What if I still don’t think I’m sick enough?


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  1. Hey Kati, can you talk about what do you do if you need help? As a minor, since you can't really go to a psychologist on your own

  2. I felt like this for a long time before reaching out for help, and I still do sometimes, so thanks for talking about it and reminding me that I deserve help. 🙂

  3. Can you do a video about having a chronic life long disease and battling depression and anxiety along with it? I have ulcerative colitis and find it hard to find balance with my mental illness and my disease.

  4. This is so important. Im going to have to remember that – "If it's bothering you, you're sick enough to get help"

  5. Hey Kati! Could you possibly do a more updated video on suicide. Much like your "Suicide: An honest discussion" video but more updated? I'm sure you have learned more since then and it would be great to have 1 video with all of that information instead of having to search for all of our answers in 20 different videos. ALSO! Quick update. I have FINALLY started seeing a therapist after maybe 5 years of just avoiding telling my mom that I am not happy and need help. It has been really great to talk to someone.

  6. hey kati I was wondering if you would be okay with making a video all about your mental health story. Thanks. 🙂

  7. Straight hair, so pretty <3
    You really have to come to Brazil and you can have a straight hair when you want, as I told you at Twitter, is really cheap and the most of the women do once a week.

    And about the video, I agree despite of the fact that I always think that I am not sick enough. But this is what ED do with: put lies in our heads and mess everything right?

  8. I needed this more than I thought.
    A while ago, you inspired me to get help from a therapist. Unfortunately, she was absolutely awful and refuses to help me more than arranging meds and a cliche self-help book.
    This was a reminder that even though she was passionate, sometimes passion is misdirected and her opinion isn't final..
    I am so, so tired, though; I just want to find someone to help me for real- help me sort out the jumbled mess that is my mind but I've legitimately exhausted my options living in a rural city.
    No one's ever actually tried to ask more than "How are you this week?"

    This is exactly why I want to do Psychology after I finish my current degree, I need to be something fresh and I need to help people, for real.
    Thanks for all your videos, Kati x

  9. I actually tell this to my psychiatrist, when she emphasises on what I can do I feel like I cannot ask for help when struggling -it's led to me relapsing ha

  10. Thanks for the video Kati. As a LMSW I would never minimize or invalidate a client's symptoms or concerns. I've had it done to me by doctors and had to strongly self advocate and even go to other providers. Sometimes it's challenging to find the right person especially if you're limited on time and resources. Let's hope we can make a difference! There's power in numbers!!! 🙂

  11. I wish I could have a therapist to talk to but my parents are in my way. I feel really awkward talking to them about stuff like this because in the past they've just brushed it off and won't take me seriously. It's kind of harsh of them. Anyway, I really liked this video.

  12. I agree w/ all that you said! You are such an awesome person to post these videos! I always learn so much!

  13. Please, please, please do a video on misaphonia. I would really like to raise more awareness for it and understand what I'm going through better xx

  14. Can you make a video on how to deal with depression? Or just a video that talks about things that make you happy when your feeling a little upset? Or maybe what makes you feel relaxed if you feel like an anxiety attack is about to come on?

  15. Was surprised to hear that even you say "commit suicide." As someone who lost a very close family member to suicide, it bothers me when people say "commit" because it's not a crime, and it distracts from the real issue by placing the blame on that person and implying that they're a criminal. It's hurtful language and I'd ask that you put it more respectfully.

  16. this was so well timed! i had a really invalidating encounter recently and it's been bothering me all week, thank you so much <3

  17. I didn't think I needed help until it got to the point where I developed ulcerative colitis from being so anxious. You can't undo that. Seriously, you KNOW deep down whether you're well or not. Listen to your gut or it will betray you, literally!

