Stress – Overreaction to Life | Ajahn Brahm | 9 March 2018


Some people going outside some people coming inside Usually I try and make a quick estimate how many people go out and how many people come in The moment is I’m at a loss More people have gone out that come in Maybe my charisma is not working today. Maybe I spent it all in Hong Kong and Singapore He Okay, yes few more coming in but of course many people actually watch these talks on online So many people actually go overseas or watch you online Which is very wonderful that we can share all of these talks And online is much easier because if you’re watching at home online if you don’t like it you can always delete But here you’re not allowed to delete me. You’re stuck with me for the whole 45 minutes so here we go I Do have a fan oh It doesn’t work Hey, hey Okay So These talks on a Friday night as I often say you don’t try and plan them just let them happen And it’s just know people say some things just Beforehand or the last hour or two and it’s just an obvious topic which keeps coming up and up and up and up and the one today is you know the old one about stress I Don’t know why people are stressed out We’re stressing out about Can’t you this is your weekend? You don’t have to work I do That just come back for 11 days just working my butt off in Hong Kong I shouldn’t have any but left after all the hard work I do But it’s still there my nose to the grindstone. She know she should be flat by now and Always accepting all these offers Just say that as soon as you come back There you have to just don’t get some physiotherapy on your arm because people always twisting my arm to do this and to do that but oh Come on relax Because a lot of times that you understand that you know you should be stressful The amount of work you do, but you don’t have to be The stress has got nothing to do with how much work you have It does nothing to do with all the problems you have in your life. It’s nothing to do with all of this It’s not the world which is stressful It is the way we look at it This is a wonderful thing which you know a basic teaching and understanding you can learn It’s not the world is out to get you It’s just that sometimes. We don’t understand and we react in a way, which is causes things to be worse so Instead of learning just to over react to life because that’s what an inflammation and inflammation no either of the immune system or an inflammation because you have a wound and inflammation of your head because you know somebody said something you don’t like or your Expectations don’t be met or people keep shouting at you and criticizing you all of those things It’s an overreaction to life So we learn Hopefully places by this just how number one to overcome stress lower your expectations Simple things when you go over to one of the places I was over in Hong Kong They’re talking about how the children committing suicide. They’re in these universities Because now this is next to China in Hong Kong and it’s a very very demanding culture trying to get jobs trying to survive, and if you do think you live in a stressful environment in Perth This is my heaven Compared to the stresses, which people sometimes have to deal with in those countries At least we have space at least we have a beach many beaches you know in a place of like Perth But in some of these places or it’s just really really tough Wow So first the voice because everybody wants, you know you have to succeed in life you have to get someone life You have to be somewhere in life That’s what people think especially in the Chinese culture where your parental expectations are very high And you do have this idea of filial piety you just want to look after your parents But sometimes we don’t know how to achieve that So I was just saying that some of the some of the experiences which I remembered growing up One of those experiences would haven’t really mentioned that much all these memories keep coming back every now and again You know that’s when I was about 11 years 10 or 11 years of age You know my primary school. I managed to get on the school football team and I was so proud of getting on the school football team playing on a Saturday morning, and when I told my dad I’m on the school football team. He said you are wonderful when you’re playing Saturday mornings Is it aha I have to work on a Saturday morning, and if it it eleven-year-olds? You’re so crestfallen when he got on The school’s he was only at school football team primary school But you felt me something and yet dad couldn’t come to see you. Oh, that was so disappointing, but he had work to do So you can imagine my delight? When you had already started playing the soccer game the kickoff had already happened, and I turned around and there was my father He was on the touchline cheering me on oh that meant so much to me And then I asked him after the game said how come you managed to come here? I thought you had to work And he said yes, I did have to work But I know he was always very sick, so I told my boss The doctor had asked me to have a series of injections every Saturday morning He lied he wasn’t a very honest man, but he was so kind and I’ll give him that You know he was putting his job at risk to see his son play football and That meant so much to me And that was the kindness he education which I got from him Disability to sacrifice because being with your family is so important but some of us think oh now We’ve got to get you a really good education and if and if you don’t pass those exams Then you have tuition extra homework keep keep Pushing for the academic achievements and so you know we just do things all upside down Do you really need academic achievers to get anywhere in life look at me? I got lots of academic Achievements, and I haven’t got anything in life. I live in a small cave I haven’t got a house and got a car I don’t have any holidays Honestly, I don’t have holidays when I go to Hong Kong. It’s teach teach teach work won’t work I don’t sort of you know have any any superannuation to worry about You know if I lost my job in the Buddhist light at West Australia. I’ll be on the street. I’ve got No health insurance Got nothing except beautiful memories of a kind father kind friends Kind people kind monks kind kids Thank you and that is my inheritance And so sometimes when we wonder about the stresses in life we get stressed out because we’re searching for the wrong things in life There we sometimes we should stop every day. What do anyone a little question like that Right now. What do you want in I? Want to be rich come on that’s never gonna happen, and if you are rich That’s not that is sometimes people saying oh I win the lottery then I can I can do this and go there I can pay off all my debts I can just you know what they say they say a compartment. You know that you’ve got powers I know you’ve got powers, so just know a few numbers. That’s all I wanna palpable They sometimes they are for these things. I’m not gonna be really really careful Because I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why but sometimes when good