Trump’s Anti-Press Press Conference & Jeff Sessions’s Forced Resignation | The Daily Show


Yesterday
was the midterm elections, which you probably know by now
because Instagram was full of people showing off
their “I voted” stickers. Like, yesterday,
no picture was taken that didn’t include
an “I voted” sticker. Even dick pics
had the stickers in them. (laughter) I know because I received many. And as you probably also know, the Democrats ended the night
riding high. A power shift in Washington. Democrats take the House for
the first time in eight years. House Minority Leader– soon to be potentially House
Majority Leader– Nancy Pelosi said her party’s wins
mark a new day in America. It’s about stopping the GOP and Mitch McConnell’s assault
on Medicare, Medicaid,
the Affordable Care Act, and the health care
of 130 million Americans living with preexisting
medical conditions. (cheering and applause) Let’s hear it more for
preexisting medical conditions. (applause) Yeah! (whoops) Let’s give it up
for preexisting conditions! Diabetes, I see you, baby. We got eczema
in the house. Mm-hmm. Asthma, make some noi… (gasps) …oise, come on, asthma! (cheering and applause) That was a little weird. But that’s right.
After eight years of being weaker
than Ben Carson’s coffee, the House Democrats finally have
a semblance of power. And when the day started,
I honestly thought this was gonna be
today’s big story, because now that the Democrats
have the House, there are so many questions. You know, what is their plan
for working with Trump? Will Nancy Pelosi
reprise her role as speaker? Will Bernie Sanders emcee
my birthday party? You know, questions we all have
about the future of the country. So we thought today’s news
would be focused on all of that. But then President Trump
stood up and said, “No, no, no. “You guys might have
taken control of the House, but the news cycle
will always be mine.” Fireworks from the East Room
of the White House just a short time ago
as President Trump repeatedly clashing
with members of the media. On the campaign trail, you
called yourself a nationalist. Some people saw that as
emboldening white nationalists. -Now people are also saying…
-I don’t know why you’d say that.
That’s such a racist question. Let me tell you,
that’s a racist question. I think you should let me
run the country, you run CNN. -All right.
-And if you did it well, -your ratings would be much
better. -Well, let me ask… -If I may ask one other
question… -That’s enough. I’ll tell you what,
CNN should be ashamed of itself having you working for them. You are a rude, terrible person. You shouldn’t treat people
that way. Go ahead. -Go ahead, Peter. Go ahead.
-In-in Jim’s defense, I’ve traveled with him
and watched him. He’s a diligent reporter
who busts his butt -like the rest of us. -Well, I’m
not a big fan of yours, either. Oh! Damn, that escalated fast.
What happened there? Peter Alexander
just tried to be that guy who steps in to stop the fight
and then ended up getting punched in the face.
That’s what happened. “Mr. President,
you’re being inappropriate.” “Your mama’s inappropriate.”
(cries out) But, look, I mean,
as troubling as this was, let’s be honest–
Trump attacking the press? This is something we’ve seen
100 times before. What we haven’t seen is how
the president plans to work with the new Democratic House. I really believe
that we have a chance to get along very well
with the Democrats. We should get along
and get deals done. Now, we can investigate. They look at us,
we look at them, it goes on for two years,
then at the end of two years, nothing’s done. Now, what’s bad for them is,
being in the majority, I’m just gonna blame them.
You understand. I’m gonna blame them.
They’re the majority. Honestly, it makes it
much simpler for me. I… They will be blamed. (laughter) You know,
as shameless as that is, I somehow appreciate
that Trump just told us his entire evil plot. He’s like a clichéd
movie bad guy. “And then,
even if it’s not their fault, I’ll blame the Democrats
for everything.” (laughing) (cheering and applause) Like, what are…
what are you doing? We’re like,
“Why are you telling us this?” “Because it’s what villains do. They’ll never see it coming!” (laughs) And now, to be honest with you,
there’s no highlights that I can show you
from this press conference that can do it justice, because it was
an hour and a half of crazy Trump at his finest. All right, he accused the media
of dividing the country. He trashed Republicans
who wouldn’t bow down to him. And he even threatened
to investigate the Democrats if they used the House
to investigate Russia or his tax returns. Like, Trump was raging mad. And then, what was hilarious is that in the middle
of all this chaos– this is one
of my favorite moments– he had to take questions
from a bunch of people who couldn’t even
speak American. So how you focus on the trade
issue with Japan? Will you ask Japan to do more? (indistinct chatter) I-I don’t…
I really don’t understand you. Is the election
of two Muslim women– one of them is veiled, to the
House, which is making history– is this a rebuke
of this message, do you think? I don’t understand
what you’re saying. What? President Erdogan said he’s not
gonna follow your sanctions, and he’s gonna keep, uh,
buying oil from… -Who said that?
-President Erdogan. -Turkey.
-I know, I know. -(laughter)
-I know, I know. “No, no. I know, I know.
I know exactly… “I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You tell me first,
but I know, I know, I know.” What the hell’s going on there? Trump can’t understand anyone
with an accent? That would be so weird, because
he lives with Melania, okay? That makes no sense. (cheers and applause) Absolutely no sense. Unless, unless that’s probably
why they’re still together. She’s like,
“Donald, I want divorce.” (as Trump): “I don’t understand
what you’re saying.” (as Melania):
“I want divorce.” (as Trump): “Okay, fine,