  18. Hi Kati
    I have a question. Totally unrelated. I downloaded a simplified version of the DSM 5
    It says now that there is a spectrum of concentration…where Attention deficit disorder is the lower end and OCD is the higher end. My question is that if its a spectrum…doesn't that mean that a person can only have either ADHD or OCD? Is it possible to have both ends of the spectrum? Or one cancels the other out?
    Thanks

  19. Thank you so much for this video! This has been such a huge problem to me. I saw like 14 psychiatrist until the last one I saw that I felt was like the first one that actually wanted to listen to my symptoms, and it might be that I'm finally getting the right diagnoses after struggling all my life with wrong treatment for a wrong one. It can be SO helpful when someone treats you like a real person with a real illness, instead of someone whose whose problems are not real, and something they should be able to just snap out of on their own and blaming you for not having done that. I had a psychiatrist who said my suicidal thoughts, are "just lack of self discipline " and stuff like that. I started having really bad episodes of depersonalisation just thinking about all the invalidating things mental health professionals have said to me over and over again. Still struggle with that sometimes. But it helps I at least found a doctor that listens and I don't have to be so afraid to see.

  20. thx for this awesomely ha bisky vid i know that i would always get ignored by everybody you just cant give up or find somebody you trust that can help use google things like that

    if you dont want help that is a different thing

  21. Can you make a video on going to therapy or counselling when you have social anxiety because I find it really hard to open up and share things when my negative anxiety voice is talking?

  22. theres an anime I watched which is about a society where they can detect if you are stressed and will give u help. I'd like that, because often the hardest part is asking for help. (although the system in the anime is not as good, the premise of being offered help without having to ask is nice). I've always hid because I felt like my problems weren't real, or that I'm not ill enough…

  23. Hi Kati. I've commented before on my PTSD symptoms but now I'm here about something else. Since I was little I've always seen things. It's silly but when I was little I would see gremlins. That was my little fear. And it started happening (well I remember from when I was 12 I'm 16 now) and now I see shadows in my room I'll feel the floor shaking sometimes I'll think werewolves are trying to kill me and I will hear things or I'll hear ringing like a constant ringing not like a door bell. And sometimes I feel like somethings touching me or like bugs are crawling on me. I don't know what to do and I'm scared of telling my therapist incase she won't tell me. What do I do. (I'm in the uk.) do I see a doctor what do I do I'm so frustrated I'm already stressed enough and I'm having all these hallucinations and stuff and I'll be scared to look around my room thinking their will be something watching me and when I close my eyes I'll imagine me getting ripped to pieces. Please reply to this.

  24. This video was helpful. Do you think that you could make a video about how to tell your parents that you need help. As a teenager, I can't go get help by myself. I know that I need therapy, but I do not know how to ask.

  25. I suffer from physical chronic illness. I think this video still applies. the illness that i have doesn't have any cure. I'm part of this facebook support group and have seen people asking this very question. i will be sharing this video with my group. thanks for this video.

  26. Hi Kati, first of all thank you so much for your videos! I'm personally struggling with depression (and actually think I have bpd, still have to find a doctor that is actually wanting to help me!), and I have a question.
    I'm studying engineering and in some weeks I will have a ton of important exams… Do you have some tips on how to make myself study, when most of the time I can't even get out of bed? Some days is okay, but others I just either sleep the whole day or wander around my apartment achieving nothing…
    Thank you in advance, and of course I'm glad to hear from anyone who could help me. Love you all!

  27. I don't feel like I have a great support system because I unintentionally push people away that I know in real life, and have very bad anxiety, which has kept me from getting a therapist so I have a better support system in place. But after doing a lot of introspection and research, I think the main source of negativity in my life is massive disproportionate guilt. So maybe I can speak or create through that guilt, and vent my negative emotion better, since I now know what one of, if not my main source of negative emotion is. I think I've often held myself to extreme standards in different areas of my life, at the cost of losing my own physical health and mental health, because of all the guilt I feel that I deserve.

  28. I've seen five different doctors now and trying to see a sixth. I feel like even when someone is meant to be there to help, they try to put it off to someone else. Nobody seems to want to deal with someone who may have a mental illness. I've seen five doctors, a counsellor, and a nurse. All of which were dismissive; didn't listen, told me I had to sort it myself, get help from someone else or told me that they can't do anything until I turn 18 (which is just under two years away).

    I think I have depression, in fact, I'm almost certain. I don't remember ever being happy, but this probably started when I was about eight years old. I started trying to get help about two years ago and I've made no progress. I have had really low school attendance and have been struggling to get out of bed most days. This obviously impacted my grades and I'm now in my final exams. I broke down so many times at school that my head teacher stopped me taking history because of the amount of pressure it was putting on me. I've only spoken to her about two or three times but she was worried about my mental health. If she can see it, why can't the doctors? Especially when they're presented with more details.

