Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression


Have you tried meditation?
Isn’t there just some sort of cure? It’s all in your head.
You’re bringing me down, mate. Ah. Yeah…
SHE LAUGHS I don’t even want to read this
cos it’s pissed me off so much. Do it, I believe in you. “Cheer up.”
Are we in a Dick Van Dyke film? Fuck off! Cheer up, Charlie.
Cheer up? SHE SINGS A JIG
Cheer up! I think if I had a pound
for every time someone said, “Oh, will you just cheer up a bit?” I could, like, live in
my blanket fort forever and ever. I put on a massive front a lot
of the time, about the way I am, and behind closed doors I’m not
as happy, bubbly, as go-lucky as I seem to be. I’ve tried cheering up. It’s not
really working for me right now. Being depressed doesn’t mean
I can’t BE cheery. I just don’t need to be reminded
that I’m NOT cheery. “Man up, sort yourself out.”
Like, oh, yeah. I’ll just go and fight a bear
for the last salmon in the river. Do you know what I mean, like? That, to me,
that’s what manning up is. I’ve never heard of that before.
Well, there you go. Have you tried yoga? Yoga made me more depressed. It’s like over-gentrification of
self-care, just drives me insane.
“Have you tried yoga?” “Have you tried meditation?” OK.
“Have you eaten some kale?” I mean, I’m sure it’s helpful.
I mean… I just can’t get out of bed
some days… Yeah. ..let alone go to
fucking yoga. I wouldn’t say that it’s changed
my mental health. I would say I’m more flexible. Have you tried yoga,
have you tried exercising? I mean, have you tried running
while crying profusely? It’s not… That’s the only way I run.
It’s not particularly easy. The only way. It’s not particularly
attractive. Depression and anxiety usually comes
from, like, you overthinking things or being alone with
your thoughts or thinking, “Oh, my God, this is wrong with me,
that’s wrong with me.” And you know what happens
when you do yoga? You’re thinking. Alone. By yourself. “Do you self harm?” Why do you want
to know, are you going to help me or are you going to be judging? I genuinely have had someone do this
and be like… And I was like, are you actually
kidding me right now? As if I’m going to just go, “Yeah,
yeah, I do. Yeah, mate, yeah. “Yeah, every Wednesday.” When someone found out I was
self-harming, saw it, and then proceeded to tell everyone. First of all, not everybody
self harms with depression. Second of all, the people that do don’t want you to pull their…
Yeah! And also, we might not self harm
on our wrist. Maybe they just think,
the first thing – depression just must
be really scary so people must do it, or they think
of being a teenager and hearing things and
they just ask that straightaway, and that’s a big question.
Let’s say the worst thing, you think that someone’s doing it
for attention. Yeah! They’re doing it for attention,
because they are calling out for help because they are
miserable and they are sad… Yeah. ..and they are so, they are so… They have run out of
so many options, they think there is nowhere
for them to go, that they want to hurt themselves. People think they can question
you about shit that’s personal. I’m not being funny, if you had
a birthmark on your head, I’m not going to ask you,
“What’s that on your head?” Don’t ask me what’s that on my arm.
You know what it is, do you know what I mean? Yeah. “Other people have it so much worse
than you.” SHE YELLS SHE LAUGHS Yeah, of course other people
have it worse than you, there’s millions of people with
mental health illness all across the world, and depression is just the tip of
what I presume is a massive iceberg. I just don’t understand why people
feel like depression is some kind of privilege. Like, you don’t deserve
to be depressed because you don’t have the worst
life I’ve ever heard about. It’s not a competition, as well. No. I don’t want to have depression.
Like, fine. True. What you have said
is a true fact. Yeah. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling the way I feel.
Feeling my feelings. I’ve spent weeks lying in bed
when I’ve been depressed, because I just can’t actually
function at all, I can’t actually get out of bed. And people don’t see that, so people
text you like, “How are you doing?” And naturally, you lie,
“I’m all right today.” People do have it worse than me, and that is on my list of things
that make me feel shit about myself. “You’re bringing me down.” I’m hilarious, so, you know, you’re obviously boring.
I think I’m great. That’s so rude, first of all.
That’s just rude. Don’t ever say that to anyone. You feel like a burden already. And then to be told that,
or to hear that can just make you feel
ten times worse. I’ve actually had someone say,
“Can you not come “because you’re just going to
bring the mood down?” Yeah, I have that quite a lot. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry
I will never see you again. Yeah, I’m sorry
I bothered you with my friendship. You’re clearly a dick. And that also makes you isolated cos then you don’t want to go
cos you feel this way, and then you get left out
of social situations as well. I find that’s happened to me
in the past. You feel guilty because you know
that you’re not being their friend or being their son or daughter
that you think they wish they had. You don’t want to be that crazy
bitch who’s making a fuss, so you don’t say anything,
you don’t go to the doctor, and “you’re bringing me down”
is one of the things… You don’t want to be like,
a Petty Betty or a Debbie Downer. Being the killjoy,
being the buzzkill. “Don’t over-analyse everything.”
Oh, my God. “You’re overthinking.”
Overthinking. No, I’m just thinking a lot. If you have depression and you’re
already in a depressed state, when you then drink,
it makes everything worse. It heightens everything.
So much worse, so much worse. People always go, oh, depression,
it’s just a chemical imbalance. So people’s response is, oh,
let’s put different chemicals in… Yeah. ..to try and balance it out. Can’t be taken away by just having
a good night, or having a night out. It’s how I feel, it’s stuck. Yeah, being diagnosed with
depression has helped me kind of look at myself a lot more.
Yeah. And look out for my wellbeing. And it feels really good to sit down
and acknowledge, you know what, I’m good today. Yeah. And for most people, that’s like,
not a huge deal. Just like, meh. No… But for us, it’s like…
It’s amazing. When you wake up and you’re like…
Yeah, especially in the morning, you wake up and you’re like,
“Oh, my God, it’s a good day.”