I’ll get you a horse. “Every day,
she asks for a horse. “So cute.
She says she wants to file. “You don’t need
to file for a horse. You can just get one, baby.
I’ll just buy you one.” So now, so now, at this point
of the day, we’re like, “All right, forget
the Democrats in the House. “Clearly, the big news of
the day is now going to be Trump and his fiery press conference.” But then,
Trump stood up again and said, “Oh, you think
I’m the story of the day? No, I’m the story of the day.” MAN:
CNN breaking news. Breaking news.
President Trump suddenly fires the attorney general,
Jeff Sessions, for the unpardonable sin
of recusing himself from the Russia investigation. MAN: Jeff Sessions forced
to resign today at President Trump’s request. President Trump fired
Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Okay, now, that’s not fair
to President Trump, all right? He didn’t fire Jeff Sessions. He just said “Rumpelstiltskin,”
and then the curse was broken. That’s how it works. And, remember,
this is all happening in one day, you realize this? All of this is happening
in one day. And this is huge news. The president has fired
his attorney general. And I know there were rumors
that this might happen. I mean, in fact,
people were talking about Sessions getting fired
for so long, he probably already had
a backup job lined up. He’s like, “It’s okay. I’m already assistant manager
at Baby Gap.” (laughter, applause) But… but I want you to know I’ve recused myself
from folding those onesies.” (laughter) And the timing. Yo, man, the
timing is so brazen from Trump. This is literally less than
24 hours after the midterms. He knew that this wouldn’t
look good before the midterms. He doesn’t even wait. He just, like,
pulls the trigger on this thing. Like, I feel like he could have
at least made it seem like he needed to think about it
first, you know? It’s like
when you’re in a relationship, and your girlfriend is like,
“Hey, if something ever happened to me, which one of my friends
would you…?” “Karen.” (laughter) “I didn’t… I didn’t even
finish what I was… what I was gonna…” “What? Wh-What were
you gonna say?” “I was saying, which one of my
friends would you hook up with?” “Karen. Yeah. Karen.” “Have you been thinking
about this?” “No, it just came
in my head now. “Yeah, Karen on the beach
in Montauk. Yeah, that’s a…” Just, like,
think about it, Trump, fake it. And I never thought
I would say, this, but I feel bad
for Jeff Sessions, because apparently,
Trump didn’t fire him to his face or even call him,
all right. He just sent John Kelly with, like, a prewritten
resignation letter. Yeah. John Kelly probably got there,
and he was like, “All right, Jeff, you want
to do this the easy way, or the Omarosa way?
Which one is it?” (laughter) And now, just-just looking
at Trump and Sessions, like, this is…
this is a strange story, because
there were so many reasons these two should have
gotten along, right? They both don’t like immigrants,
they both do like white people. But there was always
one big thing that Trump hated about Sessions. He recused himself from overseeing
the Mueller investigation, which meant that he couldn’t
protect Trump from Mueller. And now with Sessions gone,
Trump can finally appoint a guy he knows for sure
will protect his ass. And what an ass. (laughter) A guy who could kill the Mueller
investigation if he wanted to. And from the looks of it, the guy Trump picked for the job
would be more than happy. The chief of staff
to Jeff Sessions, Matt Whitaker, will be the new
acting attorney general. Whitaker told CNN last year that the new attorney general
could reduce Mueller’s budget, make it so small that the Mueller investigation
would grind to a halt. I could see a scenario
where Jeff Sessions is replaced with a recess appointment, and that attorney general
doesn’t fire Bob Mueller, but he just reduces the budget
so low that his-his investigation
grinds to an absol…
almost to a halt. Man, Donald Trump
is so rock and roll. So, he probably saw this guy
on CNN talking about how he would squash
the Mueller investigation, and then Trump just decided
to hire him. Yeah. “Dude from the TV. I want him
and Barney. I’m in.” (laughter) And his plan, this guy’s plan
to kill the investigation, is just that he would drain
all of Mueller’s resources, which is the most
passive-aggressive way to kill an investigation. So Mueller’s gonna show up at
work, and he’s gonna be like, “We finally cracked
the Russian collusion case. Time to print out
the indictments.” “Oh, we don’t have printer ink. “Yeah, we ran out. Oh, I’m so sorry.” “Oh, it’s fine, I’ll…
I’ll just fill it out online.” “Oh, we didn’t pay
for Wi-Fi this month.” “You know what, it’s okay.
I’ll just drive to Kinko’s.” “Oh, we sold
the Justice Department’s car.” By the end of the investigation
it’s just gonna be Mueller walking down the street making
siren noises with his mouth like…
(imitating siren blaring) “Put your hands behind your back
and imagine there’s handcuffs!” Now, look, maybe
I’m being to quick to judge. All right?
I’ll admit this, maybe I am. Just because Matt Whitaker
over here came up with a hypothetical plan
to fire Robert Mueller doesn’t mean that
he actually thinks the Mueller investigation
has gone too far. All right. Except… there is the fact
that he also wrote an op-ed that was literally called “Mueller’s investigation
of Trump has gone too far.” Which, to me,
is kind of a red flag. So, my friends, let’s face it, the Mueller investigation
is in danger. Yeah. And something tells me
that right now, Robert Mueller’s
in a bathroom stall trying to finish his homework
before they shut it all down. He’s just like,
“I’m in here working!” And now, you realize that all
of this happened in one day… and one day after the midterms. And this is what freaks me out. For the last two years, that’s
been Trump when he’s winning– now we’re gonna see Trump
when he’s losing.