    Sorry this was long. I kind of went into a rant. Maybe it's just my local area or the doctors practice that I go to. But sometimes I feel like even when I'm screaming for help, professionals turn their back.

  29. This is what I needed, thank you. I feel like people only help me when I have a "mental breakdown" and it really sucks 😟

  30. Hey Kati I was wondering if you could do a video on anxiety and depression in college. Like how being away from away from home and in a new environment can affect it. Thank you!

  31. I experienced the perfect storm of stigma and misdiagnoses that was almost fatal. I cannot stress enough the need to overcome self-doubt engendered by stigma so that you will educate yourself and stand up to professionals to seek the right diagnoses. I was originally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and GAD in 1988. At the time mental illness was locked in the closet, Especially, if you were a guy and the closet was bolted, barred and padlocked if you were a litigation attorney. I got over my fear of stigma, not by choice, but when my closet got blown apart by a severe reaction to Paxil. This required me to request an extension on a brief due to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals and it had to be for cause. So not only did I have to tell my firm's managing partner, my doctor had to sign an affidavit explaining the problem and that affidavit was served on all the attorneys in the case. It was the best thing that could have happened. Turns out the managing partner was also on Paxil, but only a few people in the firm knew. That is what stigma does. It isolates you.

    However, I was still not sure enough to become my own advocate. I later was forced to leave the practice due to panic attacks. I asked my then psychiatrist a number of times if he thought I was bipolar. Everytime he would roll his eyes and say no. Even though I had almost gone manic, sleeping less than 4 hour a night for weeks and displaying classic hypomanic irritation and anger problems. Also, my depression was classified as medication resistant. ECT was even recommend. Over 15 years of hell later I was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar II. All it took was for me to give in to my consistent suicidal ideations and OD on benzos. The psychiatrist who did my mandatory evaluation at the hospital took less that two hours of talking to me to correctly diagnose me. I was immediately started on Lamictal. I was already on Wellbutrin, which I understand is one of the only antidepressants to have much effect on bipolar depression.

    Now I have a great psychiatrist (there is a huge shortage of psychiatrists in N. Idaho and Spokane so finding one took a long time) and a therapist I really clicked with – he and I are massive geeks. So again, I urge anyone struggling with self doubt about your diagnosis or the treatment you are getting to seek out other opinions. Don't let stigma or the fact you are not a "professional" keep you from advocating for yourself. Not doing so can be fatal.

    Also, Kati, I have been going through your videos and was wondering if you had or would talk about Adverse Childhood Experience and the ACE score. When my psychiatrist found out I was a military brat and my dad, a career NCO, was the Great Santini x2 she had me take the test. I scored a 5. Even now the hard work I am doing with my therapist is getting the drill sergeant tapes out of my head.

    Finally. please mention the Semicolon Project. I, along with one of my daughters, just got semicolon tattoos (my first) I had been thinking about it for awhile and at that time my daughter's best friend from high school brother had just killed himself, he was 24.

  32. Okay, I have quite the opposite problem. I feel that everything is wrong with me no matter what I do. I see a therapist, however he never tells me really "the diagnosis" which is also bothering me too.

  33. Hey I would like to know your opinion on the eight hour work day from the perspective of a therapist.
    I recently read a blog in which I found quite conclusive arguments against it, also from the psychological view point.
    Source: https://criticalpoint.wordpress.com/

  34. I thought u conveyed your points nicely. there are too.many professionals with just "a job" I find it very frustrating if I take the time to answer multiple questionnaires and then find out the doc hasn't even read them – that they were only there to keep himself safe.

  35. It is bad enough! I waited so long that I'm so f-ed up now. Go talk to someone, pls don't make the same mistake as I did!

