depressed? I think it helps. It helped me
when I started high school. I told my teachers about my situation,
that I have seasonal affective disorder. They’re super understanding
when school work is too much for me. But they push me to get good grades,
despite being ill and missing school. So it’s good to be open
about being depressed. -Robin, should people “come out”?
-No. To those close to you,
so they understand. I was acting… …weird. I was angry, I was verbally abusive.
“You fucking so-and-so…” I was mad at everyone,
blamed things on people. Eventually I had to tell people
that I had been ill for quite a while. -You get lost in your own problems.
-You can’t help it. It feels like the world is against you- -like no one in the world
understands you. You feel all alone. -Did you tell your families?
-Mom laughed it off. I told her first. -How did you tell her?
-“Mom, I feel terrible.” She was like, “Stop being silly.
Go do your homework.” It was a real disappointment
and for a while I was in denial. People don’t take it seriously. They think
you’re weak if you’re depressed… -…that something’s wrong with you.
-“You’re just making it up.” -Have you all heard that?
-“Depression doesn’t run in our family.” Elmedina, did you tell your family? I told Mom. At first she was like,
“Stop feeling bad. Buck up.” But when it finally got out of control,
I was really glad to have her support. -Was it hard to tell her?
-Yeah. I didn’t know what was wrong. I just knew that I felt bad. You can’t explain how you feel
or what you’ve been through. -People don’t understand how you feel.
-What about your friends? They don’t even want to talk about it.
They don’t know how to handle it. -That just makes it worse.
-Did you have anyone to talk to? I lived with a foster family.
I talked to the lady a lot. She was very understanding.
“Yes, yes, yes.” Counselors and psychologists
don’t give you any answers. You just want them
to tell you how to feel better. “Yes, I understand what you mean.”
That doesn’t help. I need support. But isn’t a psychologist’s job
helping you find the answers? I’d say it’s up to you both. You have
to be prepared to make changes. Psychologists just help you
find your path. For me, it was about taking care of
myself, of practicing “mindfulness.” I used my allowance to buy bath bombs,
facial masks, etc. Stuff like that. That’s how I got out of it.
By taking care of myself. Self care is super important. You have
to make yourself your first priority. -Music really helped.
-How do you wish your friends reacted? My friends and I were gamers
back when it all started There was no room for serious talk.
We talked about memes and such. -It just didn’t exist in that world.
-There was no “deep talk.” I wish we could create an atmosphere
where we can talk about anything. I wasn’t taken seriously.
People thought I was too young. I first became depressed at 11.
I had thoughts about self harm, suicide. That’s when I realized
that things had gone too far. When you start having certain thoughts,
it isn’t just a “bad day.” Did you start having
those kinds of thoughts? It made me realize
I had to do something about it. Robin, when did you realize
you were depressed? I was depressed for a long time. But because no one commented on it,
I thought it was just part of life. “That’s just how it is.”
It wasn’t until later that I understood. I started reading about it, talking about it.
“Maybe I’m depressed.” It explained a lot about my childhood,
why I acted a certain way. Or why I cried so much.
Those sorts of things. Did people also tell you to “buck up”? Yeah. The sick thing is that sometimes
it was good to hear that. You talk things through, and feel… Your mom or sister says,
“Enough. Go do something about it.” It depends on how they say it.
If they’re dismissive, like, “Buck up”- -or if they’re like,
“You need to look at this.” Speaking of “bucking up,”
let’s hear all of the useless comments- -you’re tired of hearing
about depression. “You’re just having a bad day.
Sunlight and vitamin D will help.” “If you can’t handle what’s depressing
you, how can you handle anything?” My dad said that to me. I got a similar comment.
“You’re just doing it to get attention.” -That’s not it. You really do feel lousy.
-“Stop using it as an excuse.” You can’t even get out of bed.
Or at least I couldn’t. “It’s an excuse not to go to school.
It’s an excuse to get out of stuff.” -Or that you’re lazy.
