Lisa A Romano the breakthrough life coach and I’m really excited Someone just reached out to me and said Lisa tell me what is your number one tool? What’s the number one? thing that you can offer me to help me deal with the narcissist and I was really excited because I was able to answer the email and My number one tool is SHUTTY SHUTTY and I’m gonna explain what that is but first I want to say a couple of things about narcissism so not everybody that we know is a narcissist not everybody that Disagrees with us is a narcissist not everybody that we have an argument with is a narcissist But there definitely are predator type People that we have to contend with every day These people use what I call the three E’s. they feel ENTITLED they EXPLOIT other people at any cost so whatever their need is they feel within their right to exploit this person and They lack empathy and so they’re the type of people who Really walk around on planet earth and believe that whatever’s going on in their head and whatever need they have basically, whatever feeling they have is supreme in relation to other people which of course is crazy because everybody’s Opinion is valid, right? Everybody has a right to their own belief Everybody has a right to feel what they feel but not everybody has the right No one has the right to enforce what they feel or what they believe on to other people And so when we’re dealing with someone who’s a narcissist we have to understand that their agenda is to not hear us. That’s huge That’s a huge problem because so many of us talk to Narcissists and we’re under the presumption that the narcissist wants to hear us they don’t! They are not interested in what you have to say and Another tip that you can use is when you figure out that you’re dealing with somebody who lacks empathy Exploits other people and feels entitled to exploit people and just feels entitled in general To not follow the rules to cut the line to be abused if whatever you know the deal when you’re dealing with that type of a person you Have to recognize that this person has no interest in meeting you halfway very very important and so my number one tool in dealing with somebody who is narcissistic or highly narcissistic is a tool that I call SHUTTY SHUTTY and it’s so powerful and the reason SHUTTY SHUTTY is so powerful is because it Represents this idea that you recognize that the person that you’re dealing with doesn’t see you and so a narcissist or someone with high narcissistic traits is Sort of like a rock. Would you argue with the rock? No, of course, you would not would you kick a rock not too smart to kick a rock, right? Do you stand there and yell at a rock and ask a rock, you know to turn into a jug of water? No rocks are in movable, right? They are solid things and they can’t hear you They’re not interested in you and so you’re talking to a narcissist and this is what you get, right? you constantly getting constantly hitting this rock and I remember the first time that I Used shut shutting and I didn’t know that’s what it was at that time that phrase came later But back in the day I had a flip phone and my ex-husband and I I think we was already separated But the harassment was still coming I was getting thirty text messages anywhere from like ten to thirty phone calls a day on my home phone and on my cell phone very Angry, he had lost control over me. He never expected me to actually follow through with the divorce and he was just very angry and rageful and Persecuted me I literally felt like I was walking around with a bull’s-eye on the on my back because Everywhere, I turned there he was he would drive his big pickup truck into the area that I worked I would come out of work and I’d see his truck parked You know in a parking spot not too far away then there were times that I would come out of come out of the Come out of work, and I could see his truck coming into the parking lot I mean really at times I was actually terrified didn’t know what was what he was going to do but one of the biggest problems that I had was that I Kept talking to him if he called me I would engage if he texted me I would text back if he hurled an insult at me I would hurl an insult back If I heard in conversation that the ex said X Y & Z and it was a lie you know if I didn’t fall into a Puddle of tears, then I was making sure that I was standing there, you know practically begging the person please don’t believe them It’s not true that never happened right? I was hooked. I was absolutely hooked So it was sort of like that this person in my life Was dangling a carrot in front of my face and I was just following this carrot. I really was hooked and My I didn’t realize at the time that it was my ego my ego was trying to protect the inner child from feeling all this persecution and the illusion was I’ll fight back and that’s that’s the way That I’ll beat this narcissist at this game. He insults me. I’m gonna insult him back he tries to hurt me He says something about my sanity I’m going to insult his sanity, you know the deal and so I’m at work one day I have a client waiting for me that I have to be 100% Present for and my cell phone’s going off and my cell phone’s going off and I looked at my phone Like I said, it was a flip phone at the time and I saw a bunch of insults I mean vulgar insults and I just looked at the phone and I felt this anger rise up inside of me and then I just said not today and I shut the phone So I SHUTTY SHUTTY . I remember thinking to myself. I’m not I’m not taking the bait today. I’m not taking the bait today I’m not taking the bait when I go home when I go home. I’m gonna delete all the messages on my answering machine You know if he drives into the parking lot, I’m not even gonna look his way if someone insults me through him I’m not going to engage I’m going to SHUTTY SHUTTY After a while, I began to notice that my energy field began to change now What changed was the energy field that was above my ears? I just did a video about that recently where we have this auric field or you can think about The energy field that is above your eyes that includes your third eye your crown chakra your prefrontal lobe, your neocortex This is your thinking cap. Right and when you use your thinking cap, effectively you can Re-energize your physical body because when you’re thinking correctly, especially when you’re dealing with the narcissist, right? they are not able to drain you and so