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Comments

  1. My depression was exacerbated by a career move into the fitness industry… let me give you a secret… it can help while doing it, if you can get to that mindset…. but then the aftermath hurts so much more when it comes crashing back shortly after

  2. “I don’t wanna be your friend anymore, you’re too sad all the time”
    Thanks, that totally motivates me to know that I’m trying as hard as I can to be there for you despite my mental illness, yet I’m not good enough. That’s exactly what I’m worried about! I’m so overjoyed. 🙂

  3. "People have it was worse than you, you shouldn't feel this way toy have so much" well yea but telling me that is like saying I can't feel this way because people have it worse and when I'm happy you shouldn't feel happy because other people feel better. Than what am I a post to feel than I can't be depressed or happy WTF

  4. “It’s all in your head.”
    Well yeah, literally speaking, it is. It’s not like it’s in your leg or something.

  5. Well this sounds like people who don’t know you
    Why the hell would you tell a stranger or near stranger that you have depression

  6. Yep I’ve been in a loony bin several times. Wouldn’t change it for the world, not ashamed and never will be. The people I have met, the acceptance I have felt, the conversations I have had and I have never laughed so hard in my life than I have in the times I have been in a mental hospital. Yep! Wouldn’t change it for the world. Those experiences are the only thing I have to thank my anxiety and depression for. Love to all my fellow mental illness people out there. ❤️❤️

  7. Random person: Stop being so sad!
    Me: but-
    Random person: STOP BEING SO SAD
    Me: but thats not how-
    Random person: I SAID ST-
    Me: I heard u the first time puts on fake smile oh look, you've magically cured my sadness super dramatic and sarcastic, continues to hide feelings of sadness and put on fake smiles so people leave me alone

  8. Mom:oh why are you depressed?you dont have reasons to be depressed,youre a young adult and youre in college
    Me:ive been depressed since first grade ,i do have reasons and alot of trauma but i cant do anything since therapy is expensive,yeah i know im a young adult,but that doesnt erase the fact that i have thoughts in my head that are so dark that i cant even think straight in class.. And yeah im in college,but that doesnt mean its making it easier

  9. Whenever you show up depressed, the positivity gang come out of the wood works and attack you in the most vile toxic way. Okay, I'll be more positive. Just stop attacking me personally!