lucks They forget to keep but it is this was of this blessing once a Friend of mine here. He said the friend of a friend one of the people who came here very often And he’s moved out of Perth now. He said one of his friends was opening up a small business Can I come and bless the business for him and of course you know just a blessing is just just giving you extra energy? You know making you feel good Just like you know the your honor the grounds of the football stadium or the cricket pitch and you cheer on your team Just my father cheered me on when I was playing soccer that meant a lot to me that made lifted up my spirit So I decided to go and chant for this business But you know I do get very busy sometimes and sometimes I forget to ask what type of business is it and this was a lottery store I Won’t say which which shopping center this was in but I went there just opening out first time and I Really gave it a big full blessing ajahn brahm superpower And it was only about a year later two years later. I read in the West Australian Saturday edition clue to get the Saturday paper here to find out what’s going on and There was a big article about this the most successful lottery outlet in Australia And I realized oh my goodness the one that I blessed I better not bless anymore mother But when people do get rich, what do you do with the wealth? It’s just a Lot of times you know that wealth destroys your happiness it doesn’t actually just make you more happy I Have lived I have visited. It’s part of my job, and if an interesting life is a monk Sometimes you go and see these incredibly wealthy people politicians CEOs well the last time I went was in Hong Kong go to LinkedIn so now I’ve been to LinkedIn Facebook Google what else is there must be a few others, which I’m supposed to do sorry Twitter. Yeah Isn’t Twitter part of I know that? Donald Trump uses my Twitter a lot too much, but you know it is treatable Okay very good Bad jokes walk because It’s stupid but anyway Let’s go to all these places meet always interesting people and what happens Is sometimes some of these people and mega wealthy? Billionaires you know once I was I was at Parliament House in in Canberra a state dinner with Queen Elizabeth the second Wow And I went to the toilet like you have to do in the men’s toilet in the urinal next to me Was Lachlan Murdoch? And I thought oh, I should have bought a donation envelope for the Buddha Society of Western stupid yeah But I didn’t have one with me, but anyway So You meet all this and there’s one fellow. I just remember just going to give him in a blessing and his mansion It was over in Kuala Lumpur somewhere I won’t say which guy this is I went to his mansion and there were guards with machine guns the guy You know he was a private person just a tycoon Guards at his gate huge Huge walls see CCTV ninety-three two seats CCC saw something TVs and guards everywhere And I thought this is like going in a prison And it was like a prison He reminded me of a prison, so these guys are very very wealthy actually lived in their own private prisons And they couldn’t go anywhere by themselves Always had to have somebody take them around Bodyguards everywhere and so what type of life is that? And I just remember growing up small. What was it called it’s a council flat? for really poor people in a part of London Which I never knew that this was so many migrants went to my little primary school No, there’s Africans I was member luahn ever he was from to make us somewhere really nice friend There was people over from from Sri Lanka Can’t remember this guy’s name now, but all these are from Eastern Europe and from Asia All these are people I didn’t know That in migrant areas were usually the poor areas But they were my friends and My best friend it was a son of a milkman So it’s not exactly the highest-paid job in the world but he was my friend my mate I just remembered to spending so many times. You know enjoying each other’s playing soccer But I also remembered my little apartment You know this I’m not quite sure how you can how you can define this? but and it was only just Three or four rooms really small and I had to live in the same bedroom with my brother And sometimes my parents would actually do have one of these Make your beds It was just that latter was the sulfur which converted into a badass only place. They could really sleep very very small But it was small It was so wonderful Because I had to go up with my brother. I had to get on with him Yeah, we would argue we would fight But one thing I had learned is how to love somebody how to the other thing I always remember was my parents they were just no ordinary people they would argue and Sometimes they would fight and sometimes they wouldn’t speak to each other In such a small house that couldn’t last that long and The kids were around as well. We’d start teasing white is speaking to daddy mummy come on mummy. You can say sorry And eventually they would make up they would hug, and they would kiss in front of my brother and I know such a special moment I Learned because it was such a small apartment. I learned that we do argue. We do have differences of opinion and as we seen things from a different angle, but Because we had no choice We’re too poor to afford a lawyer So yeah, it’s a makeup We wish from head But I saw them just kissing and hugging and saying sorry I learned such a wonderful teaching from that doesn’t matter who’s right and wrong Which is actually a no? We’ve got to live together so we kiss and make up and we enjoy each other’s company, so small houses are really really important So one of the reasons we have problems and stress You know in a place like Perth our houses are too big? Simple thing put more people in the house Good then you learn how to get on together and have this beautiful Family people you can rely upon maybe you can talk with Know sometimes people I sit there Friday evening people talk about this. I talk about that I don’t know really what you’re talking about, but I pretend to so yeah really that happened Wow yeah, I know sometimes That’s all people need just to be written know recognized and to be received some kindness some love and some respect and that’s what you learn living in a small place, but You notice again. I was reminded of this tale because I just sang over a had dinner I got lunch rather before 12 now And you know that I would do remember once that there must have been at nine or ten or eleven that my we were Legitimately poor because my father put a 1 pound note on this shelf above the coal fire They didn’t have electric fires just have coal now to keep you warm during the really freezing winters and This mother was sitting down their kids were myself and my brother doing homework or something I don’t know how this happened, but a gust of air Just took that one pound note and it fell into the fireplace and started burning And my father just tried to get it out. He burned his hand and my mother’s just started crying. Oh weeping That was so much for them So it also taught me now as a monk Sometimes I give my other monks