What is Emotional Abuse? SIGNS you are in an emotionally abusive relationship


Now emotional abuse and physical abuse they use their own feelings They can’t really handle a lot or a person and so they react and it’s welcome back Thanks for joining me this week so in this week’s video I wanted to go over something that is really serious and something that I don’t think our society Puts as much emphasis on as it should Something that we don’t really all talk about something that we were never really educated on when we were growing up And that’s emotional abuse you know we know physical abuse that is black and white but emotional abuse is so much more gray and trickier to spot Especially if you were never taught what emotional abuse is so in this video. I want to go over what emotional abuse is and How you can know if someone is emotionally abusing you and that’s in any relationship friendship family member? romantic relationship After this video you’ll be able to know Whether or not certain people in your life are using these tactics of abuse on you And how to stop it from happening or recognize that it’s happening now if you’ve already subscribed to this channel Thank you so much This channel is so important to me and the point of me creating this was to help Educate people on things that I know I was never taught growing up and Really to help teach you these different things in life. Whether it’s narcissistic abuse emotional abuse You know how to get out of a divorce and heal from a past relationship how to deal with betrayal how to regain your self-confidence how to learn how to love yourself for maybe the first time all of these things that I talk about in these videos Are really to help you educate you to increase your self-confidence and for you to be the best and healthiest version of yourself So let’s get right into the video So most of the time when we hear about abuse we usually hear about physical abuse and physical Abuse is black and white you know it’s someone that is physically abusing you now emotional abuse and physical abuse They basically are under the same umbrella and that is the person’s trying to gain control over another person And that’s why they’re doing these things so a lot of the times someone that is abusive can’t handle their own feelings they can’t really handle a lot of normal things in life and so they react or They want control over a situation or a person and they can’t handle not having control over a situation or a person and so they react and With these different tactics whether it’s physical abuse or emotional abuse, and I’ll go over that later in the video but the point of Abuse like I said is to control so while someone that is physically abusing a person is controlling them by physical force Someone that’s emotionally abusive is controlling the person with brainwashing You know diminishing of someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence? Really getting into the mind of a person in order to really have control over that person so it’s understandable why? emotional abuse is Not protected in a court of law and why it’s difficult to spot sometimes Because there’s nothing there’s no physical scar on us right all the scars are mental all the scars are are in our minds from What someone has done to us and this is why this topic is so? important because What someone does to emotionally abuse you creates? So many other issues in your life, you know and I am NOT downplaying physical abuse whatsoever they are both Horrific things to have to go through Emotional abuse is just something that I hope our society continues to talk about to educate each other on so we can protect ourselves From these types of people so one of the things also to understand with someone. That’s emotionally abusive they were Emotionally abused as a child. These are all learned behaviors and same thing with someone that physically abuses abuses someone else It’s the same thing with someone who is a narcissist someone who is a psychopath I mean all of these things are created in childhood the percentage of people that are born with severe severe mental Illnesses like that is very very small a lot of these things Yes are could possibly be within our DNA, but even that I don’t my personal opinion I don’t think is enough to create a quote monster That’s so to speak so I think a lot of these people that are abusive physical abuse emotional abuse narcissist sociopaths. You know crazy people Things something happened to them that created this inside of them And it’s the same thing with someone who is emotionally emotional abuser They learned these things growing up you know their parents or the people that raised them or whoever they were around They may not have saw all of these tactics, which I’m gonna share with you coming up But they saw enough to learn what emotional abuse is and now they go about life Just thinking this is the norm and this is how we should be living so the first thing is someone That’s an emotional abuser is someone that is Constantly testing your boundaries. They do not like the word. No they don’t accept no for an answer They’re constantly pushing and pushing on you to get what they want out of you They’re using manipulation on you in the midst of you know testing your boundaries, and I made a whole video And I’ll link it. I think it’s right here I’ll link it above On how to deal with boundaries how to enforce a boundary how to know when a boundary has been Violated you know and what do we do when someone does repeatedly? violate our boundaries, and this is something for me that was Absolutely huge, I never knew how to set boundaries. I kind of knew how to set them I didn’t always know how to enforce them and some people don’t even know when a boundary has even been violated and that is You know just boundaries 101 we have to know right away when it then and when a boundary has even been Violated before we can even do anything about it so someone That’s an emotional abuser can seek out those weak people. They know the people that have low or poor boundaries whatsoever and they seek them out either in a romantic relationship friendship things of that sort so Definitely someone that is constantly testing boundaries is someone That’s emotionally abusive the next thing is the silent treatment people that are emotional abusers Love the silent treatment because again if they know you’re codepen Person if you’re a weak person if you have low self-esteem by giving you the silent treatment that Worries you you don’t like that feeling right like you don’t like the feeling of someone not being okay with you Especially if you’re codependent So they love giving the silent treatment to people because it’s their way of almost punishing you in a sense and again they find these people they find the weak the poor boundaries low self-esteem a Codependent type of people to punish in in these ways so someone that’s going to someone has an emotional abuser That’s gonna give the silent treatment. They know that if I give you the silent treatment. It’s gonna work You where is someone that is healthy and has um a good sense of self Self-confidence loves themselves if they get the trunk silent-treatment from someone else Okay, you can give me the silent treatment. That’s completely unhealthy and when you’re ready to talk We’ll talk about that, but it won’t bug the person where someone that is maybe a little codependent It’ll really eat them up inside You know not having this person speak to them So that’s just another form of punishment is the silent treatment the next thing is someone who is passive-aggressive someone who is passive-aggressive, who is Constantly saying these things that are not full-blown insults But they’re just those little tiny digs and just you know saying things that are just a little hurtful and then kind of walking away from it those types of people, that’s Emotional abuse right there so but you have to be able to spot these things you have to be able to Recognize these things so when you start learning what each of these things Are you will stop you will start to spot it when you come across people in your life Whether it’s a parent, or cousin or sister or partner or friend? Whatever boss it doesn’t matter You’ll be able to spot this stuff right away, so someone that is always Passive-aggressive is someone that is definitely an emotional abuser the next sign that you’re dealing with someone who’s emotionally abusive is they always Disregard your feelings your needs your opinions They just don’t matter to them so They’re just so self-absorbed And just wanting control for every situation that they can’t hear your feelings or your opinions. They might actually Listen to them, but they can’t hear them. They can’t sit in space for you and Really go back and forth and go toe-to-toe with you Regarding what you think and how you feel so it’s always about them so they just kind of either completely ignore what you’re saying or they just Disregard it and bring it back to their needs their wants their opinion. You know validating someone’s feelings is so important and Someone who’s emotionally abusive? They never were validated growing up, and I talk about this a lot in my channel in terms of children It’s so important that we validate what our children think and what they feel as even even if we don’t agree with it right so even if we don’t agree with it or we don’t understand why a Three-year-old is behaving the way. They are because we forget that they’re three and they don’t have a ton of logic We still have to validate those feelings so and this helps even in relationships any Relationship whatsoever a lot of the times a lot of conflict starts between partners or friendships or whatever is when? The person doesn’t feel validated They don’t feel like they’re being heard they don’t feel like they’re their partner’s understanding them so by validating Someone’s feelings you know even if it’s bruising your ego even if you didn’t mean to say what you said Or you didn’t mean for it to come off that way still validating what your partner’s saying is absolutely huge to number one deflect any Arguments and blow ups or fights, but also it really you know you’re holding a space for that other person And if you can do it for that person, then that person’s gonna be able to do it for you And that’s when true communication actually starts healthy communication Starts so validating someone’s feelings whether or not you agree with them is really really important towards healthy relationships and when you become Healthy and whole by yourself when you have healed from codependency you will be able to hold a space for someone else and Validate their feelings even if it’s thing that’s bruising your own ego Or even if it’s something that you know you didn’t mean to do But they took it that way you won’t get so offended by what they’re saying you’ll validate how they feel and then you go to the next step in the Conversation and move forward with whatever it is that you’re talking about, but you hold that space for that person I can’t tell you how important that is in any type of relationship? And when you’re able to do that not only are you helping your relationship? You’re also that means that you’re at a really great Space yourself where you’ve really dropped your ego a hundred percent And you’re healthy and you’re whole and you can really sit