The Earliest Show: Depression with Guest Thomas Middleditch (Episode 5)

[theme music] [Marc]
Ladies and gentleman, welcome to The Earliest Show with
Josh and Sam. [voicing] Come on. Come on.
We have to do a show now. OK. Alright. OK. Welcome to
The Earliest Show. – Cheers.
– [clink] How are ya? [slurping] – Hello. I said, how are ya Josh.
– I want to die. I want to die. I don’t understand
why anything happens in life. Why do people
feel pain? What’s the point of feeling
love if you can feel pain? That’s a little deep for me.
Not sure. OK. You know, I want to say though,
I do notice you look amazing today. Great, great tux. This is the tux I picked
out for our wedding. I was so certain she
was going to say yes. I got a purple tux,
because it’s her favorite color. You know, I got to launch right
into this whole business here Marc. Marc, you hear me?
Marc? Earth to Marc. College kids aren’t
popping’ and droppin’ are they? Why would a college kid stand
up just to fall back down? Why did we spend so much
time talking about that? – We did extensive research on it.
– But they’re not doing it. So, where did you come up with that?
How’d you come up with that? Uh… pop and lock. So you took
a famous phrase, and you changed it into something
else and invented it on the spot? Apparently, pop and lock is a
beatbox thing that the kids do. – [Sam] No it’s not.
– [Marc] What is it? – It’s dancing.
– It’s a dance move. [Josh] What do you think pop and lock is?
Show me what you think it is. – [Marc beatboxes]
– Beatboxing. What do you think
beatboxing is? – [Marc is tapping his foot]
– You think beatboxing is tapping your foot? Well, look, I don’t know
everything under the sun. – You know, I’m just doing my best.
– Well you prove that everyday. Josh, why don’t you
take this next story? – I don’t want to.
– Please? Please for me. There was a kid–
There was a 6 year-old kid – who won the lottery.
– Uh… Is he single? – He’s a 6 year-old. So, yeah.
– Uh… can he be my sugar daddy? – He can be your sugar… son.
– My sugar baby. – He can be a sugar baby.
– That’s fine. – Is that fine?
– Yeah. As long as the money’s
coming in. [chuckles] OK. So, I’m thinking…
I got an idea. Why don’t we dance
over to The Social Wall and see what our
fans are writing to us. – ♪
– Get that music going. [Sam chuckles] ♪ [softly] Hey buddy, come on,
Social Wall. Here we go. [talking indistinctly] ♪ He made it.
Three cheers for Josh. [cheering] – OK.
– Welcome to The Social Wall presented by Cap’n Crunch. @GranpaFred1932 says: “I’m looking for my wife.
I think she called here. Hello?” Ooh, you’ve got
the wrong number sir. No, it’s not a number,
it’s a post. How do you even think
that this is a phone call? If you typed, you typed. @ThrillSeekrr– Spelled wrong.
So we’re already off to a great start. Well, sometimes
they’re already taken. [Josh] “I’m at the
top of a roller coaster and was wondering,
what’s your ahhhhhhh.” For real? You– You posted at
the top of a roller coaster, and then as you were going
down you wrote “Ahhhhhhh”? Ahhhhhh! [chuckles] I have been on a roller
coaster this entire week, and it’s been like this: Oh my God, it could
be good, could be good… Nooooooo-ooooooh! – Oooooooh!
– Oooooh. Oh. – [imitates a crash]
– Help! Help! Aaah! Oh my God!
Aaah! Aaaaah. Aaah. Aaah. Aah. OK. @SingleandDoingFine12: “What’s your idea
of a perfect date?” Mmm, romantic question.
What’s your answer? My answer would be just two people,
one bowl of spaghetti, one person starts on one end,
the other person starts on the other end,
and you keep going, but the spaghetti is endless,
and when you finally get to the end the girl isn’t there anymore,
and you’re by yourself, and you have all the carbs,
and you throw up. OK. For me I’d say, all
expenses paid trip to France, the good par with
the Eiffel Tower. What’s the bad
part of France? – Country. Country side.
– You don’t like the country side? – Snooze pal.
– Really? Yeah. Yeah. I want to see
a big tower, made by people. – Bonjour.
– [Sam giggles] What’s that? OK. Stick around for our guests–
Some more Earliest show. [theme music] Don’t you wish you could eat
and use your hands for other things? Now you can,
with the Snack Hat. Chips and salsa.
Soup and sandwich. Cereal and milk. You really got to suck if you want
to get those solid foods down. – Order now!
– [gagging] [theme song] I’m really excited
about our next segment and I’m doing it alone.
Flying solo. We have a really amazing
actor with us today. He’s on the show
Silicon Valley on HBO. Put your hands together at
home for Thomas Middleditch. – Wooo!
– ♪ – Oh– Hiii!
– Hey there. – Hey.
– How are you? – Great.
– Good, good. Nice to see you. OK.
Nope, sit over there. – That’s our guest chair.
– Would you hug me too? – But you’re lying down.
– Would you hug me too? – You don’t want to get up?
– Just hug me please. – [Sam chuckles]
– OK. Alright. Why don’t you sit in that
guest chair over there? – This is it?
– Special guest chair. I’m going to move
your legs, OK? – Good to see you man.
– Hey, want to get up and play with us? I’m only going to get
up if someone holds. – Thomas?
– What’s that? – Would you hold me like a baby?
– In my arms? Would you do it?
Just ’cause I want to do this… segment. I just need to be cuddled.
I need to be– I need you to love
me for like 2 seconds. – Yeah, sure man.