a bit of a hard time No, you know. I’ve got to get a final Okay, when this party at that project because I remember this how much money meant when I was really young so Wonderful thing to them, but he didn’t need the money because head is beautiful love and it wasn’t stressful My father did have time to actually to watch his son playing soccer They did have time just to talk with you and to be with you that is what we’re missing That’s one of the reasons. We don’t have what we do have too much stress in as well Because we don’t have each other We actually just divided big houses number one means all in different rooms How many people just share rooms these days even husbands and wives sometimes that they sleep in different bits Even they have different rooms sometimes different houses What’s going on? and then Here you don’t have anyone to argue with you don’t have anyone to talk with either So some of the reasons we have this stress over here is this and we’re so divided and separated out And because we have big house and you have to work so hard to pay the bills and so because we pay some bills We don’t have time to meet with one another this is a vicious cycle so much work needs to be done to pay bills pay rates pray this pray that and just For a big house where we don’t see each other if we were living in the same house We don’t see each other because we’re so busy even on a weekend What are you doing this weekend how much stuff have you got to do. Can you just chill out this weekend? No, why not? It’s your weekend. You’re not supposed to work So our lifestyle These days it’s always doing stuff so much stuff there we get tired and stressed and We think we have to get stressed in order to relax Sometimes we work so hard so when this is done when I pay off the mortgage when my kids leave home When the work is done on a Friday Then when I pass my exams when I get the results from my my tests On Thursday, well what if it is? well Then I’ll be happy And I sometimes you really really wonder when don’t let people ever relax This is I do travel around a lot this is a saying which I often have just been to Hong Kong Kowloon Charton all over the place and Singapore as well. These are supposed to be major cities, but in all these places you go, and see it’s very rare to see a human being All you ever see is human goings and doings never actually being here and enjoying this moment a Weekend just more work on a different type of work So if you really want to overcome the stress of your life You have to realize that You’re addicted to stress you’re afraid of not doing stress you think that maybe if you relaxed everything will go wrong in your life You know it doesn’t go wrong. You just you don’t have heart attacks It doesn’t go wrong. It just means you have more time with the people you love and care for it Doesn’t go wrong. Yes other people think you’re really weird Why is it? You’ve got two weeks lot of dangers staying at home? Where are you going on the long weekend? Nowhere I’m just being here You’re crazy go down to Margaret River go down to Bunbury go down a bodhinyana monastery See the the monks a sa atm We’re doing that for If you really want to see it with video it for you So you can see it home. I can’t understand where people travel about people ask me There’s mostly actually the Thai people for they’re here. No ok good. They asked me before I left. They said you’re going to Hong Kong We’re going to Hong Kong for you going shopping Shopping or do you want to go shopping for? Do you like going shopping Why? Not number one. I’m a monk number two. I’m a man so shopping to me. It’s just I just know just weird But you know you have to go through these airports And then the airport just shopping centers these days you can’t bypass them Anyway all these things which I remember just walking just in Hong Kong and all the shops which I saw we’re either Closed shop mostly women’s clothes shoe shops or food And I said well, where’s the monks shops? you know can I get a verse such robe a Gucci beanie They didn’t have any mug shops there How many clothes you need a nice thing of Living a simple life. It just great being a simple mark Just this is actually just this is my baggage Thank you. It’s about what? About taken out I don’t know if I’m taken up about this every time I come back to Perth Airport is brilliant The guys know me there No, they call me, Abba So the guy this afternoon said Abba you you’re back again. He said you should have your own aircraft by now He told me this afternoon And I said if I had you’d be out of a job He said oh yes true, so I offered go they just walk the stroll through You know because you haven’t got enough to search So its simplicity is a way to overcome stress But why do we have so much stuff just in case we worry so much about the future what might happen Yeah, what might happen you don’t have to worry about anything Because again, I think last two weeks ago and especially just last week because Chinese year of the dock So I have to quote the great American philosopher Snoopy And it’s true mean these little animals that that sort of stuff you get from The cartoons are just simple Profound and everybody could understand it you just want you know just just read Nietzsche ki Or Wittgenstein and it just screws up your head. They’re always up to after a while, but anyway Snoopy it’s Really profound and easy to understand one of the things he said which I was talking about which he said that worrying about things Never stops bad things happening She worried about you. Don’t worry about it bad things happen anyway, but it stops you enjoying the present What are you worrying about thing? You’re destroying your weekend destroying being here So it’s not The fact you’ve got lots of things to worry about Other people do the worrying for you. Why not that’s what the government is for to do the worrying Your job is just to do is enjoy. That’s what you pay your taxes for so You refuse to worry on the weekend or If you’d have a weekend jobs then no don’t worry on Monday or Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday, whatever So you know that reminds me with that story? These things come up monks know all these stories and listen if you complain about Me telling the same stories over and over and over again. I have to hear them more than anybody So I know these stories, but anyway, so this is the the the migrant who came to Australia And even though he was well educated had a lots of Qualifications and when you come to a place like Australia your qualifications don’t mean anything And I’m bit worried about that Because you know now you have to have a qualification to teach mindfulness you Got to be accredited You got to go to a course and get a certificate So it’s only a matter of time when I won’t be allowed to teach meditation because I haven’t gone through a course I’ve taught the people who teach the courses, but I haven’t done the course myself It’s really weird this would be This actually happened I remember It’s not here this evening yeah. He was the the chief Psychiatrist some years ago over. It’s