what I began to do was SHUTTY SHUTTY. So when he drove past the house and he dropped the kids off and He tried to bait me and say things like, I Oh your mother looks like Mariah Carey today? I just kept watering the grass SHUTTY SHUTTY. I did not engage. On the days that I had my hair straight He would say “Oh, mommy looks like Cher today” All different things that he would say just to annoy me just to Gaslight me I just SHUTTY SHUTTY. I just kept watering the grass or kept doing whatever it is. I was doing I When he started insulting me through text as hard as it was to not respond I said no more Codependent no more. I am not engaging I am holding on to myself and it worked It was absolutely amazing And so my number one tool to helping me deal with a narcissist is really to SHUTTY SHUTTY. I cannot tell you How effective it is! When I coach people and they tell me that their ex Insulted them at a baseball game in front of their child and I ask them, What happened? And sometimes they’ll say “well we got into this fight back and forth and it upset the kids” and then I say “Okay now think about the same situation at the baseball game and the kids are present. The mom or the dad says something to you that you know implies that they’re trying to Gaslight you. Now imagine you SHUTTY SHUTTY. Imagine that you say nothing Imagine that you close your eyes and you engage that you detach and you imagine yourself Holding on to your inner child and telling your ego even you don’t have to defend yourself. It’s okay I got you SHUTTY SHUTTY. How would you feel?” And across the board, clients will tell me that I would have felt so much better, and It’s because I engaged that I feel worse.” And this is the thing. We never feel better after a fight. If you think about boxers in a ring, these poor boxers they’re they’re exhausted after a fight and it makes sense because they’re in the boxing ring and they’re physically exhausted. So when they come off and out of the ring, we understand why they’re so exhausted. I also think it’s very important to say that there are different types of narcissists. There are narcissists that are actually violent and so in that case you definitely want to make sure that you have an exit plan and that you’re moving towards removing yourself from what could be a violent situation You know very often times we think we have to defend ourselves and fight back. But if you’re dealing with a violent narcissist, that’s actually what you don’t want to do and the best thing for you to do is to figure out a way to create an exit plan so you can get out of that situation as quickly as possible. But for the everyday garden-variety type of narcissist who enjoys being passive aggressive, enjoys gaslighting you, minimizing you, marginalizing you, triangulating you at work and trying to engage you in some type of mental and emotional and psychological battle, knowing that they have the energy to do such a thing and it actually energizes them to take you in, so when you engage with the narcissist you’re actually energizing them So SHUTTY SHUTTY works for that type of a narcissist we have to understand is engaging someone with high narcissistic traits in a battle of words We’re never going to win Because they were built for this every time you hurl an insult at them They get angry or they get nasty they dig in they harder There is no way in the world that I ever could have beat my ex narcissist with a battle of words. It’s just not possible How I did win was using SHUTTY SHUTTY. So when he tried to get my goat and he wanted me to react, I used SHUTTY SHUTTY. When he insulted me in front of kids. I learned to SHUTTY SHUTTY. I would say to the kids, “Oh, it’s okay kids, just go in the house mommy will be in soon” and I just kept getting the groceries and taking them out of the car or whatever. Now I personally believe that SHUTTY SHUTTY can be used in many situations. When I feel triggered I SHUTTY SHUTTY because I know that whatever is gonna come out of my mouth is going to be reactivity. And I know that when I am reactive I’m subconscious and when I am reactive I am NOT thinking .when I am reactive my energy body the energy body that it exists from my ears down is reacting. Energy is given out. It’s being given off. I’m not taking energy in. When I instead disengage, when I detach and when I SHUTTY SHUTTY, I am holding on to the energy that is within my auric field and I am reducing the chances of engaging with a boxer. A Narcissist is an energy boxer. They are unbelievably skilled at tearing you down emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. They are hell-bent at persecuting you. If you’ve ever pissed a narcissist off they’re coming for you!!!! Like they are relentless! It is their agenda to bring you down! They persecute you, they punish you, they smear campaign you, they try to triangulate you constantly trying to Gaslight you. In my opinion because it’s worked in my personal life and I’m trying to teach my children to do the same thing, it also works in my professional life, when I offer this suggestion to a client and when we learn to SHUTTY SHUTTY with people who are on the spectrum or with people who just like to argue, we win. There are people who are built to be confrontational. Confrontational people are confrontational. So their agenda is to engage you in some type of a battle. Everybody’s tired after a battle. I don’t want to be in a confrontation with someone. I don’t want to battle with people unless I absolutely have to. But in most cases we don’t have to in most cases or very often times shutter shutter works. So I hope that you’ve been inspired to try SHUTTY SHUTTY. I hope that if you’ve ever wondered what the heck SHUTTY SHUTTY means because you’ve seen it on my youtube channel on a t-shirt, now you know what it means. And if you begin using it, I would really be grateful for you to share your experiences here in the comment section. Thank you so much for being a member of this YouTube channel and for being a part of my YouTube family and for following my work and trying to do all you can to find your light in spite of what has been, YOU ROCK DEAR ONE– you rock because when you heal yourself you help heal the world! How can I thank you for that? How could anybody thank you for that? You’re making the world a better place in spite of what has been so rock on be you and may your light shine bright namaste dear ones until next time.

