Trans Sex


I’m Dr. Lindsey Doe, and this is Sexplanations. Recently I received a lot of questions about transgender sex and relationships. Since I am a cisgendered person, I’ve asked people who can speak from their own experiences of being trans to help me with the answers. First, terminology. Cisgender refers to when the gender assigned at birth is correct. Transgender is when it’s incorrect. A transboy or transman is typically someone born with a vulva, marked as female on their birth certificate, who identifies as male. A transgirl, or transwoman, is someone born with a penis, marked as male, who identifies as female. Dysphoria refers to dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety, and irritability. In this context, because parts of one’s body don’t match up with the concept of one’s gender. Which leads to lots of people asking, One way is to decrease the dysphoria, another way is to increase the enjoyment. The transman I spoke with said that his dysphoria was hardest for him when someone touched his top. And having sex with another dude was unbearable, because he feared being perceived as less male in comparison. So he pierced his nipples to enjoy top stimulation, and didn’t pressure himself to have sex with anyone. That time was for him to explore himself more. I’ll add that it’s also helpful to focus on non-gendered body parts, like mouth and anus. And in partner play, give more attention to the neck, buttocks, hands, and feet, which are hopefully less dysphoric areas, that also happen to have incredible pleasure potential. Ask your partner, “What do you want me to call this? Or this? Or this?” Here are drawings of reproductive anatomy. I’ve label them based on what tissues are homologous to each other during fetal development. This is erectile tissue, this is a pouch of skin. Now that you have the language for the parts, here’s a video on how to give the ultimate blowjob, and here’s one on cunnilingus. Ask your gender-queer friend what kind of oral sex they’re in to. When your mouth is free, you can also do something arousing called “dirty talk.” To a transman you might say, “I love your dick, fuck my mouth.” To a transwoman, “I love making you wet, and lapping at your pussy.” How you position your partner is also key. Like having transmen stand or sit for their blowjob, so that organs that might trigger dysphoria are out of the way. Or asking transwomen to lie, legs spread on their stomachs, while you eat them out. That’s up to you and your partners, but there’s this clever trick I’ve modified
from Jenna Lauer’s experiments with mirror neurons Brain Games: Season 1 Episode 1. I’m going to describe it in
the context of sex with a trans-man. Put a barrier between the prosthesis or
the dildo and the actual erectile tissue so that it looks like the cock is theirs.
Then, stroke them both at the same time in the same ways. This primes your
partner to link the sensations on their genitals to the phallus and vice versa. So
now you do with the prosthesis is really felt in genitals. Dressing in the clothes you want to wear! Binders that compress the
chest. Packers that fill the crotch. Padded bras, makeup, hair extensions.
Surround yourself with people who support you, talk about your dysphoria
more. Tell your friends, partners, and lovers “I’m afraid to have sex” or “This
part of my body really triggers bad self-hate.” “I feel horny and lonely.” Let
them hold space for you to accept your reality and determine next steps. Maybe
you’ll make a YouTube video about it and be there for others who are struggling with
their own dysphoria. Acton from this video offers: I’m going to add that it’s also valuable to talk about what each of
you has to grieve. Your partner might be grieving unmet relationship expectations
and you might be too. There isn’t anything wrong with this unless you let
the expectations go unchecked. That’s when they become resentments. If you don’t feel able to process this stuff on your own I strongly encourage reaching out to
counselors and therapists who can provide third-party insight and who may
even guide you to a new normal better than you could have ever imagined. Stay curious. I’m going to be traveling a
lot this fall would love to see you’re curious faces if you’re in or close to
any of these places, please follow me on Twitter for updates and additions to
this list. And a special thanks to Sexplanauts who make this show possible via Patreon If you’d like to be a business partner in our efforts to deliver honest, comprehensive sex education to the planet, please check out patreon.com/sexplanations In partner play you can give more attention to the neck, buttocks, hands, and feet which are– –these are not my feet. Eat them out, eat them out

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Comments

  1. YAYYY I was just waiting for a video like this! What I love about this video is this not only helps trans people but cis people too! <3

  2. Hello everyone, I'm planning to make a story in which I think i'll make the main character transgender because it doesn't seem to be such a represented topic.

    But since I'm not transgenre myself, I wish to find some people who experience(d ?) so and who would feel comfortable enough to talk about it. (Of course if you change your mind during our discussion or if you do/do not want to be mentionned in the story, I can unterstand and we could discuss about it.)

