Self-Care = Self Esteem = Stress Management

Practicing self-care improves self-esteem
and decreases stress. Self-care means caring for one’s self, which
may seem obvious, but many of my clients never learned self-care, which is why they come
in for therapy even though they usually don’t identify poor self-care as their issue. Self-care is usually learned in childhood,
but if not, then it must be learned as an adult. Children learn self-care through observation
and interactions with their caretakers. Caretakers with good self-care skills model such behaviors
to children. Caretakers with poor self-care skills model those behaviors as
well. In addition, the way caretakers interact with children acts as a mirror telling the
children who they are. If treated with love, respect, protection, and nurturance, children
will most likely learn that they’re worthy of love and respect, which then foster self-love,
self-respect, and self-care. However, If treated with abuse or neglect, children may come to
believe that they’re unworthy of love and respect, and therefore, undeserving of self-care Thus, if you were subjected to abuse or neglect
as a child, you may never have learned self-care, so you’ll have to learn these skills now,
which can be achieved through counseling, by identifying and observing good role models,
through attending support groups such as Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, and by reading
self-help books, particularly ones about recovery from codependency. Self-care includes caring for one’s physical,
emotional, spiritual, and relationship needs. So, let’s talk about each one: PHYSICAL SELF-CARE involves eating properly,
getting enough sleep, obtaining adequate shelter, maintaining proper hydration, getting enough
exercise, exhibiting good grooming, seeking medical help as necessary, protecting your
body from abusive or dangerous situations and toxic substances, knowing how to relax,
wearing adequate clothing, and enjoying non-abusive, consensual physical touch. EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE involves honoring your
feelings and needs, being able to grieve losses, developing a loving and nurturing relationship
with your inner child, creating a healthy support system, avoiding abusive or manipulative
persons, knowing your limits, living mindfully in the present, and practicing good stress
management. SPIRITUAL SELF-CARE involves finding meaning
and purpose in your life and establishing a growing connection to things greater than
yourself, such as friends and family, your community, mankind, mother earth, the cosmos,
or a Higher Power, RELATIONSHIP SELF-CARE involves advocating
for yourself as you negotiate relationships by being able to ask for what you want and
say “no” to what you don’t want. To summarize: Self-care means honoring and
respecting the miraculous being that you are by listening with the ear of a dedicated mother
to your feelings and needs, so you can create an environment that nurtures your physical,
emotional, spiritual, and relationship selves. Self-care is not selfish, but rather understands
that I cannot truly love another without loving myself first. Self-care improves your relationships
because by respecting your own needs and feelings, you’ll naturally give that same respect
to others. Self-care decreases depression, anxiety, anger, and stress, and improves self-esteem. So, here are some red flags that would indicate
you need to improve your self-care skills: * You abuse substances
* You are involved in abusive relationships * You miss medical appointments or avoid them
all together * You allow people to use and manipulate you
* Your personal hygiene is poor * You feel alienated, alone, or empty
* You have a poor diet * Your life feels without purpose or meaning
* You act self-destructively * You feel stressed much of the time
* You don’t know how to relax * You frequently beat up on yourself
* You are chronically angry, depressed, or anxious If you identified with any of these red flags,
then you have work to do. But, first, here’s a secret: We all have work to do! Improving
self-care never ends because it’s a lifelong journey, not a destination. The important
thing is to get on the path to self-care, beginning with exactly where you are right
now, and then begin taking small steps toward improved self-care that become giant leaps
forward over time. If you found this video helpful, please click
the Thumbs Up button. And if you want to hear more from me, then subscribe to my channel,
Counselor Carl. I will be publishing a new video every other weekend. And if you’d like
help in learning to improve self-care, then visit my website,,
to learn more about me and the services I provide. Until next time, and keep paying attention
to your life. 1 1

About the author


  1. I am taking control of my life and I have a Page on Facebook called Garden's Palace. I found your video helpful and posted your link. I wish you continued success as you help others get control of their lives.

  2. Thank you!! I am a therapist and I am currently running a group on self-esteem & self-care for young parents. I'm going to show them this video. Really appreciate this!! <3

  3. Thank you. Self care is important for all of us. You know, if you were my counselor I would learn a lot from you. Thank you.

  4. Wonderful- I shall get myself a special self care journal. What a great clear guide to changing our lives. I grew up with narcissist mother …
    But maybe not so bad…
    As all I need to do is to turn around all that care I poured out constantly to others!!! I was a RN & healer also!! I'm kinda excited about this. I was brought up & conditioned not to be "selfish" & Never to be proud of achievements. Terrible really.

  5. I stumbled across your channel again and it reminded me of how helpful your videos are. I love how at the end of the video you outlined that we should not expect perfection from ourselves. I know I got on the path of self care, but I sometimes get frustrated with myself too easily and blame myself for not being able to do better, take better care of myself.. especially establishing boundaries with others, I find this so hard, and I tend to blame myself when I haven't been able to establish one.

  6. Welp… Every red flag described me- on the bright side is all those red flags make it easy to navigate which way to move forward

  7. I found you a few years ago. Thank you for helping me with the journey of self-care and healing. Now, I listen to this video again, it’s joyous to find out how much progress I’ve made. You’re an angel with very soothing voice and abundant knowledge!

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