About the author


  1. After turning 40 I found out that my mother was a narcissist. I always new something was wrong with her. As soon as I found out and recognized the characteristics I immediately blocked all communication from her. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.

  2. Shutty shutty works, except then they turn their evil onto another victim. Usually family members (your offspring) whether adult or children

  3. Lisa . Thank you i owe you big time . With your videos i managed to distance my self from my mother. She lied to me and about me so much so other members of family believe her … or they say its all in my head. Did therapy and its not me at all.and it sure isnt all in my head . Bless you sweet lady xx

  4. People who do word battle, like you said in your video is a sure way to know if a person is a narc. Shutty Shutty can work, like most technic but unfortunately, many narcs when they spot this, they try to destroy our technic. they are crafty remember? 🙂

  5. My in law and the entire clan fits all of narcissistic traits. I always felt I have to defend myself bc husband was being raised by narc so he doesn’t know any better. The day when I apologized to few toxic narc, I detached my entire life away from them. I burned and deleted all pics anything relating to my in law and the moment they saw all pics were gone from my house (the house that my own parents bought for me that their son in law lives here), they came visit and I gave them unwelcome gesture and they knew I am done. Recently they reached out by saying they want to start over, I do not believe for a moment they want to be better. The moment my husband turns away, their nasty narc behavior and demeanor remains the same. What scares me is rn I trying to come up w reason why I should stay married when I’ve been miserable. The last string I’m trying to pull together before I file for divorce. It has been a very hurtful journey as I pray and ask god for guidance and forgiveness. I personally don’t understand why ppl hurt themselves that way by thinking being a control toxic narc is smartest way to live. Sad part is living life lacking everything possible is a big part missing self educating and growing.

  6. I learned…and tried to teach my sisters that when dealing with our psycho father when he came home from work spoiling for a fight was to STOP TAKING THE BAIT. DON'T ENGAGE.