  10. I don’t say anything to anyone anymore. I’ve been told:
    1. Pray about it
    2. You’re just doing this for attention
    3. Think cheerfully and you’ll be fine
    4. LOL, you’re just being dramatic. Take a breath, calm down, relax and you’ll be fine. (Yes, the person actually laughed when I tried to talk about how I felt and what I was going through)
    5. Do you realize how blessed you are? You have nothing to feel depressed about

    Just insensitive and stupid. Many people at my job need to see this video.

  11. Telling someone with depression to “cheer up” is the same as telling a person with asthma to “just breathe”

  12. "It's all your choice. you can either choose to be sad or you can choose to be better."

    "You're still learning..You're at a fragile stage of life."

    "It's just an emotional phase, it'll pass, I promise."

    Just things ive heard from the same person.

  13. “the internet made you depressed! my [person in life] has depression! i’ve seen how it is for them! THAT’S depression!”
    or
    “you’re not depressed, you were laughing earlier”

  14. "Other people have it so much worse than you" OH, REALLY?? I HAD NO IDEA! I mean it's not like that makes me feel even worse bc I just feel like shit for no reason…

  15. "just stop being depressed"

    I don't even have a response to that

    I just..

    ugh.
    why are people so dumb, like, think a bit, you're not going to tell someone who has a disease (because depression is actually one, you big genius) that they just have to stop being ill that's talking nonsense and not helping us at all !!

  16. When she said people who self harm are seeking attention because they're calling out for help…I really felt that.

  17. So ive never really dealt with depression, but I've had social anxiety since 6 years old. I never played with anyone during recess cuz they were all with their friends and i felt like i would be wasting their time if i interrupted them. (Not to brag but) I got REALLY good grades (i had straight A"s and never got a C until 4th grade) and teachers were always using me as an example, but really, i was only doing it because i was scared to be a failure to them, and them encouraging me didn't help. The first time i got a C was in science (i had a 0 cuz i didn't turn something in) and i bawled my eyes out and it turns out, it was a typo and was supposed to be a 100, bring my total grade to 98%. When my mom took me to parks, I'd sit on the bench and do nothing, but then my mom would force me to play with other girls my age, and when i didnt say anything, she said "oh she's just shy, dont worry, now go play, Bear Cub." Even though I didn't know what social anxiety was at the time, u'd think one of the adults would notice. The one time they sent me to the counseler was when i hit my head REALLY hard but after my head felt better, j told them that my throat strarted to hurt and wanted ro go home (my lil bro had strep throat so i was pretty sure that's what I had) BUT INSTEAD OF THE NURSE, I WENT TO THE COUNSELOR CUZ THE THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO GET OUT OF SCHOOL. JUST BECAUSE I CAME HERE FOR HITTING MY HEAD BUT WANT TO GO HOME FOR SOMETHING ELSE, DOESN'T MEAN I AM BEING BULLIED. They sent me back to class and once i was practically dying from coughing, my teacher told me to go back and luckily she was nice enough to walk me there after i explained the whole story, and she got really mad that they thought I was lying. Anywho the counselor said "come back tomorrow". I never did 😂

  18. I've had someone say i don't understand how cutting is surviving….or they also said i don't understand what's so bad you have to kill yourself

  19. I have depression and saying cheer up to someone with depression is like telling a blind person to look where they are going.

  20. If somebody says “ItS aLl In YoUr HeAD” just say “ You’re right because depression is mental distress”

  21. "Hey mom, I'm depressed."

    "Nah you can't be, I'm not with the shits."

    "Ok, therapist, I don't need to be here. My mom said she isn't 'with the shits' and I already decided that everyone's feelings mean more than mine."

  22. So people try to help you by asking questions, but they are ignorant to you, so you get mad? Well thats a little spoiled victimizing yourself don’t you think?
    I’m depressed too, but I just say: “I’m honestly happy for you, that you don’t understand my problem.”
    They don’t understand it, so they can’t help you, but atleast they try.
    No need to act like a childish victim. Oh no! You say the wrong stuff and now I’m TRIGGERED. Nah man. Just happy that you’re not depressed and you don’t know how to help me.
    Search for what you can give, and not what you can take.