there and be there for that person and listen to them and validate how They feel and not take anything that they’re saying personally the next thing is they completely ignore you sometimes when you’re speaking so This is a sign of emotional abuse um I don’t always know if it’s done on a conscious level I don’t think so because a lot of these abusive tactics that someone will use I don’t think are malicious and consciously done I think it’s just a subconscious programming that they’ve learned In their childhood and throughout growing up that they then use on other people to control the situation So I don’t think that it’s something that’s consciously done But someone that can completely ignore you when you’re speaking that is a sign of emotional abuse But of course there are times when we just don’t hear someone or when our mind is going in different direction And we’re not focusing but for the most part. You know when someone’s actually speaking near you you can hear them and by not acknowledging That they spoke that is abusive and again Someone that completely ignores you when you’re speaking that goes toe-to-toe with someone that gives you the silent treatment Someone that doesn’t validate your feelings so basically someone that doesn’t Respect you in any way shape or form You know doesn’t respect what you have to say doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say doesn’t want to validate How you feel you know? That’s not someone that is looking for a mutual relationship That is a one-way street that that person is on and they run the show and again. It’s just a person. That’s trying to control The situation, and they’re they’re essentially abusing you But a lot of people don’t even recognize that something like that is even emotional abuse You know I once knew someone that every time they did that they would say well. I’m an idiot They would say it constantly and these weren’t situations where this person was watching TV Or this person was working, and you know conversation. I was starting a conversation this was like clearly We’re in the car driving or we’re doing something that were near each other and you you can hear that I’m speaking and They would they wouldn’t respond and it always Infuriated me because it was so Disrespectful and people that are emotional abusers. Do not respect other people so it always Confused me every time this person would say well I’m an idiot And I remember just thinking in my head like you can’t even acknowledge That I spoke and that you didn’t say anything and there was never an apology It was just another tactic that this person used to be emotionally abusive so essentially this person was just making an excuse for their bad behavior for their abusive behavior and Unfortunately, I took it because I didn’t I felt that it was abusive I felt that it’s disrespectful, but again. I didn’t always put two and two together. I didn’t know a lot about emotional abuse I didn’t know about these things so I kind of just always like let things slide and then when you start letting things slide They start piling up. You know things don’t ever go away You’re just sweeping things under the rug and pretty soon You have too much stuff under the rug and not only not a lot of rug left so the next thing is manipulation and this is An emotional abusers best friend and I made a video all about manipulation It’s done actually so well. I love the video and people are really loving it and again. I’ll link it. I think it’s up here I hope um But I’ll link it above you guys to check out definitely go check that out and definitely go check out the video Regarding boundaries and how to set boundaries because those are two really really important videos and important topics, but anyways Someone that’s emotionally abusive is a manipulator 101 they are highly highly manipulative and when they’re manipulating you and Then they’re shaming you for saying no and making you feel bad for saying no again all Emotional abuse all tactics to kind of throw you off your game and make you feel guilty In order for them to get what they want out of you that’s all this is Motional someone that’s emotionally abusive is just a person that’s looking to control They’re looking to control you they’re looking to control the situation They’re looking to control the outcome and in order to have control They have they have learned certain tactics in order for them to get what they want and in order for them to control the situation along with manipulation You know ask someone’s manipulating you if they’re not getting what they want out of you They’ve begun shaming you and making you feel bad for saying No They’ve used guilt which is another form of emotional abuse In order to get what they want then they’re gonna start getting nasty, and I talked about this in my video Regarding manipulation, but now they start getting nasty So now is when they start threatening you now is when they start verbally abusing you You know you’re too sensitive, and it doesn’t have to be these nasty nasty things that someone says about you. It can be you know Passive-aggressive things or it can be something that is just a little hurtful Just a little sting to kind of get you it doesn’t have to be like Full-blown yelling and screaming and like swearing at each other it can just be these little tidbit of things of like you’re too emotional You’re too sensitive You know I always do things for you. I’m always here for you. You don’t do anything for me You know what am I gonna do now if no one’s gonna help me just all these different tactics To get what they want out of you so as the threatenings coming on all of these all this backlash, that’s coming your way because you’ve set a boundary and you’ve said no to this person or you said how what you think and how you feel and it’s totally different than what they think and how they feel you know here’s where the true bullying starts happening so emotional abuse are Definitely bullies in their own right and again I made a video as well And I will link it above um Just how to deal with a bully and how to get them to just kind of leave you alone and stop bringing up the subject But I’ll link that above definitely go check that one out as well But they’re bullies they’re just people that want to nitpick and pick at you until you Essentially just fall apart and give them what they want you know For for the abuse that these people give I will give them credit in the sense that they don’t give up these people are extremely Relentless they are completely selfish. They are self-absorbed and Again, it’s all stuff that they learned. It’s all behaviors that they saw growing up and again They may not have realized that they were in an abusive family or an abusive situation growing up But they were and they learned how to be abuse of themselves that children learn based off what they’re seeing not Always what we’re telling them to do so if we’re telling them to be respectful of other people of women of men of whatever But you know I’m a father and I’m always disrespectful to women then You’re not gonna. Have a child that is going to respect women because that’s not what was seen in the household, so Definitely being aware of how we behave in educating ourselves on these things number one is huge towards raising Healthy kids healthy adults this next generation. That’s coming up. You know we want to stop the abuse from happening Well it starts at these young ages of teaching these kids healthy ways to be and Also, you know learning about emotional abuse in these tactics. It’s so important for ourselves You know we’re constantly meeting new people you know we’re either in a relationship or meeting new person at work or meeting new friends people are always coming and going out of our lives and Even if they’re not and we have people in our lives such as parents and cousins or family members that we’ve had forever learning how to Teach people what we will tolerate is really important and having the self-confidence in the self love in order to do that You know money can’t buy that kind of stuff and that really affects every aspect of your life The next thing is gas lighting and this again all ties in with Manipulation and guilt and shame and and all of those types of tactics is gas lighting so gas lighting is when you know you Feel a certain way or you know something happened and someone else is making you doubt your reality and again when you’re not healthy and whole and You don’t trust yourself. You don’t trust your intuition You don’t really love yourself. You don’t honor yourself. You are going to be manipulated You are going to allow someone to Gaslight you and basically make you second-guess what you think and how you feel? But when you are really self loving you stand in how you feel no matter what anyone else says and it might actually You might feel crazy. You might be like okay? Am I really thinking this and that’s part of the game that they’re playing they want you to ask yourself these questions But just know that the minute you ask yourself that question You are thinking it. You don’t ever have to doubt yourself because no one else needs to believe you But you really and one of the things that I want to stress in this video And I know I’ve gone over a lot of things in terms of emotional abuse, and I didn’t really even dig into each individual thing I’ve definitely started making you know one video on each such subject for sure because I think each individual subject is really Important and I think you have to know what manipulation is and you have to know what being shamed looks like and what? Gaslighting entails and all of these things that I’m gonna keep going on with the videos in terms of emotional abuse but the overall picture to this video and the reason why I wanted to make is because if you have been in a Relationship that is emotionally abusive whether you can stand here and know that you are in one or whether Maybe one of your parents was emotionally abusive and as a child You know now maybe you have anxiety or you have post-traumatic stress, or you’re depressed Or you know you don’t have any self-confidence. You don’t know how you how to love yourself We don’t have to in horrific Situations growing up in order to have abuse You know a parent that never Validates their child and what their child is feeling that’s abuse and that is going to affect that child growing up later on in life And that’s gonna affect the type of partner that they attract They will attract a partner that does not validate them because that’s all they’ve ever known So the reason why I wanted to make this video is really just to start educating Everyone out there on these things and what emotional abuse entails, so I hope you all enjoyed this video I’m definitely gonna keep making more videos like this because I think they are Extremely important to keep relaying this message to keep educating yourself as much as you can on these things Unfortunately most of the time we really start educating ourselves On these types of things when we have already gone through it when we’ve already been an emotionally abusive relationship Or been with someone who’s narcissists, please leave any comments or questions down below I love hearing from you guys and getting your feedback Don’t forget to give this video a thumbs up if you liked it. Please like and share, and I will see you next week