    You can contact me at sizixmaster [at] gmail [dot] com (It's a temporary mail adress). I'll do my best to be carefull about the topic since I can totally understand it's something difficult to talk about. But I'll be really thankful if you accept to help me. 😀

    (I was planning to post it on the video «trans awarness» but since this
    one was upload few days ago I guess it's the best place to say it. :P)

  3. This video was eye-opening. I imagined that un-transitioned trans men felt like "I'm a man with a vulva" not "I'm a man with a vulva, which disgusts me because I ought to have a penis." (and similarly for trans women.) Do all trans people feel that disgust/dislike or are there some who are comfortable with their birth genitalia?

  4. darn. 2 hours away from where I am, juuuust outside my reach. Better luck next time, I suppose. But I applaud you for going all the way from Augusta to TX in less than 3 days.

  5. First time I heard the term 'gender queer". Always thought 'queer' was a word viewed as an insult, basically, a 'bad word'. Am I wrong?

  6. fuk u kayu alam nyu un saka mukhs kayung sex para kayong ghagu na umaasa sa magsndang babae na akala mo makikipag sex sayu yun pla lolokohin kalang paramg si brad pit at angelina

  7. I am so excited you're visiting my wonderful city of Fort Worth! If you've never been before, I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here – most people think of us as Dallas's little sibling, but it's a great city in its own right. I'll definitely be there to see you. 😊

  8. Can you please make a video on cross dressing ? Guy I'm talking to is into this and I'm not sure how I feel about it 😅 help

  9. I appreciate that you consulted with at least one trans person, but why not include a trans youtuber to speak to this content for themselves? Keeping you as the focal point and "expert" served only to promote cis experience and privilege.

  10. Trans man, not transman. Trans woman. Non binary trans person. Trans is an adjective. Trans women are women, trans men are men.

  11. As a transgender person I want to say that something that has helped me personally a lot with dealing with my dysphoria is trying to adopt and actively practising, as best I can, a body positive mindset and attitude.
    I think this is underspoken and under-used when it comes to dysphoria, because we're used to people trying to force us to be happy with something that, at least for me, feels inherently wrong. Cis people trying to convince us that we're also cis.
    So I think it doesn't even get considered. But I've tried pursuing it in my own way that feels right for me and I've found it to be, while not a cure all in any measure, very helpful.

  12. Also, seriously just ask your trans partner what they want. And actually listen to them.
    Having your partner being mindful can help bring some of the barriers down and reduce risk of dysphoria being triggered.
    Something that one might have previously said is an absolute hard no, might become somewhat available once the partner has shown that they can be trusted with understanding some very specific and particular boundaries.

  13. Super glad to see this video. Not enough out there on how we actually have sex. I would be happier still to see a video discussing how being trans* affects our sexual orientations.

  14. This channel is awesome.
    This video is a bit confusing though. I am not sure what I think, it is so taboo and personal that I am just not sure.

  15. PLEASE COME TO OHIO! OHIO IS A HORRIBLE PLACE BUT IM HERE AND I LOVE YOU AND REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU YOU IN PERSON! YOU SAVED MY RELATIONSHIP, HELPED ME GET OVER SEXUAL ASSAULT, AND SO MUCH MORE! YOU ARE SO GREAT, THANK YOU!

  16. Hard to believe that the west has fallen so far into degeneracy that we offer PhDs in "Human Sexuality" now. I guess those with advanced degrees can be mentally ill, too.

  17. I am not a fan of you saying the gender assigned at birth is correct for cisgender people and incorrect for trans people.
    It makes it sound like it is wrong to be trans, or something is not right with them. It sounds judgey.
    I think saying things don't match would be better phrasing because there is less judgement in that term.

  18. My brother Matthew's best friend is agender; they were born a female, Erica Jade Greaves; but they are now known as Greaves Erica Jade, or just Greaves (my mom still refers to them as Erica and "she"). Greaves still wears feminine clothing and vibrant coloured lipstick; when I asked Matt about it, he said that being agender does not reflect dress or name choice. Greaves was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a couple of years ago and is taking time off from uni because of it.

  19. There's also a trans woman in my social group named Michelle (born Michael) who is in the process. She didn't come out as trans until much later because she grew up in a Polish Catholic family.