  7. I live in California & narcissists are the flavor of the day here. I'm not from here so I know the difference. Literally the only thing that works here is to put them on ignore cuz they do get energized by any response. I call it walking around the doo-doo pile lol. But I love "shutty-shutty-". T Y my friend.💙

  8. Your accent sounds like NYC? My ex is from Brooklyn. Every where we tried to eat for yrs he complained about the 🍕 and " this is not 🍕! We never made it to NY as a married couple I'm sorry to say

  9. 100% correct! The one I like "a sharp knife cuts clean" do not engage do not answer phone calls don't read letters. Nothing to do with them!! It's for your own sanity. I'm going on 66 yrs old and finally learned this several yrs ago. "A sharp knife cuts clean" like she said , you can't win, don't even think you can break even or even make sense of it.

  10. I've been married since 12/12/12 & in the relationship altogether since July 2009. & it literally was just brought to my attention that my husband seems like a narcissist. I had no idea what that even meant, so here I am doing my research. & WOW!!! How do I, as a married woman deal with this? Just shutty-shutty? My marriage is sure to be over if I just shutty-shutty & that sadens me. We're on the verge of divorce already & I'm scared. I know I deserve better, but I don't even know how to start over. This literally breaks my heart

  11. I can honestly say that I have been practicing this technique for the last year with the narcissist in my life—it works.

  12. My father in law is a narcissist. I wish I had the “shutty shutty” idea when we got in an argument over my dead sons car. My son at 20 died of suicide and now two years later, I now realize that I have PTSD because of it. My father in law was always mean to me no matter what I did. If I agreed with him he would change his mind and be against me. He gaslighted me constantly. And was rude to my two children. Because if him, I ended up in the emergency room and admitted to the hospital with trigemenal neuralgia. ( Massive head pain not associated with headaches). Now, the next time I will ever see him is in his coffin. I elected myself the relative to make sure he’s in it. Thank you for making this video. It will help me immensely in the future.! 😀💙🌈

  13. After 12 years of trying to answer back and trying to reason, I'd had enough and moved into the spare room when he raged over me not answering the phone quickly enough. For 3 days I ignored his screaming rage and then he suddenly packed his bags and left

  14. Thank you so much for this video. I've been in my marriage to a narc 47 years now and FINALLY am realizing that there is no way to fix this mess I'm in with TALK. I've been 'shutty-shutting' for awhile now and it sure is liberating. I've also been journaling and keeping track of what he says and texts me. It certainly helps to keep my mouth shut but he is upping the fight to get me to react. It's SO difficult to keep silent but when I do I feel awesome and like a winner.. FINALLY. I love your boxer analogy since I'm a fan of UFC fighting and see the damage they incur, but fighting a narc is really like fighting a rock like you said. They certainly are unbeatable with words. What an excellent video.

  15. Narcissists use "coercive language," they use language to coerce you in some way.

    Normal people use language as a form of communication but narcs use it to manipulate. Normal people use language to convey their truth but Narcs use language to manipulate those they are speaking to. For the narc, language needs no basis in truth, lang. is just another tool of manipulation to coerce you do things or feel things. They usually don't believe (belief=truth and they don't need truth) what they are saying, they just say what will manipulate you, whatever that may be. If they see you are not effected by their coercive language they almost always try to find others who are, and quickly.

  16. What if you have a 14yr daughter with these trades. My gosh I just don’t get her. This is very hard.😩💔

  17. I would try and indulge my narc hubby years ago too,try to get through to him and still have compassion and hope,even though I was being abused mentally,now after years of broken promises and empty threats,I am completely shutty shutty no contact,unless theres a issue and even then I have anxiety just talking..I sleep on the edge of my bed,after him being on the couch for almost a year,I’ve blocked him on all social media,and texts,so I get through to him via email if I have to,I’m healing and growing more of a emotional backbone,which isn’t easy with no help or support from family and no friends,I don’t pity myself,I just keep on keeping on,knowing my worth and that I deserve the respect I’m not getting,thank you so much for your videos,I take notes and they help a lot I wish I found them years ago 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  18. I remember the first time I walked away, ignoring the bellowing screeches of my name, I said nothing and walked up the stairs, went to my room and got on with my day. Everything changed from that day. Still get love bomb messages, telling me we have so much in common. This is my sister I'm talking about, I reply with minimal information and no emotion, I feel totally ignoring would only lead to battles including my whole family. I play nice but she gets absolutely nothing out of me, not a morsel of my energy. Life is good! Good luck and stay strong to anyone trying to find the strength, trust me this works. They don't think like us x

  19. Ultimate shutty-shutty: Not engaging in a lawsuit and just leaving the narcissistic work environment for good.

  20. I began this years ago when I realized it was all about control and it was time to get out. So I was polite , didn't engage and saved up and moved when he was not around. He found me that took effort so I moved again

  21. I am at that stage now but fear that he is going to become so frustrated with my silence he could do something irrational. How do I stay safe from narscisst's wrath. For him even negative response is better than no response.

