#schizophrenia A Real Inside Look At Schizophrenia

Hi, I’m Michelle Hammer a schizophrenic girl living in New York City. I created an own the clothing line Schizophrenic.NYC and I’m also a co-host on the podcast A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic and A Podcast. You should totally check it out. Today I want to show people what schizophrenia can actually look like. I’ve been trying to record myself while I talk to myself and I’m having an episode but I’ve been having a lot of trouble. But a few years ago I did catch myself having an episode and I recorded myself. I thought I’d only had about two seconds But when I replayed the video actually had more about 20 seconds. It was really interesting to me to watch because I had never really seen myself talk to myself ever. So I wanted to show people what it actually looks like, while I narrate the entire time. So let’s get to it. So here it begins. I’m trying to get myself. Just to zone out. Now I’m listening just some music because I just wanted to zone as fast as possible. And I was just listening to music just as zone out and you can see it soon in my eyes. I will start thinking I’m looking at something or I’m gonna start hallucinating and start thinking there’s people in the room. That are there and there’s there’s my eyes. I’m looking around and I’m talking right now. I’m making no actual sounds but I’m talking. And that movement was me trying to get out of the talking. I’m trying to fight the talking by making these faces. I’m trying to get out of it. I want it to stop and I don’t even know that I’m doing this right now. And I’m just making these weird faces and I’m talking it’s just bizarre and it’s fighting. I’m almost fighting myself to stop from talking. But I’m having this conversation and I don’t want it to be there and I’m still doing it. And you can see right about now I’m going to look at the camera. Right right there. I see the camera and I stop There you go. Thank you everyone for watching my video and seeing what schizophrenia can actually look like. It’s not really a violent thing. It’s not something to be scared of. It’s not something that you should be really terrified of. If you’ve been diagnosed, sometimes you just talk to yourself when you’re alone. You really shouldn’t be ashamed of it at all. And I’m not ashamed at all that I have schizophrenia. I wanted to show the world what it can really look like, and I hope that people really learned from this video. If you’ve been diagnosed, your life is not over. If you have a family member with schizophrenia I hope this opened your eyes a little bit. And I hope everybody could learn something from this video. Once again, i’m Michelle Hammer, and I really hope that you like this video and I hope you share this video if you feel like you learned something from it. thank you so much and Goodbye!

About the author


  1. This is how one of my episodes usually look like, mine are almost constant though like they can last hours to even days of me being alone in my home speaking to someone quietly. It's very odd yeah, but it's something I cannot help at all. Unless I'm around many people because I know it's weird for them.

  2. The hell was that? Nobody "knows" they're having an episode. The moment you said. You KNEW you were having an episode and wanted to film it I knew you were full of it. Your more of a sociopathic liar if anything. Trying to sell your soup of stones. Your decent looking go do fetish amateur porn instead at least its a honest living. Because your a nut but for sure not a schizophrenic.

  3. You are truly remarkable… taking your mental illness and fighting the stigmas associated with it and constantly fighting for your voice to be heard is absolutely fantastic. People have such a negative connotation with mental illness and it is quite sad considering more people than not have one. Thank you for helping to making a difference and for not letting schizophrenia define who you are and for not being ashamed of it. I found your page from watching the video you did about schizophrenia with WebMD. Keep doing your thing because you definitely are making an impact!

  4. This is open to anyone. Why do you talk to your voices? I have Schizophrenia and I generally never talk to my voices. I view it as a waste of time. The voices are my own brain making crap up. I would never personally tell myself to kill myself but thats what my brain decided to do. There is no point in talking to nothingness. Thats how i view it. Why do you talk to them? Do you do it unknowingly and catch yourself doing it only sometimes? Is your schizophrenia forcing you? Do you do it on purpose to appease the voices for some reason? I legitimately want to know. Schizophrenia is horrible no matter what, I understand that the voices can be very manipulative. So no judgement regardless of what you say.

  5. I love the podcast! I truly love it. Thank you so much. I listened to the podcast every day while I work. It have helped me to deal with things. Thank you.

  6. i love you michelle! And gabe too! You guys have this specific podcast episode about new years resolution. You asked gabe whats it called when people whip themselves, then he responded, "schizophrenia". And your wheeze laugh made me fucking die lmaoo! I found you two because i have paranoia. And your podcast has really calmed me down and gave me some fantastic laughs! <3

    I live in NYC as well too! I'm 18 and i'm glad i'm learning everyday on controlling intrusive thoughts because it was scary when i had no way to control it. Thank you both <3 :*

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