great as hospital You know one of our members here, and he told me this story that I’ve in Sydney University I think he was not the same as Western Australia Western Australia is we’re smart. I’ve been Sydney’s absolutely Ridiculous, they had this teacher this expert this professor of psychiatry Coming over to Sydney University to lecture for one year But because he was teaching Psychiatry he had to be a member of the Royal College of Psychiatrists Which means that his? qualifications in the United States counted for nothing He had to do an exam here in Sydney in Australia, so he could teach And they gave him two books to study on which they would test him And when they gave him this two books the first one he told his lamina. What’s this? He said well You’ve got to study it whose name is on that It’s me I wrote that book He still had to study it and pass it I think he passed the exam on his own book that’s gonna happen to me I’m sure to be able to teach in this joint you’re gonna have to mindfulness bliss and Beyond and stuff like that open the door Of your heart, they’re gonna. Give me a test on it. I wrote the Philippian thing, but anyway That’s the stupidity of our world these days, but anyway. Let’s go back to the stressing out but just all these things that you know that so we The future we can’t plan and the past oh come on Why do we linger on the process what causes our stress? Remember stress Is like the guitar string? Pull on both directions to have stress. You’ve got to have something pulling it if you let go Nothing is pulling Things relax, and there’s no stress anymore So what actually is pulling you? making you feel stressed It’s fear Mostly of the future What might happen? What will people think of me? That’s one of the great experiences. I had coming to Australia as a monk Was how many years ago now? 33 34 years ago and 34 years ago now coming to Australia. It was actually waste that time So norm is coming out of that time my 34th anniversary here in Australia when you first came here No people took one look at you. They’d never seen a Buddhist monk in the streets So sometimes they wanted to know what you’re wearing that for But I still remember the first place before we got this place here in no no Maura We had a little house in for Magnolia Street in North Perth and I was working so hard We would work over in Bodeen Jana monastery serpentine five days a week and on the weekend. We go to this little house which was you could actually sleep there and You could have a hot shower Over there in banja animosity you get buckets and throw them over from the dam Throw them over yourself in the evening to wash And it was so cold The wind was blowing the world it was chilly And you you really knew how to wash away quickly for anyhow on the weekend on Sunday night on Monday morning we pack up water We got all of the stuff to take down to the serpentine the monastery where we built it And I still remember just packing up on Sunday afternoon evening Putting out this beacon of the old combi van savvy couple years all those were really really good We packed up so much stuff in that Compound I remember going to the old wood yard at Jared oh You have a big timber yard there. We get the timber toss snow fresh sawn We go around the back way the long way around because our little van was so overloaded right And the inside there absolutely jam-packed On the roof as well really high if ever you seen I remember seeing on the only the rows I think in Indonesia the mr. Bean sketch we had a little carnie packed everything really up the top there that was like us I Remember after we packed all this in our combi van the head of the timber mill said you guys must do a lot of pray? To get that back to where you belong And it was true, but anyway when we were packing up in North curse This little 14 year old girl came out roughly about 14 She was visiting her grandma in the house next door and she came up and looked at me with All the disgust only a teenage girl can actually give She had her hands on her hips and look me up and down I Can’t do disgust, but you know really yeah, and he said looked at me and said you’re dressed like a girl That’s sick She was really trying to upset me because I can see her point you know you’re wearing a skirt And a bald head, but girls don’t wear board heads. I’m uh sort of beanie on or something, but anyway She was really disgusted authoress was so funny So anyway, it is we were just know having tutors or the other time when I was visiting a cousin Know that cousin eight. He came here to visit many years ago in stoke-on-trent. That’s where he lived and so During their spending time with your loved ones with your friends, so instead of staying in here We meditate we went for a walk walk on a Sunday morning as a beautiful day walking down the streets And I don’t know what it is about me must have some sort of charisma, but people were supporting at me and smiling and laughing And I just making people laugh as a great as a great skill But it was actually more people pointing and laughing at me than usual And so I didn’t really want to know what was going on well You know one badly dressed or something or but no They were just laughing at me all the time and then when we turned a corner I found out why there’s this big billboard a big sight the circus was in town And they thought I must have been one of the clowns And I did what make people happy is fine by me So anyway just sometimes what do people think of you Do you really care what? Is your boss think of you What is your your friends think of you and sometimes? We just so? afraid of our Reputation what other people think of us that we have to be fashionable we have to have good clothes We have to just know fit in As another little memory of mine when I was really into rock music when I was young and used to have these big concerts remember going to the the Isle of Wight rock festival 1970 So the famous rock festival and I had to be cool, so I had green velvet jeans When I went down there I found I thought I was being rebellious, I thought I was being individual I thought I was just just rebelling against convention setting a new style And when I went down there I found thousands of other people had green velvet jeans It is another type of uniform so Instead of worrying what other people think of you You can actually be free of that Be someone who is at peace with yourself too much that people are worried about their appearances Or again, how they come across to other people? the goodness sake what other people like Is not your hairstyle You know this used to be really weird and now it’s really common, so how many people copy monks Where no We some of us have patches You know you’ve got patches in your robe haven’t you there are lots of crutches in Israel you see we’ve really fashionable Fashion leaders trendsetters, but anyway Anyway, it is because we don’t really care or worry what other people think of us we can relax We should be happy we can be at peace and that is why people like hear What people like to to hang around with is that people are