– For real? – Alright… Sure.
– Now Thomas, while you’re doing that, I heard that you
used to build furniture. What’s the smallest
thing you ever built? – The smallest thing…
– Yeah. …is uh, I built a
little end table. Uh, it was pretty neat,
’cause I actually did a, kind of a natural finish
on it using some uh… vinegar and tea, because tea
has all of these tannins in it. And so, when you prep
with some vinegar– – Whoa!
– I think you’ve moved a body before. – [chuckling]
– He graduated from college. [grunting] There you go.
There you go. So you go to the Renaissance Faire.
What’s up with that? Uh… I think it’s fun, you know,
to kind of participate in a collective agreement
to be weird. Josh, you want to come
sit on the couch? No. OK, so you were your
high school’s valedictorian, but the vote wasn’t
based on grades, it was based on popularity.
So, you’re telling me you were a cool pizza eating dude,
but you were like, “F. F. F.” [chuckles] No, I don’t know
about pizza eating. Uh, but yeah it was kind of a vote system.
Grades didn’t really matter. Well let me tell ya, that’s not
what valedictorian means. – I’m going to revoke that.
– OK. Well, you can’t actually, so… – Life’s not fair.
– Hey man, you alright? You’re making a bunch
of noise over here. [Josh is sighing deeply] – Can you sing a song please?
– Oh, sing a song for the baby. ♪ Hey there little baby ♪ Don’t be so sad ♪ You’re a free man now
Go to the ball ♪ Talk about dance with
anyone you want now ♪ Dancing with
anyone you want ♪ Kiss them inside the
Rip ’em a new one – [Josh is snorting]
– ♪ Dance with anyone you want ♪ Hold their hands
Dip them slow ♪ Kiss them on
the Mistletoe ♪ You can dance with
anyone you want now ♪ You’re the free man ♪ Well… Ugh… Well, that felt good.
Thank you so much for that, refreshing tune. Yeah. It was
my pleasure. Thank you so much for joining
us Thomas. That was a blast. Stick around.
We’ll be right back with What’s Cooking with Chef Tommy.
We’re going to make something yummy. [theme music] [Thomas] I grew up
in a Gospel church– [Sam] Oh, we’re done
with the interview. Sorry. – [Marc] Yeah.
We’re uh…
– [Thomas] I was just… [Marc] You can go.
Just make sure you sign out with Mike,
because he’s got the– he needs to get
your signature. [Thomas] OK. Mmm, something smells good,
and you know what that means. It’s time for What’s Cookin’.
Mmm, I’m hungry. We have Chef Tommy back with
us to make something delicious. – We are so glad you’re here.
– Sam, I’m so happy to be back. I love being apart of the show.
Hey, Josh. – [Josh grunts]
– Yeah, buddy. Come on. We’re going to do a
little bit fun cookin’, huh. Ooh, I can’t wait to see what
we’re going to make today. Hey, you remember
what my thing is right? – Yes, I do.
– So usually I like to go through somebody’s pantry,
but today I went through somebody’s special’s
pantry. Guess who? Josh Eu-Bath.
Look what I found in his refrigerator. This is the stuff in
my refrigerator. This is all the stuff that we
found in your refrigerator. – That’s it?
– We’ve got things from– Yeah. –Petroleum jelly.
Some tomato ketchup. Some chocolate chips.
Some caramel. Yeah…
A cold picture of Emily. Why was that
in the fridge? To try to keep
the relationship fresh. Takes a lot more
than that bud. Marshmallows, milk,
and then some Peanut Butter Crunch. So guess what I thought
would be fun to make? – I can’t wait to hear it.
– A pizza. A steak. Steak tartare. With all of this stuff?
Get real. He’s not a cook.
What are you going to make? I’m going to make some
Peanut Butter Crunch S’mores. – [voicing] Oooh, baby!
– Yeah. I don’t know if you
should do a voice. Like, your regular voice
is weird enough. Let’s add a little bit of
these marshmallows in here. – OK.
– Let’s add a little bit of chocolate chips, some caramel, and then
we’re going to throw in– I just need to see her.
If I could see her one more time I feel like that’s
all it would take– Yeah, but you know what
I would let you see right now is some more of that
Peanut Butter Crunch, because I’m going to throw it in
to this waffle cone. I’m going to throw in a little bit
more of these marshmallows on top– – She loved marshmallows.
– She did, huh? Well, you’re
going to love this. Wrap it up in some foil,
and go ahead and put it in the oven
for 10 minutes at 350. – [ding]
– 10 minutes! Mmm. Some Peanut Butter
Crunch S’mores– – Those look amazing.
– –fresh out of the oven. Look at that. That looks so
sweet and delicious. – Did you go camping as a kid?
– I did go camping as a kid. My parents used to
drop me off at a park, and then I’d have to
survive for a couple of days. [Sam] Wow, that’s really
an extreme version. – Oh, is it?
– He’s back. Hey buddy! Do you want
to taste one of these? – Yeah.
– Come on. Come on in. – They’re so delicious. You gotta have one.
– With strawberries? Yep. From my friend.
So don’t take credit for them. That’s Emily’s favorite fruit. She used to eat it, put it on her tongue,
and say, “Come and get it.” – Unbelievable.
– She did? That’s a little
salacious for me. She didn’t want me to
get it with my tongue. That’s our show.
Thanks so much for watching. Tune in tomorrow for more
guests and more mischief. – Good night and good morning.
– ♪ – [Josh is weeping]
– Oooh, he’s… He’s crying. He’s crying–
He’s crying like a boy.