  20. As somebody dating a trans girl right now, this was really helpful. We're hoping to meet in December and this helped provide some insight on how I can be the best partner I can for her.
    Just one question. She's currently transitioning (10 and a half months on HRT!! I'm so proud aaa) and I'm wondering. If she gets bottom surgery, would sex with her work just as a cis woman? Is there anything extra I should keep in mind? Maybe some extra research into the transition process might help this question but I figures I'd pose it here as well.

  21. I have a sincere question. Do you think if a straight cis-man does not find himself attracted to trans-women (or straight cis-woman not find herself attracted to trans-men) does that represent a form of bigotry or bias or can that be just as legitimate as their overall sexual orientation?

  22. I feel bad when someone who is straight and supports their trans lover through transition, but gets shit when afterwards they ask to end the relationship. Like no. They are straight but they where supportive and you can't ask someone to change their sexuality, that's unfair.

  23. Hi so nonbinary person here! I just wanted to point out that its not transgirl/transwoman/transboy/transman it would be trans girl/woman/boy/man with a space in between cause trans is an adjective. Not having the space is essentially like saying that a transguy and a trans guy are different. You wouldn't say ciswoman or blondewoman, you'd say cis woman or blonde woman. Same concept. Trans is short for transgender, it's an adjective and combining the adjective with the gender of the person makes it seem like they are separate identities from their cis counterparts when they aren't.

  24. I would follow this up with how to deal with gender dysphoria coming from being in what might be perceived as a heterosexual relationship when it isn't due to your gender identity. I'm genderfluid and lean masculine and generally prefer being seen as a boy, despite being afab. My boyfriend is pansexual and is absolutely amazingly loving and caring towards me and I feel like he does his absolute best to always be really considerate with my identity. However, I feel uncomfortable with other people possibly assuming that we are a traditional straight couple. Any recommendations?

  25. As a trans woman this was a nice video to see (just stumbled on it in recommended tab) and it's nice to see advice for sex stuff available like this. Sex is something I have really rough feelings with because of dysphoria like I'm still a virgin because I avoid sex because the idea of someone touching that part of me is so abhorrent it makes my mind kind of break like even kissing for extended periods of time hurts me because getting erections is not a good feeling for me I wish I could get help for this without having to dive into a surgery that I just can't afford right now

  26. I can still masturbate because it's my figure I hate, not my vagina XD but it's annoying because my crush is a gay guy, and I'm a closeted FtM trans X/

  27. Cmon cisgender, thats not only lame is also rtarded, can it be like it was recently, straight person. Btw i love pure feminine trans girls and i hope in like 30 – 50 years they will take over the traditional women cuz women brought this to them self. Most of the women are greedy, needy, dont know what they want and most of the time are behaving like psychopaths. But all of this with the made up terms is just rtarded.

  28. Can someone help me understand (I'm so sorry if I use the wrong terminology.) but does Cis stand for anything? Is it short for something or is it simply the word used for someone assigned a gender at birth that they identify as? I'm confused about the origins of the word. Any info is appreciated and any corrections to any mistakes I've typed out are appreciated too!

  29. This video is super important, but I’d like to note that there is a space between cis/trans and man/woman
    (Example: trans woman, cis woman, trans man, cis man)

  30. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY TO US… ahahaha You are fantastic in what you do. I find myself wishing I actually have some sexual troubles, and in need of a sexologist… I would seek you to help me for a very long period of psychotherapy. Playful, candid, understanding, yet so professional. It's a joy to review this collection of your videos! Never 'grow up,' pleeeze.

  31. Thank you, I’m very grateful for this video. I’m actually very grateful for all your videos but this one in particular makes me feel included. 🙂

  32. How long Doc has sexual assignment surgurie been available…im thinking..70s…so in 50 years we have gravitated to a society that can determine there own sex gender based on preference…wow…50 years does make a big difference….im 59..

