Thoughts On Mental Health, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, Fear, Goals, and My Car


What’s up guys? It’s Michael and if you are expecting this
video to be funny and entertaining and amusing and you know your daily dose of humor or whatever
the fuck, I’m sorry, but it’s not going to be that. So I have had some thoughts recently that
I think are concerning or they should be concerning but I’m going to share them on the internet. It’s great. It’s a great idea. What’s the worst that could happen? I mean honestly. Something that you need to understand about
me as a person is that I am not good at being close to people. I’m not good at like sharing things. Like if things are not good in my life, then
I choose to not associate with anybody that’s close to me. Because of all of that, I am probably closer
to my car and the lady that reads me directions in Google Maps than anybody else at this point. And that’s really depressing. That’s, like, I just, I knew that this video
was gonna be like not funny but oh my god that is so sad. That’s so heartbreaking. We all have these goals and we all have these
really huge dreams of you know what we wanna do. And for me, being someone that’s trying to
work in entertainment and that’s you know trying to be somewhat of a role model for
people. You know the hugest things that I would love
to do is like give a TED Talk or you know go and even just be on The Ellen Show or something
like that and sort of get my voice out there and you know tell other people that are bipolar
and other people that are gay and you know other people that don’t necessarily love themselves
all the time – no matter where it is that you are in your life – you’re doing okay. Like unless you’re hurting people, unless
you’re a total dick to everybody around you, it’s totally okay. Like you’re okay. You’re doing okay. By me, at least, and I someday want to have
said enough things in a clever enough way where that opinion matters and people will
actually listen to that and hear that and be like, “Oh, you’re right.” Which would be really huge for someone that
is kinda dumb I guess. It’s a beautiful thing to be trusted by a
whole bunch of people. And I had this really horrible moment last
night where I was thinking about it and it’s like, “Okay, you know, what if I do get to
that place, but, like, my car… I won’t have my car by then.” You know, like it’s gonna take so long to
get there that I’ll have a different car. And this car that I’m closer to than any other
person on the planet will never see the day when we’re driving to go and deliver a TED
Talk. I worry that even though I’m okay being single,
and even though you know I’m happy with where I am in my life and I definitely you know
relationships have their challenges and I’m not sure I’m ready for those, I worry that
my car is never going to meet the love of my life. It’s like having a best friend or your mom
or something like that and just being worried that you know your mom is never going to see
you be successful or that your mom is never going to meet the man of your dreams and that
they’ll never get to know you know who that was and I guess what I’m worried about is
that I won’t reach where I want to be at this stage of my life. Yeah. That’s the – that’s the shit that keeps me
up at night. This is the most neurotic video that I’m ever
going to make and this is a tell tale sign that you should never trust what I have to
say and you should never trust my opinions because I am an idiot and this is the dumbest
thing to get upset about but that is where I am mentally this week so yeah. Let’s just – let’s put it out there and then
pretend that it’s not actually here and that I didn’t actually say any of this because
I don’t know if I can deal with any of these thoughts anymore. Yeah. So I get to go and drive a stripper around
now because that’s what I do for money now and I will see you all on Monday.

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Comments

  1. hugs How you are feeling is never dumb. I have ridiculous thoughts like that sometimes. And I totally get wanting to get your voice heard. I feel like mine is buried away, no matter how loud I try to be. Hopefully it'll happen with enough drive and passion behind everything. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. I pull the "I'm older than you by quite a bit" card on you often, but I am telling you that you are at the age where people start to obsess over how long it will take them to reach their goals, and that's PERFECTLY NORMAL. Maybe not the car part so much, but I get where you're coming from. You want to make it before you pass certain milestones, and that generally comes somewhere in the years before and after 30, because you're leaving the "anything is possible" stage of life and entering the "I should have my shit together" stage of life, or at least that's what society has been telling us forever.

    It may not happen with this car, or at this stage of life. Or it might! Either way, it's probably not going to be what you think it's going to be. Success isn't a goal, it's a part of the process and all success means is you can do more of what you want for more money or you can stop doing something because it's done.

    Anyway, I hope you don't feel out of sorts for too long. Take a breath, and know you're not as abnormal as you think. You're just abnormal enough.

  3. Michael it would be not normal to have these feelings. You just happen to be one of the very few brave people to say it out loud. The rest of us are just quietly suffering. I just wanted to let you know that your videos have helped me and I am glad I found you.

  4. it's not dumb at all to be feeling what you're feeling. You're definitely not alone in some of the feelings/thoughts that you've voiced.

    and I hope that you'll believe ME when I tell you that you're ok <3

  5. oh wow I would have never thought you'd be the type to not be close to people when feeling down. I love the honesty of this video though!

    Also I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I don't want to be in stereotypical entertainment necessarily, but I do want to run my own business via some sort of content creation. I definitely get those depressed moments, especially when I feel like my progression is too slow and I get bread crumbs from my current job. it's hard because every "normal" career has fixed steps and a clear road map, while entrepreneurial careers don't. because of that we end up feeling lost.

    I find what helps me is looking back and comparing myself to day 1 of this YouTube journey. I have progressed even if it's a little. You have too. People bought your shirts. It's amazing that someone paid for something YOU created.

  6. It is totally okay to vent your thoughts and feelings and you're really brave to share that with everybody. You're not alone, thanks for sharing!

  7. Great video! I have bipolar disorder and panic disorder myself and am on medication for panic attacks. I talk about mental health on my channel.

  8. You can take your car to the year 2037 fully functional. It's a question of motivation. Most of my junkers made it to 250,000 miles on the odometer with only light top end work. I had another make it to 317,000 mi still working when I sold it. I got tired of looking at the same dashboard. Honda Accords have been known to make it 700,000 miles with regular maintenance. So what is going on with your baby?

  9. your thoughts are perfectly normal. society puts certain demands on us that really don't make any sense. who says we are supposed to be this or that at this age or that age. it happens when it happens. its different for everyone. just like love. just because you have a different life timing then maybe others around you doesn't mean you are failing. not at all.

  10. HUGS! And thanks for sharing. You are definitely not alone. I wish more people would speak out and be honest like you so others will know these feelings/thoughts are normal. Major props!

  11. Firstly, I just wanted to say I hope you are okay and also thank you. Thank you for saying what many of us feel, and thankyou for not being afraid to share yourself- even on the bad days.
    Secondly- You are not an idiot. Your opinions have helped me grow my blog and for the first time since I've started blogging, I'm actually making money. Your blog post (http://thenoker.com/build-blog-audience-youtube/) changed my mindset and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for my new found success. You are helping people, making people laugh without you even realising it. Please do not ever give up, and please keep writing/creating/making people laugh. I'm sure I will see you on Ellen one day.

  12. I share the same thoughts about relationships sometimes, I worry about not being able to start a family by the time I find someone.
    You're not alone Michael, I love you and I'm here for you.

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