About the author

Comments

  1. No, I'll tell y'all what's amazing here, people-It's that although many other presidents have been Assholes in the closet, and we complain about everything they ever did, but then, here comes Ignorant Orange , Tanning Bed Trauma Patient Dump-A-Trump who is THE Presidential Asshole of ALL Assholes, and whenever or whatever he does, we just CALMLY sit there and say-Yawning-Just another day in this orange colored Mother-Fucker's Vomit-filled nasty-ass Floriduh Fucking neighborhood( Try Saying That Three Times Fast, go ahead-I Dare You)

  2. Please stop broadcasting little lying baby Donald, The Hat Salesman's lies. have a comedian read his words (while puking?) End his Power over all corproate Media. No More Lies!!! No more FREE airtime for the lying little baby Donald. The world will thank you….

  3. Trevor said that same thing I said about the accent thing …. how are you that dense when you're married to someone with a thick accent? lol

  4. Americans, you should croudfund the investigation if they will cut the budgets. The rest of the world will help too

  5. It's November !!!!
    Be safe in Pakistan,

    Pakistan government is conducting terrorist attack in other country.

    Pakistan funded terrorist attack in below country:-
    1. Australia
    2. France 30/11
    3. Germany 21/11
    4. USA 9/11
    5. India 26/11
    6. Russia 19/11
    7. Brussels 10/11

    https://www.rferl.org/a/trump-pakistan-osama/29607940.html
    Trump: Pakistan is terrorist safe heaven Osama bin laden.

  6. Guys. Trump is insane. I have never seen such a president who responds to everything like as if he is talking through his arse. I love him.

  7. I heard that question answer session. The reporter indeed was very rude. Trump is a businessman. He is working hard to make US better and end unemployment. Nobody asks questions such harshly in India to Modi. You folks must help him help you. Hillary Clinton would have destroyed US. Look how many US centric decisions has he taken already – banning immigration from terror base countries, sanctions on Iran, Visa rules, duty on Chinese goods, ban on illegal immigrants, stopping the unfair money aid to Pakistan as they cause terrorism and lowering the numbers of highly skilled Indian and Chinese migrant workers indirectly. What else do you want in such a small span ? I think he is doing a wonderful job for the US. He acts a little animated at times but don't you idiots see a real patriot businessman in him. No president DARED to mess with China yet, you just had playboys or heirlooms as of now. He is a real saint for US businesses. Stop judging him, see his works and at least behave when he is trying to make US better, though I don't think it was poor earlier.

  8. What a fucking disgusting pig! How humiliating & embarrassing that this asshole is actually President- (NOT MY PRESIDENT!) to those who voted for this — WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING??? This shit isn’t funny anymore. He is a dangerous & EVIL narcissist. The donald needs to be impeached & committed to an insane asylum.

  9. Trump is right, the press are lying dogs trying to take him down, like the democrats don't blame Trump for EVERYTHING. Reprehensible

  10. Blue Wave Music Forever. We are just getting started! We have added music to the Party!

    http://youtu.be/zrMFJXDHYjQ

    https://youtu.be/0DbxIfukxVs

  11. the press is simply reporting , it's tawdry, it's uncouth , it's needs the brakes. fixed ! let's make the omletts , let's crack some eggs , jail now : asap , orange , jail jumpsuits. for all. , no money down ! free ! housing ….

  12. I am appalled that Trump and the Republicans have brought our country down to these depths. An insane racist madman is openly breaking our laws, and the sleaziest people in our country are cheering because women and children are being gassed.