relaxed? Confident at peace with themselves at ease with themselves So if you want to be fashionable if you’re gonna be attractive he one of people that think well of you relax Be confident smile more so Such a simple teaching even last night Somebody was saying she’s heard me in Singapore They heard me giving all these talks, but still she’s anxious and depressed and sometimes that she sleeps in in the morning Because she’s afraid of getting out of bed and going to work It’s so easy solution just because is simple does not mean it doesn’t work Simple powerful Because this is what I was taught for two years by a meditation teacher when I was still a student Said when you get up in the morning, what do you do? And go to toilet great. Is there a mirror in your toilet of course there’s a mirror in the toilet and my teacher? Toby I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself And I told my teacher get real. I’m a student. You know you look at teenagers or 20 year olds What do they look like in the morning? Really grumpy miserable me Especially they’ve been drinking alcohol staying up late at night like I used to do it no Stace I said sir if I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning first thing. I probably scream And he said smart yourself Impossible and that’s when he told me things this great teacher simple Two fingers and push up That’s what he taught me So I did that for two years Two years I followed that and every morning You got up there and looked at the mirror Impart to fingers up and this saw this stupid young man Smiling making a face in the mirror and when you when you do that. You know if I make a face. Yeah, it’s working You’re smarting now You do that to yourself everybody don’t need anybody and then after a while you smile smile smile. I started laughing at myself I laughed at myself every morning for two years And this is kind of stuck now Which means that yay didn’t feel good He felt tired bit of a hangover busy day social life But Isis Mart every morning that was incredible for making you healthy Incredible for attracting really hot girlfriends It was a lot people smiley it was great for passing exams It was even great. I learned this okay when I was playing sports I did actually play sport every now and again I don’t know why I did this actually because they had to know the in Cambridge have the boats the ACE I Never did the boat race that was just too ridiculous You know you don’t that was just too full on but disorderly racing And just me in the boat and a race in pulling the soil a long way and after a while It was really hard, and I wasn’t really in certain to getting fits You noticed it’s a bit of fun, but as an exercise but not super fit So no what happened there was a little coach the coach was on his bicycle had a megaphone. He shouted out at me He said you’re making an ugly face smile and when you’re really struggling physically of course you do make ugly faces And I learned something great from that coach worthwhile all of that. You know doing the the training for rowing in an eight And what I learned that when you smile the? Or is so easy to pull I’ve got a boost of energy Paint has dissipated. I smiled and the oil had more energy and That was such an important at all teaching ask any psychologists that even doctors I don’t know. How it works if you’ve got a really really hard walk your cycling. You’re running. You’re exercising. You’re Working to snoo have a really important meeting smile And then your boss will not know what you’re up to Smart over that he thinks damn him he knows something I don’t what’s the answer? That’s my thing it’s so important so easy that takes away your stress Even little things like doing exams and tests interviews you smile Because people like people who smile it if you’re hiring somebody You’re gonna employ somebody at work. Are you gonna employ someone who’s just got a miserable face a sourpuss You’ve got enough of them back at home when you’re at work you guys You as somebody is uplifting smartie and it changes a whole Workplace and you don’t get so stressed because When you are smarting enjoying this moment You don’t have to worry about what’s gonna happen in the future This is something which the Buddha said the only reason why you think about the future is because you’re not enjoying the present If you can even just be and enjoy this moment which you have right now Smile at it You don’t need to worry about the future Worrying about the future is not being responsible. It’s actually escaping Because you’re not here you’re not enjoying this moment And some won’t be well you know this moment is not really good I got aches pains things are going wrong doesn’t matter. This is all you’ve got So when you’re worried When all the worry about the future doesn’t stop bad things happening. He just stops you enjoying What you already have right now? Snoopy Elgin Snoopy the great master Who lived in little dog house? Ate out of a bowl I live in a bigger house not that much bigger called a cootie or a cave But I eat out of a bowl just like Snoopy and I go for a walk every Saturday morning It’s called arms round But this is actually how we can overcome the stress in life, it doesn’t mean that you have to do I’ll give up your job Doesn’t mean you have to give up your partner doesn’t mean you have to give up your kids and no Ordain them listen. We know what people do I saw through this scam is a scam Because well, it’s not really a scam, but I call it a scam Because when it came the holiday times in places like Malaysia sometimes in Thailand They would get their children to actually spend two or three weeks in a monastery Ordaining as a novice monk or even novice nuns Wonderful thing so we could take your children two or three weeks They ordained as a novice we trained them Discipline them feed them, and they come home much nicer kids At the same time you’ve got two or three weeks. We can go on a holiday or visit your homeland Knowing that your children have really well looked after you don’t have anything to our free child care So we have to look after your little work all the different monsters, but They’re very nice little kids, but anyway, so Why do you just stay with the people you’re always there good enough for your kids Spend time with them. Just like my father spent time with me just watching a football match It’s amazing just how I remember death And as I cherish that These are the things which you teach your children The things which you learn from your partner your knife You don’t look at what goes wrong, and I think of all the times you had a wonderful evening If you’ve got a partner and you’ve had a wonderful time together Please keep thinking about that. Why why did that work? Why did you have a wonderful time with her or him? When it all goes wrong, please forget about that Because you learn from successes not learn from mistakes This is an important part of him having no stress But apparently I know teachers if businesses go all this business is not just LinkedIn and Google and other stuff But you know what happens is that when