-People don’t know to handle it. They haven’t experienced it. My family doesn’t believe
in mental illness. “We’re fine.” When I tried getting help, they were like:
“You’re faking it. You’re lying.” “You’re just a child. When you grow up,
you’ll understand. You don’t feel bad.” I got that at first. But when Mom
realized I was in really bad shape… -…her entire attitude changed.
-But isn’t it like… When you talk to someone, they’re like:
“Have you talked to anyone about it?” “I’m talking to you about it!” People focus on the external stuff:
“Did you go to your appointment?” “Did you take two doses of medicine?”
It’s not that simple. It takes more than that. -So people think there’s an easy fix?
-“If this is wrong, do that.” I tried to get help when I was 11.
Something was wrong. I had an eating disorder and anxiety.
The doctors didn’t take me seriously. It should be even more alarming
if a young kid has these symptoms- -if she’s not eating and stuff.
It should be even more alarming. When I was 13 and trying to get help,
my psychologist told me… When I was suicidal, she basically said:
“Think positive for five minutes.” “That will make everything better.”
I literally wanted to jump out the window. -What do you say to something like that?
-They’re ignorant. They don’t get it. I’m asking for help because I feel so bad
I want to kill myself… -That a psychologist would say that…
-You can’t just wish depression away. -How did you deal with it?
-I’m still dealing with it, still depressed. Sure, you can take medicine.
I take medicine every day. But I’m still sick,
according to my medical journal. I don’t think it ever really leaves you- -but you can recognize the symptoms
and work to minimize them. That’s how you get better.
But to get better- -you have to accept your situation. I’ve never gotten any concrete advice
from a psychologist. -My psychologist is good about that.
-Mine gives me a “reality check.” He treats me like an adult.
We work on mindfulness, etc. -What else has helped you?
-Radical acceptance. That means that if you can’t
change something in life- -like other people’s behavior,
your behavior – you have to accept it. If you know your mother will scream
about the dirty dishes- -do them before she notices. Or accept that you’re not up to it
right now, and you can do it later. Studies show that influencers
are more popular- -if they post about mental illness,
depression or trauma. Are depression and mental illness
used to get attention and sell stuff? -Yeah.
-Yeah, they are. -What did you say?
-Everything they do feels forced. “Look at me! I make money doing this.
I don’t have a job.” Some are like that, but some raise the
issue in a good way and are genuine. -What makes them good?
-They don’t use it to get pity. It seems like most of them
just want to cry on camera. When you make a video,
you sit in front of a camera. There’s no need for a piano
to be playing in the background. I’m like, “Really?” It makes it seem
like they feel sorry for themselves. “Please cry, because the piano music
sounds so sad…” -So it’s fine as long as there’s no music.
-Don’t be overly dramatic. -Don’t turn it into a sad movie. Talk.
-“Keep it real.” Does it help if people open up
and talk about depression? It’s awesome when they speak openly
and show that it’s okay to talk about it- -but there’s no need for dramatic
piano music in the background. It just adds to the stereotype
that we’re all miserable. -You lock yourself in your room…
-Do you have any tips for our viewers? What advice would you give
to those watching who are depressed? Talk about it. If your friends don’t listen,
talk to the school counselor or nurse. You can chat with psychologists online,
there’s Children’s Rights in Society. Accept that it’s okay to feel bad. -Accept that it’s okay to get help.
-Do something that’s meaningful to you. Music, art… Focus on your studies.
What do I know? You don’t get better overnight.
Find something to focus on- -until you figure out what’s wrong
and what you can do about it. Take care of yourself.
Do what you need to do to feel good- -whether it’s distancing yourself
from people or getting closer to them. I view depression
as a sort of personal “renovation”- -where you clear out the junk. You work through it, talk about it, feel it.
If you don’t, it never goes away. Awesome tips. Thanks for being here. Do you want to be on the show
or have a topic to discuss? Write us. Do it now.
Thanks for watching. Take care. Bye!

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