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Comments

  1. I really loved the articulation of the concept of self absorbed people not being able to “hold a space” for you within them. That helped me a lot. Thanks, Lady Lyn

  2. I chose to end a 23 year marriage that was emotionally abusive… working on healing myself. Thank you so much Stephanie Lyn

  3. Just watching this video I realized that I'm the problem! 😭 I don't want to be, but I don't know how to get away from being the abuser…. 😭 this opend my eyes of how fucked up I am mentally 😭 can someone please help me? I wanna change… I don't want to hurt anyone…. 😭

  4. No One honestly deserves to be cheated on at any circumstance or be with a Narcissist this is the reason why we have failed relationships last month I suspected my wife cheating on me a friend recommended an hacker to me on instagram patrick_allen777 I contacted him and he helped me get cheating proves by helping me hack her phone giving me full access to everything she does on her phone if you suspect your spouse cheating on you text/whatsapp him +15182900093 he would help you out he his so trustworthy and reliable

  5. Thank you so much for this video I’m about to go into a court case with my abusive dad so my mom can gain custody and the pointers and facts have helped give me confidence after 8 years! Thank you again

  6. I think we all don't have to face all these deceit and lies from our spouse…in a case of mine wen i got sick and tired of all the lies and deceit i had to contact a friend of mine to get me the contact of one of the best hackers in the states ..then i met [email protected] saved me from the lies of my cheating wife by hacking his phone..Incase you need help with hacking any phone or social media account or other jobs contact him via email at ([email protected]) or Whatsapp +16265785544 or instagram @blonde_hacker_ Tell him i reffered you.He will help you.