  22. Gangstalkers are the very worst embodiment of narcissistic perp-sonality disorder going. See Targeted Justice for victims of this social disease – Targeted Individuals. Ella Free talkshoe show provides many TIs testimonies. One narc is bad enough, but try being targeted with criminal slander by many of them Strangers to boot. Our society is literally endorsing narc abuse – covertly. Many TIs do not survive.
    Emily Liberty

  23. Question:

    On the list of Abusive Tactics is "The Silent Treatment" ..

    How do we practice Shutty while avoiding being accused of this?


  24. This is the first of your videos I have seen. Very good advice. I have used this with my ex narcissist, even more so no contact as no entanglements like kids. Brilliant. I also use it when I camel comments on YouTube videos or a Facebook post and I get trolled or someone wants to get all defensive of an out evidenced idea (pretty sure they are narcissistic too). I call it “non-engagement” but I like “shutty shutty” 😂

  25. I have at least 3 people to deal with now and most of my life I have had to work with individuals like this. You absolutely cannot have a conversation with them. They just wait for you to shut up at times if they are sort of polite, to interject their thoughts into a conversation. They are mostly not even listening when you talk to them. You can ask what you said, in the next 10 minutes and they won't have a clue. I have had one that is so into themselves , hear me talk, then shut me out to the point that when they heard someone with my same opinion the next day, they gave them a shout out on what I had already told them. No respect for what others have to say or think, they want credit for everything under the sun. It's an insult if you know anything that they didn't , and they can't be WRong , Ever, LOL. It's like they feel that they are gods, yet they will say that they don't think that. Really? I felt sorry for a lot of people like that and sacrificed my time and energy. Patience and compassion. I have learned that it's a waste of my time to go too far. They don't respect others and yet they have another side to them which captures you and your compassion for them. It's tricky , because you can love them feeling they mean no harm, yet they are giving harm alright.

    I agree about your Shutty, Shutty method. It is the only thing that will help , because if forces them to look at what they did to offend others. Not judgement there for anyone else but themselves. If you don't do the Shutty technique , you won't ever get them to put down the Narcissist, Self Righteous , disrespectful ways. Oh, and know it all mentality. They hate to be WRong. They hate to have a spot light put on them. We have a lot of politicians, not saying names , like that. I say that in all due respect. May God continue to help them and us 🙂

  26. I learn to keep away,. No contact,. Don't waste energy arguing with them!!! They want to win at all times and I'm bored with them!!! My older sister told our elderly dad who is now dead that I. Was a. Drunk and a. Drug addict!!!! Lies to. Make herself look better!!! I. Drink water and only straight. Diet Coke!!! I. Take a. Aspirin. If that makes me a. Druggie?? I. Keep far away after I. Told her shes a. Sick lier.

  27. I. Feel deep inside these narcs hate themself and very insecure!!! Always control yourself,. Not others. These narcs feel alive when arguung and hurting you. Ugh

  28. 95% of my family members are narcissist. I’ve had enough and I’m tired of the emotional abuse. The world would be a better place without evil people. Thank you for the information provided.
    Everything you said is completely true. No contact is the best method, they can’t change or understand your feelings.

  29. I wish my mom would have rold if this is what she was doing to disengage because to me it made her seem passive in being abused and lack of swpf worth to defend herself the only thing i heard in defense was who cares and alot of times because my step father had always mentioned her taking care of her weight kind of in a condescending way she was so ignorant&actally didnt care to take care of her weight out of maybe despite even after i would tell her how important it is for her health but again she was so defiant and not care for her health which seemed like yeah you do what you want when you want yet it was so perplexing because she wasnt caring for herself like should even though stwp dad made it apparent but more in a offensive way to make her in noncompliance almost like gaslighting/manipulation trying to expose a flaw/problem needing to handle but in a disrespected way only unmotivates kind of like in a bully way someone calls you fat thibking you'll change out of shameful abuse yet you refuse to accwpt it as a problem to be more empowered but nothing in bad health should be empowered by anyone.