  36. #KatiFAQ Hi Kati,

    I just started dating my girlfriend a few months ago and she told me that I am a demisexual. I just came out to some friends after we started dating, so I'm new to the LGBT community and all the terminology surrounding it. She tried to explain it but I still don't really understand. We have had some issues because she is an extremely affectionate person, and I am quite the opposite. I didn't realize how unaffectionate I am physically, and how unavailable I am emotionally, and now I just feel like an ice queen. Sometimes I feel like something is holding me back from being comfortable with showing affection. How do I overcome these issues?

  37. It's a hard call to make. Sometimes symptoms become conditions and conditions progress to personality traits.

  38. Even if you've been in therapy before and you stopped going because you were better is it ok to go back if you feel you need help?

  39. Hi Katie I was wondering if I want to ask a question in private that you can do for a video where can I do that? P.S. your videos have helped me so much.

  40. Great and very important video! I was abused and struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, ed, eventually ptsd etc. at a very young age as a result of that. I fought for 8 years to get help, from age 9 to 17, constantly being told I wasn't sick enough, that I lied about everything etc. before I found someone who actually listened and believed me. I really wish someone would have helped me sooner – but the help I eventually received and life when it started getting better was so worth it. Just don't give up. There is help and great people out there, there really is. You're worth getting help. And it gets better. <3

  41. I'm sick enough. I don't buy that crock of stuff. Really, every facility I've been at hates what I do regarding food and checking out AMA for the third time in a row.

  42. Hi Kati! Just wondering if you could do a video about what to do/how to deal with your therapist dumping you (saying you need to seek other help) it's proven to be quite a difficult situation. Thanks!

  43. I used to have really bad depression and stuff but I don't think I have it anymore, well I do but not as bad anymore, I don't need therapist anymore, not that they helped BC I've stayed with them for one day then went to another one. none actually helped. I did it on my own, by myself.

  44. Hi Kati. Thanks for this video it was really helpful. I have a question. So I am dealing with depressing/ suicidal thoughts to the point where sometimes I can't go to school and I have almost killed myself. I want to get help. However I am starting at a private school in a couple months and I am afraid if I start going to a therapist and the school finds out they will make up an excuse to kick me out. Also my mom just thinks I'm doing it to get attention. If you have any advice i would really appreciate it.

  45. I think there is a certain amount of invalidation in the whole process of getting help. There were times when I was emphatic that I didn't want or need help, and they were determined to give it to me anyway. Then I've seen people beg for help, and they were dismissed for being too alarmist about their condition. It's part of dealing with a bureaucracy.

  46. hello kati
    I'm wondering if you could take me as phone call sessions
    i really don't have any good dr near me
    ps I'm from saudi arabia
    thank you

  47. Hey kati, idk if you're gonna see this comment, but my therapist diagnosed me with depression and said that I don't have an eating disorder, even tho i do restrict my food intake, sometimes really really low, i try to purge (but it never worked because my body can't EVER purge), i go through binging episodes, i count every single calorie, i keep weighing myself…. Literally all ed behaviors, but she says i just have a fear of gaining weight besides depression, and not an eating disorder. Could she be right? I don't think i have an eating disorder too bc i feel like im not sick enough, but after watching some of your videos im confused now. Mom noticed some things about this therapist that usually therapists aren't supposed to do, aka not the right things, so maybe she's just not a really good therapist? Idk im confused now

  48. Thank you Kati! I've been watching you for years and a little over a year ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type 2, anxiety disorder, and trichotillomania when I was hospitalized because of my being suicidal. After, it was hard to come to terms with the diagnosis. I felt like I wasn't sick enough to diserve help. Thank you for this video. I appreciate you. You always help me out in between my therapy sessions. Love you. ❤

  49. What if u think ur not sick enough and start college in 2 months. I wanna get help but i feel like pausing life and getting help isnt the answer

  50. i feel like im swaying back and fourth between believing that i may have an illness and me just being a teenager. im just waiting until i finally fall into a category that is certain on how i feel.

  51. What happens when your problems aren't too serious, but are so ingrained (since childhood) that it feels like they are part of your personality and you feel like you will never be over them?

  52. How do therapists help each other? Isn't it hard to leave your own conceptions about how to help your patients at the doorstep?