  23. Me: I'm suicidal…

    Parents: That's because you're playing video games. It makes you suicidal.

    Me: ~questioning logic~

  24. Hi…so this is my everyday when I'm alone in the shower: Ugh, why do I feel this way…am I depressed? No, it's probably just me convincing myself to justify my laziness and sadness and emptiness and anger…but I cut…no, it's still me pretending. Besides, I dont have a reason to be depressed, so many people have it worse then me…

    And then I cry.

  25. I hate when people mention age when you talk about your depression, someone once said to me “just wait till you’re older then you’ll have something to be depressed about” them saying that made me feel even worse tbh.

  26. my parents once said “it’s probably because you’re on your phone so much” and i’m like “so you really think being lonely all the time and just being sad in general is not the case of me having depression?”

  27. Self harm – they're calling out for help, that hit the 12year old me. No one understood me, I got sent away to boarding school when my mum saw my self harm, she growled me and sent me away. 😥

  28. I have depression, and it took me forever to find the medication that works for me. Medication doesn’t work for everyone, and it doesn’t make depression go away. For me, it makes it so much better, but every once in a while I still get really depressed. I haven’t cut myself in over a year though, and I am in a much better situation than even last year. Love to everyone who is struggling with anything, even if “YoU hAvE iT sO mUcH bEtTeR tHAN sOmE pEoPlE”♥️♥️♥️

  29. Someone just said to me “ I’m not playing your stupid games.” What games depression? I didn’t know depression was a game? They proceeded to say” You’re overthinking. Cheer up. It gets better.” Wait confusion

  30. my mum: knows i want to kill myself
    also my mum: "tHeRe'S nOtHiNg To Be DePrEsSeD aBoUt"
    (im not diagnosed but i think i do have it)

  31. I hate the “oh you don’t look depressed”. How is depression supposed to look? I am good at masking especially at work.

  32. For self harm one he was like “yeah I cut myself every wensday at around 6:30 with a cup of tea by my side

  33. One of my friends have depression and he never wants to eat and think he’s so fat but idk how to help him I try to make him happy all the time but nothing works how do I help him

  34. “Have you tried meditation?” I feel like that’s helpful because it shows that people care and are trying to help i dunno. Just my opinion

  35. I hate when people make jokes about depression. When people make jokes like that on the internet I’ll usually tell them how offensive it is. Their response is “ wow you can’t take a joke” but If someone made a joke about cancer people would go crazy 🙄

  36. “Other people have so much worse than you.”

    That’s an instant “f*ck you” response from me. It’s like, “are you making me feel ashamed for feeling like this? Oh, somebody had it worse. I’m cured. Happy now?”

  37. What I dont understand is, ik I'm gonna sound stupid but I genuanly dont get it, when your outside and like u seem completely like u don't have depression and u Laugh how do u do that if u have depression?

  38. For me I agree with all of these. Things I keep being told:

    “You have to actually try”

    “Get some help” (😡I understand but still, in some cases it makes you feel like the person saying that doesn’t have the time to try help you personally, and in other cases, getting help doesn’t always help)

    “Stop pushing people away”

    “Stop hiding in your room”

    “You’re making it harder on yourself “

    And one of the worst things for me is:

    “Things will get better”

  39. Okay, I hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but I think I’m some cases Depression can be worse than things like cancer. For one, you can die from it as well. And the main thing is, depression can make you want to have a deadly disease in order to escape with no doubt

  40. I don't know if I have depression, but I know that it pisses me when my parents tells me those questions.

    Do I need help.

  41. I'm sorry but if you truly get offended by the statement "Depression isnt real, you only think you are depressed" then you arent really depressed. Everyone with depression has questioned depression before if it really is real or your mind is just trying to make something up to make you feel bad

  42. One night I accidentally broke down in front of my friends & exposed my dark side & they tried comforting me that night but our friendship was never the same since. I’m always left out of their group hang-outs now. One of my best friends even got irritated with me cuz I couldn’t articulate to her why I was upset whilst I was crying my eyes out about how I hated my life in general. They said they’d be here for me but we hadn’t hung out for the next 6 months because according to her “I didn’t know how to act around you.” WeLl GoD fOrBidE I eVeR DarE tO oPeN uP In fRoNt oF mY “”fRiEnDs”” eVeR aGaiN!