anything goes wrong? We keep on having meeting after meeting after meeting it went wrong it shouldn’t have gone wrong Why did it go wrong? You’re to blame out no your mistake out you know when things go wrong just Forget about it Don’t blame anybody, but when things go right There is when to have the meetings why did it go right and who was responsible me me me me yeah and We learn for what goes right in life we learn not from stress But those moments when you don’t have stress When they were a beautiful evening a beautiful day a beautiful weekend We learned Not from the negative from the positive Which is one of the reasons? Why somebody once asked me what I did more. What did that talk? What’s the difference between letting go and letting be? Letting go is just letting go of complaining and controlling letting go of fear When you let go of all of that what’s left. That’s when you let things be But sometimes we just look at let it be Just let this weekend be And if you are peaceful happy if you smile are your kids instead of complaining about them spend time with a Connect with them connect with yourself connect whether weekend Connect with your body so I can feel healthy connect with your mind it needs peace in his rest then you find it’ll be so efficient in this world you get so much done but Without any stress I Am a high achiever muck There’s so many organizations is not just put us aside in Western, Australia Just over in Hong Kong. It’s called Biff bodhinyana International Foundation and the people they’re called b’fer’s I Made the bigness And they’re doing really amazing this is how much? Stuff which I do over there how many people come to the talks in the newspapers and just some videos and goodness knows in universities and Where were sudoko not just linked in the fallen correspondents Club. It’s really cool What is people just they keep coming back and? you enjoy yourself, and you give and it works and Singapore’s two groups over there Brom sent him a Buddhist fellowship They’re flourishing There are how many toes how many people who had talked last night that to 3,000 people I? Know wondering this was on a Thursday Night in Singapore they disc so buddy They were giving up that their evening meal straight from work straight to the talk for three hours. They were there amazing just So I have all that responsibility All those groups group over in England Group over with I’ve got the brown Center You know Blum Society in Colombo, I got the a bicycle. Let’s see my group over in, Indonesia those different things a si Australia Sangha Association Monks and nuns in from all over all traditions over in Coming this weekend. You’ve got the Buddha Society Victoria That’s from the spiritual adviser so many advisers so many things to do But do I look stressed So Yes my Lyle So sometimes I get tired, but even just coming over a long flight not that well. I had to get out early in the morning to actually get the plane, I just come back here and Then this is how you deal with? life both stress both ends loose Happy smiling and resilience Something like that goes wrong. You don’t get angry when this guitar string has no tension Subject hits it something goes wrong You get fired by the police somebody hits your car people say things you don’t want you get a letter from the Police or and letter from the tax office or saga when things go wrong It’s only because we’re so stressed. We’ve got no resilience Guitar string fully stretched Bing, but it makes a really high-pitched really nasty sound you have no stress at all guitar string fully loose ping Doesn’t make any noise at all You don’t react When you’re relaxed When you’re tense When it is so tight one more thing one more thing you just say one more thing and then you explode that is where I enter : from stress To anger will destroy so much from anger So much of our friendships ourselves even our world so de-stress easy and the photo is coming with the the The pad and the microphone so I know so he doesn’t stress out will finish now So let’s have some questions so side to side to side – here we go So That’s how to de-stress okay, let’s see what complaints we got over here Probably from all the psychiatrist’s of stress therapists, I’m putting them out of business From Stephanie. What is the best way to overcome panic attacks? I have suffered 18 years my entire life has been this and it saddens me greatly Firm panic attacks one of my friends who was a monk many years ago. He was in the US Marines in the Vietnam War He had because he was shot in the back of the head And had some brain damage Otherwise is a wonderful monk very kind, but he had epileptic fits because of the injury being shortened though in a head how he dealt with his epileptics have hits similar way to overcome the panic attacks Because he was aware Mindful he could actually catch those fits Earlier and earlier and earlier he could see the signs. He could be aware to see how it works because The fits never just came out of the blue they had the introduction of the little bits getting more tense more tense he could actually feel it coming It took for a couple of years before he could catch it early enough He could take another path Relax used to go to his room darken the room just lay down and just relaxed as much as he could and then after a while no more epileptic fits He used mindfulness to see the whole process of a fit happening even panic attacks They don’t just come out of the blue you may think they do if you’re more aware you can actually see the process when they start to build and build and build and build and If you can catch them early You can find another path So you don’t go down that same habitual routes of panic attacks That’s one of the great things about awareness It gives you the feedback It gives you alternatives, so you’re not just a creature of habit. You could explore and do things differently From the Philippines What if What if the stress you’re experiencing is coming from the president of your country and his supporters I Tried not to be involved, but I can’t stand not to care Well even our Buddha Society of Western Australia. We have a precedence well He’s a good read so the stress of your country if there’s something to do Then do it give everything you’ve got Don’t wanna go okay stressed so but if there’s something you can do then do it Yeah, but that’s what kids are like you know that kids are like that same as presidents Was they say the old saying about politicians are like newborn babies They have all like the nappies of newborn babies they have to be changed regularly For that that’s your the exception Yeah But anyway You from the if you this is a poem from William Blake This is a read on purpose as different parts as Part of that poem Oh from quote to see a world in a grain of sand to heaven in a wild flower hold infinity in The palm of your hand eternity in an hour that is really about mindfulness and the joy of it, but also he wrote that vengeance to the tyrant fled and caught the tyrant in his bed and slew the wicked one’s head and Became a tyrant in his stead And I was just in a