  53. I have been trying to get help for my sister, who is in absolute denial about her psychosis/paranoia, she has never smoked weed. I spoke to ger Doctor, as she is not speaking to me as she thinks I am plotting against her :(, but due to his confidentiality agreement cannot discuss her case. I know via my nephew she took her tablets for 2 days and stopped. But my nephew says she is still very paranoid. As a concerned sister how else can I get her the help she needs? She is over 18.

  54. +KatiMorton I'm ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS left here thinking if I am sick enough because I can not seem to be accepted by the one and only place in Florida that accepts my insurance for ED treatment because my BMI is too high! It honestly seems like professionals want to wait till we are dying to get help, but I was close to acoma and was rejected because of my BMI! How am I not sick enough?

  55. My Primary Doctor told me my depression and anxiety were just part of being a teen and that "every teen feels like they want to kill themselves just because it's an easy way out of a situation" -_-

  56. I found this video really helpful, thank you Kati. I have managed to go a year now without medication and have done well managing on my own. For the past few weeks though I have started feeling really down and my anxiety is so intense at the moment but I have been to afraid to admit that I'm struggling again and might need some help. I'm just not sure who to talk to though as I used to tell my support worker everything and she was so helpful but I'm not at uni anymore so I feel stuck.

  57. When it comes to a therapist it really has to be just the right fit. It's such a personal relationship, you have to like and trust them. In my experience and what I have spoken to others about, you have to try a few to find the right person. For me it was someone who was like a calmer more analytical version of my mother. I can imagine for a lot of people that would be the worst thing ever!! Just gotta find the right one.

  58. Yeah my parents always told me "well everyone gets depressed."
    Even when I was having a breakdown and crying and begging to miss class that day because I was feeling suicidal t
    My mom just said "you'll feel better A when you get to school…. just stop thinking bad thoughts."

    I'm glad I'm older now and can make decisions for myself on what I can handle each day

  59. hi kati, i know this is an old ish video but i feel like i have become obsessed with this, i'm doubting everything i have been told and i don't think i have any real problems, i have made them all up and i just think i have problems because i am obsessing over it and feel like i'm being attention seeking.

  60. I have a question. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts (almost everyday) and have planned my suicide however I don't really feel very depressed but I just feel nothing with an underlying feeling of sadness. Has anyone experienced this and what should I do about this? I'm only a teenager and I've tried to get help before but my parents didn't believe I was sick enough and 'forgot' to get me therapy even though it's free in my country

  61. I had a Aries "friend" dramatically ask me, (just to do one thing for him) ("just one thing") not to bring up my PTSD anymore. I told him basically – fuck you! You are the exact person that needs it screamed as soon as you wake up. Every day all day. Because your so selfish! Yes you will become deeply aware of trying to take me on some sloppily planned noise filled excursion! Don't test me Aries! I will say it. and if that's a problem, step out of my life. I do not need you.

  62. I have a huge issue with this topic. I'm the kind that doesn't like to 'bother' someone with my problems. I did reach out to my doctor about seeing a Pdoc and about disability. He wasn't really helpful with either. Then I had to go back and he made a snarky comment about my mental illness. I haven't gone to see him since. Unfortunately, I live in a small town so getting help is extremely hard. Most days I slip behind closed doors and cry. Thanks for posting this Kati. 🙂

  63. Every time I learn more about what I think I have, this question always pops into my mind. Thank you for this video

  64. Tell me about it, l just been warned in my job that if l going to continue to come in late then my supervisor has warned he will remove me by speaking to my manager. l told him l am depressed also full of anxiety and it not easy to leave this state of mind set. l do make it in everyday around 15 minutes late, sometimes usually 5 to 10 mins but always never over fifteen and l told him that but he said that is not reasonable good enough as lot of people use that populour excuse of mental health to get out of it. Now l am even more afraid of losing my job, l seem how hard it is to get on ESA as many people have failed either getting in with a Dr sick note or staying on with a Dr sick note. Their rules amd laws commonly misplace strictness with true decision makers with silly stictness replacing them with fake lying decision makers and this is a FACT as l seen so many times before with my friends and family making appeals that always get too long till heard as l should know because l was there in room with them and watching same decision maker lie against all of them. This decision maker may have been influenced by greed and driven mad by commission bonuses to make a little bit more of a bigger pay rise in the serious job. I do believe though, it injustice and heavily involved with government on tax payers cut backs in our wealthfare system so people claiming or making claims are gonna be effected and that decision maker was told to lie because ESA secretly cant afford to pay out as tax payers money is going on other payments to EU but we haven't been told that yet as it just a theory thought of mine which l am looking in to.