  7. Abusers can un learn bad habits if they so wishrun out if you are dating at the sight of any red flag

  8. When it does NOT feel right. Would I talk to someone else this way?

  9. Thank you for posting this.
    I am coming out of a 2 yr nightmare with someone who was “emotionally abusive”. I made excuses for him initially, but as time went on, blaming his actions on alcohol abuse and even things i did to contribute, but after it escalated to physical abuse, i found the strength to escape.
    Looking back, throughout the relationship, the signs of emotional abuse were there the whole time.
    Trying to find myself again, which I understand is a journey, so thank you for posting this and the other videos, as it is a great help.

  10. I am 24. I have been controlled and emotionally and verbally abused by my boyfriend of ten years since I was 16. We just broke up after he went through my entire computer figured out my password and went through all my text messages. Right now I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I know I will be okay eventually. I always wanted a future with him because I always hoped things would get better. I wish I had brought my computer with me to work. I have so much regret and I hope that goes away.

  11. So…when they give you the silent treatment more than a couple of times…do you speak to them when they are ready to talk to you. I have a coworker that does that to me all the time…so I just go about my business. However, I have been in relationships like that and I do not have time to play those games, so I dont even bother looking her way. I say good morning, goodnight, and remain cordial. Is that okay to do?

  12. This video freed me!! I was completely unaware that I was in a Covert Narc Relationship but I really knew that I´m emotionally abused, not really understanding and seeking validation from those feelings. Always in the confusion & "walking on egg shells". This is truly golden! I couldn´t help my tears after the video. Biggest Thanks & Love to you Steph! xoxo from Germany

  13. There is a big difference between needing space for a time of reflection vs giving silent treatment out of spite. One is driven to work on the relationship and the other is driven to get back at and hurt the other.

  14. A lot of people saying that emotional abusers pick easy targets and do these things to manipulate. That’s just not true all of the time.

    Most of the time the emotional abuser doesn’t even realize that they are emotionally abusive. They are just that way because of their personality conflicting with the personality of the victim. They seek control subconsciously. They are often very narcissistic however they hold themselves to high standards which leads to suicidal ideation which causes even more conflict. They will start to hate their partner subconsciously and be very annoyed which leads to even more conflict.

    The best thing to do is to just talk about it openly, and if they don’t want to change leave them.

  15. Am I being emotionally abused if my girlfriend is always jealous with other people I mingle with regardless of their ages most importantly we are just in our house and she can see whom I'm talking to? And that she only wants me literally on her side 24/7 for almost 8 yrs now. She gives tantrums whenever I wanna do my own thing like visiting my father who lives 5km from us. Whenever she does house chores she would nag I'm turning her into a maid whereas when i'm the one doing those, she's being sweet and charming. She'd always nag over small stuffs and I'd just shut my mouth coz I dont like arguing with her.. I'd talk to her after she's calm or I'm already fed up then she'd be nice again for just a few days then same shits would happen again. Whenever we drink w/ our friends, she'd brought up topics for us to fight or when I want to rest from drinking then she'd physically hurt me infront of our friends.. I love her and I always chose to see her good qualities but I feel like being suffocated and controlled or i'm wrong?

  16. He is emotional abuser , he torments me with my past and uses my mistakes against me. I would lie because I didn’t want him to judge me or use that against me in a argument. I have been emotionally abused and I’m so happy I found this information. I was very manipulative and I’m doing my best to not do that anymore I was so immature back then but since then I’ve matured A LOT.

  17. I just got out of a relationship with who I believe is an emotional abuser. She (lesbian here) never took no for an answer–she constantly pushed boundaries, blamed me when I kept saying no and stood firm, and eventually started using a lot of "you need to do this," or "you feel this way" phrases. We went on a break and she was dating a rebound less than a week later, before I cut it off officially. Watching your videos is really helping me deal with what all went down, and what still is happening because she's still trying to manipulate me and my emotions (blowing up my phone about her current relationship, trying to guilt me into seeing her again, etc) two months later. We have a few close mutual friends so I can't cut her off completely like I've wanted to. Watching these is helping me learn what all of those red flags were in our relationship and how to deal with both the past and the present, thank you so much for uploading and helping others like you are. Have a nice day.

  18. My mother emotionally abused me and still trys to. I've recently set boundaries with how often she can see my kids and this is driving her crazy. I also told her that we wouldn't be doing holidays with the family and she ignored my message completely. She is clearly upset that I'm putting my foot down. I went my full life with her controlling behavior. She's a huge part of why I have self esteem issues and why I'm a huge pushover. I never stand up for myself. She's turned my siblings and grandma against me and from a small age lead my grandma to believe I was a compulsive liar so she'd never believe anything I said. This came in handy when my dad started hitting me. It was very easy to lie about what happened and then tell my grandma I was lying. I'm scared of what she will do or what kind of control she has over other people in my life. Pushing her away means I will lose my full family. But at this point, as sad as it is, I'm relieved to be out of her control for the first time in 25 years.