  33. All these wander full videos, so little time. I am almost 7 months post-op, haven't has sex yet with my new body, which now confirms with my identity. ( I am a transwoman) Before my surgery I used to have sex with a partner (male or female) by way of satisfying him or her, I didn't like to orgasm during the time together. I enjoyed it the best if I didn't climaxed. Then later I masturbated thinking back on the great time we had earlier. I never liked having to perform in a male way, with a male part. As a child I have always been terrified (scared) of my penis, thinking (hoping) it will fall off after sex. (what ever sex was, as I didn't really know then) Also I was uncut and thought if you pull the skin back, the inside will fall out. Not until 16 or 17 I tried touching myself down there. Hugs, Erin. <3

  34. Why do we still associate long hair with femininity and all the other things she listed in terms of changing appearance in relation to some sort of association with a certain sex or gender or whatever? Can we please just stop with the fucking stereotypes and maybe stop perpetuating them? Thank you <3

  35. i will say that transman and transwoman are incorrect- trans is an adjective, so the correct terms are trans man and trans woman. the reason putting these words into one may be considered offensive is that the creations of new words implies that they are different kinds of men and women than cis men and women, which can be alienating. thank you!

  36. It would be great if you could come to Canada..more specifically Calgary Alberta. I would love to see you speak at a seminar. Love your videos!!💓💓

  37. I know this is an old video (I just stumbled into this channel recently), but thought this might be helpful for folks to know.

    The genitals change a lot once a trans person has been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for a while. Not only in look, but also how it feels to be aroused and orgasm.

    Also, libido, body odor, and how that person's body tastes can change as well.

    As a transman who has been on testosterone for about 5-6 years, how I have sex, how I feel about sex, and how my body parts operate, look, and smell have changed DRAMATICALLY.

  38. This just made a mess in my perception of transgender. If one has a cock but feels like a woman a blowjob still has to physically feel great or not?

  39. I was thinking when she said something about the prosthesis. I was thinking of a strap on that can send a pulse in waves against the clitoris while the person uses it.

  40. As a preop trans woman, who is still married I tend to shy away from sex because of the lack of ability to perform and the dysphoria associated with my genitals as well. What other tactics could we try to make sex enjoyable again for the both of us. Have to add spouse is not open to toys and non tradit8nal foreplay.

  41. OMG, thank you for this! I was very curious before about this transgender thing and I have learned alot in this 4 minutes video. Keep up the good work! More videos please.

  42. Thank you for talking about this. I'm a transman who's married to a cisgender man who's straight. Next month I will start taking hormones. I will show him your video as an encouragement for us to talk to a therapist.

  43. I'd say a hugely important thing would ve only having sex with people who understand/are understanding of your dysphoria and also communicating your dysphoria.
    That way you're less likely to be triggered during sex.
    Like I'm cis but I have sexual trauma so while different I have triggers and so if I'm having sex with someone I trust amd who I had told I can't deal with this but like this amd they respect me it's easier as 1 I know they won't try to hurt me or disregard my wishes and that makes me feel safer amd 2 I've somewhat taken control by saying what my dos and don'ts are.

  44. 2:55 big mood

    Also thank you so much for this. There's little to no trans-inclusive sex education anywhere, so finding your channel was a great gift. Thank you 🙂

  45. Why don't they just cut to the chase and just put them in the asylum including this commentator her eyes tell all she may be related to Cortez!?

  46. im a cis poly and i have to thank you for uploading this video it gave me more insight as to certain things to make my relationship with my trans partner become deeper and questions i didn't know were polite or welcomed to ask without sounding like im not sensitive to how my partner may or may not feel 🙂

  47. this is so informative!!! thank you so much for talking to us trans people for info about this topic to help inform cis/trans people

  48. What is the sexuality of a sis gender male that likes weman but likes trans weman that are not fully transitioned is it gay or do they just injoy the female form

  49. I’m 70 years old living in Chicago my entire life and I have never socialize or communicated that I know of with transgender people. My personal opinion is they are people like everyone else. Some of their pictures look extremely beautiful and attractive. I remember back during the 1970s I was drinking in a night club with some friends and the bartender pointed out that I was talking to a man minutes ago. I thought nothing about it and enjoyed my evening there. Then later I went home. Transgender are human with feelings like everyone else.

  50. DUDE I can’t believe I just found this series now because I was most definitely in Aiken South Carolina and Augusta Georgia when this was posted in 2016

  51. Also I am rather curious why Aiken and Augusta are on the list. All cities besides those to have a population of like 700,000 or more Augusta is just below 200,000 and Aiken is like 30,000. So while I do love Aiken and Augusta and appreciate coming to the area although I missed it I’m curious why those two were chosen and not like New York or Seattle

  52. I’m a male to female transgender lesbian with my male parts and I got a blow job from another male to female transgender person and love it

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