  65. I'm only 15 and everyone my school counsellor and parents and myself think I should go on anti depressants as I've been so low for 2 years and tried to talk for ages but then my CAMHS nurse says I'm not depressed enough for them which really made me feel upset as I've been so long and have had so many horrible thoughts but there like you can still function so you don't really need them 🙁 and he says schools school and he has nothing to do with it even though a lot of my anxiety lies within school

  66. Kati, I know this is an old video, but I just came upon it. Thank you for this. Thank you so much.

    Back in 2008, I did a 6 week IOP for my eating disorder. It was my first real attempt at a higher level of care, it wasn't a step down. I struggled the whole 6 weeks. I tried so hard to follow the meal plan and refrain from behaviors, and I couldn't. I was still struggling so much. I had tried to be honest with the therapist about this about halfway through IOP, she blew me off and told me to stop being over dramatic.

    So the second to last day of IOP, we had our final check in with the psychiatrist. I really loved the psychiatrist and felt I could be more honest with her (because experience had taught me she didn't blow me off the way the therapist did). I knew I was not ready to go back to a lower level of care. I knew that I was still having a really hard time, so I decided the best thing to do would be speak up for myself and tell the psychiatrist everything that I was struggling with and ask if I could do another 6 weeks in the IOP (because I assumed that what she would suggest). What I didn't expect was her to tell me that she thought that it was time for me to step up to the residential program, because IOP wasn't enough structure for me. She asked that I go back up to the group room and have the therapist go down to speak with her about my treatment plan. So I did. And I sat in the group room freaking out that I was going to have to tell my parents I needed residential. I was so scared, too.

    But what happened next? This is why the long comment. The therapist didn't come back to tell me she agreed with the psychiatrist and we'd start that plan. No. She was livid with me for being a "manipulative lier" to the Dr. That I did no need residential care, and that I would just be "taking up a bed someone else could actually NEED". It hurt deeply. I had tried to be honest about how much I was struggling and she yelled at me for it.

    That was almost 10 years ago, and it still bugs me. I'm currently not doing well. I'm really trying. We even stepped up sessions to twice a week. But I can't seem to pull myself out of the spiral I'm in. So my current therapist (who I've been seeing a little over a year now) is recommended residential care. She called my current doctor (who I've failed to be honest with. But there is a release for them to talk) and filled her in on everything that's going on. My doctors office called me urgently and wanted me in ASAP to discuss "what steps we need to take from here". I have no idea what to expect from that appointment (it's on Monday) but from speaking with my therapist about the conversation she had with my Dr, it sounds like my doctor is going to recommend residential, too.

    But even now, almost 10 years later… I worry that I'm not "sick enough" to warrant this. That I would be "taking up a bed someone could actually need".

    I know this comment is long. But I… thank you. Hearing you say that some professionals can just be jerks… it helps more than you know. I'm trying to remember that I wouldn't be "taking up a bed" if both my doctor and therapist are pushing for this. That it's ok to advocate for myself and admit that maybe I DO need a little more help right now.

    Seriously. Thank you.

  67. Thank you so much for this, it encourages me to open up to my therapist about my current eating issues. I am under eating, but I am not starving or over exercising (I think so anyways) or binging or stuff like that, but it does bother me a lot, and somewhere deep down I know it is a problem that requires attention.