  19. At 6:34, it really spoke to me. Wow. Thank you. That part forward just really opened my heart to what I didn't want to learn, but I needed to. 💖

  20. So what do i do now that I've been convicted for "harassment"?
    Everything you've explained, she has done.

  21. I just found this video today and i just pressed play, listened and cried. I am shocked because i didnt even know i was truly being emotionally abused until i saw this. I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me who was recently released from prison. For 9 months i waited for him to be released. Promises were made but all were broken once he came home. For months after, we fought like cats and dogs. However throughout all this time i was being mentally and emotionally abused. All the signs were there yet i never actually recognised them fully. I kept saying to myself hes emotionally killing me on the inside, why would he do this? He loves me? In his own twisted way, yes. But now, its been 2 weeks since we broke up and it’s definitely hard to keep those “good times” in the back of my head. But im happy now. So thank you so much for this video! Its helped alot with coming to terms with moving on and getting my confidence back. ❤️

  22. Well, this is appropriate. People have a reason to be abusive. And that's easy to observe, whether emotional or physical. Except when it's not in front of you.
    That's funny. I didn't expect the silent treatment to be mentioned. It's basically what a lot of us get served. I guess generalization is much more relevant here.
    So validation. That's important. Now, there's a difference, evidently, between validations and concessions. You can try to concede that you are maybe a total kid. But, seriously, other than the issue of your feeling of betrayal of friendship, which I indeed thought and felt needed redefinition, what part of you is gonna be a kid? It's quite intriguing. You don't inflict a precedent of what happened to you, through your friends, or boyfriends, or even an abusive father to someone who only wants to know what's been wrong there. Obviously, I'm not gonna say that's the case. Just some resemblance, or influence on shaping the image in an express way. Okay, that may or may not be the point of concession which becomes a validation. No, we ain't got arbiters. Still can't see one up in youtube. Ones saying women are this and that, and another right about everywhere about the bullies are this and that, and that bullies = most men without a confidence, but a dream.
    Already talked about her being a nice person, though it was not at the right moment, or chat area. Privately still, tried to convey to her that I knew – at least most partially – about what it meant to repeat a year. So, quite unlikely, but these are the starting validations. One more validation – well, business relationship, I would suppose, as fellow students at college. Well, can handle that, I guess for years and years. Been kinda fed up having to prove and prove since elementary right upward, though I cheated and got an academic failure for that disinterest. So, told her that I – basically what she was telling me was to prove myself. Well, obviously, sounds like that's up for being misunderstood. Not so obvious then. Was trying to know why she really didn't want to speak all of an abrupt – all after over two months of silence. So, is there validation in promoting her professional thing for an indefinite period of time? Well, at its root, I suspect ideologies which don't reflect a mild neutrality, so I guess that's not gonna fly, this validation. Anyway, this is more proper for people who actually are gonna be honest and genuine. So, that's one validation.
    Would help if all the ways in which i tried to argue that there is a certain maturity she is missing in people in general were acknowledged – given a validation.

    "Drop your ego 100%". Little notice that I was literally riding on autopilot, trying get something to make myself confident all this time, one of which was serving justice. Who knows how much trouble happened when I remained neutral, and tried to protect each other's interests, and everything got laid at my feet over a dozen times, but that still helped mediate between my parents, and between my parents and my siblings. Well, it's only insofar that there ain't a problem. I'm basically a pushover. I just do whatever I'm told.

    Completely ignore, as in completely states multiple times that they are not gonna read whatever I write, and yet proceed to write long replies? This lukewarm situation basically formed a nucleus with one flatout keeping on ignoring me except on strenuous circumstances, and the other doing so when it pleased her. And the group chat. But that's another thing. For one year. This is a joke. I'm so quick at forgetting any events at all, one of the prime reasons why I record things, and it's that kind of time period.
    Makes sense. Hardliner. Apparently, a pretty good fraction of humanity can go fuck itself, 'coz humans have no faith in humans who are different. Simply because miracles where fighting against such actual abuses are no longer things which are true. I guess that's not racism, not discrimination, not a superiority complex, to have nothing other than to go by these guides.

  23. If I may, I have a question…

    Whilst I can appreciate the feelings caused to those who suffer abuse, can it also be said that, in this day and age, people are mentally, emotionally and socially weaker than in previous generations?

    I ask this because, as someone who has gained experience over the last ten years or so in dealing with narcissists, I have also noticed (at least in the circles I move in) an increase in people claiming to be 'offended' or 'traumatised' by just about everything under the Sun. Indeed, sometimes it is hard to even be able to differentiate between a narcissist and a person claiming to be a victim of abuse; the alleged victim being so insistent and overbearing that the affect from their presence is the same as that of a narcissist. I realise and accept that I am rather thick-skinned (a quality I wouldn't trade for anything) but I was just wondering if my view that society as a whole, in the Western World, has become 'soft' when compared to, say, those who lived through WW2, was justified?

    Thanks.

    Ian – UK

  24. I think I was in one for nearly 5 years. We broke up 7 months ago and Its done so much damage to my career, social life, finances and self esteem. I felt myself feeling guilty for trivial things and I started to become anxious around her. Im in therapy now for low mood and depression because I still blame myself for the whole failure of the relationship. I always had a long fuse. But I felt myself snapping so easily and it was out of character. Eventually I felt like I was the abusive one and I hated it. I would have to give her the silent treatment not to punish her, but to give me a break from it all. I would start to call her names out of resentment, it was just terrible. I have learned a lot of lessons but my low self esteem and depression tells me strongly that it was my fault regardless. 1: She was right and I was wrong.
    2: I blame myself for letting myself get treated like that for nearly 5 years. I'm not going to lie, I was not perfect, I could be lazy sometimes or tired or in a bad mood but I never took it out on her. She would take everything out on me. If she knew I was stressed she would make sure she would pick and argument at that time. I was her emotional punching bag. I felt more like and accessory to her lifestyle. She did work hard and paid her way, I respect her in that aspect. Looking back on it I don't think she actually loved me and thats what hurts the most.

  25. It’s very sad with the manipulation I realized that my mother very little VALIDATED ME, I find a Man that treats me just like her I can be walking in any store I can be saying anything I get yes, no, ok here I’m with my whole blowing conversation I get Feed back, as I was talking stupid no as important, I have been in a car where the conversation it’s very limited, bc or they tell you what to do or where to go. Enabling the person to make their own decisions…. it What happened to my mom!
    But I also have it with me and the guy that I dated for two years if it I do something or something is wrong he would not talk to me as a guest know and here I am trying to talk to him just know it’s like you feel like you know walk it with anybody they walk in alone going to Walmart and trying to buy some stuff and you know people cheer what what do we need in the house do we need this do we need that I’m like do we need do I need this paper towel which ones would be better this is one on sale the answer was what are you like OK yeah like I’m not improving my conversational like the conversation is not high enough to have him to see more and beyond, Very short answers and you feel like you just walk in alone, Not engaging, not connecting and then that is emotional abuse and then if you get mad and do something else then do the angry person because you know but the anger come from the emotional abuse… run if you can from Those people are toxic and they were damaged you in the repair is going to be bigger because the new developments ID and stuff and you will not know what to do with her so you would not know what was going on in your… I’ll go to God for healing but the damage is done.

  26. Oh please that everybody needs to stop being so offended over every little thing and such a crybaby over every little thing grow up

  27. Do you realize, when you talked about how someone is manipulative, you virtually touched on every woman I've ever met?

  28. Having an emotionally abusive and controlling husband has made me obese and a complete wreck of a person. I'm trying to get into therapy and start to pick up the pieces.

  29. Great videos Stepanie! People do need to know about all this emotional abuse so they can possibly not get involved or heal from what they have gone through. Thank you for doing these! You explain the different aspects so well.

  30. Yes my ex would constantly ignore my texts and calls. He knew it would make me so mad and drive me insane. Also many comments that can not be forgotten. Yup everything was always what he wanted when hw wanted it. He ended up flaking on a $5k trip to Mexico that HE was supposedly going to pay for…. I ended up having to pay it and go alone.

  31. I'm shocked how spot on this tutorial is💡 thank you. I've been trying to understand this behavior for over 37 years.

  32. I came on here to check the list against my ex bf but turns out it was my mom as well! I love my mom but lately finding out she was emotionally abusive. She HATES my boundaries. Growing up we weren't allowed to have any. In adulthood, she gets SOOOO mad when I say no or stand up to her. She's been calling me 'slow' my entire life. I was always the butt end of a joke like my feelings were OK to hurt. She never gives a compliment without adding something ugly to it. Mocks my feelings and needs. Won't accept who I am and tells me its a sin to be an introvert, wtf???

    She is COMPLETELY passive aggressive and always digging at me– with a smile of course, as a JOKE. She got so jealous that my dad and I connected and started telling me he said bad things about me. She got jealous when I got saved. When I'm in a good mood, she tells me someone said something ugly about me to bring me down.

    She ignores me and pretends like she is watching TV but when I am reading, she will come in and just start talking and I'm supposed to drop what I'm doing to give her center stage. My sister does the same thing. She will just ignore you when you're talking and then just start asking questions like you're supposed to just HEAR her and her feelings.

    When I disagree with my mom, she is so disgusting. She will start making personal attacks on my physical looks to shame me. I confided in her that I felt insecure about some scars I have and she started making nasty comments about scars in the middle of a disagreement. Very immature. I expect that from high school mean girls, not my own mother.

    Growing up, I was NEVER validated. There were 7 kids and I didn't get the nurturing I should have gotten. My favorite teacher used to treat me kindly because I would go to school with my hair half brushed, clothes stained, and I was scared to speak up. She told me I was beautiful, and I was in shock, I had NEVER heard that before. I used to be the Cinderella when it came to taking care of my disabled sister. I was the only one in the family that had to serve her then I had to go to school looking raggedly because my bus came 10 minutes after hers. I never knew what it was doing to my self esteem. I wonder if they singled me out. My other siblings seemed to turn out ok with high levels of confidence.

    I had OCD as a yound kid and my mom never got me help. Back in the day people didn't really know about that but she NEVER brought it to the doctors attention! Actually we didn't even have a doctor for as long as I could remember! Just trips to the ER.

    She is a HUGE manipulator. She LIED to me about something so I could put myself in a very uncomfortable situation for HER benefit, KNOWING full well she told me a lie to get me there. What kind of person does this? The queen of guilttrips gaslights me too, telling me I said something that I KNOW I did not ever say. She knows she made it up. Looking me in the face, LYING through her teeth. She is sneaky and always talks about what dad did to her but never mentions that he was reacting to what she did to him.

    And she KNEW my ex was an abusive narc but she would get soooo angry when I would try to leave him and TAKE UP FOR HIM. She told me once that he shouldn't have to pay child support!! So your grandkid should suffer because he's stingy?!! How can you support some loser abusing your daughter?

    Now I have anxiety, PTSD, and low self esteem from her AND from my ex.

    In her defense, she was emotionally abused as a kid way back in the 60s but seems like she could break the cycle. I make sure to go out of my way to validate and show love to my child. I hope she gets right real soon because she is lost.

    If you got this far, thanks for reading. I had to get it off of my chest.