  13. This was literally the day after and it was so pathetic and petty and rambling that even with nothing else to focus on at the dentist's, I still zoned out

  14. pre-existing conditions = "The Sick" Why do we allow such twisting of the facts… The Sick needs health care … I do not like how we allow both sides to use a term like "pre-existing conditions " as if it is something that it is not…. "the Sick" people wanting health care

  15. Trevor you are a racist and that is best thing I can say about a very bad person. Whoever brought you up is terrible parent or your just a bad seed. I usually call people I disagree with a buffoon, but I can’t use any other term than the equivalent of a KKK member who gets to air his racist rhetoric live daily. This may have been okay in that country your from but that crap doesn’t fly here. This is not a free speech thing this is throwing gas on a fire that you keep feeding for your own monetary gain. Hannity has his opinion and a person could agree to disagree but you are a disgusting despicable racist human being.

  16. @Ad; You can Tell him the prices in 100 percent fragrance has reduced to due to change in economy,and also you can add that since you frequent the place and buy in bulk,that they have decided to give you discounts.Also saying their on Promo can help too OR F**king say the truth and hope your bro understands,if he loves you that is😉😉GOODLUCK

  17. YOU STUPID PETTY DEMOCRATS DON'T REALIZE YOU'RE PUSHING FOR THE SATANIC NEW WORLD ORDER, WHAT A BUNCH OF SELF-DESTRUCTIVE IDIOTS, YOU'RE KILLING OUR COUNTRY! I GUESS IT WILL BE UP TO US PATRIOTS TO SAVE YOUR ASSES AGAIN!!!

  18. Never was a “poor” Sessions defender. He achieved this administration’s goal to bring back Black codes and to reinforce criminalization of poverty of Black folk and other people in blighted areas.

  19. It is really scary because Trump is obviously willing to do whatever it takes to keep his power. He's throwing tantrums and threatening the entire world.

  20. Trevor my name is Soha Aijaz and I love your show. My friends and I watch your show a lot and love how funny you are when you make fun of Trump. Plus I have a question for you to answer. Trump has been promoting gun violence, is it true that he doesn’t mention anything about biefing up the laws to prevent gun violence?

  21. Because Trump May be stupid and dumb, but still doesn’t be supportive to anything like donating money, I also heard how stupid it was when trump announced about money before he even had a dumb idea to build a stupid wall

  22. I found this tweet from Donald Trump today. I think you should tell the audience and the whole world about this one, but this may make everyone have a good laugh from your jokes cuz you’re my favorite comedian

  23. He said, “Border is eventually going to be militarized and defended or the United States, as we have known it, is going to cease to to exist….And Americans will not go gentle into that good night. Patrick Buchanan. The great people of our country demand proper border security NOW!”

  24. Trump calling a black lady racist is the biggest example of the pot calling the kettle orange I’ve ever seen

  25. I like to think Melania secretly watches the Daily Show make fun of her shit husband to get some comedic relief from the hell of being married to that guy.

  26. Ol' white eyes makes such a fool of himself every time he opens his mouth. What a moron. It is hard to imagine that a human is so disgusting and dumb at the same time. Trump has taken low to a new level. He is so low he has to reach up to touch the bottom. He is and always has been a loser. Just not intelligent enough to realize it!

  27. Did he just say on Live TV that he going to blame the Democrats ? I'm dead where's my Coffin 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆

  28. Why the fuck do you Septic Democrats still call the Trumpistas the "GOP"? Grand old party? In the UK, we've been calling the Conservatives "Tories" since the C18th. It's a C17th term for Irish peasant thieves, highwaymen, robbers etc. In fact, google tells me we've been using it since 1679 as an abusive term for the supporters of James II. GOP? More like a bunch of thieving scum.

    And there, in a nutshell, you have the difference between our two nations.

  29. Its not trump would blame them he would just made things with agencies to deal with the problem to rigg them down this is what politics always is about using your powers and make conspiracies ploting things.

  30. Play this press conference across the world so they know who Trump really is. Worst President ever

  31. Mooohahahahaaaaaaa😂 that's why he married her😂 she like assistant just tell him to leave the black card out and I'll stop talking to him. MoohahahahHa😊💃

  32. Trump is actually doing good for the country u idiots. It's the media houses who are misleading your views about him. His performance at the conference only shows he doesn't put up with the media bullshit. He cannot fake in front of them and be fake nice for the sake of it. These news channels are just taking advantage of his temper and spreading gossips. Trump's policies have actually stopped a major recession that is about to hit any moment.

  33. Trump's so full of himself he thinks that people will believe anything he says, even if he lies about it. He is literally treating his supporters like retards. And I don't understand them. They're the definition of the Americans are stupid stereotype. The only ally Trump has is fucking Fox News.

    Also, I didn't know nationalism was a race.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *