On Feeling Depressed


We’re not talking about the extreme, most paralysing, regions of despair – where external medical help is vital. Our target is rather the times when we feel – as indicated by Thoreau’s phrase – mired in moods of ‘quiet desperation’: a large, grey hinterland in which beneath an outward surface of endurance, we feel exhausted, close to tears, beyond the sympathetic understanding of others, easily irritated and daunted by the simplest tasks. There will probably have been certain triggers for our melancholy: an intimate rejection; a humiliation around work; the growing realisation that the ambitious plans of earlier years have come to very little… Unfortunately, sadness feels very taboo. Societies tend slyly to insist on cheerfulness. We end up not only struggling, but humiliated that we are in such difficulties. Yet, in truth, there is nothing more natural or routine than grief. We have so much to feel morose about: simply by virtue of being alive, we will inevitably so often feel badly misunderstood, unfairly criticised, overlooked and rejected. We will be struck by our own stupidity and appalled by our inner ugliness and cowardice. We will make some shockingly poor decisions, we will let others down – and will witness those we love suffer and die before ourselves having to give up the keys to life. The reasons for feeling low and demoralised touch more or less every one. It is the universality – the normality – of suffering that makes the sight of small happy children so poignant; we know, as they cannot yet, how much they are going to suffer – we don’t know the precise details but we know that in some way or another a distinctive range of horrors will, in time, befall them. Every day, almost without noticing it, we have to fight off a range of incoming powerful reasons not to despair. We rely on an internal engine or muscle of hope to pump out consoling thoughts. Then one day the task seems too much; the muscle can’t take it any more. At such times, we need to keep a few ideas in mind: For a start, that sorrow is not an individual failing; it is a basic reality for our entire species. We are so extremely sensitive, such fragile constructions, constantly exposed to danger; for the most part blind, hopeful without regard to reality and with unquenchable needs for love and sympathy. Our tribulations are a symptom of being human, never just a curse attached to our sliver of existence. Others, who might seem successful, buoyant and composed will travel, at moments they shield us from, to the same places of despair we have been exiled to. We live so close to ourselves, we know so much about our private failings, we miss that our flaws are general: present even in the outwardly placid, the beautiful, the rich, and the people next door. If only we could see into their minds, we would feel so much less alone. We are, it’s true, sometimes hard to be around. We’re easy to caricature as grumpy and a pain. But in truth, we’re sad rather than mean, anxious rather than bad. It’s hard to make our despair sound charming, to present ourselves in the way that would win us the compassion we so require. Yet we’re being harder on ourselves than we would be on a friend. We should – at the least – accord ourselves the same degree of forgiveness we wouldn’t hesitate to direct to an acquaintance. In the end, however tempting it is, we can’t just abandon our lives. There are too many people who rely on us (even if their presence doesn’t feel real right now). Above all, we don’t know the future. It’s the other side of our dependence on chance. Things can get slightly better for reasons it’s hard to foresee. Just as pleasures fade and can seem meaningless in retrospect, so pains (at least sometimes) can pass or soften. Things we thought we’d never be able to get over gradually become bearable; we adjust our mental posture, we stoop to accommodate a new reality. Being miserable does not exclude us from the human community. It’s a sure sign that we are very normal – and that life is progressing, in its own dark way, more or less exactly to plan.

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Comments

  1. People don’t understand they think that u can just get rid of depression just by cheering up or thinking positive it something that is very hard to get rid of it takes time lots of it

  2. I used to have a very good school life with good friends and all,but after joining college I have no friends,my school friends are in other college, I don't have anyone to talk with, I literally sit alone in bench, sometimes I feel like crying in college, that I don't have any friends,I feel so depressed and lonely,my college Life still has almost 3 years to finish, don't know how I'll go through it

  3. I lost personality 2013. I miss the person I used to be… the only way I handled it, was because I talked to myself and no one else. I was telling myself that it would be ok in the end. I don’t know if it’s depression or not but I have been feeling sad, angry, nervous and ashamed off myself for 5-6 years.

  4. its not true lots of people are happy their whole lives we are cursed we are beyond fucked forever we are all going to eventually kill ourselves then find out that hell is real and we are going to burn in fire forever and ever.

  5. Well sometimes I just lock myself in my room and other times i just wanna jump off a cliff, I do feel shit but sometimes I just don’t care

  6. Hey checkout my video and take on depression and how to overcome it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97fWGFo3v7A

  7. wow…..so well explained…just to point out as mentioned at the beginning of the video, clinical depression or major depressive disorder may need medication.