  30. My (ex) husband has used all tactics to get me back in place.. where i used to be.. always engaging, always begging, where he is able to manipulate me. I somehow was able to pull myself up and see the bigger picture and learned to put a stop to his abuse. I wanted out finally, i shut myself out of the toxic marriage, i stopped talking and engaging. He used every tactic imaginable to get me back, he was crying, he was sorry, threatened me of losing the kids, threats of losing my job, smear campaign, and as a Catholic, used Bible verses on me, about the vow we took , how I've become a sinner for breaking my marriage vows. How he used that on the children saying to our kids that im a bad mother and person for breaking the family, for not willing to forgive. He told my kids on how i supposedly dreamt of myself being in very very dark room ( which i didnt of course ) and asked our kids that if God is in a bright room, then who would be with me in the dark room? But i kept quiet and didnt engage him. No matter what he did or say, i kept quiet. Until me and the kids moved out, filed for a protecrion order. Now we have a case ongoing where i petitioned for a permanent protection order. He initially avoided the court orders until he can no longer do so. So im praying that the kids and I can soon put this behind us, move on with our lives, a life without fear and abuse.

  31. Others call this tool "The Grey Rock". You either do not engage, or if you have to, you are absolutely flat, no emotional response, pretty much just robotic, with no interest in anything but what you need to accomplish (if you have kids, or are trying to separate assets, etc.). You give them NOTHING. You cease to be their supply. At first they will be furious, but after a while they simply move on.

  32. My mother-in-law is always putting me down belittling me yelling at me making me do all housework and I've never appreciate you and nothing I just get disrespected and walked all over

  33. Disengagement

    And speaking from a early childhood educator view.

    As a preschooler learns to manipulate,
    It requires someone willing to be manipulated
    Ends manipulation

    end of story 😊

  34. When I gradually began disengaging from my ex-wife and her flying monkeys, her dad told the judge in divorce court that I was “reserved and unaffected by things”. Even in my attempt to maintain sanity, I was still criticized and made to feel guilty. That was years ago and my life is so much simpler and healthier now.

  35. The technique "shuty, shuty, is the silent treatment and a form of gas lighting in itself. 😂 however in the case of the Narcissist it is best to protect yourself.

  36. You rocked it Lisa! The ONLY thing that makes any kind of real change toward taking your power back, or keeping it intact! Is the shutty shutty!! It's hard sometimes, but damn well worth doing it! Best advice, get away from the them! Permanently! For those who can't, listen to Lisa! 😄💖💖💖

  37. I divorced a narc after 28 years. I work with narcs. My mother is one. I just clam up. Now I can call it shutty shutty. Feels so good to remain unengaged with their dramas!!!

  38. Shutty shutty is how I got my narcissistic spouse to divorce me. Without her narcissistic supply, she decided to discard me.

  39. I understand when the scenario is a parent who is a narc but when your spouse is a narc , thats where I'm confused , why marry a narc ?

  40. Lisa, thank you for this tool. Isn’t it amazing how they just show up? I had a series of situations that just really wouldn’t let up. Not to mention I had a case of my own “narcissistic fleas” to deal with. All of a sudden, I saw a red screen pop up in my inner vision, like a computer, and it was red, and it said, “ ACCESS DENIED”. The wash of relief! Another one popped up shortly after, a door, with a sign saying, “NO ADMITTANCE.” Another flood of relief. Our beautiful Spirit Within just knows what we need. Now, there’s,
    “SHUTTY-SHUTTY.” The tool box ever fills. Thanks again. 💕

  41. THAT rock only has 1 answer to getting nailed for ANYTHING they do & it's…..yr fault. YOU made me do it, say it, + whatever else they can blame YOU for! 1st time you hear that…RUN!! Just get the hell out….
    For those who can't run…..just listen carefully. Whatever they blame you for is EXACTLY what THEY are doing, or have done AND….it's THE ONLY TIME THEY SPEAK THE TRUTH! Don't bother trying to figure them out….not worth the bother. Sicko's that bad can't be healed or fixed. Not worth wasting yr time on….just GO!!