  68. I go through the "not sick enough" feelings and thoughts every time my disability case is under review every 3 years. I see so many questions about using wheelchairs and equipment, seeing cardiologists and other specialist. And I have nothing to put in the blanks, so I question myself am I sick enough be on disability? Even though for 6 years after every psychiatrist said…you can't work and I said…just watch me. Then I crashed and needed to go on disability.😞

  69. This might sound REALLY bizarre but….

    I’ve been going through this thing recently. It’s been going on for a few months now, and I’m starting to get concerned. I love attention. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’ll do anything to obtain it. I’ve tried jokes and everything for attention, and it’s not enough to fuel my desire for itSo my brain is Turning to mental illnesses to fuel this. At first, it wasn’t much. Just my own mind wondering about what it would be like to have a illness. Then, it slowly started to fill my head more and more. My brain has started to tell me that I wasn’t good or important or I was just useless if I didn’t have this. My standards became higher and higher. I need attention. And my brain was turning to the last method it could think of. It became a obsession. Everyday I would watch channels like psych2go and other videos like that and I looked for all signs of depression, anorexia, etc. And one day, it just clicked in my brain. I was GONNA do this. I was gonna do whatever it took to fuel that need for attention. So, I’ve been telling myself things about me like how I was depressed or anorexic or had a multiple personality disorder or I was a narcissist, etc. I WANTED to be depressed. I WANT to be a anorexic. I WANT someone to notice me. I NEED the attention. It’s gotten to the point we’re all my thoughts consist of “Is is this unhealthy?” Or “Are they noticing you?” It’s feels like the feeling its slowly consuming me, and this past week it’s at a all time high. Then, my brain finally told me that this obsession was unhealthy. My brain felt like it had finally reached its goal. But I’m trying to fight against myself. I’m telling myself that it’s fine, I’m not there yet. And now I feel like I’m going crazy inside my own head. I’m telling myself everyday, ‘don’t eat that’ or telling myself that each calorie I consume is a failure. And yet, I still keep eating normally. So my body is telling me I’m still healthy. And it doesn’t WANT to be. I haven’t had the easiest life. I’ve had my own friends bully me from nicknaming to physically tackling me. And my other group of friends either brag about how skinny they are or call me fat. I’ve also had a experience with a friend begin to harass me in 5th grade. I want to tell my parents, but I don’t feel comfortable. I want to tell my friends, but I don’t have any close ones. The ones that cared drop me the second they see a chance to climb in social rankings. I tell myself how to be prettier, and at this age, all I can do is loose pounds. When I was younger, my parents were never around, and when they were, they always fought. They put there stress on me. It’s all gotten better, but sometimes I feel ashamed when ever I do something remotely wrong. Multiple times my mom called me overweight, or Said I was gonna get diabetes. So I think that had something to do with it. If you know ANYTHING about why my brain is functioning like this, please tell me. Please tell me if I’m overreacting. Tell me if I need to be fixed. Something I have noticed recently though is I have been having more depressive thoughts, and even considering suicide. As well as low self esteem. I delete my instagram the second someone I knew followed it. Never once do I let a compliment come out of my mouth. There’s more that I could talk about, loads of emotional baggage, but this is the lighter stuff tat I could summarize.

    Edit: damn it, I did it again. DAMN IT. Mk so… in this paragraph I say I have low self esteem or that I have anorexic thoughts. I haven’t be diagnosed by a professional, so I’m not sure. Yeah, I do think to myself about eating nothing, but it never really goes anywhere. Also, yeah I’ve considered suicide, but I’m not sure if it’s really that serious. I’m REALLY conflicted. I can’t even tell what’s going on in my own head. Also, yes, while my parents did put pressure on me and they do call me overweight, they still love me and they show it. I would say that it’s still left it’s mark, but I can’t even say that much. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I can’t tell if I’m lying to myself or if it’s truly affecting me. I seriously can’t even think straight. And there I go again telling myself my Brain isn’t healthy! I don’t LIKE thinking like this, but yet I do. I’m going crazy in my own head! I can’t even describe it in this paragraph. I don’t know how to without my brain telling me I’m overdoing it. If ANYONE FOR GODS SAKE knows what’s wrong with me, tell me!

  70. I feel like I'm "not sick enough" all the time since I haven't vomited yet even though I still do LOTS of things that most people with ED's do. It sucks so much, because I feel like my issues aren't valid enough and I don't fit into that stereotypical "bulimic" box.

  71. I kinda just want to know if i have a mental-illness or not. (Probably not). Or i'm just a crazy and unimportant diva who wants the attention.

  72. Hi Katie, I love your video and it’s very helpful. Thank you for making video to help other people. I have a question for you. What happened if a therapist want you to go to inpatient? And you refuse to go?

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