  8. Everyone's around me keep telling me it's normal it's part of life! …But discovered that being sad almost everyday is death itself (my mom is the best mom ever and my dad is my hero) but their toxic relationship used to affect me, and still affects me and am 22 years old i see mama depressed, dad so stressed , my sister is my best friend she's living abroad and am so happy for her i love her so much ..but am not happy i went to psychologists they helped me but still not happy..whenever i open up to people they call me drama queen "you should be grateful you are pretty, you have freedom, your parents dedicated their lives for you,you have food, shelter…" but but little do they know iam a broken person hunted by all these suicidal thoughts, i lack self esteem and used to get bullied about my body so i developed an eating disorder (i wasn't obese never was but i don't fit their standards) i barely have friends, i don't have a boyfriend and never did cz am afraid that he'll judge my body cz i will not take it! I graduated from university on the honor's list yet our country's economy collapsed so no jobs, my future is unkown, i eat very very little and still don't lose weight, i fasted for 14days and lost 3kgs of water only! I skip parties bcz i hate my body..it's saturday and as usual am sitting alone at home while everyone's out there living their 20's wild life..I may sound weak to you but i've fighted and survived so many battles in life.
    Regards,
    Unknown person

  9. People! Stop living in and for this temporary world and live for Jesus. “What good Is it to gain this whole world but lose your very own soul” ? -Mathew 16:26 and Jesus also said “whoever tries saving their life will lose it but whoever loses their life for me will surely find it” -Mathew 16:25 . If you are empty and depressed and have no hope; know that Jesus truly loves you and cares for you. Repent of your sins and turn to him. I’m telling you this because I care about you! ❤️ much love

  10. I feel depressed and betrayed because my best friends desided i was annoying (i do the same things that they do but they think im just mean and annoying) and they didnt want to be my friends anymore and they bully me… this is the worst feeling in the world

  11. If you continue to ignore the root cause and only deal with the symptoms, you'll never be free of your condition. here is the natual procedure to ELIMINATE PAIN & DESTROY 91% OF DISEASES BY TARGETING THE PROBLEM AT ITS ROOT CAUSE please visit here https://naturalsynergycure.com/go/

  12. Then why do i still feel alone and targeted and own family hates me i mean WHAT THE FUCK.IF I HAD A FUCKING CHOICE I WOULD HAVE NEVER CHOSEN TO BE BORN.

  13. You know people can be depressed for reasons like a breakup, a failed career, even homelessness. It’s fine if that’s why you’re depressed, it’s focused be expected…

    You know why it’s expected?

    Because now, in this modern, industrial cycle, everything is hell. It’s wrong.

    There is no way to backtrack, atleast not for me. Too many laws, not enough time, not enough freedom, not enough willpower, and not enough energy…

    To everyone that feels the way I do, or anyone depressed in general, this is the pyramid’s base.

  14. I was in hospital for my depression a couple months ago…it’s still a constant struggle and self harm is so much harder to stop than i thought…but slowly i think im getting better…

  15. The best weapon of self expression i found for myself so far is practicing my violin. I'm no virtuoso by any means, but it reminds me to appreciate every small victory in life in every small gain i make in practicing a cool yet frustrating tune I want to play. Someone else here in the comments said that self expression is one of the best ways to deal with depression and they are so right.

    I'm always on the lookout to find better ways to deal with life. So im curious…what's your 'go to' method of coping when depression hits?

  16. I’m 15.
    very bored of life,
    Spend the whole day locked in my room reading manga/watching anime.
    really have nothing to live for and no plans with atmost average grades.
    Personal problems they’re unique to my family and are hell to deal with daily. Just not in the mood to do anything or talk to anyone. If I hear one more person who just blindly says to “get counseling” or “call this #” I’ll just stop looking up solutions.

  17. In 2019 everyone says they have depression for the tiniest problems. They don’t know what the fuck depression feels like.

  18. My situation is unique to my family. Without getting into it I can certainly say this isn’t something you can solve with counseling or hotlines. My life is hell.

  19. I have good reasons for being depressed, but I just hate when people act like they are depressed just to look cool on the internet

  20. 0:43 what's the betting that my reasons for struggling with depression won't be there?!! So I won't watch further thanks for invite but time should be precious even if in my way it appears to seem a little sad and depressing! Might catch up on some 'killing eve' instead of this…

  21. It's okay not to be okay.
    Life has high peaks and dark tunnels, don't be afraid to reach out if you're left in the dark and confused as hell.

  22. Why bet on things getting better when they are more likely to stay bad? Suicidal people usually have years and years of empirical data and have already tried the wait and see option.

  23. “You can’t be sad. There are people who have it worse than you”

    is like saying

    “You can’t be happy. There are people who have it better than you.”

  24. Feeling depressed it really changes what you do daily for me i just couldn't workout anymore i ate more and sometimes barely ate i never got enough sleep i stopped talking and interacting with people that much drinked less ate less sometimes 2 meals a day just laying there in a dark room with a tv watching more and more watching vanoss thinking this might help me feel better but nope also you get less energy and stopped making weapons/ engineering, animatin/drawing and all my other weird hobbys just to know if you have depression don't be scared to ask for help i know my parents won't listen but i know how it feels just at least try

  25. I was having depression because of something in my life so I went to my most trusted person in my life but that person said nobody cares so go solve yourself that person already angry about something nd said I don't want to live in virtual world in dream I saw with you
    That breaks me I swear that was not virtual I saw those dream me want to make it true but that make me more depressed I am crying whole time thinking of that I cry evrytime just asking why??

  26. How is it that Love is NOT an emotion?
    Become emotionally literate!!!!

    What is the function of sadness? What makes it vital?
    How is it different from depression (and its VERY different)
    Become emotionally literate!!!!