seventeenth-century That’s what happens people go into such politics Especially presence of country and men’s people actually go into that position. They go in there trying to do some good But sometimes the old saying of power collapse Absolute power corrupts absolutely that was Lord Acton because that was you know he apparently that in the Suburb where I grew up that was actually where and I was accent and there was he had his big mansion there But now it’s a long time ago, but that’s power collapse yeah but if You use violence And you get angry and stress to try and get rid of those presidents You become the same They bring you down to their level That’s been our history of our world Overthrowing tyrants, and then we installed another tyrant Is there another way? From the USA corner bosom our stress and trauma forms of spiritual pathology or something needs to be acknowledged and contemplated first How does one come to trigger that guys that are simply suppressing the difficult emotions? This is just like mistakes in life often say this you have not each miss gate mistakes You’re not even first of all forgive them You don’t make the mistake another reason for feeling bad about yourself Which is where we get suppressing from knowledge yet forgive it this. No. There’s nothing wrong with this nothing evil It’s not against the precepts – but it’s not against the law don’t get put in jail for being stressed You get put in hospital so first of all you acknowledge it and Forgiving it. It’s means you. Just don’t punish punishment is one of the terrible things which causes more stress in this world He someone asked me in Hong Kong. Do you believe in punishment? I said just know a Really absolute definite answer which was quite shocking to them what about really bad people the punishment just makes them worse and When I was punished or died all I learned when I was punished at school for making a mistake Was to make sure I don’t get caught next time It was just like learn how to be more smart and sneaky So quite um there were from the acknowledgement Forgiven, it’s part of life to make mistakes and even stress and trauma Mistakes happen in life. There’s no the the the dogshit for the mango tree but We learn from it. It’s a learning which is a growth in spirituality Stress and trauma it happens we have to learn from it not contemplated contemplate too much thinking explored Understood Really just walk on right into so we understand how it works just like sit with that panic attacks or with a guy with who had the epileptic fits explore it Understand there and what you have understand it you have powerful It’s not the best metaphor, but in the Chinese art of war Know the enemy know thyself Thousand battles fought thousand battles, won Now it’s a military thing but his reasoning became famous because that is about our life We got like stress trauma our enemy So know the enemy know yourself Thousands bet battles won So a thousand battles fought a thousand battles won. That’s how we overcome these things through wisdom through understanding but not contemplating contemplating thinking thinking goes around it so I can a Moon a satellite it orbits the problem it things around things To actually explore you have to go into No not Escaping from it. They’re going towards it So anyway any questions from the floor Great oh there was one was it. No. Yeah, okay? I Just want to ask you a little bit more about forgiving yourself from mistakes from the past like I Know it mistakes from the past are just so much fun Honestly because when we mention our mistakes people remember then it’s good fun people look what’s the nice? as many mistakes When I was doing a funeral service I got Chinese Culture in my mind right now Because of just being a Hong Kong so when I was in Was first came over here there was Chinese Buddhist family and somebody Not you know wasn’t Chinese this was actually Sri. Lankan. I remember now this one of the Sri. Lankan men who comes here They said one of their family had died and they were doing the funeral service In Raqqa B. Road as a funeral parlor there, so I went over there and you know just Started a service welcome everybody maybe in a funeral services were welcome everybody welcome everybody and it’s a to do the Buddhist funeral service for The the mother of my friend over here, so R and Jane or something Whose mother just passed away And that’s just how I started and that point this old lady at the front stood up Interrupted me and she looked at me and said it’s not me who died it’s my husband I’m still alive nothing wrong with me And that was the end of being serious about being 70 it’s wonderful you’re making mistake like that and I know you don’t heard the joke about you know the funeral Directors, you know who couldn’t find the gravesite They lost the plot For that actually happened to me once I think in Guildford Cemetery and As we’re doing the procession from the gates and when they were going and just now we’re going in the front end and the hearse was following myself and the funeral director and the northern mourners behind and they Were going and I said, no. This is a long way. He said you know. I don’t know where it is And we looked over there maybe about 300 meters away and that people were waving at us there’s over here It has happened I Remember just all these great jokes about funerals one of the friends over in Sydney He was a funeral director before and he said sometimes sometimes. They actually do Go to the wrong cemetery So you know they’ve got no two funerals one is they a Fremantle one is up in a row when they arrive there They should be a few at Fremantle. Yeah, you should be up in away Well that’s when they had to collect the bodies You know it’s it, and so just to be able to to get enough. You know to make it worthwhile They had had to be three three bodies in the back of the hearse one So just taking it to the funeral parlor not there to the funeral well They took it there know some of the people you know a bit sort of you know just overweight and had three really heavy people and so the poor hearse It was actually so heavy in the back the metal of the front back bumper was actually scraping on the bitumen And you can’t actually stop and unload somebody and pick him up later, so they’re in big trouble there Or the other guy. They install this was in New York or San Francisco somewhere You know they have these these lanes for two or more people You know so you know the because so many people drive their cars only a single person in the car And that’s what causes also traffic and so some jurisdictions. They have lanes especially two or more people and Then policeman stopped a funeral hearse there’s only one driver in there and the actually the driver took the police to court he Said well, I had the guy in the back that makes two Whom he lost his case some judges don’t have a sense of humor, but anyway, okay, so hopefully that answers the questions It’s getting a bit late, so I’m just this so now Is basically the bottom of the stack and then we can actually go and do whatever we need to do [Chanting]