  33. 5 years from 2013 to may 2019 with a total manipulator. I was blinded. I always thought it was my fault. I had no boundaries or self confidence/ worth. I now feel disgusted by myself that i allowed him to control me. I wasted years on personal goals. Graduated college but had 0 focus when finding a job. He will put me down. I felt unloved and never supported. I am tryingg to forgive myself and connect with god. But what you said at the end i became co dependent due to my parents. I am finally aware. I will keep healing thank you

  34. I was in a relationship for like one year..but in the first 6 months..I saw his behavior he always wanted intimacy …nudes and stuff even when I'm not comfortable also he was very possessive .. never let me talk to other boys ..he was very possessive and whenever we had any kind of fight..at first he used to make efforts but not as much as he should..but when I told him no for things which I don't wanna do..he just stopped giving me time ..also he stopped giving damn about me and who I talk ..or caring about me ..and I can't tell how damn loyal I was to him..I left my friends for him and he left me alone ..and I realized how wrong I was. and then he used to tell me that he's a man and for man's it's so damn easy to have new crushes..made me insecure..but I was not weak..I confronted him and he was like no it's not like this and that ..he told me if u want to continue this relationship you have to send me nudes ..and that was the moment I broke down .. because there were no feelings..no attachment..no respect …I distanced myself for few days and he completely changed got more agressive ..used to say mean things to me..and now he started having problem in my appearance aswell..he was taller than me and had no issue with that earlier..but now he had issues with that aswell .. which left me speechless, I felt as if I'm not good enough for him or anyone else..
    Talking to me was like a burden to him…and eventually there was this new girl in his gym..he was giving loads of time to her…I was broken..I confronted him but he lied to me like always and told me I'm crazy and it's all my fault..I cried for days.. every single night I had tears in my eyes for someone who don't even think about me once.. and the worst part was ik it but I couldn't stop..now finally I have some courage.. because believe it or not but times heal it all.. I'm sure my heart won't be same for anyone else.. but this experience taught me alot.

  35. Lol I used to wonder why my ex would give me the silent treatment until I got the sense to not give a damn. It was then that he became the victim and claimed that he was trying to make things better but he couldn't bcuz I wasn't talking to him lol. By then, his feelings meant so little to me that I had already checked out of the relationship.

  36. Omg…. this has helped me understand my past relationship with my ex. Thank you so much for shedding light on this matter.

  37. Unnecessarily long video. Five minutes in and ur still explaining what you're going to go over in this video. I'm out of here.

  38. Stephanie, after watching this video, I know that I abused the person I have loved most and I shattered her into pieces. I regret that more than anything. I want to help myself. This video turned out to be a diagnosis of my mental health., felt like a doctor telling me that I have cancer. Show me a way out! I want her back!

  39. Your cleverly concealed emotional abuse has been denied on numerous occasions by fellow Christians during your life for as long as you could remember. It feels like a constant battle between your heart and mind. You know exactly how to fake an endearing smile on your face to prove its sincerity to your family and close friends. You find various creative and innovative ways to keep your emotional abuse away from prying eyes but each attempt is fruitless. No matter how many times you try to convince yourself otherwise, you deserve to be able to sleep through the night without the threat of repressed memories looming ahead of you. You are far from being a bad Christian man for seeking help and support from a professional counselor. Your remarkable healing process will be full of exciting surprises and other related things lying ahead of you and don’t be afraid to be able to vulnerable and honest with some close friends. You should always strive to educate yourself on the right resources and information about your cleverly concealed emotional abuse and focus on a brand new healthier habit in your life. Lastly, God will continue to find creative opportunities to shine light into this spiritually darkening world through sharing your incredible testimony of God’s tender mercies and eternal strength. It doesn’t matter who says it’s too late for you. You aren’t on anyone else’s schedule but God’s so you can relax in knowing God will make sure you are on the right road.

  40. I get zero validation to my feelings what so ever with him. I feel as if I’m talking to a wall all the time

  41. "SPOT ON STEPHANIE!…….KEEP UP THE GREAT SHRINK WORK TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN MENTAL MAKE UP & THEIR RELATIONSHIPS!"

  42. My partner do things on purpose to put me in a stress..almost every day. wondering who as a partner would do that and why ???

  43. Not nessiarlly,,, I've seen people that's never been emotionally abusive,,,start with the new relationship there in,, because they can't handle everything the new persons brought into there life.

  44. Some of these same issues are dealt with in drug/alcohol treatment and consouling.

    The addict displays very manipulative traits, and has to deal with them on different levels.

    Thank you for your hard work.

  45. Thank you very much for making this video, it really opened my eyes to the situation I was in, it means a lot ❤️

  46. I just ended my relationship with my girl because i wasnt trusted and was cursed out too many times. I felt my emotions going up and down. I look back and still feel sad about deciding to leave her. This is going to be tough. I also feel that i can fit some of these descriptions of emotional abusers – ive given her the silent treatment only when i was being cursed out.. oh goodness, we werent good for one another😢. This really sucks:(

  47. I agree with the Golden Child syndrome. I talked to my Narcissistic Husband's Sister who said this was the case. Unfortunately I used to believe the opposite but I've now come into the realisation that spoiling is just as bad. On the road to divorce and now my eldest son exhibits quite a lot of this deceptive behaviour. The idea that they take any responsibility for the actions is abhorrent to them and they will always project this into you. The cycle of abuse carrys on in families and then is passed on often unwittingly because people do not understate how devastating this toxic behaviour is.