About the author


  1. PLEASE make this into a long term series. With all we are enduring with a 4 year old moving into the White House, laughter is all we have left to help us cope! Please, pretty please.

  2. By the way, I rarely comment on YouTube and I'm writing up a storm on this videos, but I have to add: Eugene Cordero (chef) is hilarious. The man is so underrated. Like Ben Schwartz, they immediately me happy any time they appear on screen in anything.

  3. We actually tried to make those Smores over the weekend turned out pretty good! We didn't used the Cap n crunch tho. My daughter tried it with Golden Grahams

  4. I was really expecting Sulu Candles to introduce Penis Scarlett Johansson Anal's new independent movie.

  5. i'm guessing that playing so depressed here without breaking was incredibly difficult with lauren lapkus acting like a fucking lunatic and then having to deal with thomas middleditch.

  6. My painful erections find safe harbor in the eyes of the one whose glow shines brighter than the sun. She is gold and god and like a muse of greed for my heart to use as a knife to distort myself

  7. Hey there little baby
    Don't be so sad
    You're a free man now
    Go to the ball

    Talkin about dance with anyone you want now
    Dancin with anyone you want
    Kiss them side them new one
    Dance with anyone you want

    Hold their hand
    Dip them slow
    Kiss them on the mistletole
    You can dance with anyone you want now
    You're the free man

  8. Shame no body is bringing up Lauren's great preformence in this. You'd think a cast like this would attract CBB fans but it looks like it's all Jake and Amir fans

  9. Well this episode pretty much sums up depression and how people around you act because theyโ€™ve never felt it and they donโ€™t know what else to do.

  10. If Comedy Bang! Bang! can be on tv, this should be too. Not talking shit about cbb cause I like that too, just think this is even more funny.

  11. Side note, does anyone know where I can buy a similar blue couch as featured in this video? Its really nice

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