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Comments

  1. I did fast forward only cause I saw the isolated clip of tf the meditation. PEople are stressed out cause of the system set in place that make us slaves to materialistic goods and consumables.

  2. Yes I agree so much about the big house example, people work so hard to buy a big big house to do not talk to their family, because each of them have a “comfortable “ space to be in and complain why I am so lonely.

  3. Ajahn Brahm can you do talks which are in bad audio quality on YouTube again? Maybe with some new bad jokes and story twists?
    And are you planing to narrate your books for audible in near future?

  4. So devastated Ajahn Brahm has resigned, I know, I am attached to him, but from respect and gratitude, I wish him so much peace and long days of Meditation and joy!

  5. Dear Ajahn Brahm, thank you so very much for your teachings. They blossom my day! You do so much good, it is so helpful, relaxing, funny and healing. Greetings from Austria, Salzburg.

  6. How do you deal with an non supportive mother who is cheap and always forces me into sports when I haven't gave an answer and don't want to do it and squeezes my time to play with my friends and then complains about not having a lot of money when it is her fault she is making me do all these sports I don't want to do

  7. He's losing it , he was marketed well by his disciples but repetition of too much of same thing has shown that he himself trapped in a place. I wish him well with social work

  8. yesssss! you are back in the environment and setting i love!!! its easier on the eyes and better to watch than something that looks like a jails background

  9. You can't make comparisons of peoples suffering. It's like saying,"Oh you just have first world problems." That's using guilt and shame for what someone is feeling. A king can be in a state of crippling depression who would cut off his arm to end it, and another person in obvious poverty might be incredibly happy. Or, they might be depressed too. Or hiding their abuse. You can't KNOW and you don't have the right to criticize the suffering someone else feels just because you think they "shouldn't" be in pain. Please avoid the guilt and shame game, because THAT is exactly what is behind the suicide of those Chinese kids sense of not being successful. This sense of whipping others with guilt for "not living up to" societal standards or god standards. Maybe if we had more museums of compassion and emphasized compassion rather than the unreasonable expectations it would help. Excellence in personal choices to be kind rather than ruthless. If one is going to have kids because governments fail to spend money on compassionate aging systems, that is creating a human being merely to burden them. If someone is feeling that by 16 or 17, they are likely to be wrecks by 30. We can justify government to spend money on building militaries but not to have compassionate communities to live in? What is the point? What are we protecting then? Even a kid can figure this odd value system out, so it's no surprise they feel overwhelmed! Then we judge people for stress living in these systems? Ridiculous!

  10. Can anyone tell me the chant Ajahn Brahm does at the end to honor the Buddha/the dharmma/the sangha? Thank you!

  11. Ajan Brahm has simple talks yes so inspirational. Thank you for your time Ajan Brahm. Sadu Sadu Sadu

  12. Thank you ajahn brahm for saving me six years ago. I am back, in need of help again . My partner left me and the children after eight years and i feel depressed.

  13. An interesting question was posed: "when you do become wealthy, what do you do with the wealth anyway"? My answer: donate 10% to charity, provide for your family, do good in your community, have free time to travel the world and meet new people. None of these things are possible without wealth…

  14. I regularly visit the Ammaravati Buddhist temple in UK. I also enjoy the way Ajahn Brahm deliverers his Dhamma talk, very peaceful in a funny & delightful way. Sartu

  15. Versace robe and a Gucci bag for Ajahn Brahm …… LOL. { when I’m feeling depressed, and overwhelmed with Life’s demands and want to give up … I pull an Ajahn Brahm video. And before you know it, I’m back to the center and feeling good again.

  16. Mmmmmm … I wonder what became of that little girl who looked at you with disgust. Probably there, one of the attendees in the hall listening to your talk. LOL

  17. You can have money and love it's just how you look at it. If you can be happy without money you should be able to be happy with money. That being said money does change people so can being be poor.

  18. ajahn, i want to brought you a roasted barley so you know it taste so good almost like coffee, then is this how tea like tasting coffee, then you know how good without this roasted barley that not even taste so good like a barley.

  19. I wish Ajahn Brahm had computer access. I wish he could see how much he helps people, and how many of us love him boundlessly.

  20. Thank you Ajahn Brahm and BSWA for this talk. I really needed to hear every minute as I've been stressed out and depressed lately. You've helped me overcome those (for now, until next time!). Much love from New Zealand.

  21. Listening to you makes me happy. I have to say that in my house growing up, parents worked from home, but never had time for us. They didn't care for us, they took care of us, but did not care for us. Very hard to get past that in life. So in my life, being around people like my parents is to be avoided. Easier to have very few good loving people in my life.

  22. I agree this is good childcare to put your child as a novice monk in the monastery to ease the burden of taking care of them so that you can go overseas. And they return home as good children, But beware, they may not want to go home too, because they are just too peaceful and happy at the monastery. Sadhu!

  23. trying to learn accept what I have and embrace every moment of life. It is sometimes difficult to appreciate what I have. I feel stressed my children are not doing how much accomplishing "compared to" other people… Ugh!! I need to learn… Thanks to Ajahn Brahm, reminding me how I should think…

  24. If it was possible, i would give this talk 10 thumbs up. Ajahn Brahm, thank you so much for reminding us of the importance of simplicity…

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