    What is the purpose of anger??
    Become emotionally literate!!!!

    What are feelings?
    Become emotionally literate!!!!

    there is only one book I have found that actually talks about what feelings speicificaly. I find that bizarre given how much psycholgy self-help resources are out there. Its like discussing a book without having a functioning vocabulary.

    Karla McKlaren; The Language of Emotions (and no, I'n not profiting from the recommendation)

  27. Whoever is struggling reading this. You are not alone. I was in the depths of depression a few months ago, It was horrible. Believe me when I say this, it can only be a spiritual fight. You can't fight something you can't touch and the only way to do this is through prayer. the devil and his associates live to Oppress. But through prayer you will be okay. See this battle you are going through as a lesson. kneel down whenever you feel sad and ask the Lord to help heal your mind. You're stronger than this. Watch this video and tell me how you feel after 😀

    https://youtu.be/6wLvTIH88NI

  28. I never discuss Depression with someone who professes to have never experienced this particular hell..

  29. Four years ago I had a handgun to my head and I pulled the trigger. The only reason why I'm still here is that the gun was on safety.

  30. I was depressed and hated myself for many years but after a long period of struggle, pain and throwbacks I got out. And you can and will get out too! I believe in you, you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me (instagram.com/justvilipp Don't make the mistake to not talk about your problems. I am happy to listen to you and even more happy to give advice where I can from my own experience.
    You are beautiful, you are wonderful and you got this!

  31. Kan nog erger , dat je jaren dacht dat je gek was , maar dat de werkelijkheid je nachtmerrie is , dank, ….. echt lachen .😵

  32. I was so inspired by this. this is such an important topic and i personally witness so so much stigma around mental health still and it's heartbreaking
    so i made a visual audiobook (kinda like an animation) on this topic and i really hope you guys could check it out
    thank you and i know this kind of self promotion is very annoying but i rly want to spread awareness :)))

  33. I’ve had this for 3 years and now it’s just annoying. I keep trying to fight back and eat healthy and get good sleep and exercise. Suddenly I wake up 4 days later in the same place that I was beforehand. I don’t know how to keep fighting. I think I need to call in BACKUP.

  34. I don't even know how i would continue school. I feel like i wanna be homeschooled.. I don't wanna be at school…

  35. I discuss 5 tips that may be useful for some of you with depression! #HappyHealing
    https://youtu.be/4mEQi3G9UKU

  36. The real world : No one in the real society cares and a damn to people suffering from extreme depression or mentally I'll. I suffered long enough and will end my life and bother no one anymore .

  37. I’m always feeling so sad and I’m not able to feel emotion other than crying or getting angry. My mom compares me to my sister and I get so angry that I want to throw everything. And I feel like that my life is the same everyday and nothing gets better. I’ve started feeling depressed since last year and I don’t have the courage to say that I’m depressed to my parents.

  38. These videos are great. They get to the heart of the matter with humour in between to realise that life isn't all doom and gloom. The senses we are blessed with alleviate dark thoughts and even when we aren't motivated at times, there is always something to be grateful for……

  39. sometimes i feel sad.

    not the like “oh im sad bohoo”
    the sad that makes me feel like im just.

    that’s it. im just. im nothing but also something. im not falling,flying or floating. im just.

    and it feels so horrible. there’s just darkness and light. i can’t feel anything. i can’t hear anything. i can’t because im just.

    but what’s scary is that i don’t know when it happens. it’s here, it’s nowhere and it’s everywhere.

  40. Maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. 🙁

  41. I recently lost my mum in April and it hit me pretty hard since then I went off my food for 3 weeks i went off my meds and I wasn't a happy person to be around but now I'm back to normal

  42. And its sad because with all my friends people barely ever check in on me and people dont notice when i am upset, but then whenever I notice anyone I know is upset i check in on them and I try my best to help people. I find sometimes I will be giving pep talks while wanting to cry, just wanting someone to notice my pain. And I dont want to tell people because everyone I know has really big problems and Im worried they wont see my problem as bad, and Im also worried about pestering people or being a burden to them, and Im also worried I might cause them stress, because I remember last year and the year before that i had a few depressed friends and it caused a lot of pain for me, and I dont want to put the pain of knowing someone is hurting that badly on someone else. But at the same time I just want someone to notice that I am hurting

  43. Odd how there wasn't this huge epedemic of sissies whining about their lives during the Great Depession (pun intended.)
    Such weak people. Therapists and psychiatrists, most of them nut jobs themselves, are licking their chops at this generation of customers. Now its a Silicon Valley status symbol to have a therapist, and a personal trainer, chef, etc. Those that can do things for themselves shall inherit the earth. My mother, born in the 1920's was right when she said "These brats need a good, old fashioned depression!"
    Find your purpose and do something. Stop whining, that is a female trait. Stop listening to friends/family/colleagues who whine. I tell people to shut up all day, and feel great!

  44. Everything inside me … raw and uncut in my head and heart … right here… it’s all right there in front of me to look at in disgust and awe… wow

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