  48. You started talking about boundaries… my ex went through my private journal after I had asked that she not read it because it is private for my personal thoughts.. she also went through my phone so many times… and any time I would bring up my feelings or try to resolve anything… she would give me the silent treatment

  49. Was dating guy who needed to get his sh## together I walked. I was fine then he would not leave me alone till I gave him a 2nd chance, that chanc ended us engaged. I was doing everything for the relationship. He neve called or messaged me unless after Sunday at church we have an age gap he is older and from another country. My pet are family and my family said marrying her includes her pets. My friends who knew how he acts at church was stunned when I told them what was going on. He'd buy things then degrade and say I cost and my pets cost and he was a narccistic-manipultaive guy who new my family amd I are well off. But he would lead you on by buying things for home you own and use it to think it would keep you there. He demands and tries to dominate the situation his view is always right. I told him to get help, and when he wouldn't and messed with my old pup and got in my face I told him get out. I called the priest of the church told him everything that happend and I walked away and now I can tell him in front of the Priest I will not be manipulated, verbally or emotionally abused by him. My guy friends at church won't let him near me and want him outsted from the church. In Orthodox Christian church in a relationship the husband and wife are equals no one is above, and work things out, they compensate for one another. That was being disregarded by him. His only family is the church and the Zero tolerance of his behavior is considered heracy of Christs faith. He has lost a good woman and any respect of those I know in my church and the priest. He will realize he has now more to loose than I do now after I walked, and he nine as well go back to his country where he thinks he can treat women like he tried to towards me.

  50. Silent treatment is a punishment? Dad always used it since I am a kid till this day, we have to say even when we aren't wrong so he talk to us again. I found myself doing it but only when I am angry to not say something bad to my friends, not really to punish.
    Am I an emotional abuser if I do one of the things mentioned?! I really thought it's how we deal with people!

  51. I'm so glad I found your videos. Thank you. I'll be watching them all. You are making a difference for today's children and also giving help to grownups about how to communicate and learn things we need help with.

  52. Someone help, if I call him on his bad behaviour and tell him how it hurt, he litterally freezes me out in front of our Kids for days, I don't have any "friends"/so he's my main adult contact and its so much worse, he makes me feel like he's just going to cast me out to the streets, I feel like I'm crazy.

  53. I turn 22 in November I’ve been married since I was 18 n only knew my husband for 6 months before I married him. We have a 2 year old together and I’m 5 months pregnant. I’ve taken him back thru cheating on me once he’s mostly emotionally abusive but can get physical like have pulled my hair push me when he’s mad/drunk. I’m trying to leave and I guess I’ve been holding on to hope but I’m beginning to see how it can’t work out. Some times are good but it’ll get bad again in a week or two my spirit feels down and I’m realizing i cannot spiritually grow as a person in this relationship

  54. One of my partner's main tactics is to answer with a question. Any time I ask something, he answers with a question. e.g. "Why, what did you think?" And always just behind closed doors. In public he is the nice guy.

  55. My parent and siblings were emotionally abusive. I chose to have no contact, as that's what is best for my emotional well being. I tried expressing my feelings prior to going no contact, but as you mentioned in this video, emotional abusers don't care about your feelings.

  56. I think its so fucking petty af that people want to even label: Passive-Aggressive a "thing". Like all these fake ass people all pretend like there all always Agressive when in fact there not when push comes to shove.

  57. They don't always "find" vulnerable people, some abusers just have kids and breed their victims. Kids can't ask for help and leave like a partner/spouse.
    And yes I understand and respect how difficult it can be for a partner/spouse to get out.

  58. I was the emotional abuser and I didn’t even realise that that is what was going on. I will not be passive aggressive and give the silent treatment in my next relationship and I will have to live with what I did that brought an end to my relationship. While I’ve learned more about myself and my upbringing and am aware enough to be better in my next relationship, I will always carry regret over my actions. And they will likely carry pain in some form as well. It’s very sad to consider this.

  59. My mother should watch this; things aren't easy when you have an asshole dad in the same house as you, and I'm driven crazy by the madness every day. God, people like this don't deserve to fucking live

  60. Now I hate emotional abuse. Have been by people that were in my life. Now, I can say that I am emotionally abusive to people that I do see "shade" in or the kinds or people that may downright take me down. However, I am totally working on myself and a big thing I am working on (or have completed) is shunning people that have totally scarred me and hurt me

  61. I got emotionally abused and sexually assaulted by my own mother…

    Please, someone heart me or send your love my way…. 😔

  62. If someone undermines your ego they are being emotionally abusive. Don't dismiss their feelings/misunderstanding but you should have every expectation that your explanation/apology will be accepted. If it isn't accepted, you are dealing with someone who does not respect your emotional wellbeing. This is'passive agression' – 'you are making me feel bad'.

  63. Mental abuse is horrible. Especially when it's the first man you loved and were with. I took my time with him and thought he was a true gentleman. But after 6 years and a 3 year old son I realized the truth. I see a therapist every week have ptsd and chronic anxiety it's so bad that I had to take pills. He would act nice then really mean then nice again. I literally lost who I was it's so sad as a mother . I became scared of him. He'd punch a hole in the wall next to my face. Throw my sons big car that he drives in the toy ones across the room. He would punch the tv breaking it. He would never let me leave when I tried. He pushed me a couple times. He held me down mot letting me leave. He'd threatened to kill himself if I left. He'd constantly accuse me of cheating. He'd always say negative things about me . He refused to believe me and constantly question me. I was at the hospital visiting my sick mom and he called me 10 times within an hr asking where I am at after telling him. There's so much stuff I can go on but my real wake up call was when my son was reacting. I am trying to leave but when your an adult and pay half the Bill's you dont have money saved up to move so it's hard but I been working real hard to save money and calling shelter's, sleeping in my car

  64. Exactly that ignoring you when you are speaking to them as soon as I noticed it I got quite then immediately left their presence. When they wanted to talk and be heard I gave it right back to them they didn’t like the ignoring them at all!😂 yeah I was being petty but they earned it! Trying to control me by acting disrespectful won’t work with me. These people always self destruct anyway!

  65. Been there. Last girl I was in love with is a texbook example of an abuser. I realized it pretty early on but didn't leave. She told me her story of abuse by her mother and warned me about her being a terrible person. At first she tried to improve, but seh failed and it got worse to a point I couldn't even talk to her about her behavior / intentions and she would cut off the conversation immediatly
    I tried to get away but this is a hard thing to do if you're co-workers

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