  42. Lisa you are so right. I was harassed for two years and for two years I never responded. It drove him crazy that I would not respond. It does work when you don't respond to them. Thank you Lisa for all your help.

  43. That is exactly what I do to my mother for a number of months so far. When she's trying to insult me or something, my reaction is absolutely NOTHING. In my country people often say that silence is gold.

  44. It is the best idea ever. Its truly the only way to hold on to your power. It helps us gain self control. I discovered it accidently in my divorce. Which in spite of everything proceeded amicably. I also began to apply it generally. To holdback and observe more instead of rushing in with my heart on my sleeve ready to save and to empathise. This saved me 🙏(thank you Lord) from becoming involved in what would have been a devastating destruction and crushing relationship. Also, being able to handle putdowns and gas lighting without the ego going into fight protection mode is a sign of growing inner strength in my view.

  45. My narc is my Tenant in the house which i rent to her. She hasnt paid rent for almost 6 months and thinks its a game! Ive taken her to civil court to legally evict her but she promises the judge that she will pay up all that is due in a court ordered payment plan. She fails every time to pay and repeats the process again like its a game of cat and mouse. Ive stopped answering her calls, emails, texts and requests to give her another chance. She is not getting my energy anymore and she is digging herself a huge hole in the court system. Soon she will be out on the street because of her sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and repeated broken promises.

  46. This shutty shutty is the new mantra of my life…lisa you have helped me heal so much. You are a blessing in my life.. I keep you in my prayers. You are wonderful!!

  47. they use the Hegelian dialect of problem reaction solution
    we call it baiting
    Question …. has a narcissist ever recovered ?
    i see them as weak , unable to self sustain ,unable to be self sufficient emotionally
    is this caused by an environmental issue as in a childhood trauma ? a learned behavior ? or a failure in the DNA , gene pool ?

  48. The best advice I've ever heard is to learn from these awful people, every engagement with a narcissistic person has taught me more of how to deal with it each time, being awake and aware is new territory for me but it gets easier, change is coming, we see what these people are. What can be done ultimately? Hmmmmm💜💜💜💜💜

  49. Saying something to you via phone, text or one-on-one is one thing but when the narc provokes you in front of your children, my feeling is that at least saying something like, "You may not speak to me like that" and walking away with the children would show the children that that verbal battering it's not alright and that you aren't just taking it. Otherwise, how would they know what you are thinking when being abused in that manner?

  50. In and as such as this may or not be true it seems that that narcissists may or not be narcs regardless of your personal problems be as they may be. Sorry…the term word salad reminded me of my x. So glad I can laugh at it now!!! Lisa is awesome cause she has been there, done that, and done the real work!

  51. so true. I can beat my mom's attacks. it takes time from being sympathetic to winning at their game. they learn to back off.

  52. Detachment, realize they are negative energy and ignore, take your body and mind elsewhere, literally and figuratively.

  53. When you really, really believe they are sick, the words will have no meaning to you anymore, for you will see it is all an act of madness.

  54. Narcissists are definitely always looking for a reaction. Don’t give it to them. Don’t react. Be completely unemotional, wooden, robotic and only logical in your thinking and responses. It absolutely drives them crazy. They can no longer control you. They’ve been emotionally manipulating you for years and they freak out realizing that all of the work they have done to turn you in to their slave is gone.

    It’s unbelievable how effective this method is. You’ll see them panic and truly frightened at the realization that you are no longer your slave.

    Turn yourself in to Mr Spock. He rarely speaks and when he does it’s brief and logical. That’s all. Don’t offer to help, don’t offer your opinion or advice. Be remote and boring. Silence.

  55. You are good!! This is so true. I used this technique with my x and only when I started doing this; not engaging, did I finally get control of myself and yes, my energy. So awesome you are sharing this. Thank you

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