  43. “Well get over it” is what I hear “OHHHHHH ok thanks 😀 wow I hated my self for years well golly gee why didn’t I think of that wow Im cured”

  44. In fifth grade everyone was just like: iM sO dEppResSeD
    Me: oh yea how many gallons of salt water do you cry.

  45. I battled with depression and severe anxiety for a little over 2 years and my mom never put any mind. When I opened up to her she was like “oh but you’re too young so you don’t understand. Why are you so dramatic, everything is fine” like thanks mom that helped a lot. So that lead to me having extreme trust issues and I just shut myself down. I managed to hide my depression really well (which is actually quite sad) but my anxiety was just worsening and it was not cooperating. Every time I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack I hid somewhere where no one could see me like in a bathroom or something, and just waited until it finished. Sometimes it would last up to an hour and they would happen every day sometimes twice a day. My anxiety was really really bad which affected my social life and led to me losing a lot of “friends”. Then I found out that if I would self harm my anxiety attacks would not be as long. Maybe just 10 minutes of the attack and then would go away. My mom once saw my self harm scars and she got angry at me and proceeded to punish me (taking away phone privileges and things like that) which actually worsened it because I would usually listen to music to calm myself down as well. I also loved to draw since it distracted my mind a bit but she also took my drawing privileges away as well. Point is my mom refused to take me to therapy since she was afraid of losing custody of me (idk if she actually could or if it was an excuse) but long story short I had to deal with my own ass by myself. My mom would call me lazy when I couldn’t get out of bed because of my depression and anxiety and then when my grades dropped she proceeded to once again punish me for that because she thought I was being really lazy and I was only doing it for attention. This really hurts me to say because I love my mom with all my heart but she was just one of the major reasons why I dealt with such depression and anxiety. I was also dealing with my own sexuality and had no clue what my sexuality was and I was really frustrated because I couldn’t figure myself out. I just built up this pressure upon myself that since it related to me I HAD to understand myself, I HAD to understand what was going on with me and it just wasn’t the case.

  46. Someone's reaction to me at work yesterday was, "Get over it – we all have our problems!" 😮Oh yeah, sorry. That brain cell of yours must be giving you such a hard time 🙄 A big hug to all you survivors out there who definitely don't need to hear such crap from those who will never, and choose not to, understand what we go through on an almost daily basis 🤗

  47. Mental illness should be treated like any other physical illness. Without people making shitty judgements about it like "try laughing more, get out more, have more sex with your bf"

  48. “Other people have it so much worse than you” thanks a lot. Is that suppose to make feel better, whenever I hear that I just get more depressed because I feel there is nothing to be depressed about. Thanks a lot people for all your help. 😠

  49. When I was in NY with my brother and my two moms, I told one of them that I was really anxious and really sad and she said "it's all in your head" And my brother looked at me me like oml hello binch it is all in your head it's a mental illness damn, and he was diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety and I was diagnosed with depression, extreme anger issues, ODD and severe anxiety so like twinsies, about two years later I brought it up while we were all having dinner and she said "I said that" Remember it's been two years and I've gotten help I've been I a CBAT ( and inpatient mental help center) for two weeks and she a really good understanding of me and what sets me off and what helps me, and she felt really bad and she said "I now understand you and I know it's in your head bc it's a mental illness I'm so sorry" I love her so much.

  50. I am a suicide survivor trust me it is never the answer I still struggle with depression but I can assure you it is never the answer

  51. https://m.facebook.com/groups/1493595724200603?view=info&refid=18&ref=group_header if your struggle with depression or self harm join this Facebook group I’m in it will help you a lot it is a safe space to let your feelings out no one will judge you no one is rude and a lot of the members are really nice supportive people and I highly recommend it

  52. Is it really depression if you have a good reason to be depressed? If you aren't healthy, in shape, have an amazing job where you make six figures, live in big house, drive a nice car, have a wonderful spouce, and have a beautiful family, great friends, and tons of free time to do what you want, yes it's perfectly normal to be depressed.

  53. You just want attention.

    Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it's because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
    -Sylvia Plath

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